Now with the insanity out of the way...
Let this self-obsessed arsehole present his take on this season's transfer window. And yes, I'll cover my beloved Boro first since no one gives a two hoot's shit abt some shit team doomed to be marooned in the Championship...
New boys in-Kei Kamara and Jacob Butterfield
Coupled with Dean "white tower" Whitehead, József "Slavmobile" Varga, and Albert "aerodynamic magic" Adomah, that would chalk up a total of 4 signings. Not bad for a club better known for Steve Gibbo's patience and passion. So how would I see the situation?
Firstly, it's not that bad, I assure every fellow Sad Smoggie Bastard out there. One of our most pressing needs last season was defensive cover. We only had Grant "lead biter" Leadbitter to depend on and he's not really our best player on the pitch. Consistent, yes. Level wise, no. This time round, we have Whitehead manning the fort, hence allowing Leadbitter to go further up. In short, it's a bit like how Porto played under Jose "O Especial" Mourinho, i.e. upping the offensive line. With Varga providing another dimension, be him on the bench or starting, we got no issues here.
Secondly, Adomah's arrival will relieve major pressure off the rest of our firing line. In particularly Lukas "Jukestower" Jutkiewicz. Where Marvin "Wonderbaar" Emnes will feature tactically wise remains an interesting question. Ditto for Faris "weed bro" Haroun.
So will Kei "that black Yankee" Kamara play a regular starting role? Sorry, but I can't answer you b/c my relationship with Mogga still remains as blogger-manager in nature. After all, we're not talking about how Zhang Liang was able to aid Liu Bang even from a thousand miles off (决胜负于千里之外). Yet, my guess is that he will provide a devastating tactical option upfront once you see him benched. In fact more oft than not, tactical substitutions will always play a key role in deciding win, lose, or draw. Either that or he'll start alongside someone capable of holding up the ball upfront (Emmanuel "Laser Feet" Ledesma, pls keep your fingers crossed).
On Jacob "the young turret" Butterfield, I find it interesting that he's capable of playing in 3 positions instead of just 2 (note that Mogga's transfer policy will always revolve around potential versatility first and foremost). How I'll see him playing is... well, versatile lol! But I prefer to see him playing CM where he'll most likely deal direct damage via direct box to box support. From how I observe (?) things, lad's most likely someone able to win/cross/pass the ball.
Mr Eric Soh, remember what you've said before?
Playmaker is not a role or position. Playmaker is someone good with both feet, i.e. an ambidextrous player.
Thank you, Mr Soh. Your football education managed to open up my eyes, that a playmaker is technically the son of a gun in any team. Here's hoping Teesside won't get to witness yet another Josh "Ao no Takumi" McEachran 50-50. Still gutted for the lad and us also. :(
And now onto the biggest 6
Manchester United
Notable transfer-only one blue Belgian bloke
Still remembered a certain MSN chat convo where my friend stated Belgians to be pedos. Yes, this is negative stereotyping. Just like we Singaporeans are complainers. To Anakin of TFF, I know you're Belgian and I know you're 100% normal.
Marouane Fellaini has officially joined his ex and to me, Moyes has finally gotten his man. Leighton "the white Ashley Cole" Baines is a mere sideshow in comparison. So long Moyes is able to reign in Evra or replace him with someone like Phil "utility harassment" Jones, chances are that we won't see another off-position scandal...
Simply put, Moyes needs a player capable of tactical transition. And by that, I mean counterattacking linkup. Fellaini IS the man to do so, his endless stamina and strength being the key. This is a Belgian feeding off momentum, that once he starts running, you can't stop him. Remember this bloke made famous by Stephen King?
Liverpool
Notable transfer-Qué viva España! Destruyan a Holanda!
Brendan "Dodgers" Rodgers has finally came good, it seems. Last season was quite a dodgy drama, but it's only because he's forced to live with absurd expectations coming from the press. His last match would have drawn a smile across Bill Shankly's statue.
Iago "Amigo Roja" Aspas will be key to Anfield's future, but his ridiculous versatility just doubled the ante. I saw him playing just behind Sturridge in a 4-2-3-1 during that one-kosong win and I straightaway know that lad is NOT just a forward. Or deep lying forward. This is one amigo roja who is mobile and comfortable on the ball. Quite different from Raheem "burnout bait" Sterling who is more towards speed and velocity.
In short, I can just deploy such a player anywhere across the firing line and you can be very sure amigo roja will do his trick. Running off the main striker? Check. Playing on the flank? Possible if it's flat 4-4-2 with Sturridge playing close. 4-3-3? False no.9, this bugger now laughing like siao...
Chelsea
Notable transfer-or-laukau
O Especial has returned and together with him, the hitman who served him so well at San Siro. A lot had been said on Willian and Schurrie, but Eto'o still remains the key man. While it's beyond a long shot to say Torres will receive the boot treatment, without a doubt Mourinho understands Eto'o best.
One unique hallmark in O Especial's arsenal is his astounding man management skill. Ser A.Fergie was known as a ruthless parent while Le Professeur is quintessentially Le Tuteur. O Especial, however, motivates his team. In short, this is a relationship built via mutual trust. I know you, you know me. I trust you, you must trust me. This has got to be O Especial's only motto in the dressing room and boy did it work wonders all around. In short, he don't need anything more to gain Eto'o's trust because the trust was already there from the start! So what will be O Especial's greatest task now?
To me, it's down to convincing all the other orang biru that even orang hitam himself needs to earn his place by merit, not nepotism. Black c*** anyone?
Arsenal
Notable transfer-only one Turkish Delight
The English hate the French, the Turks hated Lawrence of Arabia. And to set the record straight, Lawrence of Arabia was an English bastard just like how William the Conqueror was a French bastard. Jokes aside, this is a match made in heaven. A lot was said about Le Professeur and strikers, but Mesut "I no Ottoman!" Özil might just be the delight every long suffering goon(er) is waiting for.
What's his strength? Good ball control, high work rate, capable of passing and shooting the ball. Also, Turks are extremely well known as fighters, be it down to their culture or blood. Remember this?
Manchester City
Notable transfer-Jesús "not the Lord" Navas
A right winger who can play as forward. Does that mean anything? Yes, and I call it movement in between centre and right. Confusing opposition via positional play, this bloke might just be the accidental goal machine.
Tottenham Hotspur
Notable transfer-a certain Brazilian
Energetic running and intelligent movement, this is basically an amigo with a superior footballing brain. Quite a bit like that Belgian Pennywise, but with lesser power and better ball control. If AVB is gonna play 4-3-3, he will need Paulinho at his best as anchoring possession will be key to success or failure. If it's 4-2-3-1, then be assured that he will be plonked at the lower middle 2.
So anything more?
Heart is now sixes and sevens atm, so can't think up of anything to conclude. Altho sleepiness is also a factor.
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