Something about this bloggie

Ok, I admit that I've failed somewhere before. But anyway welcome. Just a brief intro on what you should expect here:
1. Football. Not gonna post much of that any soon since season is over. :S
2. Anime, Games, etc. Just abt anything conceivable under the Japanese radar barring anything and everything Rule 34. Now that's illegal. Period. -.-;
3. Music. Everything to do with it is listed under the tab.
5. Unacceptable humour: Anything and everything is fair game here. As long as I don't get rounded up by the ISA. -.-'

The Known World=Fantasy world building in process. I: Used to be glossary, now devoted to random rambling; II: Character Concepts; III: Lore.
7. der Wolf=my Fictionpress account under the moniker Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu. A Ranger's Tale is hosted under this page. :)
8. New section now upped. Maybe I should also gun for upping A Ranger's Tale here since I do have this funny feeling that traffic coming to here is way more than whatever I'll get in FP.

Statement of intent: Everything said here is a figment of personal opinion, be it me or anybody commenting. I try to be responsible, but my parents=/=parents of the world.

@Druid of Luhn: Crap. Should have remembered far earlier to give you the credit for your CSS text box code. :(

A/N: But sadly, it seems that your CSS text box code has now been halved efficiency wise. :(

That most important note I should have added: Any images posted in this blog are NOT my own stuff. I got them from Google image search, I don't earn any shit by being a thief and liar. Those responsible for the pictures, rest assured that you all are great artists in your own regards. Sadly, we all know what limited space means in terms of posting.

Latest Note: Changed alignment for my page widgets due to my worry that I can't centre align the thing.

Note on A Ranger's Tale: In case any complaining fella wants to have a legal case with me, let this be known that A Ranger's Tale is rated M by default. I've upped the swearing and somewhat a bit on the dark/gritty factor. You all have been warned, let no little boy and girl enter the forbidden realm.

Latest on ART: A Ranger's Tale now starting to kick back in gear. But I really hate the insanely fluctuating climate here in S'pore.

P.S: Oh, and one more thing. Vid below is yet another ideal OP for A Ranger's Tale.

Sunday, 31 August 2014

B/c I feel like doing this...

Okay, 'tis a shit footballing day thus far. Boro lost 3-2 at home against Sheff Wed, thankfully Santa hasn't gone "ho ho ho!" yet. Is it too much for me to demand 3 pts from Blaugrana & Los Rojiblancos?

To Luis "not Suárez" Enrique:
Why not try Messi in the hole w/Luis "tidak lugi" Suárez leading the charge?
If Andrés "El Gegant" Iniesta is to play himself between the lines... well, I guess this idea is inspired by whatever little I've seen in Holland vs Spain 2014.
If Sergio "not Ramos" Busquets screws up, no one to save you...

To Diego "El Troll" Simeone:
Uno+Dos+Tres+Cuatro=Los Bastardos Desagradables

A/N: Apparently, above statements are reserved for the past. Now that we're most likely buried and dead against Reading, can I be a jerk towards Fandi Ahmad and Lions XII by saying there can only be one team for me? Sorry, but there's too much on the stake for the good ol' folks in Teesside compared to our Lions XII.

Add A/N: If anyone thinks I'm insulting anybody, I can only say perception at times is only a matter of the individual's mind. For any other circumstances, we call this manner of post either trolling or joking.

Final A/N: If I truly sound like a jerk, be assured that this is due to one cold hard truth. Namely two things.
1. I have to work on Sunday.
2. I know Sunday will suck terribly hard for me, no matter what.

Above statement refers to Sima Yi's reaction to his nemesis after Zhuge Liang kicked the bucket.

Apparently, Kongming is an expert in playing formation.
Apparently, defeat in his first northern campaign against Wei was the cause of whatever incorrect criticism leveled against Kongming's military acumen.

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Tis scientifically proven, guys and girls... Epilog

Okay, gonna try making everything count here. Apart from that... well, nothing else I guess.

A/N: Heartfelt congrats to our Lions XII for winning Pahang 2-1 at away. Quintessentially, this means Boro will either lose or draw against Reading at home tomorrow. Simply put, basic footballing pragmatism still demands from me a prolonged trip to Teesside, no matter what. At least the Riverside faithful have plenty more to lose worst come to worst...

Add A/N: Since we Singaporeans have our own unique culture for our own Lions XII, I might as well try pulling a rabbit out of the hat as a form of pre-match motivation for our lads at the good ol' Teessside. Hopefully Patrick "not Kluivert" Bamford will join us after the match, no matter win, lose, or draw.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine
How do you define single genre fiction? More oft than not (or rather more than 9 times out of 10), you'll end up having sub genres lurking beneath the shadows. Don't understand me, never mind. Let me first ask you this:
Would you consider the Twilight series as supernatural or supernatural romance?

Supernatural is supernatural, romance is romance. It might not matter much for Stephenie Meyer's critics, but I firmly believe this should be a sensible question to each and every hopeless romantic embroiled in this particular series which inexplicably managed to eclipse Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. No disrespect to any random A-lister celeb fan who managed to read this mini-rant by a freak twist of fate, but seeing Edward Cullen being more popular than Lestat de Lioncourt is surely the greatest blasphemy ever.*
*It must be noted, however, that I've yet to touch either series. Let alone both. So please allow the Deadpool in me to bask in that 60 secs of fame.

Rant over, let's continue. Try switching your brain around ans ask yourself this:
Would you consider Tolkien's works to be epic fantasy ONLY?

Let's paraphrase this question in terms of 2 exact scenarios w/2 diff personalities.
Suppose you ask Xiaxue, the Queen of Bloggers, on what she know about romance in Tolkien's works, chances are that she'll answer "Aragorn and Arwen". Maybe even Faramir and Éowyn as well, but more likely Kili and Tauriel.
Then you try asking the EXACT question to Emma Watson. Chances are that she will mention first Beren and Lúthien. After that, she might start rattling off names like Elwing and Eärendil or Túrin Turambar and Niënor before reaching Middle Earth itself lol!

Enough of trolling. My challenge is this: If you can't even regard Tolkien's works as 100% single genre, what makes you think that more than 20% of contemporary fiction should be anywhere diff?

And since I enjoy being a self-wanking bastard at times...

G.R.R Troll got Sandor Clegane and Sansa Stark, poor local troll only got Arondight and Ceres.
G.R.R. Troll created Robb Stark and Jeyne Westerling, poor local troll can only create Guy Cody and Alestrial Eliaden.
G.R.R. Troll outed Renly and Loras, poor local troll has only outed Eliador de Lioncourt and Lukas Brun.

Polish Troll has Geralt of Rivia and Yennefer, poor local troll only has Aeranath and Kagetsu no Hyo'Ah.
Polish Troll always pairs Geralt of Rivia with random sexual indiscretion, poor local troll can only try pairing Lars Alterfate with Lolyx or whoever unlucky enough.

The Moorcock Troll boasts of Cymoril and Zarozinia with Elric of Melniboné wedged in between, poor local troll only boasts of Aeranath stuck in between Nanaya no Geun'Jin and Kagetus no Hyo'Ah.*
*Also alternatively known (?) as Aeranath stuck in between Sarel Aphros and Alestrial Eliaden in ways more than just one.
The Moorcock Troll may try necro'ing the romance theme for Elric himself*, poor local troll may end up going one step better by wondering whether Karen Tenias should spend a night or more with Kerstein de Bladefort.
*This is basically nonsense coming from my inner Deadpool since Elric has already became the the devil himself. Literally.

Ní neart go cur le chéile
What is war, you might ask. The normal definition of war is the act of declaring armed conflict. For me, it's just an excuse to have things done via extreme measures. Warring has always been part and parcel of human nature. If you think your faith is peaceful, make sure you check the appropriate historical sources first. For my own Christian faith, I'll never be that stupid to say the Crusaders were a bunch of walking saints decked in metal. Try asking any sane minded Muslim and they will answer you with their merry history of conflict. Not that it's a good thing of course...

War is war, either you win or you die. There are two ways to fight a war. Either you decide to play politics on paper or you play politics with guns. The former case is quintessentially diplomacy, the latter is literally declaring war on whichever mother****er pissing you off.

One cold hard truth I realised throughout my years is that depicting conflict is NOT just about swords or guns, castle or air base. Politics play a major role and I need to remind this cold hard truth to any fellow local bastards out to try his/her luck in writing. You watched Tom Cruise doing Mission Impossible, that's only half truth at best. Take a cold hard look at the cause and effect defining the Red Wedding and you'll know nothing but the truth.

Playing politics in fiction can either be simple or nigh impossible. At the end of the day, it's only down to whether you're cynical enough. If yes, congrats. If no, you better not make a fool out of yourself.

Outright war wise, my advice is this:
Do NOT restrain yourself by one culture's interpretation of war.

What I mean is that when it comes to conflict, there are many ways more than one to fight it. Factors wise, there are also many factors more than one. Ask yourself these questions.

1. What is the terrain planned for the next battle?
2. Am I going to do attrition or skirmish/assault scenario?
3. How do I play about with the troops deployment?
4. Do I actually know enough on the relevant tactics in real life to make things count in terms of logic?
5. What are the influences I'm most comfortable with in creating different approaches to tactics?

Let me touch a bit on point 5. While war in ancient times were 100% swift and brutal, it's also possible to create tactical standoff based on terrain. Do NOT underestimate the importance of skirmishes because attrition warfare will always be about numbers and mentality. In short, skirmishes are there to play mind games with the main forces where disruption and stripping off a few ranks are concerned.
At the same time, attrition warfare won't be that easy as Pepsi Cola 1-2-3. When I was a kid, I could never catch up with my kahkis' speed when it comes to Pepsi Cola 1-2-3. Attrition warfare is mostly about dragging time. He who tires first, dies first. Period. If you're unsure on what to do, try net searching for Roman military tactics because attrition tactics had always been their forte.
When it comes to siege... well it's a no-brainer to be exact.

There are two types of alignment in fantasy writing. You can do a Tolkien or Lewis. That'd be playing straight the black and white separation. Alternatively, you try pulling off your very own Children of Húrin and you won't really change the alignment system much.

Then we have the grey option, which is something I'm more comfortable with atm.

The black and white system is def easier to implement due to the humane instinct to classify individuals and events accordingly. For the grey ver, you need to understand the reality called humane darkness. If you're willing to admit there's a darkness in every one of us, you're well on your way to do a dark fantasy. And to set the record straight, I DO admit there are certain dark areas in my inner self still ever present. Not that it should give me an excuse to break the law ofc!

You can say it's down to my moral imperfections, others can point out my Christian faith as the core. What is truly important is that I've truly understood to a certain extent the destructive nature of man. If nature destroys indiscriminately, you can be very sure man will always discriminate. Religion has got nothing to do with this of course, this is why I'm hell bent to kick the keister of anybody disagreeing otherwise. It's not really fun in RL to do so, but it sure is fun in doing this via writing. Call it my dark years where I have to struggle with sexual frustrations and an overall sense of disillusion, but I'll have to acknowledge that life will always be your finest teacher. For my case, it has also became the finest, if not, my only muse.

If we look back at life, we'd most definitely realise that horrendous decisions aplenty were being done and could never be undone. We'll always be guilty of executing double standards, no matter how hard we try not to. Whenever we start opening that thrice damned trap of ours, there's a risk of hurting other people.
Moral of this [true life] story?
Either we fail to notice our problems or we end up declaring that...
Ironically, above statement tends to be our greatest motivation to gearing forward.
Talk about being moral turtles, super depressing man...

If I sound too perverted in this last portion, be assured that I've never broken the law.
If I sound too personal on this last portion, be assured that this was because basic alignment in fiction writing should be 100% personal in choice compared to most other aspects.

That plus I'm getting too shagged now as well. If this post seems sub-standard, it means your eyes ain't kidding yourself.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

25th Dec 2014 might have came too early (?)

Apparently, my fellow Nasu-nut was a tad off the mark when he mentioned Heaven's Feel being the only one in ufotable's sight. Ofc back then, every purist demanding that ufotable redo has pretty much given up the ghost due to Studio Deen having done both Fate and UBW. Which left only HF since we're talking abt adult rated stuff reserved for adult rated studios. Not so much abt what one might expect otherwise via works like Saya no Uta, but rather stuff like Kara no Kyoukai and Fate/Zero.

Unless ofc ufotable is out to troll me where the actual core of Fate/stay night is concerned...

B/c I got too many free shit to stir, therefore...
Any resemblance of any characters you see is purely an illusion. For example...
1. If you happen to be little kid, be very sure not to call your rich BFF Ilya-chan.
2. You don't assume that girl passing you by to be Sabre.
3. You don't expect Sakura-chan sitting somewhere near you.
4. If you're a guy and happen to have a rich, pretty, and intelligent gf, be very sure NOT to call her Rin.
5. If you happen to be a girl, you don't expect your bf to call himself Emiya Shirou.

B/c I feel the need to be a literal faker rather than some truly badass real deal, I realised the 3rd PV actually came AFTER my UBW rant-alysis. In short, this latest trailer actually popped out at 27 July 2014 whereas my post actually was upped during June 2014. Joel, either you're right or my leap of faith has reaped dividends lol!

Saturday, 23 August 2014

The Marvelous X-Men [aka random doop inspired by both Marvel Heroes and my super sad forever alone life]

Finally got chance to finish this. On a major hindsight, however, I should have done this much earlier.

Hopefully all you free people out there will have too much things to shut your mouth. In short, those who are actually blessed with a fulfilled life can ignore this message.

Somewhere @Hell's Kitchen...

Bullseye: Bullseye is here and someone's gonna get hurt!

*cue mano a mano brawl and plenty of badass blows*

Luke Cage: Man, yer just embarrassin' yerself.

@St James Power Station...

Spiderman: Is that a tail in your pocket or... oh, it's really a tail in your pocket...

Mr Fantastic: Spiderman, can I just say I'm glad that you're not a mutant?

Nightcrawler: Your humour is much appreciated, Spiderman.

Human Torch: Doesn't a king have better things to do?

Black Panther: Johnny... if we are not friends, I might not appreciate your humour.

Human Torch: Oh is that so? Guess who's the one attracting all the chicks?

Invisible Woman: Behave yourself, Johnny. You know Franklin looks up to you.

Thor: Greetings, T'Challa. From a prince to a king.

Human Torch: You seem to have plenty of smooch marks, Thor. Sucks to be Sif, I guess.

*cue abrupt screams and Ant-Man appearing*

Eric O'Grady: Okay guys! Info has it that the Brotherhood is now on the move. Specific area is the Sapphire Pavilion, Siloso Beach.

Thor: You deserve a slap from Mjolnir, Eric.

Eric o'Grady: Erm... actually it wasn't me stripping local hotties of their bikini tops.

*cue an ominous form looming behind Susan Storm*

Iron Man: Believe me when I say Eric isn't the one responsible for this mayhem.

Invisible Woman: Mr Stark! I am a married woman!

Ms Marvel: Guess you got tired of all those super models, Stark? Hmm, I don't think so.

Nightcrawler: Why is it that I feel like that odd one out?

Human Torch: Because you need a girlfriend! Wait... is that Johnny Blaze out there?

Ms Marvel: Yep.. that's our Ghost Rider having a go at Daimon Hellstrom.

Nightcrawler: ...I'll pray for you, Johnny Blaze...

Human Torch: Guess Satana must have tried taking Kurt's virginity without any success...

*preparing to diffuse the fight, the rest follow T'Challa's lead*

Black Panther: Vengeance cannot heal the soul, Ghost Rider...

Meanwhile somewhere near Sentosa Cove

Purifier 1: Freak on move!

*cue plenty of explosive action*

Deadpool: hoo hoo hoo hoo! hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Purifier 2: Human rights are for humans!

*cue plenty of pointy action*


Purifier 3: Mutie lover, wise up!

Deadpool:  SHEEE BAAAAIIIII!!!!!!!!

*cue bombs going off everywhere, hence resulting in mass collateral damage*


Professor X: That's it. I have to pay the local government millions. Nathan, can you stop Wade Wilson from singing that annoying song? If you don't do anything, I swear I'll bomb that idiot with Cerebro...

Back @the war scene...

Cable: You know what invulnerable means?

*cue weapons of mass destruction plus plenty of wasted Purifiers five secs after...*

Deadpool: This defeat is brought to you by the letter, Deadpool!

Cable: Domino, you're only half right when it comes to Wade's capability in driving others into suicide...


Professor X: Kurt, Magneto is now engaging the X-Men! I fear Nathan and Wade won't make it in time.

Back @the war scene...

Deadpool: Did someone talk bad about me or is it the weather?

Cable: Don't worry, Wade. You just sneezed, that's all.

Deadpool: Guess it's high time we do that tag team body-slide, huh buddy?

X-Men vs the Brotherhood@Sapphire Pavilion

*cue ongoing combat raging for the past N minutes*

Magneto: Those who stand against our cause shall tremble before us!

Nightcrawler: Magneto! You do great injustice to our kind!

*cue Mortimer Toynbee appearing just nearby*

Toad: Never see it coming!

*poor Mortimer kenna pwned by Chaos magic* fail...!

Scarlet Witch: You're no match for Chaos magic!

*cue Remy LeBeau's ranged stunlock 4 teh trollololz while Rogue continues her tough "love"...*

Rogue: Ah, ah, sugah! Ya goin' down!

*cue more ranged stunlocking from Remy LeBeau... then RAGIN' CAJUN!*

Sauron: ...been defeated... by mere mammals...

*zoom back to Wanda Maximoff, poor Wanda got hit from behind!*

Professor X *via telepathy ofc!*: This is bad! Someone aid Wanda! We cannot afford to have her in the Brotherhood's grasp even though Magnus is her father!

Nightcrawler: EN GARDE!

Pyro: You burned me out, mate...

*3 down, 3 more to go...*


*Frederick Dukes misses his target though as Kurt manages to 'port away in time. With Wanda in his arms ofc!*


*survived massive body slam=£86m. Gunning down the Blob=priceless. There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard. 4 down, 2 to go*

Juggernaut: You know what invulnerable means?

Cable: I do know what invulnerable means, Cain Marko.

*cue invulnerable vs invulnerable, Piotr Rasputin suddenly launches himself into a steely fury*

Colossus: I will not be denied!

Juggernaut: Impossible! I'm unstoppable!

Colossus: Rise and Colossus will strike you down again!

*upon realising that the battle cannot be won...*

Magneto: You may have won this battle, but the war goes on!


*Max Eisenhardt pulled off a bailout, the Marvelous X-Men are victorious! Nathan Summers, however, notices something out of place... or is it?*

Cable: Kurt, how can you be so positive in times like this?

Nightcrawler: You take after your father a little bit too much, Nathan.

Storm: Kurt, your humour and grace lift us all.

Colossus: What a combination, comrade Nightcrawler! Your speed! And my strength!

*suddenly sensing another thing out of place, Logan starts making his move*

Wolverine: Before you say anything, Deadpool...

Deadpool: You want blend or goody?

Wolverine: ...shut up.

Gambit: I thought I was the only loose cannon. Then I met Deadpool.

Sometime later @outer space...

Rocket Raccoon: Woo hoo! More paydirt!

Gamora: Quiet, Whiskers!

Groot: I AM GROOT!

Drax: Can't believe Charles Xavier needs our help in hunting down the Shadow King...

Rocket Raccoon: Hey, Gamora! You owe me a buck!

Gamora: For what, Whiskers?

Groot: I AM GROOT!

Drax: I think it has got something to do with that mega Korean natural beauty...

Rocket Raccoon: Heh, yeah... PSY, right?

Gamora: Be civil with your tone, Whiskers. Park Shin Young is after all an A-lister celebrity.

*Flashback 2 weeks ago on the Korean News Network, i.e. KNN*

News anchor: It's official, folks! The spaceman who saved our precious Park Shin Young is a real man. Let us hear what her agency has to say! 

Agency spokesman: Originally, we thought Miss Park's account was a mischievous excuse since the tabloids enjoy writing about her love life. Firstly, allow me to represent the S.T.A.R agency in saying that every article written thus far is a lie. Unfortunately, random witnesses have their claims on that stupid and crazy spaceman verified true. This is why we need a lie detector test in the first place. To prove that Miss Park will never lie over her current status.

*back @outer space*

Star-Lord: The name's Star-Lord, Legendary Outlaw. Remember my name when you're in intensive care... wow, that's a bad-ass pick up line reserved for a bad-ass hot Korean chick! Now what's that fat pervert's name again? Uh... King... uh... Kim... Kingpin? Yeah, must be that Kingpin...

*enters the Destroyer*

Drax: Hey, where's that Korean liquor you bought around one fortnight ago?

Star-Lord: I think it's still stashed somewhere. Good luck in finding it, Drax.

Drax: Just a curious question here. How much did you spend for that stuff?

Star-Lord: For free? I bought it off the shelf when the boss aint' lookin' in my direction.

[around the same time as above scenario...]
[somewhere above the Korean airspace...]
[somehow nearing a random university supposedly famous...]

Friday, 22 August 2014

Tis scientifically proven, guys and girls... パート 이

Original plan: do+finish current chapter of A Ranger's Tale.
Current plan: Gone case liao, I now kenna fever. Srsly, either I'm merely some poor OCDP moron or truly the Vincent van Gogh of SG. In any case, obsessive character is bad for you unless you're a proven genius. Then again, maybe all I need is  beautiful and intelligent gf. Evidence here, ppl.

If you want to be a writer, make sure you impress ppl with your prose.

All you kentang ppl: Pro-simi?
Limpeh: You all ask me ah?
All you kentang ppl: You mean pose ah?
Limpeh: Sorry, pose is only for pretty local SG girls in bikini who happened to be intelligent also.

Prose is generally the manner/style which you write your story. Diff writers have diff prose. Take for example E. L. James herself+her signature...

Then we also have that certain banned series arguably more famous than plenty others banned books...

As for some others which are more (?) well known...

Plus some others which are not so well known in comparison...

Also got the troll as well...

Crude humour aside, I'll have to say that if you want to do your own book, make sure there has to be a certain flow to your work. Sounds funny? Well... the best I can explain is this:

There are diff ways to pull off your own style.

Do you enjoy writing sentences which are short, yet without commas?
That's your own style.

How about lengthy description+character interaction which is pretty short and succinct?
Well, that sounds quite hard to pull off.

90% of sentences used being short and succinct, but with that catch 22 known as lengthy fight scenes?
I don't blame you for being a screaming Drizzt fangirl.

What abt me, you might ask? Well, I do enjoy pulling off commas in the middle of every sentence used. Back during my 1st draft, it's pretty much 99% of the narration. Come the current rewrite, it becomes something like 90% or so. Some good blokes/gals at FictionPress actually commented that my style is a reminiscence of the Old English style. Just don't ask me how true their words are b/c I've learnt not to give a damn to stuff like this.*
*Then again, it feels really good having others calling you a genius unwittingly.

Also, you need to decide whether you're out to do 3rd person, 2nd person or 1st person. 3rd person POV is the most fundamental of them all since this is basically the style educators tend to teach first. 2nd person and 1st person tend to be taught much later, but allow me to rubbish the talk on writing in past tense.

We have 3rd person POV, otherwise known as the omniscient POV, being done in past tense.
1st person can be either done in past or present tense, but personally I feel 1st person POV will only make sense in present tense.
2nd person is the most fun of them all. On one hand, past tense is legit. On the other, you can try emulating the troll pictured above.

3rd person POV, while 100% straightforward, is also quite restricted in terms of versatility. You can only make the readers see everything via a bird's eye view. Suspense wise, it would have taken a good chunk off the scene. Think of things this way:

Stevia never saw her boyfriend waiting to hug her from behind.
This is 3rd person POV, otherwise known as omniscient narrative.

Stevia's throat tightened for a brief moment, her heart racing in response to her boyfriend's gentle voice and reassuring warmth.
This is 2nd person POV, otherwise known as unreliable narrative.

1st person POV is also counted as unreliable narrative.

So what is unreliable narrative?
What is the opposite of a god?
A man.
What is the opposite of a goddess?
A woman.

You see, 3rd person view allows the reader to be that proverbial "god/goddess" while 2nd/1st person POV allows the reader to be THAT person him/herself. Ofc there's always space for pulling off a hybrid style. This is not something deemed unique w/K-pop b/c Rowling actually pulled it off first. Some scenes are done in 3rd person, others done in 2nd. It's down to your preference iirc since I'm also guilty off ripping off Rowling in this respect (the only bugger-all catch being me alternating between 2nd person and 1st person).

Also, doing strict 2nd person means doing your story in present tense.

Do take note though: writing in strict 2nd/1st person demands a superior grasp on whatever scenario you're writing. Remember that you're writing from the narrator's POV. Which means if there are events related to the past, you use past tense. Whatever present situation at hand, you use present tense.

Bonus-kun before I go zzzz
Title inspired by this vid...

Apparently, I tend to get myself easily influenced by others around me. Simply put, there will always be characters inspired by real life people/events I do/don't know personally or otherwise. This is NOT to say Aeranath is based on myself, let alone the rest of the supposedly (?) vital cast. Such statement is tantamount to self-wanking. As others can AND will tell you, self-wanking is bad for your overall well-being.

However, I might need to tweak this stupid habit somehow or another. I don't mind killing random characters off, even those inspired by individuals I've got no beef against. Yet, this also means there those inspired by people I don't like. Which means this is something I need to retcon for the rewrite. Sadly for some others, I'm still born a jerkass bastard. Which means whichever characters/events inspired by real life events will stay this way. No choice, this is valar born this way.*

Which now comes the greatest conundrum (?) facing yours truly:

P.S: Have to say that ever since I pulled off the whole Alestrial Eliaden=Park Shin-hye stunt, shit just ended up into a downward spiral if you get my drift...

To be cont'd...

Monday, 18 August 2014

El Estratega: Ocho

Adomah's overhead kick goal disallowed due to dangerous play, Rooney's same stunt earned Utd a goal. Wonder if there's truly life after Howard Webb and Fergie... maybe I should try sending a resume over to Borussia Dortmund or Atlético Madrid? Maybe even Bayern Munich or Barcelona also?

A/N: If you think I'm for real, think again.

Dealing w/hantu and doing a hantu

《史记; 项羽本纪》

When the Duke of Pei was already out, the King of Xiang sent the Capital Commandant, Chen Ping, to summon him. The Duke said (to Fan Kuai) thus: "For what matter did you ask me out here? I've yet to bid formal farewell."

Fan Kuai replied: "The other party is prepared to make mincemeat out of us, how can I stay still?"
Hence they promptly left while commanding Zhang Liang to stay back. Liang asked: "Why are you in a great hurry, m'lord?"

The Duke replied: "I have a pair of white jade which I wishes to give the King of Xiang. At the same time, I also have a pair of drinking vessels made of jade meant for godfather. Alas I fear for the latter's wrath, hence not daring to give. Please give them for me."

Zhang Liang said: "I understand."

By this time, the army of the King of Xiang were situated below Hongmen while the Duke of Pei already had his army at Bashang with a distance of forty li separating them. The Duke of Pei placed a carriage while escaping alone by horse. With Fan Kuai, Xiahou Ying, Jin Qiang and Ji Xing wielding shields and swords, they traveled from the foot of Mt Li till Zhiyang. The Duke of Pei said to Liang: "From here to our camp is only twenty li. Once I returned safely, you can return (back to Xiang Yu)."

When the Duke of Pei has reached his camp, Zhang Liang entered before Xiang Yu saying: "The Duke of Pei was unable to hold his liquor any longer, hence already left. As a compensation, he ordered me to offer this pair of white jade as a gift to m'lord. At the same time, there is also a pair of jade drinking vessels offered before you as well."

The King of Xiang asked: "Is the Duke of Pei well?"

Liang replied: "He actually heard that m'lord has the wish to punish him, hence he already departed alone and now back in his camp."

The King of Xiang received the white jade and place them at his seat. Fan Zeng, on the other hand, threw down the jade vessels and smashing them to pieces with a drawn sword. Then he said: "Aye! An immature boy is not good enough for my advise! He who shall take the land from the King of Xiang, surely that will be the Duke of Pei! We are now good as captured."

《Annals of History; Xiang Yu》
Written by Sima Qian

This is virtually no diff from the bellend road screwjob. On one hand, we got sorely done by some ref who happened to the most hated man in Vicarage Road atm. On the other, we're only good enough to boss the match from the back till midfield. We lost 1-0, this is no diff from Liu Bang bailing out halfway with only 4 loyal amigos following him. If this is to be the world of blogosphere, that will mean one particular blogger remaining piss poor just b/c he failed to secure even 1K worth of followers.

Yet, it must also be stated that the fat lady haven't sung yet. Liu Bang was like that, ditto for my beloved Boro as well. To play it safe, Liu Bang actually asked Zhang Liang to stay behind! Can you imagine Karanka telling a valuable asset in his backroom staff that...

AK: Okay, I know you've mentioned before Lambert and Allen coming off the bench. I need to go Anfield temporarily.

??: Erm... okay, boss.

Above section is a skit, but there's nothing maen maen over the cold hard truth. Zhang Liang had to stay behind to allay Xiang Yu's suspicions. By now, all should have known Zhang Liang's position, let alone talent. Interestingly enough, Zhang Liang actually told Xiang Yu the truth. Why? Has he became orang hantu dua?

No, Zhang Liang has nvr been that orang hantu. Only one orang hantu, his name is orang hantu satu. By telling the Xiang Yu the truth, it means Zhang Liang understood perfectly what kind of person Xiang Yu was. If he lied even a single word, chances are that Xiang Yu would knew straightaway. It's just like me saying Stuart "not Attwell" Gray is gonna play 2 flat banks+high block against us at home. That'll be giving too much away. Telling Xiang Yu what he wanted to hear, i.e. Liu Bang being a useless coward, means putting his guard down. It's just like me telling Gray that Karanka will be going all out to win via 4-2-3-1 w/Tomlin in the hole.
Is this correct? Yes.
Is this a trick answer? Hell yeah.

Moral of the story?
Meme too cute, like her too damn much... (y)

Which is why when we see Fan Zeng's reaction, it's like imagining Nigel "not de Jong" Pearson warning the likes of Ronald "not McDonald" Koeman and Brendan "not Fraser" Rodgers beforehand of this for next season. [1]

Now back to our main (?) strategist...
《史记; 留侯世家》

Running out of time, need to zzzz soon. To summarise this passage, this is basically abt Liu Bang becoming the King of Han. The prelude to such a generous (?) treatment is this:
He sent precious gifts of gold and jewelry to Xiang Bo.

If we're talking abt the local law in S'pore, it should be this.
If we're talkin abt lawful means, basically it's Liu Bang begging Xiang Yu not sing that certain song which somehow made John McCain into a global household name. [2]

Contrary to popular belief, Zhang Liang wasn't the one telling Liu Bang to rebuild the bridge while reorganising his army into what I'd call The Great Iga-mono Movement. [3]

Also, it must be stated that Zhang Liang was actually Xiang Yu's envoy since every Chinese history buff would tell you the same thing when it comes to any era. [4]

Lastly, we got the part called calling the bluff. Remember my stupid fairy tale? Let me tell you what it means to call a bluff.

Numero tres realised for that for some reason, 0 wasn't the one for her. On the other hand, numero cuatro chose to bail out of the race b/c she believed her dearest amiga is 0's best choice for a gf. So imagine 0's shock when...

Mak ML: Eh, how do you pronounce 吴 in Cantonese?
0: ...

0 found it funny that Mak ML asked him this question despite admitting that she's Cantonese. Unable to shrug off that monkey buggering him, he went on Facebook to do some (quasi) illegal snooping. That was last year, he realised a couple of things.

Hi time to be Sherlock RDJ Holmes, folks! End of story (for now), but I need to ask you all some damning questions.

1. If numero cuatro was guilty of giving 0 a false Christian name that sounded weirdly like a certain nation fighting w/Jew Nation over the Golan Heights, does that mean something?
2. If numero cuatro was perfectly fine w/declaring her single+available status on FB, does it mean anything? Let's assume that she's actually a beautiful girl blessed with idealism towards love. I firmly believe this is something stereotypical SPGs will gladly scorn... :P
3. 0 has gotten himself into trouble b/c when he started sharing stuff from numero cuatro's account, others could easily track the trail. In short, no warning PMs or outright blocking. That is until December or so where it seems that she's trying to send a veiled msg via a gradual profile take-down rather than doing this one-shot.
4. 0 saw a G+ profile bearing her name. The only problem? There should be others bearing the same Christian name as well. The counter-problem? 0 realised there are actually blokes and gals working in the relevant dept having their own G+ account. And 0's blog is actually hosted on Google.

If you all think above section is too convoluted like some K-drama or 夜市人生, it's okay. Even 李友志 requires development and his very own heroic BSOD moment w/金大风. How abt football analysis then? A very simple one concerning the #BFF of #LFC, namely #BVB.

If you're Jürgen "not Kok" Klopp, what would you do in the face of dressing room hemorrhage? This is the exact kind of situation the best team in English south coast is currently facing [5]

Should he admit defeat before the German Shepherd press?
Mutiny will surely follow b/c the players would have broken faith with he-who-broke-bread-with-them.

Should he remain bullish in front of the German Shepherd press despite winning 2-0 against a Bayern Munich team operating on the same percentage of efficiency as Pep "not you, Pep" Guardiola? [6]
He'll still end up a loser since there's one thing in common between football and Singapore. [7]

In the freak chance where Kloppo is reading this, let me tell you this:
If the question never demand you to choose between ein and zwei, it means there has to be a drei lurking in the shadows like Kurt Wagner himself, no?

Moral of the story:
Disappointed Asian dad can now stop worrying.
We have a new problem here and his name is *make your guess lol!* [8]

[1]: And this is not to mention Pope Francis I asking who's that team they call the Boro.
[2]: Because I want AND need to be fair, saying Obama is guilty of singing a similar song concerning the Pentagon is equally immoral. Quite contrary to what others might think of me, I'm much more of a politics hater when it comes to the grand ol' US of A. No wonder why the Republicans were demanding answers over that Snowing-gate back then. No, I'm not being sarcastic here.
[3]: Alternatively known as Shinomori Aoshi and his (anti) merry Oniwabanshū.
[4]: Most (?) notably Zhang Hong of Eastern Wu if we're using Cao Cao as Xiang Yu's parallel.
[5]: Apologies to Eddie "not Murphy" Howe if he happens to read this part. Via a freak chance ofc!
[6]: And by that, I'm hyperbole'ing Nightcrawler using his 'ports to take down Purifier grunts instead of random big-ass Sentinels.
[7]: Not the Juventus-Singapore match, but rather pragmatism.
[8]: Weirdly inspired by O Especial himself despite me not being a jerkass S.O.B in RL.
"Pepe has a problem and his name is Raphael Varane."

Friday, 15 August 2014

El Estratega: Siete

Apparently, Boro has given me plenty of cheer in terms of distributing NDP goodies. Which now comes the greater test: them ****ing dirty Leeds. But firstly, I need to pay a certain tribute to Gianluca "not Zambrotta" Festa. In football, you can only be friends with Eddie Howe and co either before or after 90 mins+stoppage. Yet, I only have good memories where Festa is concerned. Why? Because during the twilight years of Bryan "not a Sir" Robson, this Italian bloke managed to prove once and for all that coexistence between Romans and Gaels=mission possible. If you think I'm lying, don't worry. Just grab some necessary equipment, go undercover and ask Séamus "not Chris" Coleman on whether a certain Curtis "not Ian" Fleming actually knows that Roy "take that, you ****!" Keane. Perio. Still don't understand me, nvr mind. It merely means you don't deserve to call yourself a professional English football fan. Full stop.

Alas just as I have to be a jerk against Eddie Howe and Bournemouth somewhere down the road, likewise the only expectation from this weekend's Yorkshire derby is 3 pts for #TeamStark. Just don't quote me if you assume that Elland Road=Dreadfort/the Twins. I'll nvr stoop that low.

A/N: Oh shit, just realised I might have jinxed my beloved Boro in terms of whatever semblance of score prediction. Victory for Lions XII on the cards?

Opposites vs Opposition
《史记; 项羽本纪》

The Duke of Pei said: "Ask him in, for I shall respect him like a younger brother doing so for his elder sibling."
Zhang Liang went out and asked for Xiang Bo. As he met the Duke of Pei, the latter toasted him in a show of respect. Agreeing to an alliance via marriage, the Duke of Pei answered: "When I entered the pass, never did I ever get near the surrounding settlements. Registering the citizens and sealing the capital reserves is merely because I was waiting for the general (i.e. Xiang Yu). Deploying men to hold fort was due to protecting the area from harm. I've always looked forward to the general's arrival, hence why would I dare rebel? I truly hope Your Highness understand that I have no intentions of betrayal."
Giving in to the Duke of Pei, Xiang Bo nevertheless said: "If so, then you still must meet the King of Xiang personally."
The Duke of Pei agreed to Xiang Bo's words.
Thus Xiang Bo went away and reported that the Duke of Pei intended to meet the King of Xiang. At the same time, he said: "If the Duke of Pei had never breached middle pass first, would Your Highness dare enter? To attack those securing major credit is immoral, hence why not we treat him with respect?"
The King of Xiang acceded to Xiang Bo's request.
《Annals of History; Xiang Yu》
Written by Sima Qian

This is a more in depth summary of what I've stated in the prev part. Apparently, Xiang Bo didn't really trust Zhang Liang 100%. Why? Because this was an era of turmoil where even the most harmless lobo can usurp your lofty status like what Robert Baratheon had done to the Targaryens. [1] If the idiocy surrounding the resurgence of Yue ain't enough, then I got nothing to say. That is unless you're prepared to laugh off Gou Jian as some useless pretender equivalent to some shite bastard team which is neither North East nor Yorkshire.

Xiang Bo's situation is just like imagining Eddie Howe's possible predicament. On one hand, he has nothing but respect for his opposite number. On the other, he also knew the relationship last season between Karanka and Óscar "not Tabárez" García was pretty much like Zhang Liang and Xiang Bo. [2] In short, Xiang Bo needed to have some kind of assurance, that Liu Bang was indeed loyal to their cause. So what abt Zhang Liang? Well, let's see things this way...

Supposedly I have a footballing IQ of 175 or so and my allegiance lies w/Boro alone. Quintessentially, this means that should we achieve promotion, there will be no reason for me to show any preferential treatment towards any of the top flight teams.
Not Louis "van Goal" van Gaal despite great minds thinking alike.
Not José "O Especial" Mourinho even though he ended up breaking character.
Not Arsène "Le Professeur" Wenger or Mauricio "poached by Jewtown" Pochettino just b/c of Mr Eric Soh.
Not Manuel "not peregrine falcon" Pellegrini since I profess zero allegiance to Me Gusta! Poyet.
Not Me Gusta! due to above mentioned statement.
And surely not Brendan "b/c I say so, Steve" Rodgers or Roberto "not Mancini" Martínez even if my future gf's relative(s) support(s) #TeamRoboKop.

The Great Asian Debate
Stereotypes vs Anti-Stereotypes
《史记; 项羽本纪》

I'm not gonna translate this bloody chunk of text b/c that'll be like Beavus and Butthead trying to score w/some A*Star local S'porean chio-bu researcher. [3] To put it in a nutshell, I'll only state the vital portions. But firstly, allow me to analyse the stereotypical Asian.

Fast forward to the now famous Hongmen feast and what do we have here? Whatever Liu Bang had said to Xiang Yu was more or less the same to what he said to Xiang Bo. Well, at least more than enough to convince Xiang Yu anyway. Interestingly enough, Xiang Yu actually agreed with Liu Bang in a sense that they both agree got one hantu creating trouble. The only catch?
This was Liu Bang telling Xiang Yu that there was some scoundrel advising him to seize control of the entire area surrounding Xianyang+Xianyang itself. This was essentially the same thing Liu Bang told Zhang Liang upon realising that becoming the boss=/=best idea after all.
This was Xiang Yu telling Liu Bang who's the hantu. At the same time, this was Xiang Yu's way of getting rid of that unwanted hantu. Simply put, this Cao Wushang couldn't be trusted b/c he alrdy told Xiang Yu this cold hard truth in a non-verbal way.
Houston, we have a problem here and that problem has a name. His name? Fan Zeng. If Xiang Yu was to be that master tactician, then Fan Zeng would be that strategist. If you're a tactician, it means you're able to make decisions on the battlefield. If you're a strategist, it means you're in charge of planning beforehand and second-guessing the opponent's next move. Technically, it means that a capable commander must have both the attributes of a tactician and strategist plus leadership as well. [4] 'Tis a no-brainer that Fan Zeng saw Liu Bang as a threat, yet it seemed that Xiang Yu was content to buat-bodoh. Whatever gesture he did, Liu Bang would have been literally dead if not for...
This was the truly the prelude to the storm and shit wasn't even counted as a calm. What Fan Zeng suggested was very simple: tell Xiang Zhuang to assassinate Liu Bang. Yet as a master strategist, he knew that there'd always be chances of a major cock up or two. This was why Jean-Luc LeBeau had an ace hidden in the sleeve. To capture Liu Bang alive if really that bloody lobo confirm tidak mati. To highlight how ruthless war has always been, Fan Zeng's instruction actually betrayed the crux to that grand scheme of his.
[ order to attack the Duke of Pei while he seated...]
Also it must be known that Xiang Yu might not be that kinda tyrant the residents of Xianyang had witnessed. In short, Fan Zeng actually implied Xiang Yu as a man of compassion! Either that or Xiang Yu's relationship w/Liu Bang was somewhat eerily prophetic pertaining to English football.
This is the moment of all reactions holy cow. When Xiang Zhuang carried out Fan Zeng's command (it must be noted that Xiang Zhuang was Xiang Yu's younger cousin), we ended up seeing three parties going "HOLY MOTHER****ING COW!"
Party satu: future ruling party (Liu Bang)
Party dua: current ruling party (Xiang Bo)
Party tiga: nobody's party (Zhang Liang)
Granted that given Liu Bang had always enjoyed a fine wine or two, there might be some off chance of him remaining (not so) blissfully unaware. Not so for Xiang Bo.
Xiang Zhuang: Behold my mighty sword!
Xiang Bo: Alas for your sword, for mine is mightier than yours!
Above skit is merely a skit, but Xiang Zhuang's intent shouldn't be seen as one. The hostility had reached a boiling point, this is virtually Korean power out to get Korean power w/Pope Francis I being that Xiang Bo. And trust my sense of honour when I say Xiang Bo was really that damn suay. Ironically, history would repeat itself in the form of Ling Tong [凌统], Gan Ning [甘宁] and Lu Meng [吕蒙].
Now we come to the 3rd party: the NP. If you think Zhang Liang was sleeping on the job, think again.
Above mentioned arrangement was alrdy an indication of Xiang Yu's prior intent. Check this out below...
Liu Bang (North)

              Zhang Liang (West)             Xiang Yu & Xiang Zhuang (East)

Fan Zeng (South)

This is NOT some wayang party, this IS outright war declared through subtle means. Above diagram indicates two things.
1. The Eastern party is adjacent to the Southern party.
2. The Northern party is adjacent to the Western party.

Positioning wise, this is virtually Messi roaming behind 2 CF as that false no.9 vs Lallana drifting across the middle just in front of Stevie G and Henderson! One false move and that's it.
Announcer: GOAL!!!!!!!
Laobu: Eh! What time alrdy!!!!! Switch off your PS4 before I do it for you!!!!!!!!

Still don't understand, nvr mind...
If Fan Zeng was to be that Messi/Lallana, surely Zhang Liang had to be that Lallana/Messi! I'm not gonna make any bones abt this, folks. This is Jean-Luc LeBeau vs Remy LeBeau, Azazel vs Nightcrawler. Which now comes to Fan Kuai himself.
Sensing the danger (most likely five steps ahead in the mind, but not so reflexes wise), Zhang Liang had to do something. Back then, Chen Ping was still under Xiang Yu's payroll. To put it in my 32SIB superior, Mdm Catherine Khor's own words... "sorry, no pakei."
This is virtually us vs them ****ing dirty Leeds where we're falling behind one goal to nothing. Someone has to give, that someone has truly given. Imagine this situation.

AK: Shit... this doesn't look good... Clayton got shackled and we can't find a way through...
??: Erm, boss?
AK: What? Any bright ideas?
??: Well...
AK: Just tell me, okay? The entire Teeesside know you're the one who screwed Sean Dyche last season at Turf Moor.
??: Smallwood for Clayton?
AK: And?
??: Throw Tomlin and Kike within the 20 yard range...
AK: And?
??: Adomah and Reach on standby...
AK: Some more?
??: Leadbitter doing a Stevie G.
AK: That's it?
*5 mins later*
*after final whistle*

Above skit is merely a skit, but not so if we're talking abt Fan Kuai to the rescue. Interestingly enough, it seems that whatever ah-beng 369 stunt we witnessed here was merely Fan Kuai staying true to character. In another words, Kurt Wagner pulled off a BAMF! over his asshole demon father. Note the below description.
Fan Kuai enters the scene w/a parang (sword).
Security tried to stop 369, tak boleh. 369 too strong liao, 369 flips the table (shield-bash) and they all fly away like monsters before the paladin. 369 enters from the western end (i.e. Zhang Liang's position) and hu-tiao w/that big boss. 369 now officially super TL, 369 officially upgrade become Hung Hing. [5]

Remember from where Fan Kuai entered the fray? From the west! Directly in front of Xiang Yu (at the east), this means he was most likely stationed at same spot as Zhang Liang. Under such circumstances, time and discretion is of utmost importance. Coupled w/the fact that Xiang Zhuang would have high chances of failure if Fan Kuai was standing around the north (i.e. Liu Bang's table) and... well, positional logic has said the answer for me. If this arrangement was really down to Zhang Liang's foresight, it means that he had alrdy seen thru Xiang Yu's intent. Ironically, this event actually begot the now famous saying "Xiang Zhuang wields the sword, his sights on the Duke of Pei."
iirc someone should have tried doing the antithesis version...
"Fan Kuai to the rescue, the Marquis of Liu's idea."


Jialat... the frenemy TL liao.

Xiang Yu: Who's this man?
Zhang Liang: Fan Kuai, close companion to the Duke of Pei.
Xiang Yu: A man of valour... bring him wine!
*After drinking wine*
Xiang Yu: Bring him some meat!
*Fan Kuai ended up chomping down a raw piece of pork shoulder*
Xiang Yu: Are you able to drink some more wine?
*Fan Kuai proceeds to drink more wine*
*Fan Kuai proceeds to reason like a scholar, not some ah-beng.*
*Xiang Yu no choice suck thumb, can only agree with this low life scholar*
*Fan Kuai proceeds to sit beside Zhang Liang b/c valuable talent needs valuable protection*
*Liu Bang proceeds to ask Fan Kuai to meet him since Liu Bang needs to go toilet*
*iirc that one Liu Bang bedek one. He only wants to know how come Xiang Zhuang suddenly resembles Jason w/o the mask*

Was Xiang Yu's reaction a case of dumb luck or down to Zhang Liang's preemptive calculation? In the history of Han, two strategists stood out from the rest. One is Chen Ping, the other Zhang Liang. Chen Ping was more abt stats and figure (i.e. $$$ and manpower), Zifang (i.e. Zhang Liang's style name) was truly a genius in understanding human nature (i.e. understanding the individual's personality and capability). Chen Ping was all abt using resources and the structure of situation (think explosion), Zhang Liang was a master of creating circumstances to deal w/the present one (think implosion).
On an interesting side note, I enjoy analysing human beings far more than numbers. Maybe that's why I suck so much in cold hard academics. *shrugs*

[1]: Altho to be fair, even the most docile chio-bu will become a tiger if her bf happens to 劈腿.
[2]: To add some spark into that powder keg, we actually pulled off the Clayton deal while inadvertently screwing Brighton as a result. Then again, it seems that Adam "not Swandi" Clayton is hot property.
[3]: To paraphrase this logic in a more convoluted manner>this
[4]: In spite of whatever criticism leveled upon him, Zhuge Liang actually fitted this bill just like a certain Zhou Yu.
[5]:  铜锣湾只有一个浩南, 那就是我陈浩南

Sunday, 10 August 2014

Proof that 9th Aug belongs to angmohs... :P

Apparently, 9th Aug is a day to rejoice. If you got friends, it means you spend your National Day w/your friends. If you got bf, it means you spend your National Day w/your bf. If you got gf, it means you spend your National Day w/your gf. Which now comes to my current situation:
1. I don't have any friends b/c I'm not known to have close friends.
2. I don't have bf b/c I'm not known to be gay.
3. I don't have gf b/c I'm still certified as single, despondent and undesirable.

Then, I end up getting the best gift ever. If National Day is for everyone to enjoy, then 9th Aug is for me to realise (?) where my heart belongs to...

Proof that Teesside is still lacking one more freak...

Proof that Eddie Howe might have seen this*

The Marvelous X-Men

9th August@X-Mansion

(Charles Xavier receives alarming news concerning his old Jewish friend, summons the X-Men into his office.)

Professor X: We have grave news. While using the Cerebro to locate new recruits to our cause, I have detected some disturbing activities in Singapore.

Iceman: Singapore? You mean that country with spicy food and spicier local ladies?

Professor X: Why, yes. Any more questions, Bobby?

Iceman: So we're not talking about Mandripoor. Good for me. That meeting with Daredevil's ex didn't go down well last time round.

 Beast: Are you still sore over Polaris dating Havok? That's years ago, Bobby.

Iceman: And besides, Polaris died some time ago. Yeah, I know that and I'm not about to crack a joke or two over this.

Gambit: Well...

Cyclops: Quiet, Gambit! Bobby doesn't need your witty comments at this moment.

Gambit: So how about...

Cyclops: And don't make any comments about me and Alex, understand?

Wolverine: Alright, people. Let's stop all this bullshit and get down to business.

Storm: I believe someone is missing from our midst.

Quicksilver: You mean my sis?

Scarlet Witch: I'm here, Pietro.

Gambit: So that means someone is still busy with the Excalibur.

Shadowcat: Stop fooling around, Remy. Excalibur is already history.

Gambit: So did Piotr do that? I mean Excalibur, not you.

Colossus: Watch your mouth, Gambit.

*Remy LeBeau instantly got bonked across the head with smoke coming out from a swollen bump.*

Rogue: No more of that, sugah.

*cue der BAMF!*

Nightcrawler: Try keeping up with me!

Wolverine: Been stayin' outta trouble, elf?

Beast: Kurt, I've told you time and again already! Do not...

Nightcrawler: ...relive my past experience in the afterlife through the Danger Room. I know that, Hank.

Cyclops: Stay sharp, Kurt. This isn't a game. Please do continue, Professor.

Wolverine: Wait. So where's Emma?

Psylocke: I think she left us after Scott got restored. Bobby Drake, can't you be serious for just two seconds?

Iceman: Oops, sorry there. I nearly forgot who said "no more Phoenix!", Scott.

Cyclops: No more of your jokes, Bobby. You're almost as bad as Gambit. Whatever feud you've got with my brother is none of my concern.

Wolverine: At least you never mention Deadpool, Scott.

Angel: I swear I'd have paralyzed his lower body if not for Nathan's interference.

Psylocke: Calm down, Warren. I also felt like slicing Wade Wilson to ribbons during that episode.

Beast: I'm no law guru, but isn't sexual harassment a crime?

Psylocke: Which makes his acquittal all the more unbelievable...

Angel: He must have either threatened or bribed the judge and jury. More likely both given Nathan's angry look when the verdict was announced.

Scarlet Witch: ......

*Flashback to one year ago during post NDP celebrations*

Gambit: Deal again, mon ami?

Local Zouk girl 1: He's so sexy!!!!!

Local Zouk girl 2: He's so desirable!!!!!!!

Local Zouk girl 3: He's so unattainable!!!!!!!

Gambit: Hey there! Don't just mop around, Nightcrawler!

*cue der BAMF! and plenty of shocked local Zouk girls*

Nightcrawler: There's more to life than just women and gambling, Gambit.

Iceman: You really need to chill, Kurt. Me and Remy knows you've been through a lot. I mean getting killed by Bastion, going to heaven only to realize there's no hot Singaporean devils there and getting yourself revived after whooping your father's ass. C'mon, you need a life. So when was the last time you kissed a girl? Be honest with us, Kurt.

Gambit: I know a liar when I see one, Nightcrawler.

Nightcrawler: Erm... none?

Iceman: Okay then. See Wanda over there? Poor pretty thing she is. Every Singaporean dude is trying to chat her up, but she doesn't care.

Nightcrawler: So?

Iceman: Me and Remy devised a little plan to end your...

Nightcrawler: End my what?

Gambit: Virginity, Nightcrawler. The last person capable of tempting you has already moved onto another target.

*Somewhere in the National Museum at the same time...*

Black Cat: Somebody must be talking nasty things about me. Well, a bad girl's gotta do what a bad girl's born to do...

*Back to Zouk*

Iceman: Okay so here's the plan, Kurt. Wanda has agreed to a date with you. A hot date without worrying about Pyro gatecrashing...

Nightcrawler: Do tell me again why half of Manhattan got burnt down last year...

Iceman: I wasn't there, Remy wasn't there.

Nightcrawler: Wanda was there.

Iceman: So?

Nightcrawler: 'Tis not funny to joke about collateral damages done to an innocent city.

*Flashback to 4th July@mid town Manhattan*

Pyro: You burned me out, mate.

Scarlet Witch: You're no match for Chaos magic!

Captain America: I'm sure Stark will pay for all these...

Iron Man: Are you still holding onto those vibranium rights, T'Challa?

Black Panther: Stark, are you the master of your technology or its servant?

Storm: You do our people proud, Panther.

Iron Man: Do you mind?

Storm: I was referring to T'Challa playing a vital role in defeating the cosmic level threat of Pyro.

Iron Man: Okay, cool power couple. The king and queen of Wakanda really do their people proud.

Storm: Do not anger a goddess...

*Back to 9th August@Zouk*

Iceman: Oops, I forgot Wanda accidentally obliterated half of Manhattan during Independence Day. Or so I heard from that genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. Wait a sec, Kurt... why mention Wanda if you don't have a thing for her?

Nightcrawler: Okay, I give up.

Iceman: Good. Go back to your room and log onto your Facebook account. Go type Scarlet Wanda Maximoff, that's her Facebook profile account. There are some pictures she put on public, I suspect it might be at Siloso Beach.

*At the comfort of his own hotel room...*

Nightcrawler: I can't believe it... Wanda wearing a bikini? You're a scoundrel, Bobby Drake. A little wonder why Hank is always worried about you starting a fight with Scott...

Next episode:
What is Magneto planning in Singapore?
Is there truly a mutant there?
Will Kurt Wagner get himself corrupted by Chaos magic despite the likelihood of having the Soulsword?
Watch this space, peeps. That is if you're really low crass enough like me to call yourself the everyday S'porean...

Meanwhile at the Avengers Tower...

Nick Fury: No mutants found in Singapore... shit, that must have been the Shadow King messin' with the info... gotta tell Xavier about this.

*Fury faces towards the east of mid town Manhattan*

Nick Fury: Director Fury to Agents Maria Hill, Phil Coulson and Eric O'Grady... time to assemble! I repeat! Time to assemble!

Somewhere @Manhattan

Ant-Man: You hear that, Phil? Fury's telling us one thing.

Coulson: I hope this has got nothing to do with this strip club we're in right now, Eric.

Ant-Man: Don't worry, I'll tell the truth this time round. That Agent Eric O'Grady was the one coercing Agent Phil Coulson to the Chels-Blue Strip Club. Happy?

Coulson: Can I say no?

Ant-Man: Unfortunately, my answer is no. Okay, time to assemble. MOTHER****ERS, ASSEMBLE!