 |
| Sallah, you all. I no talking abt this pendek bastard... |
This is the real pendek bastard...
EPIC SELECTION I: HOW TO TROLL LIKE A PRO
Tyrion Lannister: Tell me, when your men slaughtered Ned Stark's men at the throne room, did you give the orders?
Janos Slynt: I did, and I would again. The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty.
Tyrion Lannister: [teasing] The fool. He had no idea you were already bought.
Janos Slynt: [angrily] Are you drunk? I won't have my honor questioned by an imp!
Tyrion Lannister: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.
[Janos jumps on his feet furiously]
Janos Slynt: If you think I'll stand here and take this from you, dwarf...
Tyrion Lannister: "Dwarf"? You should have stopped at "imp". And yes, you will stand here and take it from me, unless you like to take it from my friend here.
[Janos notices that Bronn stands near him]
Tyrion Lannister: I intend to serve as Hand of the King until my father returns from the war. And seeing as you betrayed the last Hand of the King, well, I just wouldn't feel safe with you lurking about.
Janos Slynt: Did you... my friends at the court will not allow this! The queen herself...
Tyrion Lannister: The queen regent. And you are a fool to believe she is your friend.
Janos Slynt: [hissing] We shall hear what Joffrey has to say about this!
Tyrion Lannister: No, we shall not.
[several guards of the City Watch enter]
Tyrion Lannister: There's a ship leaving for Eastwatch-by-the-Sea tonight. From there, I'm afraid it's rather long walk to Castle Black. I hope you enjoy the Wall. I found it surprisingly beautiful... in a brutal, horribly uncomfortable sort of way.
Bronn: The lads will escort you. The streets aren't safe at night, my Lord.
Janos Slynt: [angrily] These men are under my command!
[Bronn grins teasingly]
Janos Slynt: [to the guards] I command you to arrest this cutthroat!
Tyrion Lannister: His name is Bronn, and he is the new commander of the City Watch.
Bronn: [to the guards] Boys...
[the guards drag Janos Slynt outside, despite his loud protests]
PIC SELECTION II: G.R.R. TROLLOLOL SHIPPING TYRION x SANSA?
Tyrion Lannister: What kind of knight beats a helpless girl?
Meryn Trant: The kind who serves his king, Imp!
Bronn: Careful now. We don't want to get blood all over your pretty white cloak.
Tyrion Lannister: Someone get the girl something to cover herself with.
[Sandor Clegane gives Sansa his cloak]
Tyrion Lannister: [to Joffrey] She's to be your queen. Have you no regard for her honor?
Joffrey Baratheon: I'm punishing her.
Tyrion Lannister: For what crimes? She's not fighting her brother's battle, you halfwit.
Joffrey Baratheon: You can't talk to me like that. The king can do as he likes!
Tyrion Lannister: The mad king did as he like. Has your uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?
Meryn Trant: No one threatens his grace in the presence of the Kingsguard!
Tyrion Lannister: I'm not threatening the king, Ser, I'm educating my nephew.
[to Bronn]
Tyrion Lannister: Bronn, the next time the Ser Meryn speaks, kill him.
[Back to Ser Meryn]
Tyrion Lannister: THAT was a threat. See the difference?
EPIC SELECTION III: BULLSHITTING YOUR WAY TO LIFE
Lysa Arryn: You wish to confess your crimes?
Tyrion Lannister: Yes, My Lady. I do, My Lady.
Lysa Arryn: The Sky cells always break them. Speak, Imp. Meet your gods as an honest man.
Tyrion Lannister: Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I'm a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe. She was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. If I close my eyes, I can still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10 I stuffed my uncle's boots with goatshit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged and I escaped justice. When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake. I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. Once I brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...
Lysa Arryn: Silence!
Robin Arryn: What happened next?
Lysa Arryn: What do you think you're doing?
Tyrion Lannister: Confessing my crimes.
Lysa Arryn: Lord Tyrion, you are accused of hiring a man to slay my son Bran in his bed, and of conspiring to murder my sister's husband, Lord Jon Arryn, the Hand of the King.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh, I'm very sorry. I don't know anything about all that.
P.S: I suddenly discovered that this is the best way to rehab a potential BPC. Who says A Song of Ice and Fire is out to troll the better good of society?
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