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Ok, I admit that I've failed somewhere before. But anyway welcome. Just a brief intro on what you should expect here:
1. Football. Not gonna post much of that any soon since season is over. :S
2. Anime, Games, etc. Just abt anything conceivable under the Japanese radar barring anything and everything Rule 34. Now that's illegal. Period. -.-;
3. Music. Everything to do with it is listed under the tab.
5. Unacceptable humour: Anything and everything is fair game here. As long as I don't get rounded up by the ISA. -.-'

6.
The Known World=Fantasy world building in process. I: Used to be glossary, now devoted to random rambling; II: Character Concepts; III: Lore.
7. der Wolf=my Fictionpress account under the moniker Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu. A Ranger's Tale is hosted under this page. :)
8. New section now upped. Maybe I should also gun for upping A Ranger's Tale here since I do have this funny feeling that traffic coming to here is way more than whatever I'll get in FP.

Statement of intent: Everything said here is a figment of personal opinion, be it me or anybody commenting. I try to be responsible, but my parents=/=parents of the world.

@Druid of Luhn: Crap. Should have remembered far earlier to give you the credit for your CSS text box code. :(

A/N: But sadly, it seems that your CSS text box code has now been halved efficiency wise. :(

That most important note I should have added: Any images posted in this blog are NOT my own stuff. I got them from Google image search, I don't earn any shit by being a thief and liar. Those responsible for the pictures, rest assured that you all are great artists in your own regards. Sadly, we all know what limited space means in terms of posting.

Latest Note: Changed alignment for my page widgets due to my worry that I can't centre align the thing.

Note on A Ranger's Tale: In case any complaining fella wants to have a legal case with me, let this be known that A Ranger's Tale is rated M by default. I've upped the swearing and somewhat a bit on the dark/gritty factor. You all have been warned, let no little boy and girl enter the forbidden realm.

Latest on ART: A Ranger's Tale now starting to kick back in gear. But I really hate the insanely fluctuating climate here in S'pore.

P.S: Oh, and one more thing. Vid below is yet another ideal OP for A Ranger's Tale.

Friday, 26 July 2013

Literally the most intelligent bastard ever... (Part 6)

[高帝从击布军还,病创,徐行至长安。燕王卢绾反,上使樊哙以相国将兵击之。既行,人有短恶哙者。高帝怒曰:“哙见吾病,乃几我死也!”

用平计,召绛侯周勃受诏床下,曰:“陈平乘驰传载勃代哙将,平至军中即斩哙头!”

二人既受诏,驰传未至军,行计曰:“樊哙,帝之故人,功多,又吕后女弟吕须夫,有亲且贵,帝以忿怒故欲斩之,即恐后悔。宁囚而致上,令上自诛之。”

未至军,为坛,以节召樊哙。哙受诏,即反接,载槛车诣长安,而令周勃代将兵定燕。]

Summary: Death comes to everybody, not even the 2nd Emperor of China could have escaped. Apparently, situation ain't all that hunky dory since rebellion was still an everyday occurrence. After Han Xin, we got Ying Bu (although can't be sure when Peng Yue pulled off the same stunt).

Amazingly enough, not even the loyal Fan Kuai was spared from suspicion. We all know he's way too dumb to stage an uprising, some fella just chose to upgrade every single damn thing. His Holy Han-ness' reaction?
Scariest part? Evil Ping sowed discord just for teh evulz. Well sort of since His Holy Han-ness was hell bent on executing Fan Kuai despite this big bloke following him right from the start...

Scarier still? Evil Ping suggested sending Zhou Bo as the emissary since he's the Grand Commandant by now. Okay, it's actually Zhou Bo taking over Fan Kuai's place while Evil Ping was tasked with the sword.

Yet, here comes the question: If this was Chen Ping's ploy coming from Chen Ping, then why did he regret the decision halfway through? Guys, I think it's quite likely that Liu Bang had yet to go senile despite nearing death. At the same time, we must also know that Chen Ping always accompanied Liu Bang during the Chu-Han War and the aftermath of unification. In fact, it takes a bastard to know another bastard and both were equally bad. Quite a bit like the pot and kettle being black without either stating the obvious.

In short, here is my conjecture-Chen Ping had NOTHING to do with this military drama. Willingly that is. In short, His Holy Liu-ness got the power, the rest is history.

Yet, this was when Chen Ping executed another piece of strategy masterstroke. You see, Fan Kuai wasn't only close to Liu Bang, but above all he's also close to His Holy Liu-ness' Empress wife. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, an Empress is after all a woman.

Chen Ping's evil planz? Well, firstly, we have to give it to Chen Ping in the sense that he understood what kind of character His Holy Liu-ness had became. "God" has never been so paranoid before (although there had been countless mortal gods in the course of human history), this is quite like how Wade Wilson became Deadpool through Weapon X apart from the fact that Deadpool is still considered technically (?) sane.

To put evil plans in a nutshell, by convincing Fan Kuai to shackle himself in a prison carriage, every man and woman will be a happy man or woman. In fact, Fan Kuai did have a redeeming quality apart from being a war machine. You all can call it dumb honour, I call him a loyal subject.

P.S: We the Chinese have this favourite saying-accompanying the lord is akin to accompanying a tiger [伴君如伴虎]. Don't believe me, go ask Ned Stark how's it going downstairs.


[平行闻高帝崩,平恐吕后及吕须怒,乃驰传先去。逢使者诏平与灌婴屯于荥阳。平受诏,立复驰至官,哭殊悲,因奏事丧前,吕后哀之,曰:“君出休矣!”

平畏谗之就,因固请之得宿卫中。太后乃以为郎中令,日傅教帝。是后,吕须谗乃不得行。樊哙至,即赦复爵邑。

惠帝五年,相国曹参薨,安国侯王陵为右丞相,平为左丞相。]

Summary: Halfway through, "God" died. As an adviser of "God", Chen Ping started fearing for his life. You see, we can only blame "God" for subjecting everybody under this ridiculous period drama, no one is gonna listen to said servant anyway...

Step 1-stage a wayang, rush all the way to Xingyang.

Step 2-cry in grief like a crybaby, the more you look like a bapok, the higher your chances of survival.

Step 3-Still fearing for his life, Chen Ping requested to stay amongst the Imperial Guards.

Step 4-He got a new post, he now in charge of teaching the crown prince. No more army, no more pasta.

Result-Empress Lu bought Chen Ping's deal hook, line, and sinker, Chen Ping lived to fight (?) another day.

The only problem? The Lu clan still got a regal troll called Lu Xu. We'll get to that later.

[吕须常以平前为高帝谋执樊哙,数谗平曰:“为丞相不治事,日饮醇酒,戏妇人。”

平闻,日益甚。吕太后闻之,私喜。面质吕须于平前,曰:“鄙语曰‘儿妇人口不可用’,顾君与我何如耳,无畏吕须之谮。”]

Summary: By then, Cao Shen had passed away as the Chancellor. Before him, there was one Xiao He, this time round, we got Chen Ping.

Remember Lu Xu? Bugger was PO'ed over the assumption that Fan Kuai nearly did himself in in via Chen Ping's evil planz, this time he became even more jahat. By slandering Chen Ping to be a drunkard and womaniser, that should have done him in.

Chen Ping's response?

Empress Lu's reaction?


[吕太后多立诸吕为王,平伪听之。及吕太后崩,平与太尉勃合谋,卒诛诸吕,立文帝,平本谋也。审食其免相,文帝立,举以为相。太尉勃亲以兵诛吕氏,功多;平欲让勃位,乃谢病。文帝初立,怪平病,问之。平曰:“高帝时,勃功不如臣;及诛诸吕,臣功亦不如勃。愿以相让勃。”

于是乃以太尉勃为右丞相,位第一;平徙为左丞相,位第二。赐平金千斤,益封三千户。]

Summary: There's a reason why Empress Lu erected Chen Ping as the Chancellor. Given the kind of insidious talent Chen Pin is, acting drunk and horny will only serve to deflect any suspicions away. In short, Chen Ping knew what kind of person is Empress Lu. So long as he outlived her, Interesting Times are sure to follow. In fact, whatever decisions made by Empress Lu was approved by Chen Ping, I'm talking about granting high posts for her clan.

Soon (?) after, Han dynasty DID survive to witness an Interesting Time. When they say "may you live in Interesting Times", it means they want you to die. That's why Sir Terry Pratchett called this a curse in Discworld, that's when Chen Ping seized his chances.

After Empress Lu's demise, Interesting Times erupted. In order to take the correct side, Chen Ping and Zhou Bo cooked up a plan. You call it a bastard's game, I call this a fatal backstab. Interestingly (?) enough, Chen Ping was the one suggesting whatever dastardly strategy available.

After the debacle, Zhou Bo became the right Chancellor and Chen Ping the left. However, the Wen Emperor's original decision was quite the opposite. To him, Chen Ping was the numero uno. Yet, Chen Ping chose to take MC. When boss asked apeh ini, Chen Ping replied that Zhou Bo was the one overseeing the military aspect while Chen Ping only had a mouth and a tongue. In short, it's a case of his overall credit being no match for Zhou Bo's, be they during or after Liu Bang's reign.

Note: The right position is the higher of the two, we'll see soon enough the dynasty wedgie...

[居顷之,上益明习国家事,朝而问右丞相勃曰:“天下一岁决狱几何?” 勃谢不知。

问:“天下钱谷一岁出入几何?”

勃又谢不知。汗出洽背,愧不能对。上亦问左丞相平。

平曰:“各有主者。”

上曰:“主者为谁乎?”

平曰:“陛下即问决狱,责廷尉;问钱谷,责治粟内史。”

上曰:“苟各有主者,而君所主何事也?”

平谢曰:“主臣!陛下不知其弩下,使待罪宰相。宰相者,上佐天子理阴阳,顺四时,下遂万物之宜,外填抚四夷诸侯,内亲附百姓,使卿大夫各得任其职也。” 上称善。

勃大惭,出而让平曰:“君独不素教我乎!”

平笑曰:“君居其位,独不知其任邪?且陛下即问长安盗贼数,又欲强对邪?”

于是绛侯自知其能弗如平远矣。居顷之,勃谢免相,而平颛为丞相。]

Summary: Nothing much, only that big boss asked Zhou Bo on whatever irregularities available, i.e. number of people convicted per year and amount of produce accumulated per annum. Zhou Bo couldn't give the correct answer to 2+2, Chen Ping had to do bailout.

Chen Ping's answer was very easy: go find the relevant people in charge.

You see, it's one thing to supervise everything and quite another to supervise everything 24/7. Liu Bang once stated that Zhou Bo lacked the capacity to rule as Chancellor. Chen Ping, on the other hand, was lauded as one with vital wits, yet unable to stand on his own. One could say that Chen Ping's problem lies in his unsavoury repute, likewise Zhou Bo's problem was that he didn't posses the attention span and focus to pull this off. It wasn't until donkey years later that Zhuge Liang managed to defy human logic, Zhuge Liang managed to do what Zhou Bo had failed so miserably in the past before.

Long story short, Zhou Bo felt ashamed of himself, he let Chen Ping have total power as the Chancellor via shooting a resignation letter.

[孝文二年,平薨,谥曰献侯。传子至曾孙何,坐略人妻弃市。王陵亦至玄孙,坐酎金国除。辟阳侯食其免后三岁而为淮南王所杀,文帝令其子平嗣侯。淄川王反,辟阳近淄川,平降之,国除。

始,平曰:“我多阴谋,道家之所禁。吾世即废,亦已矣,终不能复起,以吾多阴祸也。”

其后曾孙陈掌以卫氏亲戚贵,愿得续封,然终不得也。]

Conclusion: Nothing much of note apart from the fact that Chen Ping's descendant got horrible screwed via decisions amounting to persona non intégrité. Scariest thing? Chen Ping had foreseen this because he knew something instead of knowing nothing...

P.S: Yes, I know this post is a half-assed standard one. I tried to give my all, my head feeling lagi light atm.

++++++

楚汉相争,逐鹿中原
乱世再兴,能者造势
刘项枭雄,二虎对立
汉初三杰,不见一人
韩信用兵,难敌暗策
萧何之望,兵家无为
张良献计,千里定局
中尉护军,出奇制胜
每逢逆境,先知后发
六谋俱齐,高祖叹服
透视人心,兵不厌诈
天下统一,本性难移