Notice from Rogue Economy Institute
We at the Rogue Economy Institute are glad to announce a change of name due to our application to do so being approved in spite of having the request rejected more than a million times in two years' span. For now at least, Rogue Economy Institute will be renamed Institute of Rogue Economists (abbrev. IRE). At the same time, we at the IRE will like to clarify that this stupid columnist here has yet to lose his virginity despite hitting the ripe middle age of 30 last year. In short, please do NOT believe any rumors pertaining to any leaked sex tape. Well, Tigress Allen would have killed him for good if so anyway.
~Sincerely yours, Rogue Economy Insitute
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai
Population, local girls and that most damning Gun Control White Paper
One of the most common gripes about why our local guys can't find any local love is down to the perception that our country is now facing a certain selection crisis. Simply put, we the male species can only pin our hopes on foreign non-white/non-Japanese/non-Korean girlfriends while our local girls have the luxury of having foreign white boyfriends. Are things truly that bad? Our Head of Social Espionage Faculty, Kay G.Bee had managed to uncover a shocking finding while infiltrating every local nightspot. And here are some of the views portrayed by some of the local female population:
Oh, local men? Please nothing of them, please! They just like to gamble you know! Everything also must gamble! Gamble horses, gamble football... even sometimes got gamble on what color is our underwear and G-string! I cannot tahan already, okay!
~Interviewee 1 Miss Manikam Manigo
Oh, local guys? Eh, please lah! You where got see any decent local guy around? Kosong! Zero! Nil! Zilch! Ask every clever girl and she will tell you that local guys are only good for one thing once they get married. If you're a local married guy, that means you beat your wife, you fuck your wife.
~Interviewee 2 Miss Tak Boleh Tahan
Alamak! Please no more of that local trash lah! Because you know what? They only know how to ask the wife how to bear children! If society not that hiong, then sure this country overpopulated one! Also you know one thing? Everytime got ah bengs vs ah ah sengs or ah lians vs ah huas, sure confirm must be local children one! Cannot, cannot!
~Interviewee 3 Miss Bu Zhang Jin
Now are local guys truly that bad? I'll cover this most rampant question in the next part because the key is this: Why do local girls enjoy digging the white guys? Opinions basically vary. Some enjoy talking intelligently, some like to tell every one of their girl-friends that she's the only one who is truly that lucky. Of course there are also vicious rumors circulating online over whether white guys do grow massive bananas as means for a living. And of course above all, there will always be girls having a soft spot for gun bearing guys.
So what's the big deal about guns?
Statistics have shown that a certain Integrated State of Pon (abbrev. ISP) is responsible for the highest outflow of white talents in spite of the imminent fact that they will more than often return back to their own country once their time to stay is up. Yet, ISP is still the greatest global superpower of now despite a recent falter in its local economy until the last half a decade where recovery has hit a constant 0.5% rate. So could things be anywhere worse off? Head of Media Diplomacy Faculty, Em Dee-A had managed to secure an exclusive interview with Miss Social Socialite of the Year and this is what Miss Karen Mel has to say here:
Miss Karen: There's such a thing called cause and effect in everything surrounding the concept of human society. What we're seeing in ISP's recent fortune in contrast to it's somewhat yo-yo state way earlier is down to that one moment in the ISP history: The Gun Control White Paper.
Em Dee-A: Now what is this Gun Control White Paper all about?
Miss Karen: Well, apparently, there had always been two sides of the camp whenever news of social unrest erupted. Either you ban guns or you don't, either you're with us or you're against us. It wasn't until seven years ago did their government, the Atas-Bawa Council, managed to hammer out a certain Gun Control White Paper explicitly stating the banning of gun usage. Opinions on the rule varied. Some believed that it should be done because people were shooting themselves off all over while others believed that having soldiers without license should be the only way to defend themselves against global terrorism. In particular, the National Rokok Association (abbrev. NRA) was especially vocal against the measure because they believed that sex in video games made people pull their trigger and nothing else.
Em Dee-A: But that's retarded! We don't allow guns even unto the extent that critics were asking why we everything also ban, but at the very least we don't get to see actual gun violence even once in every century!
Miss Karen: Your first statement, it's truly spot on.
Em Dee-A: ???
Miss Karen: What I mean is this, my friend. It was actually a retard who brought about the massive change called The 2nd Re-Amendment. Apparently, a child afflicted with Down syndrome ended up being a hero who saved the country. You see, there had been terrorists lurking about and in a particular hostage rescue attempt, a terrorist actually held a classroom full of children plus a teacher. Long story short, the poor little girl had duct tape tied around her ankles while being seated because no one knew how to deal with her. The only catch? The teacher who happened to be taken hostage as well had actually brought a fully loaded Beretta semi-auto to school despite weapons being classified as absolute contraband within educational premises. Suffice to say, while there's no hope for anybody to reach the weapon, the curious girl actually stopped struggling because she had a new toy to occupy her with. Now let me say that a fully loaded gun should only be seen as a dangerous weapon, terrorist or no terrorist. But this little girl done the right thing. The gun somehow went off and the sole terrorist got his balls shot off. The special forces managed to subdue him even though he died eventually due to severe extent of injury.
Em Dee-A: And the girl became a hero... erm, I mean heroine? Sorry for my slip of tongue.
Miss Karen: Why, yes. Quite obviously so. So imagine the shock she sent to the Atas Bawa Council when she declared that guns are way too scary. In short, guns shouldn't be seen as a toy. The people then managed to unite as a common front behind her because they're starting to ask themselves what if the dead terrorist had never owned a gun bought somewhere within their own borders somehow.
Em Dee-A: And the 2nd Re-Amendment was a done deal? That those against gun control were fearful of the common masses?
Miss Karen: Well yes. Even unto the extent where they decided to go one step further in terms of a blanket gun ban.
Em Dee-A: And what does that have to do with the current population and economy?
Miss Karen: Well, shortly after the ban, there's a major slump in global economy. Everyone globally could feel the impact and the anti-gun control bigwigs soon declared this to be a heavenly retribution. Of course they say "necessity is both the mother and father of all innovations" and the very fact that ISP had experienced a low population growth all the while before wasn't lost to the people all over the world.
Em Dee-A: So in short, the population experienced a boom?
Miss Karen: We all have to admit that as human beings, we will end up finding things to do whenever we have nothing to do...
Em Dee-A: Wow, that's really amazing to see how an intellectually disabled kid can affect the global economy via the population!
Miss Karen: And let's not forget that ISP do still have a state-of-art technology and creativity all round. Coupled with the apparent increase in population and that's the reason why ISP is still able to record a minimal economy growth where everything could easily go pear shaped otherwise.
Em Dee-A: Simply put, I guess we can just assume that ISP is able to outsource both its manpower and technology plus creativity in return for a considerable GDP return.
Miss Karen: Of course! And it can only be a good thing for the global economy.
Em Dee-A: Thank you very much for this exclusive interview then, Miss Karen Mel. I'm sure your next endeavor into the lingerie market will score you a success just like all your previous successes.
So what can we learn from this most exclusive interview?
Firstly and foremost, please don't ask anybody from the IRE on whether Miss Karen Mel has been taken. We all know she's the most desirable lady icon in the world, but she also hates the paparazzi press more than anything else. And we'll never do paparazzi just to set the record straight.
Secondly, by outsourcing the human resources, ISP managed to gain an upper hand in terms of attaining a better state-of-art technology.
Thirdly, by outsourcing the technology, ISP is able to attract back the manpower already outsourced due to attractive career prospects back home.
And lastly, we at the IRE have concluded that it's a good thing our country ban guns. Because land is scarce, a lot more people will possibly get hurt if someone is to go on a gun rampage.
To be continued...
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