Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Regional crisis and global economy (Part 3)

Notice

We at the IRE are alarmed to know 2014 has greeted the world. Three days ago, Head of Astronomy Faculty actually predicted 2014 will be the end of the world. As a result, I have to drag this stupid columnist out of his bed due to watching too much Elven anime porn. If this notice presents any inconvenience to the readers, we at the IRE sincerely apologize.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Personal statement

I do NOT profess to watch any Elven porn for the past N weeks. Everything stated by my boss is due to 2014 not being end of the world. Period. It's not my problem if an intellectual chose to believe in some deceased intellectual.

Regional crisis and a resurgent nation

The Kimchigook Civil War is arguably the most famous civil conflict known to man. Better known as the Kimchi War, it was rumored that a certain brand of national product was the mother of all conflicts. Regardless of the actual reason, it is without a doubt that war had landed North Kimchigook in a perennial state of poverty while South Kimchigook ended up with a massive national debt due to some inexplicable economy model. In fact, it took South Kimchigook more than a decade to fully clear its debt. For that, it must thank an ex-unknown local lass now turned celebrity. Unfortunately, this also proved to be North Kimchigook's undoing due to the previous Dearest Leader Captain's refusal to make his most attractive talents more attractive. In order to give every reader the actual story, the IRE managed to liaise itself with ex-local now turned global news media brand, New Nation Times*.

*Statement of intent from the relevant authority:

Due to incessant signs of cyber-stalking amounting to harmless snooping, it is to our concern whether Kork. M Hancock should be deemed suitable for this interview. After thirteen to fourteen minutes of deliberation, we decided to entrust this mission to our Head of Social Media Faculty, Miyagi.R Mysterio.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists

Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

[  ]   [  ]   [  ]   [  ]   [  ]

Miyagi.R Mysterio [abbrev-M.R Mysterio]: Good day to you, Miss Park Shin-ae. It is our greatest pleasure to interview the Sexiest Girl Alive 201* for the Esquina magazine. Firstly, what do you have to say in snagging this much coveted award especially since you're the first of your kind to win this annual award?

Park Shin-ae: Well... honored, I guess? Sorry, but I'm not too good with words. You'll have to forgive me for ten years of being in social exile. School can be a bitch whenever you're living in a democracy tantamount to legal anarchy.

M.R Mysterio: Wow, that sounds intelligent. Please pardon my stupidity, Miss...

Park Shin-ae: Just call me Shin-ae. My classmates and schoolmates liked to call me that despite my lady's instinct telling me it's not a good thing. Guess certain memories will never fade away. How I wish life is truly like the four seasons...

M.R Mysterio: Erm, okay then, Shin-ae. So where were we?

Shin-ae: That Esquina award. But I thought I've said everything that needs to be said, Mr Mysterio.

M.R Mysterio: Err, actually you're right. Sorry, but you're too beautiful despite a few minor imperfections.

Shin-ae: Don't worry. I do not believe in cosmetic upgrading anyway... wait, what is this interview for exactly?

M.R Mysterio: Oh yes, I believe many of your fans would like to know how you managed to clear your country's debt.

Shin-ae: I'm still a daughter of Kinchigook even though it's now technically separated. Does that answer your question?

M.R Mysterio: I mean the details.

Shin-ae: Oh, you mean my humble beginnings... well, I guess it all started with vicious rumors circulating in school. Well, you know the problem with all-girls' schools... who likes who and who sleeps with who... it's just my luck that I somehow managed to become the talk of the school despite having zero experience with the opposite sex. I mean male teachers are allowed to teach in girls' schools, but I swear I never had anything going on with that handsome teacher!

M.R Mysterio: No one accused you of anything, Shin-ae. Calm down because I know how it feels to be misunderstood. Everyone in class and school used to ask whether my mom was illegally made pregnant where in fact I was legally born!

Shin-ae: What did you do then?

M.R Mysterio: Showed them legal documentation, they said it's fake. After treating them to the nearest 619 Popcorn Chicken, they all believed me.

Shin-ae: Wow, that's awesome! My fairy godfather also likes that one!

M.R Mysterio: Fairy godfather?

Shin-ae: He's the one teaching me how to best utilize my hidden talent.

M.R Mysterio: You mean online gaming?

Shin-ae: Yep. Fairy godfather once told me that if you can't beat them in real life, try doing so online first. After that, you must then prove your mettle to every doubter and whistler personally. After three years of self-isolation, I managed to make my name under the moniker ShineiYaro! Actually, I used this moniker because it sounded cool...

M.R Mysterio: Don't worry, we all like cool chicks. Erm I mean cool chicks and other stuff, sorry.

Shin-ae: It's okay. After all, every girl likes cool things as well. Anyway, you do know about my post-tourney makeover, no?

M.R Mysterio: Erm, no. Did I miss anything for the past two years?

Shin-ae: Guess my management agency isn't doing its job then. Never mind.

M.R Mysterio: I heard South Kimchigook managed to earn big bucks due to the marketed cosmetic brand, True Love. So what's your view on this brand since you're its marquee model?

Shin-ae: Firstly, I do not believe I should be accredited for my mother nation's rising fortune. At the most, I only set up a positive example by being myself. That's why I'm allowed to eat my favorite fried chicken once every month so long as I watch my weight.

M.R Mysterio: But it's undeniably true that your presence inspired many success stories for the next three years! Global idols like 4 Generation and Super Senior are thanking you for giving therm the courage to dream!

Shin-ae: Is that so? How come I never realized this? I only remember winning the global Grand Tank Auto tournament which netted me five million green dollars and some golden-man trophy!

M.R Mysterio: And anything else?

Shin-ae: I heard my weapon of choice for GTA became the hottest DLC property in gaming industry.

M.R Mysterio: You mean that Taiga Trunk RPG?

Shin-ae: You forgot to mention the White Plasma ammo upgrade. That's practically why I owned my finalist opponent, Justice Wong. Forget what the rest said about my accomplishments, I prefer to be humble due to my name.

M.R Mysterio: I'm afraid your country and people will beg to differ since South Kimchigook is already a leading player in GTA and many other things like cuisine and entertainment.

Shin-ae: Oh no! I nearly forget!

M.R Mysterio: Forget what?

Shin-ae: Number!

M.R Mysterio: My number? Well, I admit I'm your number one...

Shin-ae: Sorry, Gerrard. I nearly forgot to hand you back the edited manuscript. Okay, good. Thanks. Bye. Sorry, what was that again, Mr Mysterio?

M.R Mysterio: That Gerrard you're talking about... surely it's not...

Shin-ae: Yep, my boyfriend. Have you heard of Gerrard of the River? He's rather media shy, but he can be really artistic when it comes to devising his own pen name.

M.R Mysterio: Erm, yeah. Heard of him. The author whom critics hailed as a prodigy in fantasy novel writing. I'm a die hard fan of White Fang and the Lass series also...

Shin-ae: Cool then! I promise you a signed copy of the latest volume due next month, deal? I'll have to go now. Sorry for the sudden end.

M.R Mysterio: Thanks for your time then... bye...

Shin-ae: Before I forget, can I ask where did you buy that colorful mask? I want to buy one for Gerrard as well.

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Regional crisis and global economy (Part 2)

Notice

We at the IRE are happy to congratulate the finest local talent our country has ever seen. Due to fame attracting paparazzi like flies to shit, we are obliged to make an example out of this stupid columnist here. There is nothing wrong with Mr. Beh winning many nominations at the Golden Pony Award, but it should be our concern that no one, and I really mean NO ONE, deserves to say he/she is better than Mr Beh. In short, we're worried about this lobo moron's mental welfare, therefore we demanded him to add this in. If you do movie, you do your very best. If you do satire, you do your very worst. Period.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Part 2: Preface and Disclaimer

I firmly believe my boss is being over paranoid here, but I also believe every man has his part to play. Not to mention every woman as well since men don't carry babies. Regardless of whatever plans my colleagues have in store, it should be of highest paramount that I continue doing this. Below statement is IRE's stance on privacy:

Due to the most recent Watchergate scandal purportedly started by an unnamed descendant of some deposed president, I am not allowed to reveal any names which might expose any country or major city. However, IRE has been given the green light to reveal names deemed relevant to topic at hand.

How regional crisis can further global economy via celebrated means

Holywood, the promised land of every aspiring star. Some made it big, some made it bigger. After all, there will always be stars higher than the many more below.

~Leonardo Dicapricorn

Holywood the promised land of fame and wealth, who doesn't want it? Whenever we think back on Leonardo Dicapricorn's words, I believe we all will agree with him. The only blind spot? There's a difference between hindsight and first person.

"The biggest problem with human beings is the problem of oxymoron. Whenever someone said to me 'See, I told ya!', I asked him whether he or she was around. The answer would always be no. When I asked the person next whether he or she was the one committing the act, everybody would end up cursing my father and mother instead of a living man."

Above statement was quoted by moral evolutionist, John Cavalier (1800-1899). Unto his words, renowned king of bloggers, Pervez Hilton, has this to say:

"I've always enjoyed reading Mr Cavalier's works and nothing is truer than his view on actual oxymoron. Let's ask, for example, whether it's acceptable for a girl to exhibit disturbing actions in front of public. I'm pretty sure the answer is yes. However, research has also shown that many unspeakable things are actually done in the name of privacy, hence rendering such practices acceptable unless exposed. In fact, I've heard some interesting rumors on Leonardo Dicapricorn's life when it comes to whether his current girlfriend is that hot Jewish bikini model. Not that I care about that lucky bastard anyway..."
-from his blog: I Know What You Did Last Winter; dated 24th December 201*

So what does Pervez Hilton and John Cavalier have in common? Nobody knows, but this is beside the actual topic at hand.

What truly happened last Christmas

Nobody had foreseen this happening even though the focus of global attention was (and still is) anything but sugar and nice. Ever since the Honey Daytona series reached its last season six years ago, Miley Citrus has been making the headlines for all the controversial reasons. Why I use the c-word here is due to an innate understanding on basic PR fundamentals within the entertainment circle. But enough about clarifications, let's summarize what exactly went on during the X'mas Music Awards (abbrev: XMA).

Above image is NOT a literal portrayal of the actual situation, this I must make it clear. Figuratively, however, this is what caused a Citrus tsunami. In her latest interview less than 24 hours ago, Miley Citrus has this to say:

"C'mon, you prudes. Where were you all during the previous XMA? Remember Aram Lambast? Yes, all you people were demanding his removal after you saw what he did last winter. Now that I've managed to give Lambast some one-upmanship, where are all you anti-Lambs? I'm not blind, I know where you are. And I will find you, I will **** you."

Prior to this interview posted in YoloTube, her relationship with the public has always been a controversy by itself. After said video was upped, the spokeswoman for YoloTube has this to say:

It is to our regret that Miley Citrus' interview clip had successfully crashed our global servers. Despite the possibility of moral hackers still at large, we at Yolotube have decided to upgrade every country's servers in order to cater whatever future demands available.

Indeed not only did Miley Citrus' antics managed to captivate the global audience, even Aram Lambast was no less utterly impressed.

"Back during my outrageous gig, I thought nothing about how people perceived me. Now that I've seen Miley Citrus performing to the max, I realized some individuals are born to be queens and even fewer meant to be goddesses. I feel sad for Robbo Dick though since he's already married."

Momentum effect amounting to global money making

Just three days ago, I chatted with a colleague who happened to be the Head of Internship Faculty. As he sipped his local black coffee without sugar in the cafeteria, Peh Lloyd has this to comment:

"Eh, Kork. You know one thing about money making? Very easy one, I tell you. Want get payload, make sure you make people angry first. Once they all start raging over what kind of bugger you are, you will see many more people supporting you. Then you devise your own product, hard sell your brand, and voila! Double confirm sure dio paydirt one!"

This is indeed the case with Miley Citrus. In fact, insiders claimed that Aram Lambast's daring stunts was the reason why she was inspired to do the same. Aram's album sales managed to hit a record high, beating the likes of more popular singers like Sealed, Taylor Rift, and hip hop quartet, Chinese Lime. In fact, Aram Lambast still remains the indisputable King of Rock in spite of recent upstarts like Once Directed and Justin Bebe. Only the evergreen rock band, Beaver and Butt, managed to pose a close challenge to Aram's current throne.

Interestingly, what raked in big bucks for Miley Citrus if Aram Lambast's success means an everlasting status in the music scene? Many were fascinated by the gigantic finger she used in her performance, something previously little known becomes a global brand. According to renowned South Korean psychologist, Eric Jang Geun Soh, this is what psychology science termed as "poking the box".

"Originated from the term 'thinking out of the box', this marketing strategy implements the usage of reverse psychology. Many a family enjoys using reverse psychology to educate the child. Say for example you tell your son not to read books. What would your son do? Theoretically, he would have shy away from books. In reality, he would be ten times more studious than his peers. Every adult has to go through a certain phase, people call it self-discovery. Psychologists prefer to call this experimenting. So long as nothing bad happens, every experiment is legal."

In a global research conducted by global surveying firm, Chris Kimpossible, it was revealed that:

1. Three out of every ten fingers sold are used for everyday sporting events amounting to plain cheering from the stands.

2. Five out of every ten fingers sold are used for biological education.

3. Nine out of every ten fingers sold are used for recording various genre of self-made videos.

4. Sales of the gigantic fingers, later trademarked as Citrus Fingers, contributed to 40% of global money earned.

5. Originally something which existed beforehand, Citrus Fingers actually managed to monopolize 90% of the sales with Miley Citrus' record label, Wrecked Balls, raking in 10% commission.

To be cont'd...

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Regional crisis and global economy (Part 1)

Disclaimer!

Engine rusty liao, please don't keep your hopes high. Apparently, even my country also kenna actual crisis. :( Like to say I already kenna (?) career crisis, but that one irrelevant. Oh, and more thing. Who says Singapore no local talent?

Lowdown on the columnist

Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Institute of Rogue Economists. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until IRE offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.

Lowdown on the institute

Institute of Rogue Economists (abbrev: IRE) is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.

Special note:

Lately, it has come to my notice that this stupid and lazy bastard columnist is skiving on the job. While we at the IRE value actual talent, we at the IRE also cannot accept any extent of lax attitude towards actual work. Why did he forward some stupid high fantasy love song to everyone in the institute, I don't know. However, it must be said that this flower idiot columnist had already been firmly dealt with.

~ Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Foreword

"I dedicate this victory to my long suffering fellow citizens of Pim'pim'pines. Not for myself, but for them. Not for personal glory, but for personal challenges. Flayd Mayorwhether, you've been notified. I don't need my trainer to send you any stupid letter."
~Mano Amano, reigning champion of PK Championship.

Why my boss talked so bad about me, I can never know. Yes, I'm guilty of liking somebody, but is it a sin to love? At least Beren never killed any Elves, therefore he's more honourable than Fëanor. Back on topic here. How do we define C-R-I-S-I-S?

1. a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
2. a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.
4. the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.
Source-Dictionary.com

Not too long ago, crisis struck off the central coast of Pim'pim'pines. Well known for petite folks playing passing football on the pitch, this name was given by its founding explorer, Bosei Furrynho. That is how the term "pim'pim ball" came about.

Now in spite of footballing excellence, Pim'pim'pines had undergone quite a fair amount of political upheaval where leaders DO run the risk of getting arrested through the people's mandate. In fact, famous Italian sociologist, Eric Spressoh, once had this to say:

"It's arguably true that why Pim'pim'pines is the greatest footballing nation has always been about poverty bringing out the finest best in sporting artistry. There's a common local saying-Don't have money, never mind. Must have dream, be it one, two, or three."

Crisis+national hero reborn+nemesis

Three years ago, disaster struck when mega-typhoon Heeyaa assaulted the central part of Pim'pim'pines. Many a doom prophet stated that this was Heaven itself punishing the locals for being rebellious, famous most desirable socialite of 2013, Karen Mel has this to say:

"The problem with Pim'pim'pines is not about authority and anti-authority. Firstly, expats had been deserting this sinking ship of a nation five years ago due to rampant corruption robbing them of their money. Secondly, a lot of people don't understand this. Lastly, I don't know who these soothsayers are, let alone what they look like and whether they are male, female, or eunuchs."

It was then where Pim'pim'pines witnessed their national hero reborn, Mano Amano. His previous losses made many neutral observers questioning his class, it doesn't really help to remember losing two bouts in succession means you're likely one foot inside the career coffin. Scoffing such talks, Mano's trainer, Roach Phelps, had this to say:

"Yes, I know Mano is half a head shorter and a wee bit slimmer around the chest. He's a boxer for fuck's sake! Do you stupid people understand the different weight level within the industry? I swear the next person calling Mano gay shall be the next person Mano fights. Period! Hey, Contraa Bannkai! You fucking hear me? Mano and I ar... bzztt..."

Due to Roach Phelps' increasing anger, the Foxed Channel had to kill off the remaining segment broadcast "live". That's why I can only list down whatever remainder left. Apparently, Roach wasn't gay, let alone Mano. However, he believed in gay rights and racial rights. Yet, the reason why the self-proclaimed "Macho Savage" Contraa Bannkai incurred Roach's ire was down to a video that must not be outed for children's sake. That did not prevent tabloids like Puffington Post, Daily Blackmail, and Telepath (just to name a few) spreading the word around. Without going into lurid specifics, Contraa Bannkai actually questioned why Eastern males look like girls and why Eastern girls act like men. No brainer to know where Pim'pim'pines is situated. The fact that Contraa Bannkai was forced (?) into an apology merely made things worse when he used a homophobic term.

"Hey, I respect human rights, okay? I've got many friends yet to out themselves! So what if they're some closet f**s? No one hates f**s, it's damned true I tell ya! Now who was that Eastern girl ag... bzztt..."

Above footage was killed off by news broadcaster, KNN, due to actual fear that Contraa Bannkai might get himself killed in the ring. Literally. To set the record straight, Roach Phelps was a renowned commando veteran nicknamed "Toughest S.O.B" by his buddies, men and women alike. Enemies who survived his onslaught called him "the Flaming Killer" due to a deadly combo of flame throwing skills and real assassination arts. Mano, of course, learnt all the great things from his trainer bar his undoubted talent in all-rounder brawling.

How the fight benefited global economy

Due to assumed trauma building up throughout, Mano refused to give Contraa that much wanted KO. That was during the third round when Contraa Bannkai was pinned against the ropes literally. After holding back for an instance, Mano still dominated the fight process. The only catch? Mano never wanted to kill Contraa, but only to subdue him. Subdue him, Mano did. After thirteen rounds, Mano Amano won via unanimous verdict. Post-match, Contraa Bannkai had this to say:

"We all used to be stupid before. Mano was stupid, I also stupid. Mano finally manned up, I cannot. Therefore, I, Contraa Bannkai, announced my decision to quit the ring for good."

As it turned out, it was Contraa's fiancee begging him to quit. After all, boxing is a brutal sport and not even the most rotten person would wish widowhood upon future Mrs Bannkai. As for Mano, he's quite surprisingly magnanimous.

"I watched Contraa's fighting replay vids before, I believed he won't even last five minutes in the ring with me. However, the fact that he survived thirteen rounds straight means one thing-boy got a future, but I cannot decide that future for him."

In an instant, every man, woman, boy, and girl in Pim'pim'pines cheered. Not only did they put in immense effort, they managed to unite their previously fractured society. Three years after, not only does Pim'pim'pines become an everlasting superpower in football, but above all boxing, endorsements plus plenty of raw resources used and shared correctly. As such, global powers are truly eager to do business with Pim'pim'pines and Mano Amano.

A brief peek into Mano Amano's past

So what makes Mano Amano so special? In his biography written by his friend, Pakee Singh, this was how the legend was born.

"Mano really had it tough. His family used to be rich, but corruption caused his family to go bankrupt. His relationship with his father wasn't good, but he's especially filial to his mother. I never asked him why, neither will I want to do the same now. You remember this Eastern guy resembling a pit bull? I do. Teased as 'that brown and yellow bastard" wasn't nice especially if you're in some foreign land as a foreigner. My first meeting with him was something out of the ordinary.

I was twenty back then, I had a wife who was pregnant with our first child. Then, a group of youths taunted me. So what if I wore a turban and beard? I still do and no one attacks me. But those delinquents, they really went rabid by calling me Osama. I was like 'hey, am I a zombie? I never like playing horror survival games because I suck with guns!'

They had nothing of that, I got pummeled instead. It was then Mano came out and challenged them. I think they called him a gay. Or a fag. Or maybe a poof. I forgot, but I'll never forget Mano Amano's fists of fury exploding into blurring motion.

I never had the good fortune of watching these youth's final fight finished though. Rather, I woke up in a hospital run by Jewish people."

Mano Amano's answer?

"I really had  anger issues back then. I wanted to help that poor fellow Eastern brother, but I feared for my future. What if my fists tore these thugs apart? Insulted for something I don't have was bad enough, trying to hold back my angry animal made things worse. Guess I snapped finally, that's how Roach Phelps spotted me."

To be continued...

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: How one empire's resurgence boosts global economy (Part 3)

Notice

Lately, it seems to us at IRE that this stupid columnist has finally gone 100% broke. In short, he had been in and out of our counselling room with many a counselling letter. This is what our Head of Counselling Faculty has to say:

[Apparently, Kork has suffered what the experts termed as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whether this is down to certain people or some imaginable people remains to be seen. However, it is to society's best interests to keep him tightly leashed while giving him ample dosage of oral sedative. In particularly, he must be banned from getting anywhere within 200 miles radius from anyone with the surname Wong. Apparently, he has an imaginary beef with an imaginary nemesis by the name of Wong Pengsan.

P.S: It's highly recommended by my personal expertise that we must get a girl for the above mentioned patient. Failure to do so will only give us one final choice: allow him a lifetime in enjoying porn.]

To Miss Bu Huiying, I can only express my most heartfelt thanks. Sadly, I'm already married with a shotgun wielding wife.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists

Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Part 3: Interview with a pundit

It's to my most heartfelt gratitude to know many people asking about my current well being. Don't worry, for my medication has made me stable due to stable therapy. With that being said, let's go onto Part 3 of my column.

Amazingly enough, the relevant authorities had barred me from writing up the final part of this column. Instead, I had to interview a renown expert on Great Burritain's national sport gone global, Association footbrawl.

KMH (Me)- Hello there, Mr...

Expert-Singh, Baik Singh. In case you want to know more about me, I'm currently working as the only alternate consultant in Blackburnt Footbrawl Club, thank you very much. Oh, and Blackburnt's stadium is now renamed Deadwood Park.

KMH-But your name sounds so...

BS (Baik Singh)-Gay? No! Who say I gay? My name also not gay! I mixed parentage, my father has to cut down on basement furnishing in order to marry my mother! Understand?!

KMH-That's not what I mean... okay never mind. So Mr Baik Singh, do lend the readers your personal expertise on Association footbrawl. Like why is it a global sport despite a close market tendency we're seeing?

BS-Oh, that one ah! Very simple... firstly, foreign ownership is frowned upon there, you know why?

KMH-Because the people are scared of erosion in club identity?

BS-Partly. But the greatest reason lies in no foreign club is allowed to join the Burritain Premium League. You see, money distribution is a case of simple economy mathematics. Every team has a first team of 23 players, only 3 are allowed to hold foreign passport. The other twenty blokes are mostly on dual citizenship.

KMH-And what does it have to do with close market industry, dare I ask?

BS-Firstly, with foreign teams, there will be a lot more foreign players! A bloody great amount of pressure coming from foreign influx if I say so myself. In order to safeguard whatever national pride at stake, the Footbrawling Associates decided that foreign ownership must meet the least requirement of 1 billion dollars annual profit. Not average but literal, mind you. Basically, it means only the most lucrative business owners are allowed to own any Burritain footbrawl club, no matter what kind of division and style.

KMH-So let's cut the chase, let us hear your expertise view on the important details.

BS-Remember the famous last words from famous late fighter, Hang Tuang? There are three ways to win-Blood, damned thunder, and statistics. The former two is the core of all things on-field, the final piece in this sporting jigsaw puzzle is how money is being made.

KMH-Do go on...

BS-Firstly, business is done in a two tier system. The Footbrawling Associates are NOT in charge of money distribution due to a lack in systematic cohesion off the field. Therefore, money rights, better known as TV rights, is something under the control of Great Burritain's major sportsman network, Skyrocket. And that's working hand in hand with national cum global bookmaking authority, LadsGoneBroke.com.

KMH-So does that mean final position mean everything?

BS-Not that simple, for only base revenue is decided by Skyrocket. This is what one means by revenue via positioning. LadsGoneBroke.com, however, are there to add further bonus cash based on deed and merit. Add together the simple sum and we'll discover actual ranking is NOT everything, but pretty much covers most of everything.

KMH-I think one of the greatest question is...

BS-The first round of this season? Good! I know punters, fellow pundits, and wannabe pundits alike are interested to know that.

KMH-Erm... it's indeed a global craze, this BPL, but...

BS-Oh, don't be ashamed of your loyalty! One of your footbrawling kakis has told me accidentally over a Tigress beer session that you support Middle-yoyo Footbrawl Club! Good choice, Typical Yoyo will never keep you bored. Enjoyed how they grabbed Blackpoo by their bollocks last weekend...

KMH-How do you... okay never mind... so what's your take?

BS-Firstly, let me start on Mangkok United. When incumbent manager, S. Alex. F, retired halfway through, many pundits predicted doom for this long running Mangkok outfit. People are still singing SAF tributes despite old bugger still alive! But what about current manager, David Amoy?

KMH-That he can't make it?

BS-Yes, and I suspect a lot of it has to do with his wife allowed to own a shotgun despite guns declared as contraband. Apparently, SAF never let his wife has one despite wisdom in age. However, the problem lies in preseason form. I told my fellow pros that M.U will start roasting teams once the season kicks off. My prediction was spot on apparently last weekend. Mangkok United 4, Swaysiao City 1. And that's given them Swaysiao lads were playing at home.

KMH-What about the favourites then?

BS-You mean Cheesy F.C? Oh, the return of Hosei Mourijiao! We all know that self-proclaimed Special Bird, 2-0 to Cheesy is too little a score. I can tell you Hell City Tigers should deserve bigger hell! What the **** Mourijiao was thinking by not fielding Biru Mata? Lad is a perfect all rounder, not just some jack of all trading like Franc Lampaji! Target come, whack! Target open, shoot! Target on target, score! Biru Mata is the star man! Why depend on Jonny Terrible and Nano Tongkeng only? Now still got which team I miss out from the Biggest 6 ah?

KMH-Arsed Goners F.C?

BS-Why mention that team of losers?

KMH-Because they par of Biggest 6 what...

BS-Correct hor... some more Arson Wedgie still around as boss...

KMH-Tongkat Hotspurs? I heard AV Beng signed a new striker named...

BS-Roberto Pajiao? Sorry hor, that stupid bugger caused me to lose money big during 1994 footbrawling crisis. Bloody pajiao aim...

KMH-But Pajiao isn't... okay, let's talk about the other half of Mangkok.

BS-What other half of Mangkok? Only whole red, no bloody blue! I know today is Monday, you want me to kenna Monday blues izzit? Mano Peregrine sure will dive like peregrine falcon one! Which left one last team...

KMH-Liverboo...

BS-Yes, Liverboo. The team that defies every pundit's expectation during the 1st round. Except for me of course! You think Mak Huge so easy to beat ah? Sure he needs money, but Stroke City lagi rich one hor! You think all teams like Middle-yoyo can only depend on boardroom welfare izzit?

KMH-So what's your take on the most famous bust up ever Mario Trollotelli trolled his ex?

BS-I tell you, this Brendan Dodgers lagi pandai one. You think star player Lugi Suarez wants to leave the club meh? Everywhere he goes, he sure will lugi one. Only Antfield will never make him walk alone. That's why we got this dodgy wayang drama, dodgy ending has fellow drama grad, Wayne Guni, standing up in applause.

KMH-Err, I'm sorry, but it's time for me to go home and take my scheduled therapy procedure...

BS-Can, no problem! Next week tips, bet on Mangkok United, Cheesy F.C, and Liverboo all winning by at least two goals or more. Sure will win money one! Cannot win, I give you my address, you can hunt me down with your buddies.

Conclusion

Is it fine for me to file an appeal? I don't want constant therapy, I only want girlfriend... T_T

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: How one empire's resurgence boosts global economy (Part 2)

Notice

Apparently, IRE has gotten really famous. Too famous maybe. If monocultural countries like Japan and South Korea knows roughly what you look like, you know they will start sending the military after your ass. Maybe that's us at the IRE being too paranoid, but when I say military, it's something totally out of this world. For no reason at all, I earned the admiration of global celebrity, Lady Gabra. Hence, I requested bodyguards for this stupid lobo columnist here, all three counted as global stars also.

Star no.1: Korean starlet Park Si-Ran will be protecting him 24/7 due to her expertise in national martial arts.

Star no.2: Chinese actress Xiao Longmei will put him under surveillance 24/7.

Star no.3: Lastly but not least, Japanese thespian talent Enjou Kousai will be in charge of internal affairs 24/7.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Part 2: How an empire's entertainment works

To uphold the correct spirit of journalism, it's with my heaviest heart that what my boss said is true. But then again, all three really lagi chio, so at least not that bad. So now onto the second link-the entertainment scene. For reasons baffling every genetic scientists thus far, it seems that Great Burritian's women are blessed with sexy figure and a pretty face. In fact, statistics shown by famous global brand, Duress, has discovered the average cup size for a Great Burritain woman is a whopping G.

In order to milk the cash cow (pardon the pun), Great Burritian started an industry no other nation is capable of overtaking:

Burritain's next Great Top

This was an idea mooted as early as the 80s. However, the plan was cancelled because local channels refused to play with fire. And by fire, I mean overly angry parents and overly horny kids. Basically as quoted by Maggie Hatchet's successor-

"The dangers of sex cannot be underestimated. Our lasses are the most desirable lasses in the world! Why should we let foreign males shag them? It doesn't make any sense at all!"

~Winston Chutney

Chutney's rein, however, never really took off due to a freak accident involving horse racing. Details were unknown back then, they remain unknown now. After Chutney, a young upstart named Major John took over. By implementing rapid reforms, Maggie Hatchet's policies were realised to their maximum potential. Indeed the first edition of Burritian's next Great Top smashed the ratings ceiling. Even the much feared adult backlash never materialised. Pertaining to this mystery, renowned South Korean psychologist, Eric Jang Geun-Soh has this to say-

"It's not really rocket brain science to be honest. When parents are caught doing things under the cover, kids will always ask the damndest things. You see, parents can never lie personally to their children, they have to be educated instead. That's why whatever happens in private should stay private, this is exactly why people are still pushing for the felony status for invasion of privacy."

If Dr Jang's assessment is correct, that will explain the emergency measures for planned parenthood one year later. To the historians, it's known as the Dark Ages. To the baby boomers, they recalled their greatest feats with passionate pride.

In short, if nothing happens, it means nothing happens at all.

The age of higher Reality TV

Unhappy with the surging success achieved by Burritain's next Great Top, current media mogul Simon Cowed decided to show the entire world what Great Burritains are really capable of. Hence, ushering the hit series:

The Axed Factor

Thanks to Simon Cowed's words of mass destruction (abbrev: WMD), The Axed Factor managed to garner another kind of audience-people who enjoyed hearing teens and tweens singing aloud. In particular, people will always remember how contestants managed to take a step up after surviving every barrage of WMD. Of course given that we're talking about reality television show, there has to be a certain drama 24/7, thus a spike in mental breakdown cases amounting to attempted suicide.

Amazingly enough, the final winner was a sixteen year old girl by the name of Cate Middlearth. Seven years after, Cate Middlearth married the highest potential authority in Great Burritain, Prince B.M Williams. And this is in spite of Cate being slightly autistic and quite a fantasy nerd. Needless to say, Simon Cowed manage to carve out more than a niche for himself.

Sadly, The Axed Factor got axed from public TV after its first season due to parents complaining over on-screen child abuse despite the nature of reality shows. However, famous media pundit Stefan Irish has this to say:

We could have unearthed the second Cate Middlearth if not for parentage meddling. How Burritain's next Great Top secured constant high ratings is beyond me, but thankfully we already got famous celebrities bringing pride to our people even with whatever external interference enforced.

In the gaming circuit, we got the reigning doubles champion of World RPG Tourney, Greatjon Snow and Robbed Stark. Although constant first runner up Dick Lannister deserves honourable mention.

When it comes to the silver screen, we have Emmy Megawattson.

And lastly but the greatest of them all, we are proud to say that famous idol boy band, Once Directed, is also a band of Burritain brothers despite failure in getting past The Axed Factor's round 1.

To be continued...

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: How one empire's resurgence boosts global economy (Part 1)

Disclaimer!

No need to say anything, you all catch the drift. No compensation will be paid for 100% corruption of humour, thank you very much.

Lowdown on the columnist

Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Institute of Rogue Economists. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until IRE offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.

Lowdown on the institute

Institute of Rogue Economists (abbrev: IRE) is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.

Special note:

Of late, it seems that this stupid lobo has gotten distracted by random distractions from one single source. Hence, we at the IRE decided to send this stupid idiot to a weekend holiday trip. Hopefully, he will be more responsible. Hopefully also, he will get his first girlfriend...

~ Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Foreword

GDP, 30%. NNP, 30%. FAP, 30%. Independents, 10%.

Hence I, Maggie Hatchet, announce the birth of Great Burritain's first hung parliament!

For the very first time in its history, Great Burritain ushered forth a brand new era. The year was 194*, this once great empire was reduced to social chaos. On one hand, the rich enjoyed their privileges. On the other end, the poor could only spam their basic rights. Back then, there was only two major political parties: the Grand Domestic Party (abbrev: GDP) and the Nation's National Party (abbrev: NNP). Yet, with the emergence of a new player, the Forward Action Party (abbrev: FAP), every shred of political order went kaput. The greatest winner? The Independents since they became the kingmakers.

So what are Maggie Hatchet's contributions to Great Burritain?

Firstly and foremost, Maggie Hatchet was a controversial figure in local politics. Not much was known about her youth, but one thing was for certain: she was indeed the much feared Iron Hatchet. Yes, she managed to shake up the economy, but at what cost?

Firstly a lowdown on population...

The GDP desired rapid growth, the NNP argued that 90% of foreign population must be expelled first. The FAP, on the other hand, debated among themselves on how to improve every man and woman's sex life due to dwindling population. Indeed as famous Italian sociologist, Eric Spressoh, put so accurately:

"Manpower means money, money is the only way to improve any nation's economy. At the end of the day, it's up to the powers-that-be when it comes to where the money should go. Should they stay inside or be traded outside? Years of bickering ended up with a population explosion, the living money had to find some way to earn money. This was where Maggie Hatchet finally became the fearsome Iron Hatchet."

Four years after the first hung parliament, tensions finally surfaced in the ugliest manner. In a drunken stupor, an unnamed leading figure of an unnamed party exposed himself before a group of prostitutes. In the midst of panic, said politician got stabbed on the bollocks. His life was saved, his balls were not. In a bid to exact rightful vengeance, he declared there were many people living off men, that such women were unworthy of real men. Thus, began the notorious Salami Witch Hunt.

Foreign supply, local demand

Apparently, it's cheaper to cheat behind your wife so long as your wife isn't a sex worker. This was the logic behind the Salami Witch Hunt, 90% of the sex workers died due to trials with ample evidence. The only problem? The sex workers were uneducated, their only education was knowing how to please and submit.

This was when Maggie Hatchet tried helping these poor ladies. Ridiculed because she's a woman, Maggie Hatchet swore revenge within ten years' span. Eerily enough, she returned with a brand new fervour. By proving every man to be perfectly hung and functioning, divorce rate skyrocketed within three months. In a bid to arrest the situation, Maggie Hatchet made for herself an actual hatchet. By declaring an emergency state, the remaining 10% of sex workers were required to help stabilising the population by any means possible.

The Decade Civil War

While her only policy in force reaped major dividends, her political rivals remained in humiliation. Finally, they managed to arouse the northern end of Great Burritain. Interestingly enough, those living in the north didn't have any documentation proving their legal status as Great Burritain's citizens. Rumoured to be the result of administration cock up, these hulking men and women were hell bent in reclaiming their lost territory (although how much was considered lost is still subjected to intellectual debate).

Out of every ten northerners, there would bound to be one local talent waiting to be unearthed. Such was Sean Konek, first world class scientist the North has ever seen. Sadly his peers believed him to be mad, for he believed in scientific fundamentals more than anything else. His only proposed plan was ridiculed, people called him a dreamer. Yet, he ended up having the last laugh upon defecting to his greedy southern brothers...

How a missile won a war

In the greatest visual feat ever, Sean Konek came up with an outrageous missile design. In fact, this was his proposed plan, the only catch back then was that he only came up with the concept. Within three months, the missile was completed. The missile's name?

Torpe-Dong 007

Indeed so majestic was the sight, every northern barbarian fell down to his/her knees. Shocked by this insane turn of events, Maggie Hatchet's enemies whipped themselves up in a frothing frenzy. The modern southerners were overwhelmed, the entire standoff lasted for one full decade.

So how did Torpe-Dong 007 won the war? Apparently, Sean Konek managed to sell his Torpe-Dong 007 concept successfully, the United Nato was utterly impressed. Hence came the ceasefire order, both sides could only obey.

How Great Burritain regained its full glory...

Ironically, Torpe-Dong 007 wasn't used during the Decade Civil War. In the finest show of irony, Great Burritain was only reunified after a missile misfire. Nobody knew why Torpe-Dong 007 suffered a minor malfunction, but what we all know is this: said misfire managed to blow up one third of northern Great Burritain, only a deep crater now exists in its place. Miraculously, territorial separation on literal terms was averted since:

1. Said crater never sundered Great Burritain entirely, hence Great Burritain is still considered whole technically.

2. The northern heathens surrendered willingly due to a new found faith in science. That's the most important part.

But the greatest reason why Great Burritain is still Great Burritain? Very simple:

Because Maggie Hatchet is now dead, her iron hatchet still lives...

To be continued...

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Benefits of war for global economy and a higher civilisation (Part 3)

Notice

Word has it that this stupid columnist who have nothing better to do had created a bombshell. We know that all too famous fantasy novel, A Rango's Tale (abbrev: ART). Apparently, this columnist is NOT the anonymous writer because he's not clever enough. Yet, President of South Kimchigook, Park Jin Heon believed this to be otherwise. No thanks to this unnamed lobo who only knows how to write shit, IRE has experienced a spike in fan mail amounting to death threats all over. Let this be known: KMH has NOTHING to do with this. So rest all the fan hate, okay? We all know said female celebrity is pretty much S(ingle) A(vailable) D(esirable).

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists

Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

P.S: In order to quell any doubts, this is NOT what KMH has written:

Part 3: World Warcraft III (WW3)

In spite of what is being said even till now, WW3 actually existed. Yet amazingly enough, WW3 is technically not a war because of no guns being fired. In short, it's NOT even a ceasefire reached.

So what's WW3 all about?

It started last year somewhere in the East where there were a lot of territories waiting to be won. Even until today, there are a few territories currently being disputed despite false speculation believing that Baulklands is the only area being fought over.* With the advent of internet, it's even possible to speculate whether atomic bombs will be falling over their own families' heads.

Funnily enough, only a military standoff happened and all the speculators got was actual people making fun of their online selves. Ironically, the golden rule of internet dictates that fake people are real people, real people are fake people.

*To set the record straight, Baulklands now belongs to another nation NOT part of the East.

So what caused WW3?

Apparently, World Warcraft is actually a game modeled after the previous 2 World Warcraft events. In short, there are two kinds of World Warcraft: the real ones and the fake one. It's still running strong, it actually caused a major shitstorm due to this:

How an internet meme changed the world

Firstly and foremost, allow yours truly to say that North Kimchigook has already opened up its borders to that greedy southern neighbour for the sake of greediness. In short, North Kimchigook cannot survive without capitalism, it can only bow to capitalism. Apparently though, only that southern cousin is allowed to engage in whatever economic activities permitted under law.

Yet, it actually started when a certain Southern gamer got beat by another Southern gamer. Said Southern gamer was pissed off and that other Southern gamer told him/her to **** off. Since we're talking vocabulary which shouldn't be mentioned, the entire South Kimchigook was soon swamped with pr0n images involving female Elves and everybody else together with this meme above. Even though any speculation on whether this was coming from GAINEH's technology went underway, it seems that:

1. The idiot posting the meme forgot to edit it so that everything will stay relevant to the core.

2. His enemy's account got hacked. Since said enemy was a besotted Elf gamer, all Elf sprites discovered were quintessentially girls. In short, this was revenge made possible.

At the same time, North Kimchigook declared war and one particular Southerner has this to say. Actually, it's our Head of Civics and Morals Faculty who secured this exclusive interview. For this, we must recognise the efforts of Mat Mampos bin Musibot.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Hello there. What's your name, boy?

Boy: Hey, you call me boy? I'm already sixteen!

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Still a boy. Depending on your country's law, you're either legit come eighteen or twenty one. But I'm not here to start a fight.

Boy: Yeah I know. You sound like a teacher I've had before. She's a good teacher, but she died.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: I'm sorry to hear that.

Boy: Never mind. By the way, name is Tae Seo Dae.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: An interesting name you have here. By the way, what made you decide to give me this exclusive interview?

Tae Seo Dae: Because you saved my life! Don't you remember?

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: But I only reform Mat Rempit!

Tae Seo Dae: I'm part of the order lah, Pakcik!

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Erm... boleh then. So what's your story on Kim Jung Urn?

Tae Seo Dae: Dearest Leader Captain or in short DLC. That's what his people still call him.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: And how did you reform him? I'm sorry to be this straightforward, but I've got a flight to catch because last minute my country need me to counsel a gun wielding Mat Rempit.

Tae Seo Dae: Well, long story short, I got caught by the North Kimchigook border guards. I don't know why, but the ajeoshi driving the taxi ended up dumping me at the militarised zone instead of the demilitarised zone. He said I look like the brother of Kim Jung Urn, Kim Na Bae. In the end I got caught, blindfolded, and led to the most terrible Kim Jung Urn.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: And he's not really terrible?

Tae Seo Dae: Yeah. He's actually a very lonely leader because his late father forbade him to do anything apart from eating. He's got a far above average IQ. It's just a shame that people looked down on him because they saw his elder brother, Kim Na Bae, as the most worthy heir despite both having similar intellect. Long story short, Kim Na Bae died due to accidental food poisoning and the Father-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named followed suit due to a suspected case of accidental food poisoning. Kim Jung Urn only wanted peace, nobody gave him any peace. Coupled with the fact that he enjoyed watching harmless shows banned by his late Father-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, he actually desired an audience with us, the greedy South.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: And a dialogue was struck?

Tae Seo Dae: Hey, I have smartphone, he didn't have, okay? I told him I can get him through to the government via my smartphone, my country's president was also rather surprised towards the fact that Kim Jung Urn knew how to use it. In fact, I wasn't the one using my phone. It's Lil'Kim. Oh, that's my nickname for DLC, so don't use it anyhow. He's very sensitive towards this nickname unless I say it myself. Also, he now has a smartphone. Latest model as well...

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Thank you very much, Tae Seo Dae. I have to rush now. If not, I'll miss the flight and miss the chance to counsel Mat Gila. Poor boy needs immediate help because everyone in his school called him gila.

Tae Seo Dae: Oh, I need to tell you one more thing, Pakcik!

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Apeh?

Tae Seo Dae: The culprit sending pr0n images of Elven girls and everybody else was DLC. I need to make this clear because my parents wanted me to have a decent conscience since young.

Repercussions on global economy

The South has the technology, the North has manpower. Even though Kimchi unification is still regarded a dream, at least both the South and North are living far better lives. In fact, latest word has it that the North has recently upgraded it's military due to having much more money earned. And that was just one year ago. In fact, yesterday was the First Anniversary of Mutual Brotherhood and the Northern DLC himself had posted three funny Twats on famous social network, Twatter:

Twat 1:

Twat 2:

Twat 3:

For the third Twat, famous unnamed celebrity has this MV of his in reply:

Plus one more video uploaded from Yolotube by the same unnamed celebrity

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Benefits of war for global economy and a higher civilisation (Part 2)

Notice

In spite of this lobo columnist's insistence that he should be given a day off, we at the IRE decided that he's too lazy to be trusted. Hence we decided to show him a motivational piece of work written by the all too famous local talent Act Blur Ong. Thankfully, this columnist had decided that some things do need a kick up the ass.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Tigress Allen: Eh, I thought you should be saying somebody, not something lah, Professeur! Want me to jagah this stupid horny idiot 24/7?

Prof Simisai: Erm, okay lah! Boleh. Just make sure that stupid buaya of yours don't end up swimming somewhere along the Sil*s* Beach, okay? There way too many hot foreign bikini girls, cannot play play one hor!

Part 2: World Warcraft II (abbrev: WW2)

Funny leh... how come I kenna this kind of weird bullshit? Okay never mind. So here we are talking about war and economy. Or simply put, war economy. In the first part, I have covered the implied effect on global economy. In short, times of war bring the weapon makers money, times of peace means such makers lose money. Times of war will always make education lose money, times of peace will always make education earn money. Apart from education, one of the greatest saying in human history is this:

Innovation is the mother of all necessity, creativity is the husband of innovation.

~Anonymous

And nothing justifies such a truth anymore than World Warcraft II. If WW1 is all about somewhere in the Western hemisphere, then WW2 is all about the Eastern hemisphere. Due to potential trauma incurred via PTSD spanning at least two generations, nothing will be said on the war processing apart from the most important parts.

2nd Match: How post-war economy boomed its way through

This has to be the fastest war ever concluded. The two warring nations? On the further East, we have Sun-Goku (pronounce: san-go-ku). On the end, we have the Bountiful Democratic State of Megasocko (abbrev: BDSM). Without telling everybody the result of the war, let me jump in straightaway on the aftermath. In fact, it's pointless for me to view my thoughts on who should be winner anyway. As famous historian, Tay Tai Tai has so famously put it:

One can never discern how history should be interpreted. Roman history have the Roman gods, Irish history also have Irish gods. In fact, gods exist everywhere because only gods have the right to write history. The rest like you and me can just only bullshit our way through. Relatively speaking of course.

So let's jump straight to the core. What is post-war economy? Famous war economist, Bom Eran has this to say:

Wars happen for a reason, money will always be spent on war. Once war is finished, all involved parties have to find ways and means to earn some more money. Because war is only about destroying stuff and random lives, money is something that stays forever. Not to mention every country will lose money in any event of war due to collateral damages incurred.

Therefore, it has been agreed among historians that not only Sun-Goku suffered collateral damages, BDSM also suffered the same fate. So how do we perceive the race to productivity? Herein, allow me to utilize a time chart.

19**

War concluded via a ceasefire (although different gods=different mythology)

19**

Sun-Goku being the one far worse off, had to rely on BDSM's aid.

19**

Sun-Goku managed to manufacture its first invention that will change the world for good. It's called mosaic technology.

19**

BDSM bought the creative rights to mosaic technology from Sun-Goku. Come the next day, every BDSM citizens ended up taking to the streets. The reason why? They're pretty much pissed off towards why Sun-Goku is such a hopelessly depraved nation coming up with such a hopelessly depraved technology.

19**

Surprise! No one made anymore noise where BDSM was concerned. Because big bucks started coming in, no one ended up complaining.

19**

Sun-Goku citizens were now very pissed off. They can't believe their most hated enemy had stolen a march on them! Due to high fantasy being the norm in BDSM, a certain studio in Sun-Goku, GAINEH started an Elven parody of sorts. Without corrupting the children, let's just say that Elven chick this time round had gotten an upgrade in bouncing tits.

19**

Again, BDSM citizens rose up in peaceful revolts statewide. This time round however, Sun-Goku got the final laugh due to every Sun-worshiping geek firmly believing that localization means a compromise in sound quality. In short, the normal citizens were outnumbered 1:9 in proportion scale.

20**

A deal was struck between two nations, two international hubs were built as a result. The HQ in Sun-Goku would be helmed by GAINEH, which is still going strong. The BDSM side would be situated at a newly acquired island renamed Long Pito Island. Incidentally, pacifists all over the world decried this very act. As in BDSM annexing Long Pito Island (sorry amigos, I don't really remember Long Pito Island's original name).

201*

A resurgence of traditional values have suddenly popped out of nowhere. In a bid to seize political power via lawful means, newly elected president of BDSM, Mr Socko, had announced a brand new law targeted at a hopelessly corrupted people (which now stands at 99.99999.....%). No one took the bill seriously enough anyway in spite of the name being mooted as The Bill of Family Rights. Sun-Goku on the other hand, is still enjoying the ripe international fruits of GAINEH's now famous Elven pr0n. Yes, we're talking about the current year here.

*Latest update!*

Bill of Family Rights is now vetoed due to Mr Socko double confirmed as a sock puppet...

At the same time, Mr Socko is now officially impeached.
And the first elected president of BDSM to be impeached at that.

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Benefits of war for global economy and a higher civilisation (Part 1)

Disclaimer!

This is a satirical piece and this rogue economist everybody loves to hate is now back stirring up some more shit. At the same time, let the truly intelligent see for him/herself on my trollolol target(s).

Lowdown on the columnist

Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Institute of Rogue Economists. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until IRE offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.

Lowdown on the institute

Institute of Rogue Economists (abbrev: IRE) is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.

Special mention:

Due to this stupid lobo's incessant ogling, we at the IRE therefore are now announcing a bombshell of sorts. Allen "Tigress Allen" Ellen has now a new partner to leash this stupid horny dog called the columnist. To Miss Smith Wesson NG, our expectations are high. Hence, do not hesitate to give Allen's stupid buaya friend your customary NG artillery.

~ Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Foreword

War... 'tis a beautiful word, 'tis a vulgar word. Hence, 'tis a beautiful vulgar word.

This very quote comes from renowned philosopher cum war hero, Patrick d'Chin after his mother country's victory during the Centurion War against the English (or better known back then as the Engrish). So what makes war so vulgar in the first place? There can be only one answer perfectly summed up by history:

Do anything, but don't get killed.

What makes war such a beautiful word then? There can be only one answer perfectly summed by humane history:

Do anything without getting killed.

In fact, renowned Italian sociologist Eric Spressoh has this to say:

There's a difference between a human being and a monkey. Human beings are capable of controlling the trigger, monkeys only know how to pull the trigger.

So let's get to Part 1

Due to the potential nature of length, this column will be split into three parts because good things all come in three-s. The first part will be to cover World Warcraft I (abbrev: WW1). Now due to the trauma of war capable of wrecking lives via PTSD, it is to my best discretion that as very little details should be leaked as possible.

We all know what WW1 was all about. A certain Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named actually managed to conquer one entire Western hemisphere. Even if it's only for two months or so. Now what made war such a lucrative business is this:

You have weapons, I have weapons, someone must make for me better weapons.

In fact, this is why Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named was so powerful within such a short span of time! They have the money, traders have the weapons. The hardware was there, but what about the software? Despite popular opinions, Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named is not really that rich. It merely had a willing people and a willing boss. Said boss promised bountiful riches to every genetic scientist should global domination be completed, this is why post-50% of the world population don't really trust science. Because they say Science is Evil.

Of course everything was a botched job. Intended human restructuring ended up in a massive failure after four months of success (i.e. 2 months in waging war and 2 months in trying to pacify countless people in the name of metal rods).

Yet, after said boss killed himself under mysterious situation (some said he pulled the trigger onto himself despite not pulling one before in his entire life), Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named somehow became a peaceful country after decades of hardcore fighting. And by hardcore fighting, I mean fighting against poverty due to a biased war trial killing off 100% of the enemy war criminals.

Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named had finally learnt their lesson. The people knew they couldn't have their guns-and-glories dreams anymore. It's either you reform or you deform. Massive spending cuts were introduced, both the rich and poor resented the fact that they have to pay the price for another bugger's failure. Even though said bugger was already dead and burnt.

And therein I must mention a lady of fortitude, Angry Angie.

Who's Angry Angie and why is she a political icon?

Firstly and foremost, Angry Angie used to be foreign minister in charge of foreign affairs. After the freak death of her previous big boss due to cardiac arrest, Angry Angie finally took over. Her first task was to reduce whatever pressing deficit in terms of money, of course. Defence spending was the first one to go. After that, whatever money saved went into the pockets of every winner since Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named was the obvious loser. The latter made the poor angry because they only know how to manufacture human beings, the former made the rich angry because they only know how to manufacture weapons.

Yet, whatever little left behind was used for educational purposes. Educators were discouraged to teach political ideology, lecturers were encouraged to teach actual ideology. There's only so much one can do with a book alone, there's truly this much more one can do with the brain alone. And this is the breakdown of the upgraded curriculum since I don't know how to do the specifics:

Political ideology - Things taught by people you do not know nor understand.

Actual ideology - Things taught by people you do not know, but at least you know how to understand.

Of course it's pointless for me to list down the details, but we can be sure that Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named has now became a Force-Which-Now-Has-A-Name.

So now comes the final part of this Part 1: Why did Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named end up being defeated from the inside rather than the outside? Renowned genetic scientist, Bugger-Who-Can-Not-Be-Named has this to say:

In contrary to whatever common consensus abound, foreigners can be equally, if not more intelligent than the native ethnicity. This has been the truth understood by all apart from Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named. Its only ethnicity back then were the Bleached Walkers, people undergoing unspeakable treatment so that they could perform better than all the lesser races. Two months of success turned out to be false hope, for what truly destroyed Force-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named was merely that one thing called "genetic malfunction".