WTF IS THIS SHIT????????

Felt like ranting, felt kenna makan. Why I never get Heimdall after defeating Malekith in final hurdle? Is it b/c I need to finish 5 star mastery?????? Dunno if I can do Part 2 of Rogue Economist, but at least I now got potong target.

Troll

Troll [2]

[ANTI] TROLLOLOLOL!!!!

In order to justify+cement my status as el hijo de puta, allow me to rub (?) some sea salt (?) onto the burning wound.

10 men trollolol satu

10 men trollolol dua

From how I see it, there's a common ground between Carlo "Blancos" Ancelotti and Laurent "Le Président des Princes" Blanc. Not the fact that they sacrificed 1 CF, but rather both choosing to retain their creative conduit. Gareth "not Christian" Bale and Edinson "I no Suarez" Cavani, what's their common strength? Creativity via speed and movement. Karanka's decision upon having 1 man down? Jayson "not Steele" Leutwiler in, Marvin "Wonderbaar" Emnes out. Why I give Emnes that Dutch moniker? Because he's dat creative weed dawg, our runnin' dawg. Only problem? Our loss against Leeds took place at Saturday, 10 men trolljob both took place during midweek.

Moyes' biggest cock-up: playing Cleverley instead of Giggs. Back 4 upfront w/Giggs played further back=problem solved.

— Minghui Kuok (@Aeranath) November 25, 2013

Ofc given Chelsea is now in some sorta crisis, I hereby decide to do many long suffering Londoners some global service. Because football is worth it. Oh, and one interesting snippet abt yours truly: limpeh don't live in Tiong Bahru, but limpeh really lives in TB's vicinity.

No, I not that rabbit.
Credit[?]: SGAG

Trollolol special, bitches!!!!!

Not so special anymore, O Especial?

Mourinho said we must kill, entire team kenna killed instead. Yes, I know our temp no.1 used to play for FC Basel, but that's like 6 yrs ago. Apparently, either opponents now know what Mourinho is capable of or something went wrong. Somehow, somewhere, somewhat.

How to fix the problem?

I can't pinpoint where is/are problem(s), but I find it interesting that Frank "not lampah" Lampard has received a new lease of life under O Especial himself. On the flip side, we have Juan "orang biru" Mata kenna the 24/7 blues. I do not know what's wrong between soldado and comandante, but when Mourinho stated he can't play 12-14 players on the pitch, he's being cryptic. As in Chelsea's finest weapon lies in the bench, as in Mata is still sitting on the bench. Decisive moment: mid-season transfer window.

So what does Mata and Lampard have to do w/this shit?

Firstly, Lampard is a player who favours box to box play. Together with Steven "AnalAlex's idol" Gerrard, he's arguably an all rounder midfielder. Can play anywhere across the middle, can tackle+anchor+assist+shoot. Secondly, he's alrdy 30+, surely his stamina has taken a diving hit.

In this ever-evolving world of modern football where pace and aggression is no longer sufficient, there are 4 positions boasting the highest playing longevity. Goalkeepers will always last the longest while centre backs are always the wine casks of every winning team. Centre forwards age with tactical awareness, the same goes for centre midfielders. This is exactly why they say every team must have a spine.

If we're to go by Mourinho's 4-2-3-1 rule, why not lit up the Lamp just behind the lone CF? Such deployment alone will allow O Especial the luxury of choosing which two creative players to field. Eden "Hazzard" Hazard's greatest strength lies in explosive pace and Elven balance, Oscar Castlebane is all about mobility, close control, and passing precision (Kaká Knightsbane is more of a field duelist while Mesut "Le Cavalier d'Ottomane" Özil is more aggressive). Juan "orang biru" Mata, on the other hand, anchors play upfront, hence freeing up the rest. Because Mata is more ball reliant while Mourinho is more about tactical positioning, therefore things ain't that simple.

Try imagining this: O Especial telling Lamps to play front zonal with defensive reinforcement just behind. This is offensive reinforcement tantamount to high up counteroffensive, I can easily keep both opponents and press guessing my game under this situation.

As for O Especial's unique two middle salute, there are at least 3 players to choose from:

David "fake Fellaini" Luiz

This is a player primed for tactical awareness, movement positioning, and ball anchoring. The fact that he's able to play 3 whopping positions, i.e. CB/LB/DM, on the pitch highlights this fact. Much more cultured than whatever the press pack would like you to believe in otherwise.

John "fake Obi-Wan" Obi Mikel

This is Mourinho's most physical BA. Bad in running, badder in tackling. 50-50=baddest of them all. Used to be Lee "giant red cat" Cattermole's BFF, but cooled down quite a lot now. At least I don't remember him getting a straight red for N matches in running. Oh, and let's not forget Dennis "A [human] Clockwork Oranje" Wise.

Ramires Legionsbane

What's with Brazilians and Dunga Sambabane? During World Cup 94, we have the likes of Bebeto Cradleman and Romario Goaliebane. Likewise, there can only be one Dunga. That song is already history though since a lot of Dungas are now popping up all over. It's hard to classify where Ramires Legionsbane can play apart from understanding football being a human sport comprising of 25 human beings on the pitch (including ref and linesmen, but excluding the rest due to numerical grounds). A good box to box runner, Legionsbane will always be your best bet in applying pressure upfront. Not necessarily robbing the ball, but forcing opponent teams to lose it. Hard running and equally hard tackling=effective linkup pressure from the deep.

Moral of the season?

P.S: Just realised a closed group reserved for every SSB got taken down. I swear I'm not guilty of any online felony, I'm sure there's no legal reason for FB to take it down.*

*Unless authorised by Gibbo and co.

I add these two 4 teh lulz:

DLC#1-Sellswords

Dunno how long this DLC juggernaut will continue, but I'll have to say one thing: Fate/Zero analysis is now at indefinite hiatus. This is due to me being too stupid and delete entire folder's worth of 24 eps. Unless I can find some way to fix this issue, I need to do a pause here. :(

P.S: Apparently, this world is entering a new state of cynicism and I'm not just talking about a single front. If I really have a decent semblance of military knowledge, may Gibbo hire me instead of every party else.

Lyrics

Rules tweak:
1. The rune ōs is now considered premium DLC.
2. Standard Attack after executing Technique=Technique Attack. Hope this is self-explanatory.
3. Equipment enchanted by runes cannot be damaged. Same goes for any character's Grail.
4. Equipment enchanted by runes can be sold for much higher price.
5. Counterattack is executable whenever your character flashes blue either by successful Evasion, Block, or Parry. Timing is rather tight though, so beware, i.e. a failed counterattack will open your character up for potential punishment!

#Sellswords#

A sellsword's loyalty lies in the purse, armour and arms the only means of trade. Never before has bravery been so valuable, you either win or die by merit alone. Knight war for honour, soldiers of peasant birth battle for grain and family's warmth. Kings and lords declare conflict for a cause, heroes and heroines are crowned with glory or shame. Yet, no one from the greatest down till every smallborne would remember a sellsword, for daily keep earned through blood and murder is never an honoured path.

Rules on DLC sellswords:

1. Like every sellsword you meet, the DLC version will have one Skill and Technique at disposal. Magic, however, is optional.

2. Normal sellswords will level up faster than DLC version.

3. DLC sellswords will have specific traits separating them from the rest.

4. Like regular sellswords, you can hire any DLC sellsword in any Tavern via the same manner.

List of sellswords for 1st DLC pack [001-003]

001

#Elf#

Bio-Known formally as Homm'Nua, this mysterious race is full of allure and enigma. Take your eyes off them at your own risk, appreciate their beauty at your own peril. For many a lustful man had seen his final moments at the tip of Elven steel, many are innocent maids broken by their power. Yet, why is it that a foolish filly desires an Elven lover whilst passionate lads hanker after the Homm'Nua damsels?

Can choose from:

Expertise-Fencer, Lancer, Archer

Skill-Any (except for Berserker specific Skills)

Technique-Any (except for Berserker specific Technique)

Magic-Generated by random

Traits:

+1 Dexterity (Fencer/Lancer); +1 Speed (Archer)
-1 Strength
Regains SP after casting Magic (stackable)

002

#Dwarf#

Bio-Known formally as Homm'Eot, this is a violent people comprising only of males. While rumour is rife on them being cursed as reason behind this anomaly, one thing remains without a doubt. They are born to raid and pillage, sail and to rape. Prideful beings they are, only the finest women would suffice. Holding utmost contempt for slavery, no other captives must be taken. A prudent man does well to respect them, it takes a wise lady to avoid their sight.

Can choose from:

Expertise-Fencer, Berserker

Skill-Any (except for Lancer/Archer/Magic related Skills)

Technique-Any (except for Lancer/Archer related Technique)

Magic-Cannot use Magic

Traits:

+1 Strength; +1 Fortitude
-1 Dexterity; -1 Speed
Regains SP upon successful Block (stackable); +50% resistance to Magic (stackable)

003

#Goblin#

Bio-Despised by other races, yet prized by Dwarves, this is an inquisitive race prone to discovery and disaster. Firm believers of success via trial and error, there is a common saying "May you live with Goblins". Apparently derogatory in nature, the Goblins nevertheless chose to see curious foreigners in favourable light. Unlike the Homm'Nua or Homm'Eot, the Greenies (or so they preferred to call themselves most of the time) are more open minded in almost everything. Famed as alchemists, the only things they would remain stubborn for is their hazardous knowledge in their so-called "technology".

Can choose from:

Expertise-Archer only

Skill-Any (Archer specific Skills); Haggling; Preparing; Cocktailing; Herbing

Technique-Any (Archer specific Technique)

Magic-Surge Fire

Traits:

+2 Intelligence

-1 Strength; -1 Dexterity; -1 Speed

Skills:

Haggling-Alchemy items cost less by default (include potions)

Preparing-Able to create simple potions within a set time; entire party must choose to camp overnight in exchange.

Cocktailing-By combining different potions, Goblins are able to create volatile chemicals capable of unpredictable effects. Must utilise Preparing first; will have X% chance of failure where X is Rank relevant, i.e. both Skill and Character level.

Herbing-By combining different raw loot; your Goblin is able to create medical substances either therapeutic or outright dangerous. Must utilise Preparing first; will have X% chance of failure where X is Rank relevant, i.e. both Skill and Character level.

Magic:

Surge Fire-Cannot be manually activated; will have X% chance of dealing Fire damage to surrounding enemies and allies alike. Probability and maximum range will increase as your Goblin's HP drops lower.

End

[Hopefully?]

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Regional crisis and global economy (Part 1)

Disclaimer!

Engine rusty liao, please don't keep your hopes high. Apparently, even my country also kenna actual crisis. :( Like to say I already kenna (?) career crisis, but that one irrelevant. Oh, and more thing. Who says Singapore no local talent?

Lowdown on the columnist

Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Institute of Rogue Economists. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until IRE offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.

Lowdown on the institute

Institute of Rogue Economists (abbrev: IRE) is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.

Special note:

Lately, it has come to my notice that this stupid and lazy bastard columnist is skiving on the job. While we at the IRE value actual talent, we at the IRE also cannot accept any extent of lax attitude towards actual work. Why did he forward some stupid high fantasy love song to everyone in the institute, I don't know. However, it must be said that this flower idiot columnist had already been firmly dealt with.

~ Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Foreword

"I dedicate this victory to my long suffering fellow citizens of Pim'pim'pines. Not for myself, but for them. Not for personal glory, but for personal challenges. Flayd Mayorwhether, you've been notified. I don't need my trainer to send you any stupid letter."
~Mano Amano, reigning champion of PK Championship.

Why my boss talked so bad about me, I can never know. Yes, I'm guilty of liking somebody, but is it a sin to love? At least Beren never killed any Elves, therefore he's more honourable than Fëanor. Back on topic here. How do we define C-R-I-S-I-S?

1. a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
2. a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.
4. the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.
Source-Dictionary.com

Not too long ago, crisis struck off the central coast of Pim'pim'pines. Well known for petite folks playing passing football on the pitch, this name was given by its founding explorer, Bosei Furrynho. That is how the term "pim'pim ball" came about.

Now in spite of footballing excellence, Pim'pim'pines had undergone quite a fair amount of political upheaval where leaders DO run the risk of getting arrested through the people's mandate. In fact, famous Italian sociologist, Eric Spressoh, once had this to say:

"It's arguably true that why Pim'pim'pines is the greatest footballing nation has always been about poverty bringing out the finest best in sporting artistry. There's a common local saying-Don't have money, never mind. Must have dream, be it one, two, or three."

Crisis+national hero reborn+nemesis

Three years ago, disaster struck when mega-typhoon Heeyaa assaulted the central part of Pim'pim'pines. Many a doom prophet stated that this was Heaven itself punishing the locals for being rebellious, famous most desirable socialite of 2013, Karen Mel has this to say:

"The problem with Pim'pim'pines is not about authority and anti-authority. Firstly, expats had been deserting this sinking ship of a nation five years ago due to rampant corruption robbing them of their money. Secondly, a lot of people don't understand this. Lastly, I don't know who these soothsayers are, let alone what they look like and whether they are male, female, or eunuchs."

It was then where Pim'pim'pines witnessed their national hero reborn, Mano Amano. His previous losses made many neutral observers questioning his class, it doesn't really help to remember losing two bouts in succession means you're likely one foot inside the career coffin. Scoffing such talks, Mano's trainer, Roach Phelps, had this to say:

"Yes, I know Mano is half a head shorter and a wee bit slimmer around the chest. He's a boxer for fuck's sake! Do you stupid people understand the different weight level within the industry? I swear the next person calling Mano gay shall be the next person Mano fights. Period! Hey, Contraa Bannkai! You fucking hear me? Mano and I ar... bzztt..."

Due to Roach Phelps' increasing anger, the Foxed Channel had to kill off the remaining segment broadcast "live". That's why I can only list down whatever remainder left. Apparently, Roach wasn't gay, let alone Mano. However, he believed in gay rights and racial rights. Yet, the reason why the self-proclaimed "Macho Savage" Contraa Bannkai incurred Roach's ire was down to a video that must not be outed for children's sake. That did not prevent tabloids like Puffington Post, Daily Blackmail, and Telepath (just to name a few) spreading the word around. Without going into lurid specifics, Contraa Bannkai actually questioned why Eastern males look like girls and why Eastern girls act like men. No brainer to know where Pim'pim'pines is situated. The fact that Contraa Bannkai was forced (?) into an apology merely made things worse when he used a homophobic term.

"Hey, I respect human rights, okay? I've got many friends yet to out themselves! So what if they're some closet f**s? No one hates f**s, it's damned true I tell ya! Now who was that Eastern girl ag... bzztt..."

Above footage was killed off by news broadcaster, KNN, due to actual fear that Contraa Bannkai might get himself killed in the ring. Literally. To set the record straight, Roach Phelps was a renowned commando veteran nicknamed "Toughest S.O.B" by his buddies, men and women alike. Enemies who survived his onslaught called him "the Flaming Killer" due to a deadly combo of flame throwing skills and real assassination arts. Mano, of course, learnt all the great things from his trainer bar his undoubted talent in all-rounder brawling.

How the fight benefited global economy

Due to assumed trauma building up throughout, Mano refused to give Contraa that much wanted KO. That was during the third round when Contraa Bannkai was pinned against the ropes literally. After holding back for an instance, Mano still dominated the fight process. The only catch? Mano never wanted to kill Contraa, but only to subdue him. Subdue him, Mano did. After thirteen rounds, Mano Amano won via unanimous verdict. Post-match, Contraa Bannkai had this to say:

"We all used to be stupid before. Mano was stupid, I also stupid. Mano finally manned up, I cannot. Therefore, I, Contraa Bannkai, announced my decision to quit the ring for good."

As it turned out, it was Contraa's fiancee begging him to quit. After all, boxing is a brutal sport and not even the most rotten person would wish widowhood upon future Mrs Bannkai. As for Mano, he's quite surprisingly magnanimous.

"I watched Contraa's fighting replay vids before, I believed he won't even last five minutes in the ring with me. However, the fact that he survived thirteen rounds straight means one thing-boy got a future, but I cannot decide that future for him."

In an instant, every man, woman, boy, and girl in Pim'pim'pines cheered. Not only did they put in immense effort, they managed to unite their previously fractured society. Three years after, not only does Pim'pim'pines become an everlasting superpower in football, but above all boxing, endorsements plus plenty of raw resources used and shared correctly. As such, global powers are truly eager to do business with Pim'pim'pines and Mano Amano.

A brief peek into Mano Amano's past

So what makes Mano Amano so special? In his biography written by his friend, Pakee Singh, this was how the legend was born.

"Mano really had it tough. His family used to be rich, but corruption caused his family to go bankrupt. His relationship with his father wasn't good, but he's especially filial to his mother. I never asked him why, neither will I want to do the same now. You remember this Eastern guy resembling a pit bull? I do. Teased as 'that brown and yellow bastard" wasn't nice especially if you're in some foreign land as a foreigner. My first meeting with him was something out of the ordinary.

I was twenty back then, I had a wife who was pregnant with our first child. Then, a group of youths taunted me. So what if I wore a turban and beard? I still do and no one attacks me. But those delinquents, they really went rabid by calling me Osama. I was like 'hey, am I a zombie? I never like playing horror survival games because I suck with guns!'

They had nothing of that, I got pummeled instead. It was then Mano came out and challenged them. I think they called him a gay. Or a fag. Or maybe a poof. I forgot, but I'll never forget Mano Amano's fists of fury exploding into blurring motion.

I never had the good fortune of watching these youth's final fight finished though. Rather, I woke up in a hospital run by Jewish people."

Mano Amano's answer?

"I really had  anger issues back then. I wanted to help that poor fellow Eastern brother, but I feared for my future. What if my fists tore these thugs apart? Insulted for something I don't have was bad enough, trying to hold back my angry animal made things worse. Guess I snapped finally, that's how Roach Phelps spotted me."

To be continued...

DLC#1-Runes

yes, some more DLC stuff lol! But before I out whatever must be outed, let me say CONGRATULATIONS to Anthony "Kim'beh" Chen. Thank God literally I've yet to give up my self-deluded hopes. This=proof. Ofc I never wanted to be a Kim'beh mainly b/c every person should have something he/she's good at. If you can't be a world winning director, try to win the world over via some other talent then!

P.S: No, I'm not talking about record breaking gangbang or the very FACT that Stone Cold once said DTA. For those not enrolled at SCU (i.e. Stone Cold University), this is my answer.

Note-To further cement my status as a self-deluded dreamer w/nothing next to shit, this is the guy I'll like to meet, shake hands, and have some decent brunch with.

Stuff to note:

1. I did include Horsemanship here. Sadly, I really doubt I can incorporate this in-game.

2. Upon gaining Rank, every promoted character can select for free a new Skill/Technique/Magic.

3. DLC characters are NOT applicable to point 2.

4. Victory will also net your party Talent Points where respective characters can spend it on purchasing additional Skills/Technique.

5. Skills cost more TP than Technique.

6. New Magic can only be gained by character promotion.
7. Geralt of Rivia is now counted as premium DLC. Apparently, I'm gonna invoke a massive deluge of Bill Gates jokes. -_-

#Runes#

In actual history, runes formed an integral part of Germanic civilisation donkey eons ago. We all know Thor, Loki, Sif, etc, but I believe it's more due to Marvel and Tom "BA Odinson" Hiddlestone. In fantasy fiction/games, runes are used for magical purposes. Therefore, I'm thankful that Arthas "the Lich King" Menethil is fictional.

Usage of runes here is all about inscription. Hence, a rune can never be removed once you chose it for any specific equipment. Either that or you'll have to forfeit the enchanted item. One exception to this rule is hiring an Elven Appraiser's service. This will entail random quests being triggered in exchange for this favour.

If you choose to inscribe a rune into a Dwarven made equipment, said item will grant the user +1 Strength/Fortitude [random choice].

Note-Let this be known that list below is sorta exhaustive since if you want to do DLC, must know how to be systematic, correct?

feoh

Meaning: Wealth/riches

Properties: Increase amount of loot dropped; +10% chance of gaining Rare loot.

Applicable equipment type: Weapon, Armour, Accessory

ūr

Meaning: Aurochs/wild ox

Properties: +15% damage dealt; -25% damage taken.

Applicable equipment type: Armour

þorn

Meaning: Thorn

Properties: -5% damage taken; reflect 30% of damage dealt back to the attacking enemy.

Applicable equipment type: Light Armour

ōs

Meaning: [a] god

Properties: Gain either Demi-Entity or Martial Zenith [random choice]

Applicable equipment type: Weapon, Accessory

A/N-Above stated runes are real. I kid you all not. Proof that a Christian can never lie under identical/similar circumstances.

To be cont'd (?)...

Everybody, let's KPKB

KPKB=Kao Peh Kao Bu=Cry Father Cry Mother

Dean Kuok's definition:
Making noise over something/someone. Can be interpreted as upgrade ver of complaining where decibel scale is equivalent to a full capacity lions' den.

Le Doyen d'Singapour's source: http://www.talkingcock.com/html/lexec.php

Many ppl have this to say

SM Ong actually wondered whether we'll get to see a Singaporean topping the list next year, others are more interested in whether G-Dragon will take this honour normally reserved for ang-mohs come 2014. Thankfully, 2014 is still N eons away (which by then I'll most likely move on from my current 1K+ per month job into uncharted waters). Therefore, while there's no point in playing up the whole Kiampah Party vs Diopah Party war, it must be said that Ryan "sexiest Canadian alive" Reynolds is really this damned suay. Everytime kenna dua, why? How? WTF is this????????? To all long suffering fans of hunkdom who believe fervently that Justin Bieber=/=sexiest Canadian alive, here's my suggestion on how to put Canada back onto the world map.

Eh, shit. Sallah media. Should be this one below... *drum rolls and hold your breath, fellow fanboys and girls*

Sorry, but Canadian values=/=the law of American Way

So if Ryan Reynolds is to be Deadpool, then who else can we look forward to?

Note: 5+1=Six Pack
Because limpeh says so...

Main Cast

No Deadpool, no Cable=No Cable, no Deadpool.
Just like you can't have F&C w/o vinegar & salt

Gerard Butler as Nathan Summers

The Chick.
Yesh, Mr Wilson ~loves~ hot chicks, be they white, black, brown or East Asian

Emilia Clarke as Neena Thurman

Die Tragen

Morris Chestnut as Theodore Winchester

That most successful president's namesake?

Taye Diggs as Eisenhower Canty

Youngest of der Sextett

Kellan "correct Cullen?" Lutz as Garrison Kane

Side-cast
['cuz only idiots will diss their importance]

Lena Headey as Death

Dwayne Johnson as En Sabah Nur

Gary Oldman as Nathaniel Essex

Cameo roles 
[with option to upgrade depending on actual performance]

Moral of the story-Every school can be a good school 'cuz I only got 222 PSLE score, got into Gan Eng Seng during the horny 90s ah-beng and ah-lian era, flunked my first ITE stint, became the clown during NS, barely passed my 2nd ITE stint, and now waiting for my big break 2014 ala a literal leap of faith. Talk about being some son of a gun.

DLC#1-Characters (005)

Final one in the DLC Characters list. Will see whether I'll add in anymore stuff. Oh and one more thing: A Song of Ice and Fire ain't the only X-rated fantasy epic on show.

#Geralt of Rivia#

Armour mastery:

Light

Default equipment:

Silver Longsword [Rank B]
Dirk [Rank C]
Raven's Armour [Rank A]

Expertise:

Fencer

Affinity element:

Ice

Seasonal element:

Winter

Truth:

Wolf-+40% physical damage once HP drops below 50%.

Skill:

Infiltrator-Cannot be targeted by non-Demon opponents.

Martial Zenith-Deal maximum damage to Demons. Still counts as physical damage.

Valour-Immune to panic* during combat.

*Panic status reduce damage dealt and increase damage taken.

Arms Master Unrivalled-+15% chance to hit; +18% chance of automatic Parry.
Expertise bonus [Fencer]-+10% armour penetration.

Stance:

Gwynbleidd-If attacked in the middle of this Stance, Geralt of Rivia executes a successful Evasion and deals melee damage to one random enemy nearby.

Technique:
Exposure-Successful Parry/Evasion will create a short invincibility window.
Expertise bonus [Fencer]-Applicable to Blocking as well.
Affinity bonus [Ice]-Lower all surrounding enemies' chance of Evasion.

Mobility Focus-10% chance of automatic Parry whenever number of enemies is higher.
Expertise bonus [Fencer]-Regain SP after successful Parry/Block/Evasion

Martial Insight-+15% chance of preventing ranged damage to self.
Expertise bonus [Fencer]-Automatically attack the nearest enemy.

Counter Riposte-25% chance of damaging any enemy executing a counterattack.

Sudden Strike-Every first attack dealt after Parry/Evasion counts as critical hit causing Bleeding with 30% chance of inducing Crippled status.

Counter Movement-Enemy suffer -12% chance to hit while taking 5% more damage.

Expertise bonus [Fenccer]-+20% critical damage.
Affinity bonus [Ice]-Enemy suffers -16% chance of Evasion upon damage.

Magic:

Aard-Repel the nearest enemy; 40% chance to stun (i.e. stunned Characters suffer -60% in Evasion and cannot attack; Successful Parry will not regain SP) [Earth].

Igni-Deal Fire damage against enemies positioned within a frontal circle; 15% chance of dealing double damage [Fire].

Yrden-Create a stationary field brimming with charged energy; will detonate if an enemy steps into range; enemy affected this way will take damage and suffer -70% chance of Evasion [Earth].

Quen-Create a shielding barrier that absorbs damage for 4 secs and reflects 50% of damage dealt back to the nearest enemy [Air].

Axii-25% chance of controlling one random non-boss/Demon enemy; affected enemy will help you attack other enemies instead [Water].

Drive:
Heliotrop-Create a circular energy field where all enemies and allies within range cannot move/attack/Evade/Block/Parrty; Geralt of Rivia can attack freely any given target. Heliotrop is counted as Magic under the Ice affinity.

Bond

Two lone wolves of a pack [Aeranath]: +1 to all stats whenever HP drops below 50%.

Apathy [Guy Cody]: Guy Cody gains +1 Fortitude so long Geralt of Rivia remains alive.

Suppressed arousal [Alestrial Eliaden]: -10% chance to hit; +13% damage dealt.

Okay, end of DLC section. Let's see if I can sum up any creative juices to continue this or my RE satirical column. And yes, scally Butcher of Blaviken=most imba DLC Character thus far. >.<

DLC#1 Characters (004)

Have this funny feeling that I might have got busted for good. Therefore, it's of utmost importance that I must finish off Aoko-sensei. Erm, wait... that sounds a bit wrong... shit, I think I'm really screwed. -.-'

Some more additional rules:
1. Updated a wee bit on how Character Rank will affect overall gameplay. In short, whatever modifier is calculated by numbers (i.e. Rank D=1, Rank C=2, Rank B=3, Rank A=4, Rank S=5).
2. DLC Characters cannot equip themselves with any armour or weapons beyond whatever specified.
3. DC Characters can level up per normal in Gladiator, Explorer, and Conqueror mode.
4. Dreamer mode will be done in VN format. Info link.

Note-I don't profess to be a pr0n director, neither do I want to be one. I have principles, okay?
Proof that I no lying-Mahou Tsukai no Yoru=non-eroge (Wait! Ain't Aoko-sensei the main heroine?)

A/N- Tweaked the Bonds system in few ways more than one.

#Aozaki Aoko#

Armour mastery:

None

Default equipment:

Unarmed Combat [Rank C]

Expertise:

Lancer

Affinity element:

Lightning

Seasonal element:

Summer

Truth:
Owl- Less HP drained whenever using Magic.

Skill:
Protector: Surrounding allies gain resistance to Magic.

Valour-Immune to panic* during combat.
*Panic status reduce damage dealt and increase damage taken.

Bestial Fury: +20% default melee damage.

Stance:
Unlimited Rotation-Twenty blue energy bolts are fired from a single row.

Technique:

Critical Eye-+40% critical damage.

Expertise bonus [Lancer]-+4% chance of critical hit.

Magic:

Riptide Rushdown-Aoko dashes across in a straight line and reappears in her original position afterwards; enemies and allies alike withing range take immense damage [Air].

Set: Modified-Aoko creates a bluish orb in the middle of battlefield; the orb will stay static for 5 secs before dealing damage to all surrounding enemies and allies via explosion. If any enemy/ally touches the orb before it explodes, said target receives massive damage instead [Fire].

Main: Modified-Aoko punches the ground, resulting in a massive blue shockwave traveling in a straight line; enemies and allies alike take damage and cannot use Magic for remainder of current bout. [Lightning]

Drive:
Starmine and Starbow-Entire battlefield warps into a volatile blanket of nebula surrounded by rotating stars; each enemy suffers damage equivalent to 70% of its maximum HP while every ally gains +1 Speed or Fortitude by random. Starmine and Starbow counts as Magic with Fire, Air, and Lightning properties.

Bond

Instinctive ties that bind despite whatever mutual animosity [Aeranath]: +1 Strength and +1 Fortitude whenever HP drops below 50%.

Poignant reminder of a close male friend [Guy Cody]: SP gauge automatically refills gradually whenever HP drops below 50%..

Poignant reminder of a close female friend [Alestrial Eliaden]: -30% damage taken.

Alternate Costume#1

 Alternate Costume#2

A/N-Below image=/=another Alternate Costume

Aoko's transformation upon executing Starmine and Starbow

To be cont'd (?)...

DLC#1-Characters (003)

One more to go... this time, 'tis eye candy time!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I admit there's a bit of history here. Hopefully can move onto other stuff in this blog asap.

P.S: Let's see if Les Bleus will become Les Morts. Yes, I very jahat even tho I have nothing against any international team. Not even England (altho they won't win 2014 WC for sure one lah!)

Additional Word of Maker:
1. DLC Characters are easier to level up.
2. Sebastian's Faustian Contract will NOT affect the number of your party once battle is over, i.e. you'll still continue with all PCs intact.
3. Sebastian cannot be equipped with throwing knives as they are already counted as part of his default equipment.
4. Relevant Expertise bonus still applies to DLC Characters.

#Kazama Asuka#

Armour mastery:

None

Default equipment:

Unarmed Combat [Rank D]

Expertise:

Lancer

Affinity element:

Life

Seasonal element:

Spring

Truth:
Bear-+1 Strength whenever HP is at least 70% full..

Skill:
Protector: Surrounding allies gain resistance to Magic.
Affinity effect [Life]-Heal self whenever any ally uses Magic.

Valour-Immune to panic* during combat.
*Panic status reduce damage dealt and increase damage taken.

Stance
Lineage of Kazama-If Kazama Asuka gets hit during Stance animation, attacking enemy takes damage instead; Demon enemies affected this way will suffer critical damage.

Technique:

Counter Defence: Able to attack immediately upon successful evasion/parrying/blocking.

Counter Movement-Enemy suffer -12% chance to hit while taking 5% more damage.

Expertise bonus [Lancer]-+8% chance to hit.

Drive
Tsuutenkaku-Asuka executes a sequence of kicks and punches in this order: midair cartwheel kick>low roundhouse sweep>forward uppercut>palm thrust; enemy cannot use Magic for the rest of battle afterwards.

Bond

Instinctive attraction despite apparent animosity [Aeranath]: Regain a portion of SP and HP after each successful attack.

Curiosity [Guy Cody]: +25% damage dealt once SP gauge is full.

Senpai-kōhai complex [Alestrial Eliaden]: +18% damage dealt and -15% damage taken whenever positioned nearby.

Alternate Costume

Artist-Khalitzburg (and no, I dunno him/her)

To be cont'd...

DLC#1-Characters (002)

New plans upped for DLC scetion, also need to reboot my Rogue Economist engine. Have good idea on where to take my only shot at global satire, hopefully I can summon my (over)drive. Oh, and one more thing: I realised DLC also abt patching, hence cannot have too many gimmicks. :o

Note-forgot to add in Ice within the relevant post. Also, whatever effect from any Character's Bond is only applicable to said Character him/herself unless otherwise specified.

#Sebastian Michaelis#

Armour mastery:

None

Default equipment:

Throwing knives [Rank D]
Hand pistol [Rank D]

Expertise:

Archer

Affinity element:

Ice

Seasonal element:

Autumn

Truth:
Serpent-Intelligence will be set at Rank S.

Skill:
Infiltrator-Cannot be targeted by any D ranked Character
Expertise bonus [Archer]-Physical ranged attacks will ignore Exposure effect.

Stance
One Hell of a Butler-If Sebastian Michaelis gets hit during Stance animation, surrounding allies gain +1 Strength in exchange for -1 Fortitude.

Technique:

Perception-Technique and Magic cost less SP whenever any enemy is of a lower Rank.
Expertise bonus [Archer]-30% chance of stunning targeted Character (i.e. stunned Characters suffer -60% in Evasion and are unable to attack; Successful Parry will not regain SP)

Master of Circumstances-+15% Evasion; successful Evasion will recover SP.
Expertise bonus [Archer]-Immune to stun.

Demi Entity: Immune to Magic.
Expertise bonus [Berserker]-N/A
Affinity affect [Ice]-Nullify enemy magic so long caster is two Ranks lower.

Magic

Dante's Pyro-Deal Fire damage to all enemies; if Faustian Contract is in effect where target ally is concerned, Dante's Pyro deals double damage instead [Fire].

Faustian Contract-Target ally with highest Rank; once said ally is defeated, Sebastian Michaelis will regain full HP and SP with +1 for all stats permanently. Faustian Contract can only be used once per every battle [Ice].

Drive
Lacrimosa-Reverting back to full demonic form, Sebastian Michaelis gains +1 to all stats and full HP; all allies suffer -1 Fortitude; all enemies suffer -1 to all stats; Sebastian Michaelis suffers gradual HP loss until HP reaches 0.

Bond

Mutual friendship due to unknown reasons [Aeranath]: Constant SP regeneration; Aeranath cannot be targeted by Faustian Pact and Lacrimosa.

Curiosity and hunger [Guy Cody]: -30% damage taken; Guy Cody has 20% chance of being targeted by Faustian Contract, but cannot be targeted by Lacrimosa.

Curiosity due to strange attraction [Alestrial Eliaden]: Constant healing once HP drops below 40%; Alestrial Eliaden has 50% chance of being targeted by Faustian Contract and 8% chance of remaining in battle once Faustian Contract is triggered.


P.S: Will be adding DLC Characters one by one.

Bâtard de l'Fierté

Originally entitled Le Bâtard d'Hornyville, but I fear for my life after Bill Clinton's feat kenna pwned by my own beloved conservative society. Anyway, we all know the current debacle surrounding Triple-F, 'tis anything but funny [1]. If there's one thing we, les citoyens d'Singapour, are famous for apart from longzong hiu'lan and boh hiu'lan, it would be this. Thankfully, my parents had never discouraged me from walking le chemin d'aventurier.

Note-Yet to complete my DLC mutli-part post for Un Conte de Garde Forestier, but I'll be back asap. YNWA, Wade Wilson.

La Catalyseur

Time to **** Deschamps
(but before I start...)

Wtf was Didier "~you don't know what you're doing~" Deschamps is doing? I have no issues with him saying "hey let's stuff them Ukranians 'cuz Le President tried that before lulz!" [2]

My only problem with his tactics? Les Bleus don't take orders from Michal Bilek. I still remember how the Czechs managed to checkmate their opponents during Euro 2012, it's actually down to having Jaroslav "ninja d'Czech" Plašil deployed in a holding CM role despite him being more of an attacking midfielder.

A look at Ukraine and we'll know how the Dynamic 4 works. Ukraine, this time round, favours a flat middle 4. Either 4-4-2 or 4-1-4-1. A lot had been said on them Ukrainians attacking like a daring force of Elven cavalry, a lot was spoken about their devastating counterattacks. Is it that simple?

The best thing about 4-2-3-1 lies in tactical versatility. Yet, it will also mean lesser chances of survival once you try correct players+incorrect roles. I don't believe in players deployed out of position, but I believe in stupidity due to not understanding your players' attributes. Mark "you try getting ****ing near him!" Venus attempted playing Loki against Blackburn, we longzong balik laukui.

How to screw people with counteroffensive measure

I'm not about to use this as an example, let's talk proper football. Anybody with layman's knowledge can and will tell you one very simple thing: counterattacking football is all about having stable midfield reinforced by a flat 4 backline. Therefore, 3-5-2 should be seen as disruptive football than playing counteroffensive. Not that whatever modded ver from calcio Italia is any less disruptive though.

Now remember that such strategy can either go 4-4-2, 4-1-4-1, or 4-5-1. [3] The scariest thing about the Ukraine's Dynamic 4 lies in the fact that counterattacking football is always about launching forays from the midfield line. The fact that we end up seeing 4-1-4-1 against Les Bleus only highlights the handsome white blokes from Kiev being masters in this footballing art. Saying counterattacking football doesn't require good ball retention skills is just like saying local S'porean guys are unworthy of Ukrainian girls. Which is bullshit quite obviously. [4] If you still don't understand how Ukrainian football works on international stage, let me give you all one last demo on how it feels to play against The Masters of Ruthless Aggression.

What went wrong for Les Blurs

Firstly, using Samir "atas-bawa" Nasri in a holding role means you're curtailing whatever freedom he craves. In French football, only two types of players win you games: Claude "limpeh's role" Makélélé and Zinedine "baiser Italie" Zidane. [5] Former mould prevents you from conceding, latter case enables you to score. This is arguably Deschamps' greatest fatal mistake.

Why no Cabaye? Yes, I'm still a Sad Smoggie Bastard, but that doesn't mean I need to hate anyone beyond footballing reasons. [6] Seriously, Les Bleus was missing Yohan "Français-Anglo" Cabaye's defensive cover throughout 90 mins. However, Cabaye's greatest strength lies not in defensive support, but the very fact that this is one hell of a player in terms of passing the ball either from the deep or middle park. In short, Cabaye can win the ball, Cabaye can anchor the ball, Cabaye can pass the ball. This is proof of productivity, Deschamps should have put him in place of Nasri's starting position. Period.

Giroud as deep lying forward? Erm... paiseh hor, Le Chevalier d'Londres=/=Wayne "ang-moh kentang" Rooney. Full stop. Unless France really needs Michel "baiser Angleterre" Platini to don no.10 once again.

Les Bleus=Les Morts?

Come 2nd leg, it's make or break. Make no mistake about this, folks. Ukraine will have the upper hand. Not in terms of football, but morale. In the ever-changing world of football, the book of law is not about "you win or you die". The book of law is about "you evolve or you die". Man management might not be a great deal prior to the new millennium, but trust me when I say José "O Especial" Mourinho is one of the finest footballing gems ever seen. [7]

Deschamps should just go for flat 4-4-2. Why? Because gunning forward with plenty of space behind will mean advantage Ukraine once Les Bleus lose the ball. Backs against the wall, Deschamps would do well to remind his team on what Le Morte d'Arthur means. It's high time for Les Bleus to say "Tracer Sur" because they really need to assume the most, if not the only admirable trait from their Vieil Ennemi, Les Lions. 'Tis no rocket science, I can assure every footie fan, be you all local, expat or foreign. ;)

[1]: Unless you're either English or Irish.

[2]: I saw what Le Président did last summer

[3]: iirc that's how Real Sociedad plays its counterattacking approach. Don't believe me, go ask David "I got hot daughter" Moyes.

[4]: Meritocracy is universal, guys and girls.

[5]: Why Zizou hated Italians.

[6]: My universal rule of thumb, even those like Paolo Di Canio ain't excluded.

[7]: http://www.haugstadfootball.net/2012/06/05/the-psychology-behind-jose-mourinho/

P.S to my dearest cousin and her entire family: Hope you're all well in Bordeaux... wait, didn't we play Bordeaux at the Riverside in our only home pre-season friendly?

Disclaimer!

I do not profess any special knowledge on why Mourinho called Boro a big club even though Patrick Kluivert called us exactly the opposite. Proof that me no liar. No one would have blamed Aitor "Amigo de Noreste" Karanka for choosing Palace over us anyway. Definitely not me.

DLC#1-Characters (001)

#Deadpool#

Armour mastery:

None

Default equipment:

Twin blades [Rank D]
Sniper rifle [Rank C]
Twin handguns [Rank D]

Expertise:

Archer

Affinity element:

Life

Seasonal element:

Winter

Truth:
Wolf-+40% physical damage once HP drops below 50%.

Skill:
Infiltrator-Cannot be targeted by any D ranked Character
Expertise bonus [Archer]-Physical ranged attacks will ignore Exposure effect.
Affinity effect [Life]-Recover 10% HP per round before combat; recover 8% HP per round after combat.

Stance
Multi-classing ('cuz Deadpool run out of ammo)-Create a short window of vulnerability; Expertise will switch to Fencer if this Stance doesn't get interrupted. Using this Stance again successfully will revert Deadpool back to Archer.

Technique:

Exposure-Successful Parry/Evasion will create a short invincibility window.

Expertise bonus [Fencer]-Applicable to Blocking as well.

Martial Insight-+15% chance of preventing ranged damage to self.

Expertise bonus [Fencer]-Automatically attack the nearest enemy.

Counter Movement-Enemy suffer -12% chance to hit while taking 5% more damage.

Expertise bonus [Fencer]-Attack twice per command execution.

Critical Eye-+40% critical damage.
Expertise bonus [Archer]-+1 ranged attack per command execution.
Affinity effect [Life]-4% chance of killing opponent Character outright; probability will be affected by target Character's remaining HP and difference in Character Rank.

Perception-Technique and Magic cost less SP whenever any enemy is of a lower Rank.
Expertise bonus [Archer]-30% chance of stunning targeted Character (i.e. stunned Characters suffer -60% in Evasion and are unable to attack; Successful Parry will not regain SP)

Master of Circumstances-+15% Evasion; successful Evasion will recover SP.
Expertise bonus [Archer]-Immune to stun.

Drive

dps thnxkbai [Archer]-Increase attacking range and damage; SP gauge will drain gradually until empty.

heal teh tank! [Fencer]-Regain full HP; increase melee damage; SP gauge will drain gradually until empty.

Bond

(シ_ _)シ [Aeranath]: +12% damage taken; +15% damage dealt.

┌(・。・)┘♪└(・。・)┐♪┌(・。・)┘ [Guy Cody]: -20% chance of Evasion; +25% damage dealt.

ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) [Alestrial Eliaden]: +1 Attack per command execution.