Disclaimer!
Parody/satire means you need to the brains to understand it. If you don't know what is fiction, then too bad.
Note: Of course that will mean I will end up doing a crap job out of it anyway. >.<
Lowdown on the columnist
Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Rogue Economy Institute. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until REI offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.
Lowdown on the institute
Rogue Economy Institute is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.
Foreword
Due to laws nigh unchallengeable, there will be nothing pertaining to whatever sensitive issues involved. It is my firm conviction that so long every country minds its own problems, the people doesn't have to care about affairs beyond their naked eyes unless they choose to otherwise. Lately, the current President of Golden Chain Inc has posted something so terrible, I feel the need to highlight his words. Simply put, he actually mentioned something about kids nowadays being able to access themselves to arthouse porn, too much Masala and not giving any two hoots about social values. Now this is not a column to bash anyone. But rather, our Institute High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai caught me skiving on my monthly global report at the nearby maid cafe a few days back and decided that maybe an informal chat on the current demographics would be a better alternative than your customary detention.
So is President Goldie a racist?
Not so amazingly enough, he actually has Indian staff working under him. We're talking about human beings, not cattle waiting to be slaughtered. Everyone working in his corporation is perfectly educated, Indian or no Indian (Actually, everyone in this country is educated to a major extent anyway). So what made the Dearest Leader commit such a PR gaffe? HP Simisai actually mentioned a very interesting fact: In this world, stress is a necessity. Without stress, you cannot expect any given economy to grow. Which is why you can say economy is the only reason why stress exist rightfully. Let's take a look at the rules of proportionality:
Stress level(on a scale of 1 to 10)+Key Performance Index(on a scale of 1 to 10)=Level of compromise in intelligence(on a scale of 4 to 40)
As you can see, the more advanced the stress level, quite naturally the more advanced your economy. The higher the KPI, the better your productivity. So judging from the simple maths, the higher the sum, the more prone you are to snapping halfway through midnight (especially if you're a light sleeper). Hence should a good economy represent a poor environment for mental well being? We will reach this area soon enough come part 2, I hope that is.
Firstly, it's Sex
Scarily enough, there are economists estimating that virtually one third of the global market is porn dependent. If the porn industry is to collapse, so will the global order. One argument justifying the positivity of porn is that it prevents people from committing sexual offences. But yet that will mean that legalizing porn is a natural thing to do and that once we go back to square one, it's still one third of the world's economy plus total global order at stake. Interestingly enough, the concept of porn can be classified into three categories: Hardcore porn, Softcore porn and subtle porn. Estimations have figured out that the hardcore and softcore sub-industries will never amount to one half of the annual global revenue. Simply put, the majority of the money is actually generated from the subtle sub-market.
So what is subtle porn? Renowned Italian sociologist Eric Spressoh has this to say:
"Any media invoking hormonal reactions, or shall we say urges, can be regarded as subtle porn. This is not to say everybody interested in such stuff is prone to committing sexual offences, but rather given how global demographics have panned out, this is something truly unavoidable and no sane sociologist can say it won't result in rape, molestation and outrage of modesty by default. Due to the cast iron fact that the model in question doesn't have to bare the vital parts, it would be foolish for any and every secular government to deem it illegal."
If you think Eric Spressoh is fear mongering, think again. Recent global surveys have indicated that out of every ten families without a criminal past, at least five of them will say their children won't commit sexual offences when they grow up. The only catch? Renowned South Korean psychologist Eric Jang Geun Soh has this to comment:
"The concept of human denial has been well documented over the centuries. Renowned French philosopher Patrick d'Chin had always held firm to the belief that only by knowing how to deceive oneself can he truly deceive the rest. Indeed he would have been stoned to death if not an untimely war waged by the English erupted out of sudden. Interestingly enough, the French never believed they could win the war, but they truly did so after a hundred years of constant perseverance. So judging by Law of Chin, if you can pat your own chin, you will start to believe that it might be truly okay to pat other people's chin if you think you really know them."
Of course then the greatest question remains: How does one define subtle porn? Intellectuals have been debating over this question ever since popular media had started to gather steam. At the end of the day, while everybody believed that wearing a bikini should be the most basic standard, they actually agree that individual mileage will always vary on the first priority.
To be continued...
To be continued...
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