How to paralyse that damned cat...

No intent of animal cruelty here though. Such an act of felony belongs to North Dakota, which is why there's a major wrangling of sorts between the activists and potential fat cats (pardon the pun please).

VS

But firstly a shout out here to all the other blokes involved

So what's the deal, Bro?

First and foremost, **** the 3 points because there's no such thing as points in a Cup tie. Knowing Martin O'Neill, I'll have to give him full respect here. Granted I did have a history of Martin bashing recently, but that's only in FB where anything and everything goes in the North East Banter page (and by banter, it means you can deal all sorts of low blows bar the three cardinal sins listed by the admins). Of course that doesn't mean Mogga is a shit manager. If MON is a Premiership level manager leading the kind of players costing you 10 to 12 million pounds, then TM is a Premiership level manager truly able to bring out the best in players costing no more than 3 million quids on average. A mouthwatering clash I say.

And to prove that I'm no liar...

So what does the post title really mean btw?

Black Cats is the nickname for Sunderland while Middlesbrough is pretty much plain ol' Boro. Newcastle? Well, the Geordies went out of the picture as well know how, so let's not talk about whether Wonga is truly owned by a real life Willy Wonka. [1]

Moral of the story: You can only paralyze a Smackem by the spine

Firstly, allow me to give my own take on what may be flying about come kick off today. Derbies tend to do strange shit to people. [2] Simply put, blood will be spilt with brutal cold steel flashing abound and staging your last stand will be the stuff of football chivalry. Okay, I made up that statement by myself, but surely you guys get the picture.

So firstly, what are the guys we should look out for?

Suspect 1

Everyone's singing his praise for fun. And while granted I recognise his current purple patch, the actual danger he poses forth is something wo won't be having here in this match. If you have a big centre forward, you'll be indeed dumb enough to tell him "go score some goals and go fly some kite". Only people too used to the kind of goal banging heroes like Alan Shearer will see things this way. Simply put, be it one man forward or two guys upfront, Fletcher will always be the man to take down the knockdowns and hold up the ball. In a very real sense, he's pretty much of an Andy Carroll mold. [3] Now we're NOT talking about Gus Poyet or Ian Holloway bossing Team Kucing Hitam. [4] We're talking about a bunch of millionaire Neanderthals. Or so we would like to believe. Because...

Suspects 2&3

MON had hit a major jackpot with Larsson. In retrospect, Larsson is the kind of winger who can pass, run, cross and shoot the ball. Especially the latter 3 options where it will serve Kucing Hitam really damn well. Remember that Larsson is a Swede. Which means he's far more at home with MON's football style than what we'd like to assume otherwise. And let's not say anything about how bloody damned good he is at taking set pieces. Period.

As for Adam "Jonno" Johnson, he's pretty much another Larsson. But yet while he's not that much of a set piece hot shot, via his own trickery and ball control going at full pelt. For MON, he's truly a viable partner in crime for big Swede Lars. Simply put, his technical ability will serve Kucing Hitam lagi well via decoy runs both along the flank and cutting inside. On a dual synergy mode, this will be Guy and Cody all over again due to the necessity in switching flanks against a team like us where a cavalier approach is most likely the way to go.

Basically synergy means something like this...

Final Suspect

One pet habit of mine during my far younger days would be the tendency to save the best for the last. Yes, Suspect Code Omega is the most vital fella in the Kucing Hitam itself. Now we really have to get this clear. Why I include Larsson and Jonno is down to the fact that they can't really do a dime without the ball. If MON put him as the defensive lynchpin, you can be very sure that everything play breaking will go through him. In fact in the most likely event at every minute's interval, you can be very sure that Kucing Hitam will end up defending deep with Catts himself marshaling the forces at most forefront.

If MON put him in a more attacking role, you can be very sure that he will track back to defend and run back up front again like a North East Robb Stark.

Final round up

Yet, I'll have to say that the main outlet of counter offence lies in whoever running forward, be it nine lives Catts or some other Mackem yolo. It may not amount to anything much with the ball, but a lot of tactical options going forward will hinge heavily on how effective such a nine lives runner can truly last. For Kucing Hitam, it's not just about discipline, but above all a tactical awareness to make the eleven man Minas Tirith click. At the same time, whoever being that big ass bloke up front in the final third has to be shackled properly if he's given the ball. And when I say shackle the guy, I don't mean some random two on one/three on one/*insert any number versus one*. Static decoy up in your own third is no straw dummy unless you don't believe in anal punishment.

Either way, the onus is to nullify the centre, be it going forward to tracking back. Of course no one will be stupid enough to tell our lads to go trail and error mode just to find out whether Catts truly has 9 lives. Simply put, how we can utilize the space in the forward half of the middle park will be key to how well we will fare.

The only problem? Someone has to come up with alternatives should MON's instructions manage to hit a hundred eighty degree reversal. Something along the line of...

[1]: Yes, Johnny Depp won't find such a three quarter-assed joke funny.

[2]: O' Tim Howard! What hast thou done???

[3]: Apart from the fact that Andy Carroll can't seem to score a dime post-Newcastle

[4]: Black Cat in Malay