Wrath of Bast+Enervating Slash+Sweeping Scythe+Slashing Lunge=IMPOSSIBRU!!!!
GROUP E
Confoederatio Helvetica
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
República del Ecuador
República de Honduras
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Now if only Ono can satisfy all those ninja pr0n fans.
Either that or Guy x Rose=totes worth it...
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Confoederatio Helvetica
Talk cock intro: A nation where Romansh+French+Italian+German=English+华文+தமிழ்+Bahasa Melayu, this is the only other fact I can glean from this nation apart from living standards, not part of EU and Roger "this blogger still remembers who was 弱智 during my NSF years" Federer. As for football, it's pretty much an obscure topic among the local Swiss. [1] During the last 2-3 years, however, Schweizer Nati/La Nati/Rossocrociati has raised some eyebrows and plenty of plaudits. Even though the likes of Alexander "the Great" Frei and Hakan "is he Turkish?" Yakin were scoring goals like water breaking from the dam, one does not simply compare the goal rate to Gambit or Fandral scoring with local S'porean girls. [2]
Their road to Brazil 2014 was nothing short of a fairy tale where defeating La Furia Roja is just like seeing Terry Bogard beating the hell out of Geese Howard. [3] The only question is can they last the distance?
The onus: Football can be very simple at times. Either you'll have a 4 line formation or its 3 line better cousin. The Swiss will be way too stupid if they're to go yolo. The Swiss are out to make a message of intent, NOT some Swiss cheese. One can be very sure that they're NOT about to become Swiss cheese. [4] Going my Minghui-matics [5], it should go something like this...
[Schweizer Nati]
[La Nati] [Schweizer Nati] [Rossocrociati] [Schweizer Nati] [La Nati]
[Rossocrociati] [Rossocrociati] [Rossocrociati] [Rossocrociati]
Prediction: Def the lesser of overwhelming faves to make it thru the group stages. Ottmar "not Ottoman" Hitzfeld will have a trick or two up his sleeves. How #TeamMiniRogers will fare in the group stage hinges heavily on Hitzfeld's bench. Period. Anywhere beyond the last 16 will be a literal gift wrapped in gold, silver, gems and rainbow. [6]
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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| Belinda Bencic |
République Française
Talk cock intro: Les Bleus or Les Blurs, this is a team whose fate is now 100% in their hands. Despite whatever vehement denial possibly voiced, the French are not much different from their much hated rivals across the Channel. It's not so long ago that Les Bleus were guilty of producing outstanding knights [7] and gifted cavaliers [8]. Not so long ago, Les Bleus were also guilty of shaming themselves, their flag and their nation. If you think hearing the English singing God Save the Queen is bad [9], try thinking God Save Les Bleus.
Le fardeau de la preuve: Didier "~~you finally know what you're doing~~" Deschamps managed to invoke a firestorm (of sorts) when he dropped a certain Samir "not Nazri Nasir" Nasri. They say hell hath no fury like a lady scorned, I'm not sure whether this was a one woman job. [10] Do I approve of his decision? Only time will tell. [11] With Le Traumatisme 2010 being a reality, however, it's only understandable to see Deschamps pulling off such an extreme measure. iirc it's cool to see Shawn Michaels and Triple H donning the DX colours, but def not to the Triple F if we're talking abt being Vince McMahon II.
It will do Deschamps loads of good if he's to adopt possession tactics with a strong spine tantamount to aucun de ces prisonniers. While I doubt he'll be that crazy to pull off a 4-5-1, playing 2 banks of 4 actually makes plenty of sense. This is a team blessed with aggression out wide, all Les Bleus needs is a stable back 4 staying flat. This time round, there's no way out. Unlike the long suffering Saxons under the yoke of William the Conqueror, the French nation will settle for nothing less than seeing a midfield of Lancelot du Lac & Gawain+Galahad & Percival fighting their Battle of Camlann.
Prediction: There's still a lingering fear on whether Franck "Le Cicatrice" Ribéry can/will make it. To me, however, planning five days ahead of Brazil 2014 shall be key to Les Bleus' fortunes. Deschamps will do well pinning down a specific role/position for Ribéry. In the event where Le Cicatrice ends up getting slapped with a hand worse than some jailbait scorned, Deschamps better nail down a replacement capable of replicating Le Talisman d'République himself. [12]
P.S: To my dearest maternal cousin YL and her entire family, hope you're fine over there at Bordeaux.
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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| ???? :D :D :D :D |
República del Ecuador
Talk cock intro: Dismiss La Tri at your own risk, that's my advice to all scoffers who think white ppl are better in playing football. [13] This is a team which ended up making La Celeste sweat post-qualifier [14] and there's no evidence of them letting up. Their friendly against England will be anything but that. Granted true that they'll be out to avoid injuries, but nothing will be more satisfying than beating that grandfather nation of football. Consistency will be key to their fortunes.
La responsabilidad: Fast and aggressive, this will be how I describe La Tri in terms of possible approach. You don't get to play yourself into the reckoning with only the likes of Chile, Colombia and Argentina ahead of you. Being the host, it means there will still be ppl who think La Tri got a tad lucky. Then again, ditto for Uruguay as well since they're rooted at 5th. A glance at La Tri indicates a massive overload in midfielders. Very likely we'll see an aggressive La Tri out to make a point across the middle park. They're not gonna park the bus, this I'm quite sure. If 4 x 5=4-5-1, then you're right. If you think 4-5-1=10 bus drivers, you're an idiot. This is NOT to say La Tri won't do so, but it means La Tri will be extremely dangerous in hitting the opponent on the break anywhere across the middle. Remember folks, football is all abt 22 pairs of feet+1 pair of hands vs 1 ball. In particular, a certain Antonio "and his merry Los Che" Valencia skippering La Tri will prove to be that decisive factor.
Prediction: Dark horse of the group, this is a team capable of upsetting the royal balance. As my churchmate Mr TTM once said, the ball is round, anyone can win. Quite a bit like GAR-cher gone imba due to his identity as a counter-guardian. [15]
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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| Estefani Espin |
Talk cock intro: A nation of little renown, this is a nation shocking plenty of Mexicans both home and everywhere further north. So what can we expect from Los Catrachos? Relatively unknown to the footballing world, Los Catrachos might end up shocking a few pundits if I say so myself.
La responsabilidad: Should Los Catrachos give a damn? Answer is no. Simply put, Los Catrachos have nothing to play for right from the bat. Chances are that Luis Fernando "not Luis" Suárez will be telling his boys to give no quarters because they'll be given none. Swift counterattacking tantamount to a 6 man break-up play means a likelihood of wolf pack going up against a tiger.
Prediction: If you think canines are no match for a tiger, think again. The Asiatic wild dogs are arguably the pride of India. This has got nothing to do with whether cows are truly sacred [16], but rather this is a canine equivalent to the barking dog. [17]
Cuon alpinus=the dhole=cows are sacred, but dogs are badass.
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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| Karla Molina |
[1]: Quite a bit like local S'poreans being unfamiliar with Swiss cheese.
[2]: I know AWARE will want to have me hanged, drawn and quartered over this comment, but one has to understand who are Gambit and Fandral in the first place.
[3]: Or even more satisfying, Rock Howard going batshit crazy guano loco against Kain. Now if only the bastards at SNK will give him a gf* ffs...
*Odds are now opened.
Ninon Beart odds: 1/3
Futaba Hotaru odds: 1/3
Bonne Jenet odds: 1/3
Pls email your bets to tacocatspellbackwardsstilltacocat@catmail.com.
[4]: Even if they do, said Swiss cheese will be one hell of a stinker for their opponents.
[5]: Now with trademark & copyright, so pls don't steal.
[6]: Not to mention Santa Claus riding high on an unicorn sleigh.
[7]: Like Claude "this is my role" Makélélé and Moussa "this is my heir apparent" Sissoko.
[8]: Like Michel "baise Angleterre!" Platini and Zinedine "baise Italie!" Zidane.
[10]: But if so, that means she might be scarier than the wife of Zeus herself.
[11]: In short, no comments.
[12]: Not in terms of form, but technical attributes.
[13]: Not to mention more attractive for both gender.
[14]: We know who plays for Liverpool, but Man Utd?
[15]: Was that during Heaven's Feel? A little wonder why Zouken was such a dastardly c***.
[16]: Ofc cows are sacred in India! You think I only ITE grad means I know nothing meh? Even Jon Snow learns plenty of lessons after killing Ygriite, okay!
[17]: To know more abt the real barking dog, go read Interesting Times by Sir Terry Pratchett. Don't worry, the Discworld novels are actually equally disjointed as the real Discworld. In short, no need to worry abt continuity b/c Rincewind=byword for bs.
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