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Ok, I admit that I've failed somewhere before. But anyway welcome. Just a brief intro on what you should expect here: 1. Football. Not gonna post much of that any soon since season is over. :S 2. Anime, Games, etc. Just abt anything conceivable under the Japanese radar barring anything and everything Rule 34. Now that's illegal. Period. -.-; 3. Music. Everything to do with it is listed under the tab. 5. Unacceptable humour: Anything and everything is fair game here. As long as I don't get rounded up by the ISA. -.-' 6. The Known World=Fantasy world building in process. I: Used to be glossary, now devoted to random rambling; II: Character Concepts; III: Lore. 7. der Wolf=my Fictionpress account under the moniker Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu. A Ranger's Tale is hosted under this page. :)
8. New section now upped. Maybe I should also gun for upping A Ranger's Tale here since I do have this funny feeling that traffic coming to here is way more than whatever I'll get in FP.
Statement of intent: Everything said here is a figment of personal opinion, be it me or anybody commenting. I try to be responsible, but my parents=/=parents of the world.
@Druid of Luhn: Crap. Should have remembered far earlier to give you the credit for your CSS text box code. :(
A/N: But sadly, it seems that your CSS text box code has now been halved efficiency wise. :(
That most important note I should have added: Any images posted in this blog are NOT my own stuff. I got them from Google image search, I don't earn any shit by being a thief and liar. Those responsible for the pictures, rest assured that you all are great artists in your own regards. Sadly, we all know what limited space means in terms of posting.
Latest Note: Changed alignment for my page widgets due to my worry that I can't centre align the thing.
Note on A Ranger's Tale: In case any complaining fella wants to have a legal case with me, let this be known that A Ranger's Tale is rated M by default. I've upped the swearing and somewhat a bit on the dark/gritty factor. You all have been warned, let no little boy and girl enter the forbidden realm.
Latest on ART: A Ranger's Tale now starting to kick back in gear. But I really hate the insanely fluctuating climate here in S'pore.
P.S: Oh, and one more thing. Vid below is yet another ideal OP for A Ranger's Tale.
Because if you think the best romance hails from the Twilight series or Fifty Shades trilogy, you're a retard. Don't believe me, suckers?
I'll show you the actual proof:
Most heartfelt tribute, 100% no faking guaranteed.
Original Lyrics in Sindarin
I*nimwaloth i bain a phant, I laiss in end calen nadhras, A egennir galad vin lant En elin vi uialthiliol Tinúviel i lilthas ias Na lind o *simp dholen a brand, A vi finnil dîn glîn ennas, A vi chammad dîn míriol.
Nu laiss Beren erui padas, Ab aegais ring dad túliel, Ennas i *elduin sirias Ho nûr a erui reniol Min laiss en-gwaloth tíriel Glinthant ’lassui mellys ennas Na choll a rainc dîn derthiel Sui esgal finnil dîn aphadol
I lûth nestant i dail naegrol Berthennin dhyl athreviad; Agamp geleg ho vell, bragol, Mabant ithildim thiliol. Trî ‘aladhremmin *eldorath He dregas fair na dail lilthol Awarthant Beren reniad Erui vi daur dhínen lastol.
Sui laiss dulus i thail ellint Lastant ennas lhyss reviol, A vi imlaid thyrin i lind, Ennas eithelui tuiol. Si *nimwaloth i tharn, thinnol a thloss ab loss vin chelch thind laiss e-mrethil vi daur dharthol hain sui gwilwileth sí dannol.
Ún chir hen revias palan Erin laiss caedennin ennas, Nu ‘ilgalad a nui gúran Vi menel edhring míriol. Nu ithildim coll dîn tinnas Sui caw amon, haeron a brann Nadail dîn peliol, lilthas I chîth gelebren hwiniol.
Udul he ad ne thrîw dregol, Linn dîn leithiant i ethuil, Sui tuilinn a rhoss dannol, A nen udul o loss glavrol. Egenn tuiad niphredil Na dail dîn, nestas aphadol anírant lilthad na mrennil Linnol am nadhras úbrestol.
He dregas ad, dan ho nerant, Tinúviel! Tinúviel! Eneg edhellen dîn estant; adhor ennas lû hen lastol. Ne phost thent Beren, túliel Na lûth ed lam dîn gen gwedhant Barthannen si Tinúviel Dorthas vi rainc dîn thiliol.
Beren tirant na chîn iell Vi ‘wath finnil dîn velui, O elenath aglar menel Egent ennas i míriol. Tinúviel *elvanui Elleth alfirin *edhelhael, O hon ring finnil fuinui A rainc gelebrin thiliol.†
I dhoer manath únodui, Trî annon dûr, angren thamas Am ered gondeb, hithui A thaur dhúatheb angoeol. I aearon min hain dorthas, Govanner hai na vedui, Pelanner io anann ennas Úníniel vi daur linnol.
* not attested or reconstruced -simp == reconstruction from Quenyan _simpa_ flute† Tinúvielelvanui … gelebrinthilioltranslated by David Salo for the LOTR movies
[At the beginning, the First Lord was angered by Sun Quan's decision to attack Guan Yu, hence his decision to attack eastbound. During the seventh month of autumn, Liu Bei led his generals and armies to declare war on Wu. Sun Quan's plea for truce went to deaf ears as the Wu generals Lu Yi, Li Sheng, Liu E, etc stationed themselves in the vincity of Wu, Zi Gui; (Shu) generals Wu Ban and Feng Xi defeated Sheng and the rest as the (Shu) forces reached Zi Gui with Liu Bei sending forth emissaries to recruit soldiers from the minority tribes along the five streams of Wu Ling]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of the First Lord》
Sun Quan's Leo Messi
[陆逊字伯言，吴郡吴人也。本名仪，世江东大族。逊少孤，随从祖庐江太守康在官。]
《三国志：陆逊传》
[Lu Xun styled Boyan, a local native of the Wu county. Originally named Yi, he was part of a famed clan in the region of Jiangdong. Orphaned since young, Xun followed his paternal relative Kang who was the Grand Administrator of Lujiang as a fellow official]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Deployment SOP
[二年春正月，先主军还秭归，将军吴班、陈式水军屯夷陵，夹江东西岸。]
《三国志：先主传》
[During the spring of the second year (of Zhang Wu), the First Lord returned to Zi Gui as generals Wu Ban, Chen Shi led the navy encampment at Yiling in order to occupy either side of Jiangdong's western river coast]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of the First Lord》
[During the first year of Huang Wu, Liu Bei led a great army towards the western borders. (Sun) Quan made Xun as the Grand Commander cum de-facto envoy in order to lead Zhu Ran, Pan Zhang, Song Qian, Han Dang, Xu Sheng, Xianyu Dan, Sun Huan and the rest to repel the invaders with fifty thousand men.]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Analysis: The location of Yiling is basically just in front of the Wu region with Zi Gui wedged in between, i.e. the Shu forces actually defeated the Wu army stationed at Wu before reaching Zi Gui with Yiling at most forefront so as to speak. The moment where Sun Quan set down his holy orders to Lu Xun was during the first year of Cao Pi's reign (i.e. the Huang Chu [黄初] calender). Coincidentally (or maybe not), Liu Bei declared his own hegemony in the form of Shu Han soon after. Interestingly enough, the Huang Chu calender was preceded by the Yan Kang [延康] calender, both which were instilled during AD 220 while Liu Bei setting up shop was one year later i.e. AD221. The Zhang Wu [章武] calender was set up within the Shu Han hegemony upon everything made official. As for the first year of Huang Wu, it was during AD222. More famously known as the first year of the Battle of Xiaoting (猇亭之战), i.e. better known as the Battle of Yiling (夷陵之战). And that damned war lasted only for a year. Why? Because Sun Zi (author of that most famous Art of War logic) had always been a cynical pacifist from the heart. i.e. he's an advocate of ending wars asap because... well you know everyone tend to say that civilians are the only innocent party and they're actually the greatest majority. >.<
Shu Han's KPI: Wu Ban and Chen Shi managed to reach Yiling, but did they hit the jackpot? Yiling had always been the bulwark between the Yi Province (益州) and the Jing Province (荆州) now owned by Sun Quan only because Guan Yu was actually stupid enough to be owned by Lu Xun's Almighty-Art-Thou bluff letter during the former's beef with Cao Ren (曹仁), much better known as the Battle of Fan City (樊城之战). Total victory for Guan Yu? Yep he was man enough to execute that Pang De (庞徳) who refused to repent while Yu Jin (于禁) decided that repentance was now at hand. For whatever reasons unwritten by Chen Shou despite the history of Cao Wei being the most clear cut out of all the three sub-volumes i.e. Book of Wei (魏书) , Book of Shu (蜀书) and Book of Wu (吴书), nobody knows why a man of steel like Yu Jin could raise the white flag. Even Cao Cao's only reaction affordable was a WTF lament. (“吾知禁三十年，何意临危处难，反不如庞德邪！”).
Okay, I'm digressing here since we all know how Guan Yu managed to drown one entire big ass army due to shit outta luck climate itself (水淹七军). But what I'm trying to say is this: Is Yiling that easy to take down? Having fifty thousand guys was one thing, telling them to sit back and suck thumb being quite another. Most notably though was the fact that all the major blokes under that little upstart (who might have looked weirdly like some Korean boyband member during the most recent SM Town Live Tour III) were decorated soldiers. In particularly, Han Dang, being one of the surviving generals serving under Sun Jian (孙坚) and Sun Ce (孙策) beforehand was the default laojiao (i.e. veteran in Singlish) with Xu Sheng managing to pull off that orjiao expression (i.e. Bad-Badtz-maru's raspberry special) far later on against Cao Pi's equally, if not bigger ass army (okay not that long anyway. Soon after the conclusion of this battle that is).
Siege SOP
[二月，先主自秭归率诸将进军，缘山截岭，于夷道猇亭驻营，自佷山佷，音恒。] 《三国志：先主传》
[During the second month, the First Lord led his troops from Zi Gui unto Xiaoting situated along the path of Yi(ling) with the encampments situated against the back of echoing mountains.]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of the First Lord》
[备从巫峡、建平连围至夷陵界，立数十屯...]
《三国志：陆逊传》
[(Liu) Bei deployed tens of encampment linking from the Wu valley and Jianping unto the boundaries of Yiling...]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Analysis: Everything must upgrade, upgrade lah! Therefore...
[通武陵，遣侍中马良安慰五谿蛮夷，咸相率响应。]
《三国志：先主传》
[Via Wuling, (Liu Bei) sent the Grand Chamberlain Ma Liang to negotiate with the minority tribes of the five streams and they responded positively.]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of the First Lord》
Shu Han's KPI: Confirmed upgrade liao...
Sun Wu's KPI:
[当御备时，诸将军或是孙策时旧将，或公室贵戚，各自矜恃，不相听从。]
《三国志：陆逊传》
[Upon defending against Liu Bei, the generals at that time were either veterans under the late Sun Ce or the nobility themselves. All full of themselves, everyone refused to obey.]
[Xun gripped his sword and declared: "Liu Bei is renowned throughout, even Cao Caois wary of him. Indeed a dangerous adversary has come to our borders. All of us must be united because we've truly benefited from our country. Hence it's natural for us to cut off this enemy together to repay our gratitude and not fight against each other. Although I as a vassal am merely a scholar, yet I'm still under the orders of our lord. Why the country can bequeath such all of you under me is down to my willingness to endure shame and humility. Everyone has his own task, why make up excuses repeatedly? The military law can never be changed, hence do not challenge it."]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Lu Xun's KPI: A+ for eloquence.
The Real SOP
[先遣吴班将数千人于平地立营，欲以挑战。诸将皆欲击之，逊曰："此必有谲，且观之。"]
《三国志：陆逊传》
[(Liu Bei) first sent Wu Ban leading a force few thousand strong in an attempt to stage a challenge. All generals desired to attack the enemy, yet Xun said: "There must be trickery hidden within. Let us continue to observe."]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Lu Xun's KPI: Graded F. Because everybody believed their common decision should graded A+ instead.
[All insisted on attacking Bei, only Xun decided against it, saying: "Bei's army morale is on the rise ever since coming down eastbound. Moreover, he has a defensive advantage upon merit of high ground, hence we cannot attack recklessly. Should we commit our forces without success, we will lose every momentum and such is no small matter. Now we must encourage and reward the soldiers and consider every strategic option in order to look out for any change in situation. Should the very terrain is that of plains and wilderness, we must be wary of any unwanted confusion upon engagement. But now that they are crossing the mountains, they won't be able to build up their momentum any more. Thus, their option to be deployed within rocky forests in order to attack us silently." The generals however did not understand, only believing Xun to be a coward, hence their respective anger.]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Lu Xun's KPI: Still graded F. Because the only difference between the rest and the truly politically incorrect is this:
[镇北将军黄权督江北诸军，与吴军相拒于夷陵道。]
《三国志：先主传》
[The General Who Guards The North, Huang Quan supervised the forces at Jiangbei to stage a standoff against the Wu army at the pathway of Yiling.]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of the First Lord》
[...upon planning to invade Eastern Wu, Quan advised: "The Wu soldiers are valorous and upon embarking downstream, it will be easy to advance but difficult to retreat. Therefore I humbly beseech my lord to entrust upon me the task of vanguard to screen the frontline while Your Majesty stay at the back." The First Lord refused as he instilled Quan as the General Who Guards The North in order to lead the Jiangbei troops against any surprise attack from the Wei army.]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Huang Quan》
Huang Quan's KPI: Graded S for Sibehsuay.
Year end bonus lai liao lor!!!!
[备知其计不可，乃引伏兵八千，从谷中出。逊曰："所以不听诸君击班者，揣之必有巧故也。"]
《三国志：陆逊传》
[Bei knew his ploy was foiled, hence leading out from the valley eight thousand men otherwise intended as ambush troops. Xun stated: "And this is why I refused to listen to your gracious advice, for i knew there must be a reason behind."]
《Record of the Three Kingdoms: Account of Lu Xun》
Lu Xun's KPI: From D to F. Now from F confirm upgraded to B. Of course B means boleh (Malay for can/able to/possible) lah!
["Yiling is utmost vital to the country as a pass. Although we gained it easily, we can just as easily lose it. What is truly at stake is not merely a county's land, but the entire Jing Province as well. Now we must fight for this very ground. Bei is an exceptional talent, yet he dared to commit his troops without fortifying the caves. Though I might not be talented enough, yet we can still achieve victory via going with the flow. Upon analysing Bei's army movement before and after, very little has been achieved with a far more lack in success incurred. From my judgment, everything is now unworthy of being feared. Your humble vassal was once wary upon the enemy advancing via river and land. Yet by abandoning the ships and going by foot while building multiple encampments, I know nothing has changed due to the nature of formation. I hereby beseech my lord to rest peacefully, for there is nothing to be worried about."]
- Lu Xun say one, who confirm?
X
["攻备当在初，今乃令人五六百里，相衔持经七八月，其诸要害皆以固守，击之必无利矣。"]
["We should have attacked Bei at the very beginning. Now that he had commanded his men to stand their ground five to six hundred li away with seven months or eight passed by, we won't gain anything advantage by attacking since the enemy are still defending the vital ground."]
- Longzong (Hokkien dialect for everybody) say one, all confirm!
["Bei is a crafty villain with vast experience. Knowing the nature of his forces together with his strategic acumen, it will be futile to do so. Now that they've stayed for long without gaining a leverage over us, morale is at a new low as his ploys can never be repeated. Now is the moment to route this enemy."]
- Lu Xun very boh-hosei (Singlish for not being on/cool) one leh! Follow the rest lah!
See who get bonus first...
[乃先攻一营，不利。诸将皆曰："空杀兵耳。"]
[Upon failure in attacking one of the camps, the generals all said: "Indeed a waste of effort."]
[Xun replied: "I now know the way to vanquish the enemy." Hence ordering every troop to hold a handful of hay in order to route them by fire. The flames swiftly gained dominance as all the forces attack at the same time. The likes of Zhang Nan, Feng Xi and the Hu lord Shamo'ke were slain as more than forty encampments were breached. The generals Du Lu, Liu Ning surrendered due to unavoidable circumstances while Liu Bei rallied the survivors and elevate them to on a defensive position atop Mount Ma'an. Xun commanded the army to induce a massive landslide where ten thousands perished as a result]
[Bei escaped throughout the night with the local sentries burning the equipment in order to prevent pursuit. Only by then did Liu Bei managed to escape into the city of Baidi. All combat resources were lost as bodies of the dead congested the river. Liu Bei was extremely ashamed, lamenting: "I was never humiliated by Heaven's jinx, but rather Xun himself!"]
Final appraisal on the KPI
Sega removed the Sangokushi Taisen 3 OST tracks from YouTube. Just like how Sony play their hand. But am I complaining? Well, here's my answer to the question:
A certain columnist believed that people tend to say mean things on the internet. And I know it's universal anyway.
Lowdown on the columnist
Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Rogue Economy Institute. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until REI offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.
Lowdown on the institute
Rogue Economy Institute is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.
Ascertained Fact
Chelsea signed Rafa Benitez as the interim manager
until end of season.
Insider sources unconfirmed
Roman owner promised a carrot of 300 million pounds
for every domestic cup won by end of season. A league title won by end of
season will fetch everyone in the first team squad an English villa custom made
for each in Moscow itself. A Champion’s League title? Well, rumour has it that
John Terry will be made new manager of Chelsea FC due to his exceptional
performances on and off the pitch.
Impact on global
economy
Crazy money has
been flowing into global bookmaking site LadsGoneBroke.com. Odds of John Terry
being the new permanent manager close season had gone down to an insane 1/20
paying rate with Pep Guardiola lagging behind on a 20/1. Owner of the site,
Uncle Willy Large (suspected by the Interpools to be a white despite ambiguous
claims that he’s a Tamil) has this to say:
Well, money sustains the world, no? I now living in a
little island country with first world, infrastructure, first world anti-corruption
system. Even recent president elections across the Atlantic, I also make lagi
dua killing one hor! Without the lui, how can global economy survive? What? I
got kenna lim kopi before or not? Eh, ah-dey. Get real lah! Anti-corrupt mata can
do what to me? Actually hor, never kenna before. Eh wait a sec hor, you all on
the phone, I think got someone calling himself Officer Lim Koh Pi knocking on
my super upgraded villa now…
Ascertained Fact
Brendan Rodgers might not last that long after all at
Liverpool.
Insider sources unconfirmed
Pep Guardiola agreed to an eight year deal due to
his demands of shaping up the Anfield youth system rather than just a fat pay
pocket.
Impact on global
economy
Extreme success,
but only in the 7th year of his contract. A lot of people had called
for his head when he’s not even half through his first season. John W.Henry had
to endure quite a lot of abuse because Liverpool were arguably screwed by
another Spanish-U.S deadly combo before dear John stepped in. Thankfully, John
W.Henry decided to utilize his reserve funds earned via his successful venture
into the American baseball in which players looked weirdly like Sam Allardyce
in dozens. To the English that is.
Of course all is
not smooth sailing since the Brits enjoy laughing at the Yanks. Old Trafford
was having a devilish laugh just like Chelsea can still only sing their own
blues with the Gunners still playing like ten moving pretty goons plus one more
in static. And rumours of a Mayan revival were indeed rife back during
Tottenham’s only season of the Champion’s League quarter finals where they were
soundly beaten by a now resurgent AS Roma with Francesco Totti still leading
the team from the dugout at the ripe old age of 45.
In the end, the
Anfield fairytale was indeed complete with a happy ending. They raked in big
bucks, Merseyside’s economy was boosted as a result despite the Everton half
benefitting as well and Pep is now dubbed as “El Shankly himself”.
The most
significant impact on global economy? Merseyside’s booming tourism has actually
boosted the global tourism industry with the latest spike in seasonal ticket
pricing being fixed at a 200% increment.
Ascertained Fact
Martin O’Neill is still the gaffer of Sunderland A.F.C
despite managing teams which will never score more than two goals on average
per game. Be it win, lose or draw.
Insider sources unconfirmed
Niall Quinn was supposed to wield the axe at one point
of time due to public pressure from the Mackems faithful. Yet upon rumours
surfacing on the Goallolol forums on Roberto Martinez preparing to make the
jump from the DW Stadium, Niall Quinn couldn’t really swing down the axe
because the fans have gotten even far more hysterical by then. Calling Martinez
“that stupid Spanish Smoggie” for reasons unknown even to themselves apart from
their insistence that Martinez looked weirdly like Tony Mowbray himself, the
Mackems would rather that O’Neill to stay put.
Of course
Sunderland managed to achieve a respectable consistency throughout every
season, so it’s a good thing.
The impact on
global economy? Niall Quinn managed to acquire the Sund Daily owned by current
(ex)media mogul Rupee Boondock. As a result, a certain event decades ago
managed to create a lucrative venture between the Wearside itself and the
entire Merseyside. Money started flowing in and Sunderland actually became a
somewhat famous tourism spot. In fact, a good number of Singaporean tourists
have made their presence known to the locals even unto the extent that the
Mackems actually know Singlish and the Singaporeans actually understand the
Mackem accent. Of course special credit has to go to Mr Goodison Xu Wen Cheng
and Mr Anfield Chin Kwek Siong for making such an improbable ambition truly
probable.
The impact on
football? Singaporeans still don’t understand why Sunderland can never reach
Europe thus far where in fact the Irish lads from Shamrock Rovers could qualify
for the Europa League’s group stage last season.
Ascertained Fact
News have running wild in the tabloids that Stewart
Downing is desperate (?) for a return back to his hometown club.
Insider sources unconfirmed
Apparently, someone either from Tyneside or the
Wearside region managed to tap into current Boro manager Tony Mowbray’s office
phone. Although the person arrested turned out instead to be an American supporting
American football, whatever evidence gathered were actually partially leaked
somehow.
???: Hey, Mogga, it’s me!
Mowbray: Who?
???: Yeah, it’s me, you dumb Smog!
Mowbray: Do I know you?
???: Okay, never mind that. How much are you willing
to pay for Stewart Downing?
Mowbray: Do I look like a bloody mong to you? I’m not
gonna screw my football philosophy over a player who can’t really fit in!
???: But he’s your ex-player!
Mowbray: So? I’d rather re-sign Adam Johnson. In fact,
we should have retained him if not for my predecessor screwing up the entire
wage bill. Steve Gibson was indeed right to convince me in believing in myself
despite that thrice damned mutiny up north from those blasted Glasgow Scots.
Not to mention the fact that no one in the English tabloids actually
highlighted the fact that West Bromwich Albion getting relegated under my
charge was down to my own stubborn insistence in playing attacking football.
And that was even far earlier back.
???: But you know the ultimate rule in the Full Metal
Alchemist anime?
Mowbray: Yeah, the Rule of Equivalent Trade. And I
only read the manga. Full 27 volumes in all.
???: Great then! If I call you Ed, can I be your Al?
Mowbray: I know Edward Elric, but are you referring to
Big Gay Al?
???: NO! I do NOT watch Comedy Central, I do NOT watch
South Park because everything’s so crass and corrupting!
Mowbray: Okay, let’s call you Alphonse Elric then and
Steve Gibson himself as Roy Mustang. And while we’re at it, let’s call in Maes
Hughes whom we all know better as Gareth Southgate. Deal? Mr Ginger Scot???
???: Shit, got busted.
Mowbray: I know Neil Lennon’s snooping about asking
the price and I know he asked a certain Gordon Strachan to help him out. I’m no
mong, Strachan. Go tell Neil Lennon that he’s no Theon Greyjoy, Teesside will
be his Winterfell and I will be that Ned Stark waiting for him with my Ice in
hand. And yes, Jon Snow is still around somewhere playing table tennis butt
naked.
Impact on global
economy
Stewart Downing
soon became a naturalized Scot despite history dictating that William Wallace only lived once. Somehow or another, Celtic managed to strengthen their grip on
the Scottish Premier League only to have their wish of joining the English
Premier League being granted even before the first ball was kicked. Scotland’s
economy flourished as the result, stadium ticket prices encountered an
irreversible inflation trend and Celtic’s first match of the season away
actually (or perhaps not so surprisingly) resulted in a 5-0 hammering by
Middlesbrough at the Riverside. Not so surprisingly, a sustained run of local
economy boom as a long run result has Steve Gibson contemplating on whether to run
for the next Mayor of Middlesbrough as a Liberal Democrat candidate.
Effect on global
economy? Well, Middlesbrough F.C has somehow become a global brand due to its
rags to riches fairytale made real. With help from J.R.R Martin’s endorsement
no less due to the global phenomena entitled A Song by Flamers.
Ascertained Fact
Newcastle boss Alan Pardew knew he’s running against
time to save the team’s future. Plus himself. Within eight weeks’ time no less.
Insider sources unconfirmed
Apparently, Mike Ashley’s promise to Pardew is this:
Win the away match against Southampton and he will get a nice amount of
transfer kitty. 50 million to be exact. Failure to get 3 points will ensure a
reduced kitty. 0.5 million to be exact. No points will only point to no kitty.
Impact on global
economy
Newcastle is
still experiencing some problems on the transfer market, Derek Llambias forgot
to switch off his microphone again and his resultant rant caused Pardew to rage
quit the footballing world for good. Some wise bloke who supported
Middlesbrough F.C and only earning slightly more than 1K SGD per month actually
came up with a weird parody plushy design of Hello Kitty wearing a striped
jersey looking more weirdly like a jailbird jersey. He instantly became famous,
resigned from his previous job to become a full time creative designer and he
even managed to propose to his university grad girlfriend who somehow managed
to spot something worthy in him even before that crazy moment of creativity. Singapore now has managed to become an
international hub of creative arts with new local talents becoming the mainstay
of a first world economy. And yes, that girlfriend of his is also the biggest fan of his now famously dubbed “Hello
Maggi Kitty”.
*Due to an unexpected bout of
disturbance from a problematic internet cable, Kork M.Hancock somehow managed
to get a bit loopy. Fearful for his social future in particularly on how random
young girls would perceive the entire Rogue Economy Institute itself, recently
promoted faculty head, Benedict “Dict” Siew Hoon Kee from the Faculty of Feminine Studies (informally known as FFS)
managed to recruit, erm we mean bring in a brand new member currently under the
Faculty of Model Female Studies (informally known as FMFS) headed by Prof Iron Roti Peck-Wu Ma De (alternatively known as Mrs WMD) so that stupid bastard wouldn’t spiral out of control. As of now, we’re glad to announce that tentative success has been
achieved so far, hence the presence of this minor column.
Ms Allen Ellen,
everybody will still be counting on you and your baseball bat. And yeah, your
name also really rhymes very cute man. Confirm got nothing to do with any jokes on the A&E department nearby. I, erm I mean we all swear upon our lives. Erm sorry,
we mean our honour, not our lives.
I don't have anything to do with anything pro or anti-feminism because I just can't be arsed by people putting two and two together and getting a five. Fullstop.
A weird note of coincidence
I'm still in a state of "what's going on, man?!" where my latest Sunday Bible class is concerned. Seriously, Book of Ruth???? Mrs Lena, you've finally shocked me good. Or rather Pastor T himself. O.O
)0(
Q: Didn't Ser Barristan Selmy have stated that no one could truly understand Rhaegar?
Q: But basically, it doesn't really say anything about Robert Baratheon being wrong in insisting that Rhaegar was "a monster and rapist"!
A: Ah, ah. Not that simple, dude. Firstly and foremost, if you see a quarrel going on between an ah-lian and a noisy auntie in a crowded MRT, who will you give that benefit of doubt? Unless there's some truly clear-cut evidence, you'll be incline to say that the ah-lian is in the wrong! In fact, I've actually committed a similar mistake on the Knight of the Laughing Tree. The same goes for King Robert as well. Did he witness something that made him think this way? Yes, I believe so. Can you trust a Baratheon's judgment? I'm afraid not. The Baratheons are extremely famous for their somewhat volatile temper and I can only list Renly as that odd bloke out. In addition, we have to remember the kind of shockwaves rippling through during the Tourney of Harrenhal. Or rather the very end where Rhaegar Targaryen as the winner actually crowned Lyanna Stark as the Queen of Love and Beauty instead of his lawful wife, Elia Martell of Dorne.
Q: So that basically means... it's consensual then?
A: I truly doubt it's that simple. For all we know, Rhaegar DID indeed abduct Lyanna, but NEVER raping her.
Q: Sounds like a paradox...
A: Not that much of a paradox considering the events called that Knight of the Laughing Tree. Now remember why I've said that one was a screw up on my own end? Very simple. I used to think that Lyanna was that mystery knight. After that, I just felt things were way too simple and I cast my lot into Howland Reed. And only because he was the difference between victory and outright death back then during the events at the Tower of Joy, i.e. Ned would have been killed by Ser Arthur Dayne if not for Howland Reed. Coupled with the fact that he's a crannogman, i.e. he's pretty much slighter built than most full grown blokes, and it's a no-brainer why I got bluffed by the red herring. Simply put, Lyanna was most likely the Knight of the Laughing Tree.
Q: Evidence?
A: Firstly and foremost, the shield was emblazoned with a smiling heart tree. And this is a sign that the challenger most likely was from the North, i.e. that's where House Stark hailed from. Of course the crannogmen also have ties with the Children of the Forest, so this is just a strawman appetiser. The only problem? The crannogmen have never been known for fighting in ways far more chivalrous. They actually relied on terrain warfare and guerrilla tactics. Which essentially means they won't give you a fair mano-a-mano fight. So Howland Reed being that fella is out of question. Which by a simple case of implication could mean that Ned actually survived due that third party backstab.
Secondly, only Lyanna Stark had the legitimate reason to duel the respective Lords of House Blount, House Haigh and House Frey. Given her given reputation as a "free girl truly wild and untamed", it wouldn't be a tall task for her to defeat three third rated knights. Remember that she's good in horsemanship and equally, if not better in the art of swordplay.
Q: So why are you even talking about such an unrelated event?
A: Because of two events happening prior to this Harrenhal-gate. Firstly, we all know how Howland Reed was being bullied around by a trio of young squires and how Lyanna drove them away by shouting at them, calling Howland "her father's man" (which of course was a lie). Second event is that most vital shocker. Prince Rhaegar Targaryen actually performed a sad and beautiful song that made Lyanna weep. Benjen teased her and she dumped some fine wine over his head. But that's not the issue. The key point is this: if we're to assume that Rhaegar was thoroughly impressed with Lyanna's character, would it be that much of a long shot to call it a tragic romance? Okay, let's make that infatuated because if the song he played back then was something he composed after one of his numerous ventures into the ruins of Summerhall, then we all can see where this is going.
Q: So that means Rhaegar is truly a good man after all?
A: It's NOT really that simple to be fair. Firstly, it's been said that Rhaegar's songs "can reduce women to tears". If this was just a mere generic banquet or an informal harp play under the stars, then maybe Rhaegar would have done a simple show and end of story. An event of such a magnitude like the Tourney of Harrenhal? Truly doubt so. Aerys II would far sooner ground Rhaegar for good in his room if you're to ask me. Simply put, this IS something intentional. You can say Rhaegar wanted to test Lyanna, but at the same time it could be interpreted as Rhaegar wanting to prove a certain dominance over the "wolf-maid" due to her out-of-this-world character. The only question is why would he do that?
Q: Yeah why, bro?
A: Firstly and foremost, Ser Barristan Selmy's reply to Daenerys Targaryen when she asked whether Rhaegar truly loved Elia was that "He's extremely fond of her". Take note, it's "fond", NOT "loving". Simply put, Barristan was convinced that Rhaegar's marriage wasn't a happy one because it's actually something political in nature. Remember that Dorne itself has always been an autonomous region because nobody from the line of Aegon the Conqueror really managed to conquer it. Which is why Doran Martell actually has the balls to plan a major backstab on just about everybody else bar the Targaryens themselves.
So if Rhaegar had never loved Elia, then "fond" in this respect could be seen as something of a mutual confidant at best or duty obliged at worst. Remember that why Rhaegar had always been treated with respect even from Ned himself was down to the fact that he's actually an extremely responsible person. He'd rather throw away a part of himself than to betray what he deemed as important. Duty as a husband, without love or not is nowhere different. *pauses*
Q: So? Do go on then, Bastard!
A: Firstly, it's been stated that Rhaegar was "born in grief" and "considered melancholic at times". This was down to his birth somehow coinciding with the year where a major disaster happened: "Tragedy at Summerhall". How the entire event really tied into Rhaegar's paradoxical complex, i.e. he felt the happiest, yet saddened by the memories as well whenever in the ruins of Summerhall, remains to be seen because we can only deduce the possible cause as a failure to revive the Targaryen glory via re-hatching the ancient Dragons. Now Rhaegar was someone with very little friends because most of his social circle actually alienated him due to his reclusive tendencies. In short, he's an emo apart from the fact that he's not truly one. G.R.R Martin doesn't write Twilight, he doesn't create whiners like Uchiha Sasuke himself. In fact, I truly doubt any Tom, Dick or Harry can truly sympathise with Rhaegar due to the fact that at least ninety nine percent of the nobility doesn't actually care for anything apart from their wealth, prestige and whores. Rhaegar Targaryen would have nothing of that. Perhaps it's the kind of life he detested, perhaps he's born to be an anti-conformist. I don't know to be exact. *pauses*
Q: Hey, stop trolling us, Bastard!
A: Okay, I'm getting there very damned soon. Now it seems that via whatever accounted by Maester Aemon, Rhaegar actually had an experience pertaining to the Azor Ahai prophecy. For all we know, it DOES have a vital link with the unknown cause of events at Summerhall. He once said Aegon was the Prince Who Was Promised, never mind why he said a dragon must have three heads (which is the most obvious clue to Jon Snow's parentage anyway). You can literally call it his heroic BSOD.
Simply put, Rhaegar Targaryen's life had always been about the prophecy itself even unto the stage where everything became an obsession. Is it truly a long shot to say that this is where Rhaegar's frailty lies? In fact, I believe he would have been truly crushed upon knowing that his firstborn was a daughter and Elia herself was bedridden for half a year or so due to her delicate health. Basically, that could mean that Lyanna might be intended as another way to conceive "the chosen one".
Remember how Lyanna chased the no-life trio away from Howland Reed? I believe that in the wolf maid, Rhaegar actually felt a certain attraction to her fiery no-holds-barred nature. Of course back then, he might NOT even noticed it because simply put, Rhaegar Targaryen had grown numb towards his own self identity much more than for the others due to constant years of self suppression.
Q: So Robert was right after all!
A: So why didn't Ned hate Rhaegar as well? If Rhaegar was indeed Lyanna's rapist, you can be very sure that Ned would NEVER have a good word for that kind of worst case enemy. Remember that the Northmen's code of honour, that they will NEVER forget any slight made against their honour. And for Ned, Lyanna's chastity has always been the honour of House Stark. Their father Rickard died because of that, their brother Brandon died because of that. And Jon Arryn himself declared war on House Targaryen indirectly because of that.
Q: So that means Lyanna reformed Rhaegar?
A: I know anti-feminists will bash me for that, but let me just say that Lyanna had always been far more resilient than Rhaegar. Rhaegar was a coward for not having the courage to live his own life. Lyanna dared to do so without any regrets. Remember the Knight of the Laughing Tree? Why did everyone fail to seek out his/her real identity back then? To me, if it's truly Lyanna, then Rhaegar's role would be one pointing to that sole accomplice. Simply put, the Knight disappeared immediately for a very good reason. If it's Howland Reed, then he shouldn't have any worries on getting busted. But what if it's Lyanna? Who was the one supplying her the arms and armour? And if she's in a certain need of jousting practise for that inevitable showdown with the three Lords, to whom should be the best man for the job if not Rhaegar Targaryen himself?
Somewhere down the line, Lyanna managed to shake Rhaegar back to his senses. That he shouldn't be living for a prophecy alone, but rather assimilating that very prophecy into his life!
Conclusion: There's a very good reason why Rhaegar didn't bring forth the proposal beforehand. On one end, that would have blown Lyanna's cover and Rhaegar would never be that stupid given Aerys being a thoroughly mad fucker. Secondly, would House Stark accept their daughter to be part of a polygamous marriage? Polygamy has always been deeply frowned upon unless we're talking about the Targaryens and Dornish people. Political chaos were sure to be ensued if Rhaegar even dared to breath a word of their underground relationship. In short, Lyanna had never been a lady saint and we all know she'd rather die on her own sword than to be labeled as such. So we don't have to see either or both parties as saintly people. Because in Westeros itself, everyone is trying to make something out of nothing. Even the most detestable bastards like Joffrey Baratheon and Cersei Lannister.
So who is the real Rhaegar Targaryen? Is he the rapist accused by Robert, the honourable man lauded by Ned, the most able king never meant to be deemed by Barristan, or the symbol of Targaryen valour that is still keeping the remaining loyalists alive? None of the four. To me, Rhaegar Targaryen is merely a mortal. No different from people like me and you with the only difference being that he's born as a royalty. A man of little joys and many sorrows. A kingly knight saved by a genuine promise of love and freedom that only Lyanna Stark could truly gift.
Due to Rhaegar being someone far more fearful of loss than the rest, he locked Lyanna away in the Tower of Joy while ordering Ser Arthur Dayne as part of the three Kingsguard to protect the woman he truly loved come hell or high water. Due to Rhaegar being someone far more gentle than the rest, you can virtually say that the abduction was for real, but not the rape itself. He did so because he feared for Lyanna's safety upon where the wolf maid ended up quarreling with him. Due to Rhaegar being someone far more understanding of self-responsibility than the rest, he ordered Ser Jaime Lannister to PROTECT Elia and their two children, Rhaenys and Aegon. An act that Jaime failed to accomplish due to voluntary decisions in valuing his father's life and settling a personal closure against Aerys' insanity over everything else, i.e. an Oathbreaker before becoming a Kingslayer. And lastly, due to Rhaegar being someone far more able to protect than the rest, Robert Baratheon knew for good that sometimes, the biggest winner might turn out to be the far greater loser.
O' Woe unto King Robert Baratheon, First of His Name!
You battled, you conquered, you gained the right to rule upon the Iron Throne!
O' Woe unto King Robert Baratheon, First of His Name!
You hated, you won, you lost the steel of freedom true!
O' Blessed truly is Rhaegar Targaryen, he who perished upon the Trident's duel!
You grieved, you wandered, you doomed yourself with a true wolf's maid!
O' Blessed truly is Rhaegar Targaryen, he who perished upon the Trident's duel!
You fought, you lost, you gained a victory everlasting with the wolf's maid love!
