Yes, the above statement is just pure drivel. But anyway, we all know the Beatles and we all should know the Bee Gees as well (not to mention ABBA as well due to that $$$ song). You see, there's a very famous song by this legendary trio and it's called Stayin' Alive...
Either way, this song will be sung both before and during the 2nd leg of what is arguably make or break for the future of Fútbol Español. [1] In fact, that two German teams should try listening to this song even though this legendary trio aren't Germans.
So what exactly went right for Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund?
One magical sequence of numbers: 4-2-3-1. Forget about all the bullshit calling this a defensive formation. Ser A.Fergie tried that quite a lot of times especially in the European stage and I can call it possession football at the centre. Senhor Mou's 4-2-3-1 isn't really defensive given how the offensive will always be started most upfront. [2] Lol in fact I can easily create a ball possession 4-2-3-1 for Robbie Manc by telling him to shift James " that utility holder" Milner just behind Sergio "Izuna-Kun" Aguero with Samir "Le Déception" Nasri and David "El Jinete" Silva at either flank. [3]
So what's so magical about Die 4-2-3-1? I dunno when this concept actually came out, but you can be very sure that Joachim "Jogi" Löw might have made this Ausbildung into a national brand name post Euro 2012.
Now let's see the similarities between FC Hollywood and Die Schwarzgelben. Both are still playing 4-2-3-1, both are still playing like Die Mannschaft itself. Jogi must be mightily chuffed if I say so myself and it's down to having a stable defence.
But I though the two are attacking teams!
And so is Die Mannschaft as well lol! You see, the key lies in having a strong backline. On paper, we're talking about 4 defenders, but technically speaking, this is a six man defence format. The only similarity between the two fiercest rivals Bundesliga might have ever seen [4] is what truly ensures their powerhouse status [5] right now.
For FC Hollywood, let's take a look at who are the ones anchoring the midfield...
If Javi "will he be Roberto?" Martinez is Bavaria's answer to Catalonia, then a certain Die Bastion is that key man making FC Hollywood into an actual Team Hollywood.
You see, Schweinsteiger is quite a beast of a player due to his aggressive nature as a field leader. Not only can he tackle like Roy "Keano" Keane, he can also pass the ball like Paul "that English homing device" Scholes. [6] He's not the type of hard running game breaker like Gennaro "I refuse to call Joe Jordan a ****ing English from the sidelines" Gattuso, but rather a player able to break up play and passing the ball afterwards.
If Martinez is to be the puppet master, then Schweinsteiger without a doubt will be that living Fragarach.
And now let's come to Die Schwarzgelben...
If there's anything to go by the match report itself, it would seem to me that Die Schwarzgelben is much more of a running team. This is a team much vaunted for its attack, but still without its two middle salute, there's no way Jürgen "me no dive like my cousin" Klopp will be able to give Senhor Mou that one salute called Die Gesundheit.
In short, everything's all about blurring the line separating offensive link-up from break+counter.
So what went wrong for the two amigos?
Jupp "Die Vereinheitlichen" Heynckes' game plan was very simple just like Jürgen "me no dive like my cousin" Klopp himself. Breaking up the attack upfront with the other deep lying midfielder controlling possession just in front of the back 4. However, this is where the similarity ends.
For FC Hollywood, this is a team much more refined. [*] In the form of Thomas "that Bavarian Mullet" Muller, the Bavarians have a player capable of scoring and creating. Yet given the wing forwards being played, Muller doesn't have to sweat so much just to score a goal because he need NOT to. Bayern have a central striker capable of scoring [7] while in Franck "laisser une cicatrice" Ribéry and Arjen "that Dutch Spock" Robben, FC Hollywood do have a cast iron offensive diamond where Muller is able to focus more on retaining and creating.
Against Barca, the entire 3 amigos failed to find a way through the back 4 because so long as Martinez HAS the ball, 30+% in ball possession will be good enough. If Schweinsteiger can stay as Die Bastion upfront [8], ball retention will not be an issue with 3 ball players behind Die MIA himself. The goals came in swiftly and brutally, that was when La Cataluña bit the dust. In fact, FC Hollywood is truly a team where the goals can just come from everywhere in the forward diamond to say the least.
For Die Schwarzgelben, it's much more of a team used to running the opponents down rather than creating the most with whatever possession gained. This is a team much associated with the working class rather than the glitzy Oktoberfest hotties and I hope I'm not doing a stupid hyperbole here.
This isn't to say Die Schwarzgelben is a lousy team. Klopp has indeed created a winning team with a winning identity. This identity lies in the belief (?) that $$$=A$$ and 'tis a little wonder why both teams don't like each other.
A hardworking team brimming with talents, Die Schwarzgelben is all about having players gunning forward and tracking back. NOT to win the ball, but to re-link up the attack.
For Senhor Mou, using Luka "he's not a Jew ffs!" Modrić was a wise call. If he's to field Mesut "Turkish delight" Özil, the trouble would be that Dortmund will have a far easier time shutting the game down from the offensive line. Modrić was there as the central playmaker due to his better passing range. In short, Senhor Mou's plan is to bypass the German pressure so that he can pull down some German shorts and embarrass some German pitos.
And that's when he said WTF post 1-1...
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| No point adding 1-4 'cuz run out of panels... WAIT! This no Dortmund lah! |
Defence was a mess, I'll have to be fair in saying that Los Vikingos sank Los Vikingos. Blaugrana's defeat was a tactical cock up, perhaps this fact alone will offer all the Barcelonistas some scant consolation. Of course it's also more likely than not to say that Die Schwarzgelben is a team thriving on impetus going forward. [9]
Advantage Stayin' Alive
Only half the war is won, but the Krauts do surely have one foot in an all-German final. Tactically speaking, Real and Barca are now doomed for defeat. Am I bullshitting myself? Sadly, no. I hate to be an anti-España/pro-Deutschland bastard, but unless we end up seeing a defensive implosion capable of shaming even the Oranje and Les Bleus combined, I don't see any reason for the Germans not to reenact the Bee Gees. Even if it's only for a day.
P.S to Mr Eric Soh: You once said before that the 12th man in Old Trafford will always be the referee, but you forgot to include the 12th man in Camp Nou being Intervención Divina himself. I know what I'm talking about because even the Reebok Stadium itself got blessed not so long ago.
[1]: Oh btw, any word on whatever English dominance is just a foreign myth.
[2]: Don't believe me all, you amigos? Go ask FC Porto.
[3]: That's me bullshitting because I know Tevez will sign for AC Milan next season. :P
[4]: España=El Clásico, Deutschland=Der Klassiker. Merseyside is still all about breaking legs and two players diving, i.e. 凸(｀0´)凸 VS 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸
[6]: Okay, that's pushing my bullshit way too far. Hopefully Bio Chem General Aladeen don't get to see this.
[7]: Which ended up giving Jogi all the wrong answers inexplicably enough.
[8]: Tactically speaking, it's called breaking up play left, right, centre.
[9]: Mad Ian, eat your heart out heartily, bro!
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