Something about this bloggie

Ok, I admit that I've failed somewhere before. But anyway welcome. Just a brief intro on what you should expect here:
1. Football. Not gonna post much of that any soon since season is over. :S
2. Anime, Games, etc. Just abt anything conceivable under the Japanese radar barring anything and everything Rule 34. Now that's illegal. Period. -.-;
3. Music. Everything to do with it is listed under the tab.
5. Unacceptable humour: Anything and everything is fair game here. As long as I don't get rounded up by the ISA. -.-'

The Known World=Fantasy world building in process. I: Used to be glossary, now devoted to random rambling; II: Character Concepts; III: Lore.
7. der Wolf=my Fictionpress account under the moniker Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu. A Ranger's Tale is hosted under this page. :)
8. New section now upped. Maybe I should also gun for upping A Ranger's Tale here since I do have this funny feeling that traffic coming to here is way more than whatever I'll get in FP.

Statement of intent: Everything said here is a figment of personal opinion, be it me or anybody commenting. I try to be responsible, but my parents=/=parents of the world.

@Druid of Luhn: Crap. Should have remembered far earlier to give you the credit for your CSS text box code. :(

A/N: But sadly, it seems that your CSS text box code has now been halved efficiency wise. :(

That most important note I should have added: Any images posted in this blog are NOT my own stuff. I got them from Google image search, I don't earn any shit by being a thief and liar. Those responsible for the pictures, rest assured that you all are great artists in your own regards. Sadly, we all know what limited space means in terms of posting.

Latest Note: Changed alignment for my page widgets due to my worry that I can't centre align the thing.

Note on A Ranger's Tale: In case any complaining fella wants to have a legal case with me, let this be known that A Ranger's Tale is rated M by default. I've upped the swearing and somewhat a bit on the dark/gritty factor. You all have been warned, let no little boy and girl enter the forbidden realm.

Latest on ART: A Ranger's Tale now starting to kick back in gear. But I really hate the insanely fluctuating climate here in S'pore.

P.S: Oh, and one more thing. Vid below is yet another ideal OP for A Ranger's Tale.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Warning: NSFW

Apparently, I might have rediscovered my penchant in making life shit for the real idiots. No, I'm not talking about the Gov though. You see, I'm a perfectly law abiding citizen who truly respects law, order and authority. Let alone a fellow human being.
Disclaimer: I'm definitely not Catty. In fact I don't really enjoy cat fighting come this point of age.

The below clips taken from YouTube are indisputably the crassest stuff I've ever pulled off as yet. Vulgar contents abound and you all should understand by now that I will NEVER lie over this kind of stuff.
Personal standard in age rating:

How to paralyse that damned cat...

No intent of animal cruelty here though. Such an act of felony belongs to North Dakota, which is why there's a major wrangling of sorts between the activists and potential fat cats (pardon the pun please).


So what's the deal, Bro?
First and foremost, **** the 3 points because there's no such thing as points in a Cup tie. Knowing Martin O'Neill, I'll have to give him full respect here. Granted I did have a history of Martin bashing recently, but that's only in FB where anything and everything goes in the North East Banter page (and by banter, it means you can deal all sorts of low blows bar the three cardinal sins listed by the admins). Of course that doesn't mean Mogga is a shit manager. If MON is a Premiership level manager leading the kind of players costing you 10 to 12 million pounds, then TM is a Premiership level manager truly able to bring out the best in players costing no more than 3 million quids on average. A mouthwatering clash I say.
And to prove that I'm no liar...

So what does the post title really mean btw?
Black Cats is the nickname for Sunderland while Middlesbrough is pretty much plain ol' Boro. Newcastle? Well, the Geordies went out of the picture as well know how, so let's not talk about whether Wonga is truly owned by a real life Willy Wonka. [1]

Moral of the story: You can only paralyze a Smackem by the spine
Firstly, allow me to give my own take on what may be flying about come kick off today. Derbies tend to do strange shit to people. [2] Simply put, blood will be spilt with brutal cold steel flashing abound and staging your last stand will be the stuff of football chivalry. Okay, I made up that statement by myself, but surely you guys get the picture.
So firstly, what are the guys we should look out for?
Suspect 1
Everyone's singing his praise for fun. And while granted I recognise his current purple patch, the actual danger he poses forth is something wo won't be having here in this match. If you have a big centre forward, you'll be indeed dumb enough to tell him "go score some goals and go fly some kite". Only people too used to the kind of goal banging heroes like Alan Shearer will see things this way. Simply put, be it one man forward or two guys upfront, Fletcher will always be the man to take down the knockdowns and hold up the ball. In a very real sense, he's pretty much of an Andy Carroll mold. [3] Now we're NOT talking about Gus Poyet or Ian Holloway bossing Team Kucing Hitam. [4] We're talking about a bunch of millionaire Neanderthals. Or so we would like to believe. Because...
Suspects 2&3
MON had hit a major jackpot with Larsson. In retrospect, Larsson is the kind of winger who can pass, run, cross and shoot the ball. Especially the latter 3 options where it will serve Kucing Hitam really damn well. Remember that Larsson is a Swede. Which means he's far more at home with MON's football style than what we'd like to assume otherwise. And let's not say anything about how bloody damned good he is at taking set pieces. Period.
As for Adam "Jonno" Johnson, he's pretty much another Larsson. But yet while he's not that much of a set piece hot shot, via his own trickery and ball control going at full pelt. For MON, he's truly a viable partner in crime for big Swede Lars. Simply put, his technical ability will serve Kucing Hitam lagi well via decoy runs both along the flank and cutting inside. On a dual synergy mode, this will be Guy and Cody all over again due to the necessity in switching flanks against a team like us where a cavalier approach is most likely the way to go.
Basically synergy means something like this...

Final Suspect
One pet habit of mine during my far younger days would be the tendency to save the best for the last. Yes, Suspect Code Omega is the most vital fella in the Kucing Hitam itself. Now we really have to get this clear. Why I include Larsson and Jonno is down to the fact that they can't really do a dime without the ball. If MON put him as the defensive lynchpin, you can be very sure that everything play breaking will go through him. In fact in the most likely event at every minute's interval, you can be very sure that Kucing Hitam will end up defending deep with Catts himself marshaling the forces at most forefront.
If MON put him in a more attacking role, you can be very sure that he will track back to defend and run back up front again like a North East Robb Stark.

Final round up
Yet, I'll have to say that the main outlet of counter offence lies in whoever running forward, be it nine lives Catts or some other Mackem yolo. It may not amount to anything much with the ball, but a lot of tactical options going forward will hinge heavily on how effective such a nine lives runner can truly last. For Kucing Hitam, it's not just about discipline, but above all a tactical awareness to make the eleven man Minas Tirith click. At the same time, whoever being that big ass bloke up front in the final third has to be shackled properly if he's given the ball. And when I say shackle the guy, I don't mean some random two on one/three on one/*insert any number versus one*. Static decoy up in your own third is no straw dummy unless you don't believe in anal punishment.
Either way, the onus is to nullify the centre, be it going forward to tracking back. Of course no one will be stupid enough to tell our lads to go trail and error mode just to find out whether Catts truly has 9 lives. Simply put, how we can utilize the space in the forward half of the middle park will be key to how well we will fare.
The only problem? Someone has to come up with alternatives should MON's instructions manage to hit a hundred eighty degree reversal. Something along the line of...

[1]: Yes, Johnny Depp won't find such a three quarter-assed joke funny.
[2]: O' Tim Howard! What hast thou done???
[3]: Apart from the fact that Andy Carroll can't seem to score a dime post-Newcastle
[4]: Black Cat in Malay

Sunday, 28 October 2012

So now let's talk about the Merseyside derby

I know two of my churchmates will be having a go at each other for sure. One a Liverpudlian and the other an Evertonian. Interestingly enough, Moyes actually brought up the issue of diving. But is it really that bad?
My take on the issue is this: Acceptable anywhere else apart from England. In fact, I'm pretty much convinced that the whole "OMG Barca players dive again!!!!" hysteria was started by proponents of the English game more than any other footballing blokes. And it's still a legit weapon to bash Barcelona because almost everyone still thinks that football comes from England. In fact Tony Pulis was talking sense when he subtly agreed that diving is unacceptable in England but no where else. This was during Chelsea's undeserved escape quite a few matches back this season. Ironically, my stance is pretty much a Pulis clone: I don't mind players diving anywhere unless it's England. >.<
And we all know who is that usual suspect
Never since Cristiano Ronaldo leaving dreary ol'Manchester for the sunshine in Madrid had we truly like to bash divers. Suarez has made sure CR7 would just be merely a legend waiting to be outdone. Now the biggest problem I'm seeing here is this: his reputation precedes before him. His record at Ajax was a bit spotty especially on how he bit that one other bloke playing football.
Note: Prototype victim didn't really started it. Because no one called Mike Tyson an angel anyway.
And yes, 2010 would always be his finest year no matter how you see it. So you see, when Kenny Dalglish decided to sign this Latino Heat that's not even half of that lyin',cheatin' and stealin' all time great named Eddie Guerrero, the tabloids went up in flames.

A/N: Not ever since the Falklands War had the English gone total united mode this way. :P
So on the hindsight, Suarez shouldn't dive so often. Or even starting the fire called Evra-vs-we all. Someone had forgotten to tell him how the tabloid media work and poor King Kenny had to clean up all the shit.

O' woe unto thee! Engrand! Am I now seeing a fat monkey or Fat Bastard himself?
So it seems that Suarez's temerity had returned back to haunt his team again when Moyes timed his "general comments" impeccably. You see, I really feel for Moyes in just about every Merseyside derby. Jack Rodwell's red card was one damned retarded decision and as a Middlesbrough fan, I can truly empathise with Moyes, any and every Evertonian or maybe just about every small club fans/players/managers/boardroom fellas. Interestingly to say, Moyes never said anything on all the legit penalty calls Everton had in pretty much every Merseyside derby, which were (un)rightfully ignored by fellas in black who are not really black universally anyway.

So will that have any effects on Brendan Rodgers himself?
Let me first say that a good manager is a good man motivator. If Rodgers can throw down the gauntlet and daring Suarez to pick it up, then we will see soon enough whether Suarez is indeed a worthy soldier or a foreign faker. Cristiano Ronaldo had actually gotten a far worse off abuse from the stands due to whatever purported role he's had Rooney's sending off despite Ricardo Carvalho's balls not made of steel right from the first place. But surely you don't see him faltering, no?

But he's not really firing on the cylinders!!!
So? Does that mean Suarez sucks in comparison to Steven Fletcher himself? Utter bullshit. No offence to the Black Cats, but Suarez is leagues and way beyond Fletcher and you know the old cliched saying? That form is temporary, but class is permanent? It will do well to heed your grandfather's advice and this is not me speaking as the grandfather, mind you.
If there's any chances for Suarez to redeem himself, it will be now. **** the critics, **** the sniggers, **** form. This is the Merseyside derby. One of the most hotly contested derbies England has ever witnessed. Manchester United vs Liverpool is nothing in comparison. Chelsea vs Manchester United later on will never match the level of intensity symbolised by this early kick-off game.
Moral of the story: Don't **** around with the Scousers, be it red or blue.

The Andy Carroll conundrum
Should he be sold or should he not? A lot of questions was asked towards Brendan Rodgers and John W.Henry in general. To me, Rodgers' only sin lies in forcing a prolonged negotiation due to two factors:
1. Carroll's wages is what I'd rather give to Alan Shearer himself.
2. The ridiculous transfer fee that had gotten Derek Llambias' tongue wagging.

A/N: Just why he ended up ****ing Shearer (despite him being a shit manager), Kevin Keegan (reason behind him getting ****ed by every true blooded Geordie) and Chris Hughton (most legit reason to be ****ed by the Toon Army) as well is way beyond my comprehension. Although he did pay tribute to Chris Hughton after he took up the Norwich job.

So what is it that Carroll can offer to the current Liverpool? Zero. Yes, he's good in knocking down the high balls, but for all we know, Stewart Downing's best position for Rodgers' revolution may not even be his default left winger role, but rather playing at the leftback since fullbacks by default will be your regular crossers in any expansive footballing team. Of course Carroll would still have a place in Rodgers' plans had not for the fact that he's more of a goal scorer than ball player.
You see, one of the most vital tactical options able to be offered by someone of Carroll's build is this: In the event of playing expansive football, holding up the play in the final third is utmost vital. Carroll's ability to hold the ball is suited for teams like Sunderland or West Ham. Teams that don't rely on zigzagging around the opponent's defence in a bid to draw out their players out of position. Definitely not for a team like Rodgers' lads, be it Swansea or Liverpool. Teams that require a tactically and technically aware centre forward to guard the ball for a more prolonged period.

So should Suarez go solo?
Not really so. Borini's injury is a setback, but why not put Raheem Sterling up front? This is a 50-50 gamble that will depend on how tactically aware Sterling is compared to the technical end. I'd like to put him as an inside forward ala Messi or Wilf Mannion himself. But that's up to Rodgers. But still I truly doubt he can play a 4-3-3 because I'm not too sure who else upfront will need to be converted into a striker. That plus no Sterling on the wing means another bloke has to fill that gap. It's not my job of course. Fullstop.

So anything about Everton?
Fellaini is a revelation because they say necessity is the mother of all inventions. Arteta leaving for the Emirates was indeed a key for a red alert crisis. In the greatest proof yet to show how sorely lacking English players can go, Fellaini's conversion from a defensive lynchpin to an attacking midfielder managed to yield rich dividends. To make players like Nikica Jelavic click the way he wants to, it's imperative for Moyes to find a permanent replacement for Arteta. Everton is well known to be a cash strapped club and there's nothing much going in terms of buying the second Arteta if you're David Moyes.
But yet, Felliani's greatest weapon is this: Via his surging runs, he's able to offer able defensive cover throughout the 90 minutes plus stoppage time. Coupled with the fact that Everton is a team utterly disciplined with most likely a central midfielder anchoring the back, the loss of Arteta had actually strengthened the team in ways most unconventional. The creativity might have been compromised, but Everton's strong start to the season might have something to do with the kind of Merseyside steel Evertonians are so famous for. The only difference? Moyes tempered the steel with his customary Scottish fire.

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Some truly interesting conjectures on Jon Snow himself

This is provided that:
1. He truly survived the mutiny.
2. He truly is the bastard son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark.
Additional reference:

Any views here are solely of my own. All these are actually conjectures that may or may not truly happen. Because I know I don't look like a troll.

So apparently, I may go on another swearing spree due to this being yet another A Song of Ice and Fire post. Now what I'm gonna say is this: we all know Jon Snow's lack of impact on the overall political play in Westeros itself due to the inseparable plot link between him and the Night's Watch. Yet with the mutiny being a done deal, there's no way Jon can go back should he survive. So what's possibly next for him?

Actual death due to any flawed perception that his plot value has dropped to zero? Far from it, my fellow Snows! [1]

Because given the kind of delicate situation by the end of A Dance With Dragons, The Winds of Winter may throw up a brand new whirlwind of political chaos due to Jon Snow himself.

Firstly, let's see things from the Targaryen's lens. Or more specifically Daenerys'. What will she get to gain if by any freak chance [2] she's able to recruit Jon?

Firstly, Jon will never have any legitimate claim where the Iron Throne is concerned, no matter what. Because Dany is a pure blooded Targaryen while Jon is merely a bastard born from her deceased brother and a daughter from a much hated House. However despite Jon being a 50% Stark+50% Targaryen, with Rhaegar being his father, that might be more than enough to offset any factional animosity. Even if there would be lies stating Rhaegar was being seduced [3], the Targaryen loyalists will know every word is brainless people bullshitting. [4]

Because the usurper has always and only been Robert Baratheon himself, NOT Lyanna Stark herself. [5]

So since Jon could never have the right to rule, the next best alternative here will be assuming an able leader's role second in rank to only Dany herself. Sounds crazy? Maybe we should ask whether Ser Barristan Selmy is truly an able leader.

Yes, we shouldn't doubt his ability on the battlefield, but what Jon truly has in abundance is the capability to plan and manage, be it behind the scenes as a Steward within the Watch back then or mustering the defending forces at the most forefront during the defense of Castle Black.

Likewise, he's no Kingsguard martial prowess wise, but at least he's still able to take down a single wight and that should truly say something. Or maybe I should rephrase the whole fighter's logic here:

Jon is a THINKING man against any foe far more inclined towards martial technique. Being able to analyse any situation on his feet will ensure the very fact that he's way more of a frontline planner than anything else. In short, he's actually one of the best war commanders [6] you can ever hope to have by your side. [7]

In short, Dany isn't a fool. She knows that her enemies are not just about the Baratheons and Lannisters. There are still enemies swarming around her due to the nature of her conquests.

What Jon can offer therefore, is that of an utility type leader whose key in efficiency lies in the versatile nature of deployment. [8]

And to me, this has always been something truly unique in every renowned leader character both in-plot and background wise had to offer thus far. [9]

The scariest possibility? Due to the fact that House Frey and House Bolton had sworn fealty to the Lannisters, a temporary alliance may be on the cards between the rest of the Northern Houses and Dany herself albeit this being that most far-fetched bullshitting theory [10] due to the presence of Stannis being the only legitimate Baratheon still going strong against the rest. [11]

The most likely scenario on paper at the least. The fact that Jon still distrusted Melisandre should warrant nothing substantial if she truly manages to save him post A Dance With Dragons. Such is the code of Northern honour and lest we forget, Melisandre is still under Stannis' banner in name.

Now let me just dissect a good bit on Ramsay Bolton's bastard letter:

Simply put, Ramsay FEARS Jon. Sounds absurd? Well it's pretty much a given that Ramsays fears nobody. This is due to his own acumen of cunning wits augmented by an absolute lack in morals and zero actual honor.

Jon on the other hand has always been Ramsay's only antithesis. Jon do possess a well defined set of morals, principles, and honor, but that alone is NOT enough.

What Jon truly has is the ability to lead. An actual leader of men. Someone who is born not to follow, but to be followed.

Ramsay can only control the proceedings behind the scenes, but Jon has the mental fortitude to make hard decisions come every moment of make-or-break.

Ramsay is merely a glass cannon. He has the ability to deal with any given situations, be it preemptive or counter preemptive. Jon on the other hand, lacks Ramsay's level of manipulation, but he has the gift of excellent foresight and thorough planning that Ramsay can never hope to override in his current state, be it a faster speed of thought or a more thorough manner of analyzing.

In short, by goading Jon and indirectly inciting the mutiny, Ramsay's ultimate aim wasn't really about Theon and Jeyne Poole although the two of them should be seen as vital part of the package.

Rather, Ramsay wanted Jon dead.

Case of proof: Jon's exceptional gift of perception was actually the reason why Stannis could secure what should be arguably his greatest victory of date going by the name of Deepwood Motte. It's not just a military victory, but above all a political victory where via securing the loyalties of House Glover and House Mormont plus an inevitable spike in popularity in the North. Basically, it means having the resources to march straight towards Winterfell and to RETAKE Winterfell. [12]

So yes
Ramsay Bolton 1 - 2 Jon Snow

Footballing parallel aside [13], should Jon truly join Stannis' cause due to the nature of that mutiny, the Baratheon banner will not only gain a capable all round planner cum leader, but more importantly, the ranks of wildlings led by the likes of Tormund Giantsbane [14] as well. A truly fearsome force indeed. [15]

Coupled with the political deal reached between Stannis and the Iron Bank, everything can only bode well. On paper at least, but still good tidings nevertheless. [16]

And lastly, what can I say about Jon's timely warning on Arnolf Karstark's planned betrayal apart from the most obvious?

[1]: Let this be known that Snows in this context has nothing to do with Xiaxue's fanbase despite the latter's Chinese characters. And let's not go on about what Snow truly mean in the North.
[2]: Of course should Melissandre decide to ditch Stannis for Jon due to the whole Azor Ahai deal, we will most certainly see Dany's end happening due to her being far more of a politically shrewd dealer than Stannis himself. Albeit there can be only one Tyrion Lannister.
[3]: Of course that won't really prevent the said loyalists to label her as a convenient excuse for Robert and co to wage their merry little rebellion. In short, poor Lyanna won't be vilified, but you can virtually call her a collateral casualty post-death.
(Note: We should try imagining this for the entire Rhaegar-Lyanna deal even if it's just only for fun)
[4]: Although it remains to be seen on how many people (apart from Ser Barristan) are willing to be victims of political propaganda.
(Note: This has to be the greatest fail in all things propaganda.)
[Disclaimer: I do NOT have anything personal against Kazakhstan/Borat/anyone from Jewtown because I'm may be a local bastard, but I'm definitely NOT a xenophobic bastard]
[5]: In a very twisted sense, this might be Robert's greatest personal failure.
[6]: A certain Zhou Yu comes to mind. NOT that Zhou Yu from Luo Guanzhong's bullshitting, mind you.
[7]: Or maybe your worst nightmare depending on whose side you're on.
[8]: In this aspect, I can pretty much liken this with the General of Soaring Army if there's anything to go by via Zhao Yun's implied supporting role prior to the actual onset of Battle of Han River.
[9]: The only other two people of note are both Lannisters. Namely Tywin and Tyrion. Life ain't fair to the Starks, eh? Just ask Robb.
[10]: And yes, this IS indeed me bullshitting for once.
[11]: I don't even consider Renly to be a distant second in terms of leadership. A bloody shame that Robert Baratheon had became a victim of his own demons. No sarcasm intended here. :(
[12]: Although Stannis will never be that dumb in assuming himself as the new Lord of Winterfell. NOT even on an interim basis because he's no Rafa Benitez.
[13]: And that's me trolling every American believing football to be a gay sport in spite of soccer being a pervasive culture now.
[14]: The only other badass Free Folk of most worthy note apart from Mance Rayder himself.
[15]: Which in turn will create a very real chance of the Night's Watch eventually siding with we-know-who-now. 
[16]: Although with the Others complicating things up, we all can guess where the whole shit will be going.

Friday, 26 October 2012

~You don't know what you're doing~

So apparently City lost the plot against Ajax this midweek. So what went wrong for the city slackers? Clichy was as lost as **** while Lescott and Kompany were experiencing a **** of confidence. And Micah Richards? Well, he most definitely ****ed Signor Robbie Manc like ****. Okay, enough of the censored words because an uncouth North East wannabe shouldn't even be mouthing off against what is arguably the richest club in the British Isles atm.

So what exactly went wrong?
To be fair, it wasn't City who lost the plot. Signor Robbie Manc did so anyway. There's nothing wrong with a 4-2-3-1 starting lineup. Let's not talk about the players' attitude here. The problem lies in the players used rather than positions deployed. Firstly, I'd do away with Milner. Yaya Toure is a match winner in his own right due to his dynamic play. Putting Barry alongside of him had brutally exposed the stupidity behind selling Nigel De Jong. Barry is far more of a deep lying midfielder, but his quality to pass the ball can never be compared with players like Alonso. Against a team like Ajax, it's either you have someone beating them at their own game of expansive football via a deep lying ball player or you can only opt to play someone like De Jong in order to disrupt their flow and rhythm.
To me, Milner is the weak link because he's not your typical wing player. Like Barry, he's far more of a ball holder. So now comes the biggest question: Why put in Milner when you have Barry doing the job? Barry's lack of passing vision by comparison was already bad enough. To create a defensive 4-2-3-1 against a team like Ajax where in fact you don't have Nigel De Jong is asking for trouble. Now I do not know why David Silva went MIA. Either he's picked up a niggle or Signor Robbie Manc is trying to save him for the next match this weekend.
Which basically highlighted a major crisis in waiting for the slackers. Either the Arabs sign a proven wing player as Silva's back up or they can dream on about winning more than one major trophy per season. Milner is a decent player in his own right, but in holding up the play in the flank, one has to be far more tactically aware than a similiar position in the centre and tactical awareness is something the English can never compete against the continental sides. Imagine the horrors should opposing wide players can isolate him with the ball. City will be ****ed.
Nasri as a wide player is a no brainer. Aguero as the inside striker would mean City is bereft of ideas up front because for Aguero to work as an inside striker, surely there had to be an attacking wide player to compliment Nasri's ball ability up front. This is a passive formation asking to be whacked. If the players are disciplined enough, they could still still hold on for a point or maybe even a possible smash and grab win. In this very sense, Frank de Boer was right in lambasting the City slackers.

And there's the last minute formation change as well
Simply put, if your players are up against the ropes, you don't switch tactics out of nowhere. It's fine in doing a switch every now and then due to necessity. But two consecutive tactical changes=Simisai in blue. Apparently, if the players didn't have the stomach for the fight at the very start, then such a decision only made things worse. Although to be fair, Rafa Benitez pulled off a not-so-similiar cock up a few seasons back with Liverpool against Lyon in the Champion's League when he pulled Benayoun to the right instead of letting him dictate the play from centre. Common issue? Tactical cock ups will cost you the match.

So who says Ajax are there for the taking?
Any pre-match talk of City taking the points is nothing more than a fool's promise of a greater fool's gold. Ajax Amsterdam is Ajax Amsterdam for a very good reason. The Angio Dept at my workplace used to have a Dutch expat doctor. I don't really know the name of that particular Liefste Arts, but I remember him being a fan of PSV Eindhoven and Ajax itself. Yeah, I know it's a weird combo. Pretty much like me saying I support Middlesbrough and Newcastle (which is something that will NEVER happen fyi).
So what's the deal about Ajax? Firstly, Martin Jol nearly killed the team. Secondly, boardroom infighting nearly killed the club. I knew about the former way before I met Liefste Arts, but it was Liefste Arts himself who informed me about the latter case. Apparently, Frank de Boer had his work cut out for him. And as a relatively young rookie coach at that as well. Apparently, someone upstairs must have been smoking way too much weed and watching way too much Fitna. Equally apparently however, is that the plan to bring in FDB truly ****ing works.
However, FDB can't weave the magic without having the proper mana, right? And that's where the spell book comes in.

You can **** around with the local whores, but you don't **** around with Jong Ajax
Simply put, City's failure is Ajax's strength. It's been said that the legendary Greek hero Ajax himself had a badass reputation as a certain Hector could testify anyway. You don't play around with Jong Ajax because they are not just a bunch of kids. They are a bunch of young Ajax-es. To my very best of knowledge thus far, the core of the starting 11 for this match was pretty much formed by Jong Ajax itself. Go figure yourselves.

So what kind of players City must sign this mid season transfer?
Very simple. Either City must sign a proven deep lying playmaker or a proven defensive midfielder. As I've said, selling De Jong is the dumbest transaction I've ever seen thus far as a football watcher. Not ever since Gareth Southgate had sold Lee Cattermole had I ever witnessed a colossal cock up in the making. Best of luck in trying to pry Xabi Alonso or Wesley Sneijder away though. Xavi ofc is a no-brainer quite obviously. 

At least Newcastle has a Tiote-Cabaye axis and City despite all it's riches have nothing in relative comparison. Now that must be the greatest slap in Signor Robbie Manc's life for sure. >.<

Monday, 22 October 2012

2.5 hrs of OT can drive you to do loopy stuff

Like say...fanfiction? Or rather a little crossover here. To be honest I used to dabble in that kind of stuff. Unfortunately (?), time and schedule had to force my hand, hence a total focus done on A Ranger's Tale (with a 20+ lurker hits/views clocked yesterday, i.e. FictionPress' timezone. Wherever the standard is based on anyway). Amazingly enough, this is just as what the title up there has suggested: 2.5 hrs of OT without enough sleep last night=loopy stuff ahead. O.o
Of course I think I've upped this picture before...


"What you're glaring at?!"

Damn, I really hate stupid bitches like her. Who in the blue hell would pop up out of nowhere just when I was killing some random hobos which doesn't even belong to humanity itself? And her costume is also purely retarded. Some midriff blue top now busted plus some weird kind of skimpy jacket, not even whores from the whorehouses dress like this for crying out loud. But she's quite a looker though, I'll give her that.

"Because you've disrupted my own interpretation of fun."

Well, her expression is indeed the most priceless treasure I've ever seen for quite a few donkey years back. Oh yes, and her impressive pair of tits as well. Apparently, she hasn't been that ashamed to strut her stuff.

"Prepare yourself! For I'll whoop your..."

Whoop my what? I'd like to ask her back this question, but it seems that I'll have to settle for groping her naked tits.


I can only afford to laugh out loudly at her fake ignorance as I blinked away from an elbow thrown . Surely she knows this world is full of assholes and monsters.

A moment of silence crackled between us as I suddenly have the urge to see for myself whether she's indeed a whore. For sure she's truly dressed like one, yet not acting like one. I've been to the realms of Cinha across the far east and this little minx before my eyes does truly resemble one. Apart from those bigger tits that is. Maybe I should test them further myself.

"Hey, little girl."

"What? I'm no little girl!"

Well, she's pretty loud for a little girl. A truly sad fact that no one actually spanked her the correct way.

"You have quite a pair of deadly weapons, no?"

"A pair of... Argh! Don't you dare look at me, you pervert!"

Laughter escaping from my throat, a crescent moon illuminates our merry play. Apparently, it may not so bad of an idea to see her as far more than a collateral fodder. Having her back turned towards me is tantamount to suicide. I don't know what kind of world she comes from, but at least she could have been some moron's bitch. No truly sane man can resist a pretty young thing baring her own tits in full view like a rabbit waiting to be boned and I'm only partially broken. Wait a second, did I use the correct parallel?

"I saved you from those weird looking monsters!" snarls the impudent lass as ample tits are covered nicely with one arm while her other fist not-so-nearly ended straight into my face.

"But you froze yourself on the spot. A pity to see the heroine getting her ass saved by this prince in distress."

"Prince? You?"

Indeed yet another priceless expression since it's not every day that you get to see somebody spluttering over a mere verbal joke.

"Prepare yourself then."

With these words leaving my lips, I turn my back against her stare of incredulity. Interestingly enough, her body tenses up again. Demons are nearing their own vanished dead with a few hundred metres at most separating us from the inevitable. A sense of sharp intuition towards any and every asshole monsters? Well maybe this few weeks at least won't be so boring after all. But firstly...

"Little girl, what's your name?"

"Hah! The likes of you don't deserve to know me, Kazama Asuka-sama of the Kazama-ryuu Kobujutsu!"

"The name's Aeranath, your bodyguard now hired for free. Do not leave Fragarach's sight, for I cannot ensure your safety otherwise...

"Miss Kazama Asuka-sama of the most noble House Kazama-ryuu Kobujutsu."


Pointless post...

Depending on your own mileage that is...

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Weekend football: The Good, Bad and Ugly

The Good: BvB and let's enjoy a Bovril double at that
Forget about the Wearside authorities' apparent lack of self faith in stadium security behind that 2800 tickets allocation. Let's talk about tonight.
I'll have to admit that we don't really stand a chance at least on paper to win 3 points at the Amex Stadium. Gus Poyet has built a team with painful endurance and he may be reaping the fruits of his labour by end of season. Quite a big far cry from Tobias' team, where the vision Shebby Singh had listed out for whoever unlucky enough (bar Harry Redknapp that is) to take up the job sorely lacked the necessary contingencies to brace Blackburn for any shit outta luck what-ifs. Believe me when I say the Championship is a league where ANYONE can beat ANYONE. YOLO is wayy too damned overrated there with chaos and shit happening post final whistle being major by-words on what to expect rather than what to aim for.
Okay, enough of the bashing because I've digressed somewhat. In Gus Poyet, we have a gifted tactician who can play the same brand of expansive football week in, week out. Mogga on the other hand, is far more of a strategist who must rely on video replays in order to find a correct mix to start the match. It's like envisioning a Fa Zheng (Gus) vs Guo Jia.(Mogga), i.e. 法正对郭嘉. Let's savour the match I say, lads! I don't give a flying **** on how we will be mocked on FB should we lose this one because there have been way too many short sighted football fans not really knowing a shit bar boasting/sniggering about history and present to start with anyway.
Because one match doesn't make a season, but for bloody hell sure can one match truly make an enjoyment.

The Bad: Crisis most unexpected dressed in Blues?
Is he guilty or is he not? Be it whether John Terry's a racist or Anton Ferdinand merely crying wolf complete with tears doesn't matter a shit now. What's truly dangerous is towards Chelsea itself. Now I've got nothing personal against Roberto Di Matteo nor do I think there should be any major hoo-ha over JT's decision not to contest an appeal against the four match ban. RDM is NOT JT's brother in blood. When Cain asked "Am I my brother's keeper?", he got condemned because Abel WAS Cain's younger brother by blood. JT isn't Abel and RDM isn't Cain. JT would have been far more cultured if he's truly an Italian anyway not to mention the likelihood where he will think being drafted into a squad with the likes of Cassanata and Super Mario should be a given. No jokes on any two vs one mano-a-mano, please.
So what will the crisis be like? The neutrals used to laud Chelsea for their hardliner stance towards racist behaviour. Now with JT refusing to apologize together with Ashley "twitted as choc-ice" Cole jacking the entire shit up via a stupid twit on Twitter itself, everybody's up in arms including the neutrals. If Chelsea think this is okay, I beseech Mr Abramovich to think again. The potential PR backlash can be extremely lethal because on a greater hindsight, NOT even Jose Mourinho would be this daring on the pitch nor will he truly be as well. Having Russian oil to spare is one thing, but if your team got vilified after painful efforts to create a moral image, then you'll end up far worse off than Millwall and the New Den lads. If JT's stance is still "I did nothing wrong!", then why not appeal against the FA charge? Frank Lampard's red card N seasons ago was rightfully warranted, but in the most absurd twist of fate, the FA rescinded a perfectly sane decision. If anyone thinks I'm trying to mock Chelsea or the FA here, then it shows that you lack the proper brains to connect the dots properly and you all can just stick your own self-pompous attitude up your asses.
So what should Chelsea do now? Firstly, JT, please for the love of anybody you believed in up Above and all the countless kids still looking up to you, APOLOGIZE, LIVE AND LET LIVE. If you think RDM and co are still gonna protect you come hell and high water, think again. I don't remember this current JT being the JT of the old. The JT who had yet to shag his ex-best friend's ex, the JT who would put his body on the line even if any cause had never begged him to.
Case in comparison: Joey Barton is still a big ass problem waiting to be sorted out, but at least he had never faked himself off as a saint.
Secondly, it's unto the club's utmost imperative that they must give their strongest condemnation, both actions and words to any hate actions directed towards Anton and his family, be it in the past, present or any future may come. I don't care about how the powers-that-be do it. I only care for the future of football because this is NOT about how much I hate the English senior team. This is a personal matter of individual attitude and overall quality. I'm being hundred and twenty percent objective right now, right here. I don't have that luck to visit England, but I know full hell damned enough on how such an undesirable culture works. And it's a rot that will eat into the future generations. That's how all forms of negative social norms work in general and globally.
And lastly, but not least, RDM should retain JT's armband. Yes, I know people will go wtf over this view especially those hailing from the Loftus Road end. But here's the catch: it won't do RDM any good if he decides to do the exact opposite. Andre Villas-Boas got sacked for a very good reason. He wasn't betrayed by Roman "Ruthless Roubles" Abramovich. He was betrayed by a dressing room who TOTALLY disagreed with the fact that AVB was out to do a total revamp rather than a mere case of modifying and strengthening. I don't have a good opinion on that rich Roman, but I'll have to be fair to say my own piece: that I believe the media tabloids are just out to hype up the duel underway now. Simply put, it's for the team stability above a perceived lesser evil. Fullstop.

The Ugly: Because I don't know how many narrow minded people can't truly take jokes
Danny Rose: Hello, Big A boss! It's me! Dear Danny calling from the Mackem base!

AVB: Please don't call me that. It sounds, I supposed. But anyway, I thought you should be training now?

DR: Well, you see Boss A, I just bumped into Anton Ferdinand a few hours back. He was off to see a shrink just like me because we've been under a severe case of possible depression. As it turned out, we're both certified fit to play and work. Anton actually related to me about being stalked by blokes who looked weirdly like Neanderthals despite all of them gone extinct millions of years ago.

AVB: And I know that racist chanting incident as well. Say, Dan, is it really as everybody said? That the atmosphere felt weirdly like a zoo rather than an actual football match?

DR: I dunno, Boss A. At least I remembered clearly that monkeys at the zoo don't get to pelt random missiles because they're not in the wilds anyway.

AVB: Damned, why are we even talking over the phone right now? Just get to the point now, Dan. You're sounding like some weird video game character. Plus you're wasting my iPhone 5 battery above everything else.

DR: Oh yeah, Street Fighter. Hey Boss A, are you still going toe to toe with that Ihara despite every single gameplay vid uploaded by his opponents rather than himself? I swear he's a class Guy use...


DR: Erm, sorry Boss. But anyway, Anton couldn't reach you and with us being of two of the same kind...

AVB: He's asking us to shove up some Blue ****s. Yeah I could guess that. In fact, I shouldn't even be swearing if I'm still at Portugal. Anton should just learn something constructive from the all time headbutting great, Zinedine Zidane if I say so myself.

DR: Wow, that would have looked cool on Anton! So please shove up all the eleven playing, deal? I'm gonna hang up now.

AVB: *sigh* He's way too damned eager to play again, it seems. A good lad and a good decision to loan him over to Sunderland. Newcastle has virtually no slots available for him while Middlesbrough already have a Josh McEachran to win potential matches, hence possibly diluting Rose's hunger on the pitch. But then again, us vs Chelsea, Sunderland vs Middlesbrough. Now if only I can get to see Rose vs McEachran on the pitch once the Capital One cup tie kicks off. That will make my day to witness two phenoms in two different positions having a go at each other.

A/N: Ihara is indeed real. His class as a Guy user in SSF4 and beyond shouldn't be discounted unless you're dumb enough not to realize that a lot of his PvP vids are uploaded by his opponents and we can just easily guess the most obvious answer to who actually won in those vids themselves.

And Ashley Cole, your ex-mentor has something to tell you:

Friday, 19 October 2012

Kork.M.Hancock, Rogue Economist: How Sex, Violence and Family Values affect the global economy (Final Part)

Last minute notice
Due unprecedented circumstances surrounding the current audience range, it's to our heaviest heart that Kork.M.Hancock will be taking a brief hiatus due to possible stress issues resulting from this. Hence we sincerely apologize for any undue disappointment even though it's more likely an undue illusion on our part.
~Rogue Economy Institute
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Family Values: Stress, Monkeys and Education
So what does the three have to do with family values? Or even more importantly, what does global economy have to do with all of that? To understand the most basic theory, one must understand that economy is based on the people. A lot has been emphasized on the quantity, but not a lot of people understand the importance of quality. This is not to say a chosen elite should take charge, but rather, proper family values is the only way to propel your country's economy unless you truly desired a first world talent pool complete with  third world infrastructure.
Stress and Family Values
Firstly, stress is bad for you. Or rather, too much stress is bad for you. Studies have shown that while a higher amount of stress is good for the short term economy boom, a longer term of prosperity is out of question. Global studies for the past decade has shown that countries with greying population are most likely to suffer a manpower crunch, hence the need to ship in or forced to be shipped out. Interestingly enough, such nations will always be forced to turn to technology to sustain their own model, but it's to our most politically incorrect view that such a means will only slow down the rot and not really stop it.
So firstly and foremost, what is the most basic example of stress rage? Allow me to quote an example from my actual experiences with people I don't really know personally:
This one involved a shouting match between two neighbours formerly on good terms. Apparently, what turned everything sour was down to the son of Neighbour A being accidentally groped by Neighbour B's daughter despite they're just twelve year old kids playing around in the playground. Basically, the exchange went like:
A: Oi! Why your daughter touch my son's there, huh? So young become so horny! You be careful ah! Sure one day she will have wrong boyfriend and wrong career as well! You heard of arthouse porno or not?
B: Aye! Don't curse my little girl like that hor! You think you son an angel har? Don't say I gongsuay him hor! Someone like him sure will have slut girlfriend in the uni shooting sex photos and sex videos together for free one lah! Either that or he will push his grandma down the bus and say **** you to the PTO in his blog come the next day!
Of course no one believed the kids involved when they said it's only an accident. This is down to people not bothering to do anything because they have actually done enough by doing their daily neighbourhood report. So should we blame the parents or these honest folks doing their part to maintain the heartlands vibrancy? It's really a chain reaction of sorts.
Firstly, stress makes people do dumb things. On an active basis, it's the two neighbours. Passively wise, it's all those honest folks. To further highlight the former case, apart from President Goldie in part one, what if Alex (name used as a convenience example) actually pushed an elderly lady off the bus despite the latter being somewhat noisy beforehand? Is it truly down to what people tend to call clinical depression? Scarily enough, depression do have a very real relationship with a given society's stress level. It's either you'll start having it, you're already having it or you know you nearing that point. Anything else will just mean you're faking it despite any possible claims otherwise. So what does this have to do with family values? Famous wildlife scientist Charles Daring has this to say:
"If we can liken the animal kingdom with the human kingdom, it means that any given population requires a proportionate amount of birthrate to offset the current and future mortality rate. For human beings, it's all about money to order to purchase all necessity goods. As for the animals, they're actually far more simple with their needs because they don't really understand social stress."
Animals are far simpler than humans in self awareness. Therefore, they don't understand economy, they don't really know stress on an equal level, and they can just reproduce without any worries or fear. Human beings are not so lucky apparently. Abundant future population is needed to sustain and improve your economy, but yet while a mentally unhealthy generation won't destroy a nation, they will actually force the country to a certain compromise. Simply put, it's either they're forced to produce babies similarly dysfunctional or they will just say "**** you and let's emigrate".
On the other had, we have the passive stress. We all know everyone needs to wind down. There are many ways to wind down and that include winding people up. Statistics have show that out of every ten people experiencing a higher level of stress, five of them admitted that they will just choose to shut their brains down. This is not to say that they're contemplating suicide (although studies not-so-recently have proven that the most scary connection really exists), but rather once you start going blank, you just can't hold back. Again, renown South Korean psychologist Eric Jang Guen Soh from part one has something interesting to say:
"The human psyche can be extremely unpredictable. Even unto now, it's still a total mystery yet to be unraveled totally. Let's just say that it's humane nature to find ways in venting stress. For most extreme cases, it will be committing major crimes like murder and inducing grievous bodily harm. On the truly minor majority, it will be committing acts truly senseless from an objective point of view."
So is it equally unlikely for these type of people to have kids? Not so amazingly enough, the answer is yes. Just like the actively stressed, the passively stressed will either have kids equally dysfunctional or just opting to have none at all.

Monkeys and Family Values
In order to ensure a healthy population to sustain a healthy economy, social harmony is extremely important. Surveys have revealed that those people who truly understand what social harmony is like are far more productivity prone, be it at work or in the bedroom. Such parents have proven to be extremely successful in raising up the next generation because... well, they don't really care about urban monkeys stealing random stuff unless it's their own belongings. Interestingly enough, radical moral evolutionist John Cavalier should be quoted here:
"In this world, there are two types of monkeys. The real ones and actual ones. Real monkeys have fur and look nothing like us. Actual monkeys on the other hand, look perfectly like that guy sitting next to me this morning. The former case needs protection. The latter case only requires extermination."
To highlight the possible cold hard truth on what John Cavalier had said, a recent event comes to mind. It truly has something to do with the family values where an international football match had awarded monkey chanters as Men of the Match. So should we call the Men of the Match real monkeys or actual monkeys? No matter what, the natural law will always dictate that you give birth what you sow. Imagine having your country full of such people. Will you dare to say that your own nation can really progress with such blokes as your neighbours and friends? Amazingly enough, a recent population census has actually proven that ninety percent of the people are decently educated. So what truly drove up the surge in devolution? Eric Jang Guen Soh actually pinned the blame on Mad Sheep Disease where it's perfectly cool for someone to follow something officially cool. And there's nothing uncool over things your peers think is cool. So that will pretty mean the only cool foreigner is an investing foreigner, not a passing foreigner. Of course in order to have a foreign investor, you must let such people pass you by on the streets and not just on the football pitch. On a perfectly unrelated note, the Chairman of the United European Football Association International League (abbrev: UEFAIL) has this to say:
"I, Chairman of the UEFAIL, Michael Pagoli, will always officially condemn such acts of indiscriminate stupidity far more dire than Nicole Bender flashing her G-string underwear in a ladies football tournament match despite the brand in question not being part of the official sponsors.ship. Therefore, it is to UEFAIL's utmost concern that we must enforce an allocation of thirty percent in match tickets for every deserving black fan."

Education and Family Values
So how do a nation raise its game in the global economy? Education is something truly imperative here. But yet, education is all about your educators and actual family. Let me first dissect the former.
Global statistics have revealed that a proper educator industry is a pivotal means to equip the future generations for the future economy. Which is why there will always be teaching scandals every now and then. If we are to define the term teaching scandal, there are actually two definitions.
1. Educators who got the sack because they posted something naughty online.
2. Educators who got the sack because they do something naughty in reality.
Case 1 will always ensure future career opportunities apart from being an educator while Case 2 can cripple a country's economy for good if left unchecked. So let's just dissect Case 2 because that's the truly important one. Now we all understand teaching ethics and once you broke the law, you only have two paths. Either the police throw you into the slammer or you'll end up on the run. The first path is far easier to implement, but yet that will also mean the country itself would have to forsake a relevant number of years where anyone can contribute to his own country's economy instead. Second path will require certain brains so that you can fly out of your country within a day's notice. That will be even worse because it will mean one available manpower gone for good.
In fact, there's an article a few years back concerning an ex-counselor going by the name of Michael Ser Teng Dong. To summarize up the case, Michael Ser was actually suspected of causing an unwanted pregnancy in one of his female students, hence forcing the girl to undertake an abortion. That was actually before his supposed act was outed. Immediately after the news broke out, Michael Ser was certified to have "left the country", but only after he had tendered his resignation letter. The case caused a major uproar for quite some time, but after a few years, Michael Ser again hogged the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Or correct reason in fact depending on your own mileage.
You see, after making his clean escape, he took up teaching again without any major scandals erupting. That was until he contacted AIDS and dismissed by the school immediately afterwards. Perhaps not so surprisingly, the online media started to go overdrive mode where NOT only the aforementioned article had resurfaced, but at the same time girls claiming to be his ex-students were accusing him of fingering crimes. The most ironic fact? He didn't die of STD. He was shot dead by the local police officers when he tried to abduct a twelve year old girl for reasons he himself only knew about.
So try to imagine this what-if scenario: What if Michael Ser Teng Dong had never gave in to his urges? Will it mean that he would have still been teaching and contributing to his nation's overall economy? Your guess is as good as mine.
So now let's move onto the family aspect. Hereon, I'll invoke a finding compiled by my fellow colleague Benedict "Dict" Siew Hoon Kee:
"In the parentage world, there are two kinds of mothers and two kinds of fathers. Tiger Mama and Wolf Mama, Dragon Papa and Bear Papa. Tiger Mama and Dragon Papa form one pair of the equation with Wolf Mama and Bear Papa forming the other half. Those known to have either a Tiger Mama or Dragon Papa are more prone to having a one night stand per week while those educated by both actually have a major tendency to self record their own sex videos and shoot their own sex photos. As for the rest, they're the ones having a Bear Papa and a Wolf Mama. These are the kind of children who will never kill kittens or bully their fellow human beings into submission."
In addition, I'll also like to share with you my findings on the most critically acclaimed novelist alive:
Enal Alex Dumbas was a constant victim of schoolyard bullies mainly due to his mother Annie being a single parent. After a near successful attempt at suicide, his school just decided to expel him because it's actually bad for the institute's own personal reputation should the news really leak out. Left with no money apart from whatever little they had, Annie Dumbas opted to move in with a settlement of indigenous tribes. It was around then where Annie shared her own findings on wolves with young Enal Alex. Despite being reviled all over the society, young Enal Alex actually discovered that wolves will always be extremely protective towards their young despite only the Alpha male having the breeding rights. Interesting enough, cubs raised this way would always be capable pack leaders in their own right.
At the time of this article, Enal Alex Dumbas has became a best selling author just behind E.Greymatter, author of the Fifteen Shady Cycle. Yet, it's pretty much noteworthy that his running novel series "The Three Bucaneers" actually have current literature greats like Bran "The Heir" Anderson, Goodkind "Saint of Satire" Pratchett and J.R.R "That Troll God" Martin singing his praises. And this is truly something unheard of for the past decade or so. In fact, I'll like to hammer home the truth that his own self written biography has created an uproar due to certain events exposed deemed as controversial. To have an idea on what caused uproar, let me make known the official stance coming from a leading parenting group called Parentage United Symphony (abbrev: PUS). Basically, it goes something like:
1. Our kids will never commit such an act. Dumbas' a liar.
2. Our kids are law abiding citizens and we don't care what Dumbas says.
3. Dumbas' mom is a single mother. Can his words be trusted?
But yet, seven out of ten underprivileged children or victims of schoolyard bullying actually admired Enal Alex Dumbas for who he truly is while the remaining three out of ten have stated their desires to truly become the next Enal Alex Dumbas. To add up the sum of figures, that will mean ten out of ten. Interestingly enough, major social media actually ended up having a spike of anti-Enal Alex Dumbas bashing with Twatter, Tumble, FartBook and Yolotube being the most notable social media brands in this very context. Enal Alex Dumbas' reaction? I think I can just conclude this article by this quote of his upon being asked of such a question by a curious journalist:
"The gods will never play with the mortals. After all, you can't expect mortals to improve a country's economy and this is me being actually kind enough."

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Kork.M.Hancock, Rogue Economist: How Sex, Violence and Family Values affect the global economy (Part 2)

Last minute notice
The entire column should have been finished by this post, but due to physical fatigue induced somehow, the columnist in question has to drag the whole damned thing by one more part. We view this issue very seriously and hence, Kork.M.Hancock was given an ultimatum to either:
A. Go find a worthy girlfriend, whoever that unlucky girl may be
B. If he still remains single and no girlfriend since birth, be very assured that the institute will find other ways to resolve this problem, no matter the price and cost.
~Sincerely yours, Rogue Economy Insitute
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

So does Violence have anything to do with Masala?
Scarily enough, the answer might be yes. Now there's no intention to fan racial hatred because when we say Masala, it's not just the spice. Rather, we're gonna talk about the Republic of Masala. Now this is an extremely interesting country to explore. As of late, a lot of media attention is being cast upon this country for the past few weeks until recently.

So what's Masala famous for? One word: Spices. Ninety percent of the spice trade originates from this little country in the South Asian sub-continent, but the economic structure is truly dodgy. Simply put, the Republic actually adopts a dual currency system. Because there's so much leftover harvest, the truly poor are being paid with a bag of spices while the truly rich actually reaped the cash. So now comes the biggest question: Is there truly a certain demand for the spices in Masala itself? The answer should be most obviously no.

Now if you're one of the poor, would you be able to sell your spices for money? If you're one of the rich, surely you can buy something the poor has crafted for a cutthroat price. Now let this be known: The poor have to hunt, farm, and craft in addition to sustain their livelihood. It's not just spices, mind you.

And now let's talk about violence. The reason why recent weeks have Masala as the top search term online is down to a case of gang rape committed by a group of rich boys against an unmarried daughter from a poor family. Not surprisingly, the local law enforcers never did anything to apprehend the culprits and the incident should have been buried under the carpet. Of course, no one should dictate that major consumers of alcohol should display any semblances of intellect and boasting about your glory since being three quarter drunk is a recipe for trouble. Especially if you're in a slum. I'd like to go a wee bit more detailed on the process, but suffice to say, it's not really nice getting your own corpse gang raped after being lynched on the spot. Figuratively speaking of course since once dead, forever dead.

And now comes the best part of them all. Nationwide riots became a daily fixture and global economy suffered as a result due to its monopoly in the spice trade. Prime Minister Sol Badh declared a state of emergency to no avail because the poor far outnumbered the rich. In the end, the parliament opted to open up the country's reserves just to appease these angry majority and the issue finally died down slowly. Of course by then, no one actually questioned how hot was the correct victim since the media never followed up further, but that's besides the point.

Point is, Masala was forced to undergo a financial crunch and from thereon, three lessons in economy should be learnt:

1. Wealth gap exist all over the globe in varying extent, but this fact should not be used as an excuse to hijack your own economy in the long run.
2. Seemingly minor things have major repercussions more often than not. But of course this is something for every government to chew about.
3. If your country has a low crime rate, keep up the good work and reward those who have truly earned their credit. If it's the exact opposite, please don't be so stupid to pay off everybody with a bag of spices each.

And to cap this part off, let me quote a certain Dave Petal, formerly from Republic of Masala and now permanently based here:

"When I first won the inaugural Who Wants to be a Masala Millionaire, I thought I was living in a joke. It turned out not to be so, because the organizer was a kind hearted philanthropist who died shortly after I won my first million bucks. As if dictated by my murdered father now up above, the kindly 'uncle' actually made me his sole beneficiary of his entire fortune. I knew I couldn't live there anymore because certain people were being dicks and I felt helpless towards all my fellow poor truly in need. You can say that I came here to escape at first, but now I know that such an event won't happen in this country. Because the police here are paid with money, not some Masala mix."

To be continued...

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Kork.M.Hancock, Rogue Economist: How Sex, Violence and Family Values affect the global economy (Part 1)

Parody/satire means you need to the brains to understand it. If you don't know what is fiction, then too bad.
Note: Of course that will mean I will end up doing a crap job out of it anyway. >.<

Lowdown on the columnist
Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Rogue Economy Institute. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until REI offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.

Lowdown on the institute
Rogue Economy Institute is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.

Due to laws nigh unchallengeable, there will be nothing pertaining to whatever sensitive issues involved. It is my firm conviction that so long every country minds its own problems, the people doesn't have to care about affairs beyond their naked eyes unless they choose to otherwise. Lately, the current President of Golden Chain Inc has posted something so terrible, I feel the need to highlight his words. Simply put, he actually mentioned something about kids nowadays being able to access themselves to arthouse porn, too much Masala and not giving any two hoots about social values. Now this is not a column to bash anyone. But rather, our Institute High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai caught me skiving on my monthly global report at the nearby maid cafe a few days back and decided that maybe an informal chat on the current demographics would be a better alternative than your customary detention.

So is President Goldie a racist?
Not so amazingly enough, he actually has Indian staff working under him. We're talking about human beings, not cattle waiting to be slaughtered. Everyone working in his corporation is perfectly educated, Indian or no Indian (Actually, everyone in this country is educated to a major extent anyway). So what made the Dearest Leader commit such a PR gaffe? HP Simisai actually mentioned a very interesting fact: In this world, stress is a necessity. Without stress, you cannot expect any given economy to grow. Which is why you can say economy is the only reason why stress exist rightfully. Let's take a look at the rules of proportionality:
Stress level(on a scale of 1 to 10)+Key Performance Index(on a scale of 1 to 10)=Level of compromise in intelligence(on a scale of 4 to 40)
As you can see, the more advanced the stress level, quite naturally the more advanced your economy. The higher the KPI, the better your productivity. So judging from the simple maths, the higher the sum, the more prone you are to snapping halfway through midnight (especially if you're a light sleeper). Hence should a good economy represent a poor environment for mental well being? We will reach this area soon enough come part 2, I hope that is.

Firstly, it's Sex
Scarily enough, there are economists estimating that virtually one third of the global market is porn dependent. If the porn industry is to collapse, so will the global order. One argument justifying the positivity of porn is that it prevents people from committing sexual offences. But yet that will mean that legalizing porn is a natural thing to do and that once we go back to square one, it's still one third of the world's economy plus total global order at stake. Interestingly enough, the concept of porn can be classified into three categories: Hardcore porn, Softcore porn and subtle porn. Estimations have figured out that the hardcore and softcore sub-industries will never amount to one half of the annual global revenue. Simply put, the majority of the money is actually generated from the subtle sub-market.
So what is subtle porn? Renowned Italian sociologist Eric Spressoh has this to say:
"Any media invoking hormonal reactions, or shall we say urges, can be regarded as subtle porn. This is not to say everybody interested in such stuff is prone to committing sexual offences, but rather given how global demographics have panned out, this is something truly unavoidable and no sane sociologist can say it won't result in rape, molestation and outrage of modesty by default. Due to the cast iron fact that the model in question doesn't have to bare the vital parts, it would be foolish for any and every secular government to deem it illegal."
If you think Eric Spressoh is fear mongering, think again. Recent global surveys have indicated that out of every ten families without a criminal past, at least five of them will say their children won't commit sexual offences when they grow up. The only catch? Renowned South Korean psychologist Eric Jang Geun Soh has this to comment:
"The concept of human denial has been well documented over the centuries. Renowned French philosopher Patrick d'Chin had always held firm to the belief that only by knowing how to deceive oneself can he truly deceive the rest. Indeed he would have been stoned to death if not an untimely war waged by the English erupted out of sudden. Interestingly enough, the French never believed they could win the war, but they truly did so after a hundred years of constant perseverance. So judging by Law of Chin, if you can pat your own chin, you will start to believe that it might be truly okay to pat other people's chin if you think you really know them."
Of course then the greatest question remains: How does one define subtle porn? Intellectuals have been debating over this question ever since popular media had started to gather steam. At the end of the day, while everybody believed that wearing a bikini should be the most basic standard, they actually agree that individual mileage will always vary on the first priority.

To be continued...