Ramblings of a mad man...

Apparently, I need a life beyond Faerûn. In short, there has to be other things I can do. Ah well, at least it takes me much faster than otherwise expected to re-adapt to Marvel Heroes after N months of going MIA.

Since I'm hell bent in writing nonsensical stuff just for this once, might as well remind a certain Private Ryan something he wrote around 5 yrs ago when I leveled up to the next age level in my church fellowship.

"To Minghui:
You have the body of an adult, but a mind of a child.
You must grow up!"

Not so surprisingly, Mr Eric Soh actually commented Private Ryan to be this kind of person. That was only after I mentioned this to him tho...

Now if only I can really prove Private Ryan wrong by either:
1. Having a gf who is both intelligent and pretty.
2. Having a career as Aitor Karanka's field strategist come next season.

Before I start retarded-izing all readers to come, allow me to up the ante via the clip below.

Certain stuff I realized...

1. Not so recently looked through the Singapore Slammers roster.

That was when I first heard of whatever harebrained plan to create a tennis-aware S'pore.

Curious to know who will be in the roster.

Some names, I know. Some others, I lagi blur.

Weirdly enough, I still can recall the name Daniela Hantuchová.

Must be due to TNP running her pics many yrs ago.

Def must be back when Gan Eng Seng School was full of horny tweenage guys.

Me included.
If remember correctly, must be this pic below.

2. Did Aberrant Assault.

Final boss full of crazy bs.

If you play him, can win.

To win, must die 1-2 times.

Which is why every Neverwinner needs divine injury kit,

Which is why all Neverwinners must challenge the gods.

3. Did Dread Legion.

Terrain full of crazy bs.

Final boss actually not so bs.

If you play him, can win.

To win, no need to die.

Which is why Split the Sky will always be Arylos' BFF.

4. Did another round of Master of the Hunt.

Terrain no bs.

Mob no bs.

Boss no bs.

Must be b/c I play that stage too much liao...

Also managed to create the correct skill set.

In the end I become top 3 on average rankings.

5. Had a test run on the Dread Ring campaign lair.

No play tank, no pakei.

No play procc, no pakei.

No Commanding Shot, no pakei.

Actually can decide between tank and CS.

Why I so stupid?

Think using CS+StS more effective.

6. S'pore won Laos.

Then realized only friendly.

Good attack not good enough.

Combative spine confirm good enough.

But still must have someone to boss control.

7. #SGTrollingGod strikes again.

Started some funny campaign entitled #OpsAirKangKang

If don't know what is kangkang, don't ask.

If know what is kangkang, then don't tell.

8. I inspired by #OpsAirKangKang

Die Schwarzgelben now kenna domestic problem.

CL confirm boleh tho.

Must be b/c CL too senang.

Must b/c German football even more power than S.Korean activists.

To help Kloppo, I suggest #OperationDuaKang.

DuaKang means big hole.

Got space to operate, then full of win.

Cannot operate enough space, then full of no win.

Ball not in opponent's half.

Ball in your own half, Kloppo.

9. Me no gf.

Me think got target.

Me dunno when/where.

10. Me realized speedrun too overrated.

Others may outrun me.

But they still me to make the 1st move.

I not talking abt jio chio-bu.

I talking abt running 5-a-side PvE.

I referring to Neverwinter btw.

11. Why always Balotelli?

Why always him?

Why Conte so kum gong?

Maybe he not kum gong.

I think Rodgers need to watch more Azzurri.

Tell entire midfield to bua Balotelli.

Don't discriminate kaki-lang.

Do support kaki-lang.

12. Dunno when my sis will take trip to Milan.

Dunno when/whether she'll meet Balotelli.

Dunno if Balotelli will call her by her full name.

Then tell her that he actually knows her bro.

That her bro is actually his big benefactor.

13. No Stevie, no Anfield.

If really like that...

...then sign Lallana kam-lan?

14. Dunno if future gf support Liverpool or not.

Or maybe her relative(s) instead.

Dunno leh...

15. What if I really one day have to sit at Karanka's left?

Like that future gf will hoot me or not?

I swear I not responsible for that 30 try penalty shootout.

Decided to do something useful (?)

Apparently, the worst way to die in dungeon raid is getting your loading time suspended even before the metre hits the halfway mark. While this is surely not a case of devs screwing me, def I'd have suffered the loss of like... maybe 3-4 Unicorn seals? Thankfully, I only managed to get myself screwed after completung my Sharandar quests for the day. iirc tho, that's the worst way to exit a dungeon raid, folks. Trust me when I said I was about to screw that dragon before the bandwidth or whatever decided to screw me.

On a lighter note, my beloved Boro won 2-1 against Brighton at away. Either my sudden absence meant nothing to the team at all or Karanka must have done some super inspiring pre-match pep talk. Either way, I'm still a piss poor blogger who happen to defy the typical S'porean standard of high standard. Might as well do something light on the srs end here...

No, not you Mr Randy Tan...

'Tis no j/k. I've got a churchmate by that name. More specifically Randy part. Before I launch myself into plagiarist mode, allow me to wish Mr Randy Tan and his beloved waifu a "how's life over there in Nippon" greeting.

With belated formalities done, let us continue onto what truly defines the R-word. Whenever we talk abt Randy, two things come to mind.

Randy the Legend. That'd be the late Randy Savage, better known as "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

The other Randy is... well, for the overdose of cheesiness, let's just call him Randy the Legend Killer.

One thing I noticed abt Randy Jr is this:

1. Others see him as an arrogant S.O.B.

2. He sees himself as a genius.

3. Just when John Cena started to become strong, he's still getting himself beaten up by others.

While I profess to have nothing do do w/pt 1, I do have a self-perception when it comes to pt 2. As for pt 3, I'll be the first to out myself as a victim of playground idiocracy for like... more than 10 yrs to near 20 yrs? Maybe that's why I've learnt to be self-cynical. Now if only Gibbo will contact me and offer me a contract next season...

Before I get into the groove...



She-Hulk was right in calling me "someone not right up there"...

Someone should just do a speedrun for this one...

Disclaimer: I do not claim responsibility over Juventus pwning that other Lions team 5-kosong...

Disclaimer: I do not claim responsibility on that famous 30 try penalty shootout.

To all parents: If your kids can't be educated in the classroom...

To She-Hulk: Okay, I know that's lame...

Okay, She-Hulk confirm will kill me this time round, #rko or no #rko

Moral of the story; To all sikeena, pls dun try this @home, @school or @gf's home

Next contender for $$$ in the Bank: Tony Hawk

If anyone finds this scene familiar, be assured that this is what Marauder's Rush looks like in RL

Problem, Jackie Chan?

Truly out of nowhere...

Wrong guy? Houston, we've got problem here...

Some last (?) words to die Schlange of 32SIB:

I can assure you that ppl like Ser A.Fergie, Mourinho, and even Le Professeur himself are considered elephants for a reason.

B/c I feel like doing this...

Okay, 'tis a shit footballing day thus far. Boro lost 3-2 at home against Sheff Wed, thankfully Santa hasn't gone "ho ho ho!" yet. Is it too much for me to demand 3 pts from Blaugrana & Los Rojiblancos?

To Luis "not Suárez" Enrique:
Why not try Messi in the hole w/Luis "tidak lugi" Suárez leading the charge?
If Andrés "El Gegant" Iniesta is to play himself between the lines... well, I guess this idea is inspired by whatever little I've seen in Holland vs Spain 2014.
If Sergio "not Ramos" Busquets screws up, no one to save you...

To Diego "El Troll" Simeone:
Uno+Dos+Tres+Cuatro=Los Bastardos Desagradables

A/N: Apparently, above statements are reserved for the past. Now that we're most likely buried and dead against Reading, can I be a jerk towards Fandi Ahmad and Lions XII by saying there can only be one team for me? Sorry, but there's too much on the stake for the good ol' folks in Teesside compared to our Lions XII.

Add A/N: If anyone thinks I'm insulting anybody, I can only say perception at times is only a matter of the individual's mind. For any other circumstances, we call this manner of post either trolling or joking.

Final A/N: If I truly sound like a jerk, be assured that this is due to one cold hard truth. Namely two things.
1. I have to work on Sunday.
2. I know Sunday will suck terribly hard for me, no matter what.

...及军退，宣王案行其营垒处所，曰：“天下奇才也！”

Above statement refers to Sima Yi's reaction to his nemesis after Zhuge Liang kicked the bucket.

Apparently, Kongming is an expert in playing formation.
Apparently, defeat in his first northern campaign against Wei was the cause of whatever incorrect criticism leveled against Kongming's military acumen.

The Marvelous X-Men [aka random doop inspired by both Marvel Heroes and my super sad forever alone life]

Finally got chance to finish this. On a major hindsight, however, I should have done this much earlier.
Link

Hopefully all you free people out there will have too much things to shut your mouth. In short, those who are actually blessed with a fulfilled life can ignore this message.

Somewhere @Hell's Kitchen...

Bullseye: Bullseye is here and someone's gonna get hurt!

*cue mano a mano brawl and plenty of badass blows*

Luke Cage: Man, yer just embarrassin' yerself.

@St James Power Station...

Spiderman: Is that a tail in your pocket or... oh, it's really a tail in your pocket...

Mr Fantastic: Spiderman, can I just say I'm glad that you're not a mutant?

Nightcrawler: Your humour is much appreciated, Spiderman.

Human Torch: Doesn't a king have better things to do?

Black Panther: Johnny... if we are not friends, I might not appreciate your humour.

Human Torch: Oh is that so? Guess who's the one attracting all the chicks?

Invisible Woman: Behave yourself, Johnny. You know Franklin looks up to you.

Thor: Greetings, T'Challa. From a prince to a king.

Human Torch: You seem to have plenty of smooch marks, Thor. Sucks to be Sif, I guess.

*cue abrupt screams and Ant-Man appearing*

Eric O'Grady: Okay guys! Info has it that the Brotherhood is now on the move. Specific area is the Sapphire Pavilion, Siloso Beach.

Thor: You deserve a slap from Mjolnir, Eric.

Eric o'Grady: Erm... actually it wasn't me stripping local hotties of their bikini tops.

*cue an ominous form looming behind Susan Storm*

Iron Man: Believe me when I say Eric isn't the one responsible for this mayhem.

Invisible Woman: Mr Stark! I am a married woman!

Ms Marvel: Guess you got tired of all those super models, Stark? Hmm, I don't think so.

Nightcrawler: Why is it that I feel like that odd one out?

Human Torch: Because you need a girlfriend! Wait... is that Johnny Blaze out there?

Ms Marvel: Yep.. that's our Ghost Rider having a go at Daimon Hellstrom.

Nightcrawler: ...I'll pray for you, Johnny Blaze...

Human Torch: Guess Satana must have tried taking Kurt's virginity without any success...

*preparing to diffuse the fight, the rest follow T'Challa's lead*

Black Panther: Vengeance cannot heal the soul, Ghost Rider...

Meanwhile somewhere near Sentosa Cove

Purifier 1: Freak on move!

*cue plenty of explosive action*

Deadpool: hoo hoo hoo hoo! hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Purifier 2: Human rights are for humans!

*cue plenty of pointy action*

Deadpool: TA DA DA DA DA DA... TA DA DA DA! TA DA DA DA DA DA... TA DA DA DA! TA DA DA DA DA... TA DA DA DA DA... KILL! KILL! KILL!

Purifier 3: Mutie lover, wise up!

Deadpool:  SHEEE BAAAAIIIII!!!!!!!!

*cue bombs going off everywhere, hence resulting in mass collateral damage*

@X-Mansion

Professor X: That's it. I have to pay the local government millions. Nathan, can you stop Wade Wilson from singing that annoying song? If you don't do anything, I swear I'll bomb that idiot with Cerebro...

Back @the war scene...

Cable: You know what invulnerable means?

*cue weapons of mass destruction plus plenty of wasted Purifiers five secs after...*

Deadpool: This defeat is brought to you by the letter, Deadpool!

Cable: Domino, you're only half right when it comes to Wade's capability in driving others into suicide...

Back@X-Mansion

Professor X: Kurt, Magneto is now engaging the X-Men! I fear Nathan and Wade won't make it in time.

Back @the war scene...

Deadpool: Did someone talk bad about me or is it the weather?

Cable: Don't worry, Wade. You just sneezed, that's all.

Deadpool: Guess it's high time we do that tag team body-slide, huh buddy?

X-Men vs the Brotherhood@Sapphire Pavilion

*cue ongoing combat raging for the past N minutes*

Magneto: Those who stand against our cause shall tremble before us!

Nightcrawler: Magneto! You do great injustice to our kind!

*cue Mortimer Toynbee appearing just nearby*

Toad: Never see it coming!

*poor Mortimer kenna pwned by Chaos magic*

Toad:...fail... fail...!

Scarlet Witch: You're no match for Chaos magic!

*cue Remy LeBeau's ranged stunlock 4 teh trollololz while Rogue continues her tough "love"...*

Rogue: Ah, ah, sugah! Ya goin' down!

*cue more ranged stunlocking from Remy LeBeau... then RAGIN' CAJUN!*

Sauron: ...been defeated... by mere mammals...

*zoom back to Wanda Maximoff, poor Wanda got hit from behind!*

Professor X *via telepathy ofc!*: This is bad! Someone aid Wanda! We cannot afford to have her in the Brotherhood's grasp even though Magnus is her father!

Nightcrawler: EN GARDE!

Pyro: You burned me out, mate...

*3 down, 3 more to go...*

Blob: THAT'S IT! I WANT ANYONE!

*Frederick Dukes misses his target though as Kurt manages to 'port away in time. With Wanda in his arms ofc!*

Deadpool: MORE FIGHT! MORE FIGHT!!!!!

*survived massive body slam=£86m. Gunning down the Blob=priceless. There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard. 4 down, 2 to go*

Juggernaut: You know what invulnerable means?

Cable: I do know what invulnerable means, Cain Marko.

*cue invulnerable vs invulnerable, Piotr Rasputin suddenly launches himself into a steely fury*

Colossus: I will not be denied!

Juggernaut: Impossible! I'm unstoppable!

Colossus: Rise and Colossus will strike you down again!

*upon realising that the battle cannot be won...*

Magneto: You may have won this battle, but the war goes on!

Deadpool: AND YOUR ACTION FIGURE SUCKS!!!!!

*Max Eisenhardt pulled off a bailout, the Marvelous X-Men are victorious! Nathan Summers, however, notices something out of place... or is it?*

Cable: Kurt, how can you be so positive in times like this?

Nightcrawler: You take after your father a little bit too much, Nathan.

Storm: Kurt, your humour and grace lift us all.

Colossus: What a combination, comrade Nightcrawler! Your speed! And my strength!

*suddenly sensing another thing out of place, Logan starts making his move*

Wolverine: Before you say anything, Deadpool...

Deadpool: You want blend or goody?

Wolverine: ...shut up.

Gambit: I thought I was the only loose cannon. Then I met Deadpool.

Sometime later @outer space...

Rocket Raccoon: Woo hoo! More paydirt!

Gamora: Quiet, Whiskers!

Groot: I AM GROOT!

Drax: Can't believe Charles Xavier needs our help in hunting down the Shadow King...

Rocket Raccoon: Hey, Gamora! You owe me a buck!

Gamora: For what, Whiskers?

Groot: I AM GROOT!

Drax: I think it has got something to do with that mega Korean natural beauty...

Rocket Raccoon: Heh, yeah... PSY, right?

Gamora: Be civil with your tone, Whiskers. Park Shin Young is after all an A-lister celebrity.

*Flashback 2 weeks ago on the Korean News Network, i.e. KNN*

News anchor: It's official, folks! The spaceman who saved our precious Park Shin Young is a real man. Let us hear what her agency has to say! 

Agency spokesman: Originally, we thought Miss Park's account was a mischievous excuse since the tabloids enjoy writing about her love life. Firstly, allow me to represent the S.T.A.R agency in saying that every article written thus far is a lie. Unfortunately, random witnesses have their claims on that stupid and crazy spaceman verified true. This is why we need a lie detector test in the first place. To prove that Miss Park will never lie over her current status.

*back @outer space*

Star-Lord: The name's Star-Lord, Legendary Outlaw. Remember my name when you're in intensive care... wow, that's a bad-ass pick up line reserved for a bad-ass hot Korean chick! Now what's that fat pervert's name again? Uh... King... uh... Kim... Kingpin? Yeah, must be that Kingpin...

*enters the Destroyer*

Drax: Hey, where's that Korean liquor you bought around one fortnight ago?

Star-Lord: I think it's still stashed somewhere. Good luck in finding it, Drax.

Drax: Just a curious question here. How much did you spend for that stuff?

Star-Lord: For free? I bought it off the shelf when the boss aint' lookin' in my direction.

*BONUS ENDING!*

[around the same time as above scenario...]

+

[somewhere above the Korean airspace...]

+

[somehow nearing a random university supposedly famous...]

V

V

V

Proof that 9th Aug belongs to angmohs... :P

Apparently, 9th Aug is a day to rejoice. If you got friends, it means you spend your National Day w/your friends. If you got bf, it means you spend your National Day w/your bf. If you got gf, it means you spend your National Day w/your gf. Which now comes to my current situation:
1. I don't have any friends b/c I'm not known to have close friends.
2. I don't have bf b/c I'm not known to be gay.
3. I don't have gf b/c I'm still certified as single, despondent and undesirable.

Then, I end up getting the best gift ever. If National Day is for everyone to enjoy, then 9th Aug is for me to realise (?) where my heart belongs to...

Best gift 9th Aug can ever give me: 3 pts for #boro #UTB
— Minghui Kuok (@Aeranath) August 9, 2014

Aggressive 4= #FantasticFour Lethal 2= #Wolverine & #Deadpool Troll in the hole= #Gambit Troll in final 3rd= #Nightcrawler
— Minghui Kuok (@Aeranath) August 9, 2014

Proof that Teesside is still lacking one more freak...

Proof that Eddie Howe might have seen this*
*NOT!

The Marvelous X-Men

[aka random doop inspired by Marvel Heroes]

9th August@X-Mansion

(Charles Xavier receives alarming news concerning his old Jewish friend, summons the X-Men into his office.)

Professor X: We have grave news. While using the Cerebro to locate new recruits to our cause, I have detected some disturbing activities in Singapore.

Iceman: Singapore? You mean that country with spicy food and spicier local ladies?

Professor X: Why, yes. Any more questions, Bobby?

Iceman: So we're not talking about Mandripoor. Good for me. That meeting with Daredevil's ex didn't go down well last time round.

 Beast: Are you still sore over Polaris dating Havok? That's years ago, Bobby.

Iceman: And besides, Polaris died some time ago. Yeah, I know that and I'm not about to crack a joke or two over this.

Gambit: Well...

Cyclops: Quiet, Gambit! Bobby doesn't need your witty comments at this moment.

Gambit: So how about...

Cyclops: And don't make any comments about me and Alex, understand?

Wolverine: Alright, people. Let's stop all this bullshit and get down to business.

Storm: I believe someone is missing from our midst.

Quicksilver: You mean my sis?

Scarlet Witch: I'm here, Pietro.

Gambit: So that means someone is still busy with the Excalibur.

Shadowcat: Stop fooling around, Remy. Excalibur is already history.

Gambit: So did Piotr do that? I mean Excalibur, not you.

Colossus: Watch your mouth, Gambit.

*Remy LeBeau instantly got bonked across the head with smoke coming out from a swollen bump.*

Rogue: No more of that, sugah.

*cue der BAMF!*

Nightcrawler: Try keeping up with me!

Wolverine: Been stayin' outta trouble, elf?

Beast: Kurt, I've told you time and again already! Do not...

Nightcrawler: ...relive my past experience in the afterlife through the Danger Room. I know that, Hank.

Cyclops: Stay sharp, Kurt. This isn't a game. Please do continue, Professor.

Wolverine: Wait. So where's Emma?

Psylocke: I think she left us after Scott got restored. Bobby Drake, can't you be serious for just two seconds?

Iceman: Oops, sorry there. I nearly forgot who said "no more Phoenix!", Scott.

Cyclops: No more of your jokes, Bobby. You're almost as bad as Gambit. Whatever feud you've got with my brother is none of my concern.

Wolverine: At least you never mention Deadpool, Scott.

Angel: I swear I'd have paralyzed his lower body if not for Nathan's interference.

Psylocke: Calm down, Warren. I also felt like slicing Wade Wilson to ribbons during that episode.

Beast: I'm no law guru, but isn't sexual harassment a crime?

Psylocke: Which makes his acquittal all the more unbelievable...

Angel: He must have either threatened or bribed the judge and jury. More likely both given Nathan's angry look when the verdict was announced.

Scarlet Witch: ......

*Flashback to one year ago during post NDP celebrations*

Gambit: Deal again, mon ami?

Local Zouk girl 1: He's so sexy!!!!!

Local Zouk girl 2: He's so desirable!!!!!!!

Local Zouk girl 3: He's so unattainable!!!!!!!

Gambit: Hey there! Don't just mop around, Nightcrawler!

*cue der BAMF! and plenty of shocked local Zouk girls*

Nightcrawler: There's more to life than just women and gambling, Gambit.

Iceman: You really need to chill, Kurt. Me and Remy knows you've been through a lot. I mean getting killed by Bastion, going to heaven only to realize there's no hot Singaporean devils there and getting yourself revived after whooping your father's ass. C'mon, you need a life. So when was the last time you kissed a girl? Be honest with us, Kurt.

Gambit: I know a liar when I see one, Nightcrawler.

Nightcrawler: Erm... none?

Iceman: Okay then. See Wanda over there? Poor pretty thing she is. Every Singaporean dude is trying to chat her up, but she doesn't care.

Nightcrawler: So?

Iceman: Me and Remy devised a little plan to end your...

Nightcrawler: End my what?

Gambit: Virginity, Nightcrawler. The last person capable of tempting you has already moved onto another target.

*Somewhere in the National Museum at the same time...*

Black Cat: Somebody must be talking nasty things about me. Well, a bad girl's gotta do what a bad girl's born to do...

*Back to Zouk*

Iceman: Okay so here's the plan, Kurt. Wanda has agreed to a date with you. A hot date without worrying about Pyro gatecrashing...

Nightcrawler: Do tell me again why half of Manhattan got burnt down last year...

Iceman: I wasn't there, Remy wasn't there.

Nightcrawler: Wanda was there.

Iceman: So?

Nightcrawler: 'Tis not funny to joke about collateral damages done to an innocent city.

*Flashback to 4th July@mid town Manhattan*

Pyro: You burned me out, mate.

Scarlet Witch: You're no match for Chaos magic!

Captain America: I'm sure Stark will pay for all these...

Iron Man: Are you still holding onto those vibranium rights, T'Challa?

Black Panther: Stark, are you the master of your technology or its servant?

Storm: You do our people proud, Panther.

Iron Man: Do you mind?

Storm: I was referring to T'Challa playing a vital role in defeating the cosmic level threat of Pyro.

Iron Man: Okay, cool power couple. The king and queen of Wakanda really do their people proud.

Storm: Do not anger a goddess...

*Back to 9th August@Zouk*

Iceman: Oops, I forgot Wanda accidentally obliterated half of Manhattan during Independence Day. Or so I heard from that genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. Wait a sec, Kurt... why mention Wanda if you don't have a thing for her?

Nightcrawler: Okay, I give up.

Iceman: Good. Go back to your room and log onto your Facebook account. Go type Scarlet Wanda Maximoff, that's her Facebook profile account. There are some pictures she put on public, I suspect it might be at Siloso Beach.

*At the comfort of his own hotel room...*

Nightcrawler: I can't believe it... Wanda wearing a bikini? You're a scoundrel, Bobby Drake. A little wonder why Hank is always worried about you starting a fight with Scott...

Next episode:

What is Magneto planning in Singapore?

Is there truly a mutant there?

Will Kurt Wagner get himself corrupted by Chaos magic despite the likelihood of having the Soulsword?

Watch this space, peeps. That is if you're really low crass enough like me to call yourself the everyday S'porean...

Meanwhile at the Avengers Tower...

Nick Fury: No mutants found in Singapore... shit, that must have been the Shadow King messin' with the info... gotta tell Xavier about this.

*Fury faces towards the east of mid town Manhattan*

Nick Fury: Director Fury to Agents Maria Hill, Phil Coulson and Eric O'Grady... time to assemble! I repeat! Time to assemble!

Somewhere @Manhattan

Ant-Man: You hear that, Phil? Fury's telling us one thing.

Coulson: I hope this has got nothing to do with this strip club we're in right now, Eric.

Ant-Man: Don't worry, I'll tell the truth this time round. That Agent Eric O'Grady was the one coercing Agent Phil Coulson to the Chels-Blue Strip Club. Happy?

Coulson: Can I say no?

Ant-Man: Unfortunately, my answer is no. Okay, time to assemble. MOTHER****ERS, ASSEMBLE!

Notable freaks: X-Men or X-Force?

Either way, we're talking abt biological products from the good ol'north east Teesside. To quote my elder cousin in the GH... As if lol!

Philipp Lahm aka Scott Summers

Mesut Özil aka Nathan Summers

Manuel Neuer aka Piotr Rasputin

André Schürrle aka Remy LeBeau

Mario Götze aka Kurt Wagner

Bastian Schweinsteiger aka that Logan

(also known as the bloke who might have indirectly won the World Cup b/c of his Iron Cross)

P.S: Because I enjoy being a narcissistic jerk...

??? aka Wade Wilson

"I always forget (or just black out to spare myself the agony) what Wilson's most lethal weapon is... his mouth! He'll talk nonsense until you surrender or commit suicide."

~Domino

Tonight's Show @FBC: Road to the Final Victory 2014 [2]

??: Welcome back to tonight's show. I believe you all have enjoyed your ride in Brazil 2014 thus far, be it via the screen or in literal terms. I am your host for the night, Kim Dan. Before we get into tonight's main course, let us take a brief look at the happenings on the ground. Corespondent, please.

(x) (x) (x)

Corespondent: Good morning here. As you can see, the skies are clear and sunny. Just like my hometown. I am your local corespondent of the day, Aitor Kamara. Truly it has been quite a topsy turvy tourney thus far with the English Championship deemed better. Seeing Skysports rating Omeruo as Dzeko's better has gotta be my biggest break yet. So who shall lift the much coveted Jules Rimet Trophy bar a grand Latin heist? Let's go and find out.

Tourist 1: Of course our Netherlands! For a very long time, we, the long suffering Dutch, have to endure all kinds of racist jokes. I don't mind those made about our Dutch girls because they're indeed blond and hotly equipped. What I detest most is just about any jokes concerning human implosion. Humans don't implode, they explode! Why are there so many anti-science people making fun of our beloved Dutch nation?

Tourist 2: Netherlands. I'm a neutral and I don't really like how van Gaal performed plastic surgery on this current team. However, I have to admit 'tis pretty efficient. That plus I heard Daina Zagata has promised to be a Dutch citizen if Oranje really win.

Tourist 3: France. Like to see every jeune fille hitting the dance floor so long all of them ain't minors.

Tourist 4: ENGRAND!!!!!!! THREE LIONS!!!!!!! 1966!!!!!!!!! SIR ALF RAMSEY!!!!!!

AK: Erm, England are already out due to Los Ticos making los tacos out of your lads.

Tourist 5: Sorry, mate. He just got himself piss drunk because what you said is the cold hard truth.

AK: Never mind. People always drown their sorrows whenever there's beer aplenty.

Tourist 6: NORTH EAST! NORTH EAST! ENGLAND!!!!

AK: Wait, you don't look English.

Tourist 6: Yes, I no English! I Uruguay! I love Middlesbrough!

AK: Err, why?

Tourist 7+8+9+10+12... [and the Latin Express goes on...]: CAVANI IS MANNION! SUAREZ IS CAMSELL!

AK: Well, I guess the day remains young while the night truly awaits. Back to you, Kim Dan.

(x) (x) (x)

KD: I swear the next person calling me by my full will get it from me... why am I cursed with such a retarded name????

???: Kim Dan-nim, are you alright?

KD: Oh, of course I am fine. And here we have it, two esteemed guest pundits. On my right is this year's Miss Ice Goddess. Let us welcome Stevia G!

SG: ......

KD: Erm, okay it seems Stevia doesn't like to talk much. Anyway, on my left is...

*insane cheering coming from the 'live' audience. Weirdly enough, they all sound like guys.*

*Studio phone suddenly start ringing*

KD: Hello! This is...

?: #!$@#$$&*& lah! You think I dunno where is FBC meh?

KD: Erm... boss?

Boss: Yes, this is your boss, B.S Ko on the line. You know who are the special guests of the night? I swear that if I'm not happy, you confirm also not happy. You not happy, others also not happy. Get it?

KD: Err... yes, boss. Get it, boss.

Boss: Good. Introduce properly, okay? Already my friend Jürgen Kok has already created major unintentional consequences when that stupid paparazzi media K-PO revealed that damning selca news completed with the original selca.

KD: So anything else, boss?

Boss: No more. Still have to deal with another salty Korean five minutes later... *hangs up phone*

*kickass bgm starts blaring from PA system in courtesy of P.C, the P.A man*

KD: Wait... that one is...

SG: Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. More specifically Alucard's theme. Most tragic protagonist in the series by my estimation unless I'm to figure Leon Belmont in.

KD: Wait, wait... so what am I supposed to do?

*crow flies past somewhere nearby*

???: Good day to every audience both 'live' and watching from the comfort of your living room. 'Tis an honour to be a guest of FBC, I am G.Park.

*security personnel mobilised*

KD: At least these men in blue are doing their jobs for now. Really have to bargain with that doughnut vendor asap. *clears throat and tidy himself* So how shall we proceed, ladies?

GP: Say, Stevia. How's your boyfriend? Last time we met, it seems that he's grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Did he send you anything?

SG: Only a box of sweet pastries from Malaysia.

GP: Let me guess... sweetheart cakes?

SG: Bingo.

GP: That's so sweet~~~~

KD: Err, ladies... we're...

GP: I know. Football, right? Stevia, what's your view on the tournament so far?

SG: Brazil, flatter to deceive. Argentina, cannot perform without Messi. Croatia, dark horse. France, dark horse. Chile, dark horse. Costa Rica, surprise package. Italy, shock package plus 16th August.

GP: Some more?

SG: Holland, early favourites. Portugal, needs Ronaldo for bailout. Germany, my favourite because my friend also living there.

KD: Ladies, I think this is getting nowhere...

SG: England, dead. South Korea... sorry, can't say.

*Random crew hands Kim Dan a piece of fax*

KD: Ladies, I believe we've got some interesting info here. Audience, here's that one thing we all have been waiting for: Jürgen Kok's winning 11 of draft 2! Wait, why is it that the team sheet looks so funny...

*Camera zooms into the team sheet*

Ochoa

Johnson  Yobo  Costa  Mesbah

Jones  Bradley

Ayew                                          Robben

Giroud         Suárez

GP: Wow, your boyfriend is such a nerd...

SG: A talented one at that...

KD: Wait... don't tell me... Jürgen Kok is...

GP: Yeah, he's Stevia's beau. Why?

*Big screen suddenly activated*

Jürgen Kok: Heyo, peeps!

KD: ...... WHY ALWAYS YOU?????????

KH: Why always me? I thought it's time for me to start analysing...

KD: Never mind. Let's just find a related topic to say. Like how do you see South Korea's massive defeat?

KH: Well, the Desert Foxes did outfox the Taegeuk Warriors. How? By exploiting the open space between the attacking quartet and fortified sextet. Plenty has been said about the Koreans' defensive frailty, the Algerians have proven it beyond doubt. The chief reason why Russia couldn't find a way through is because the South Koreans played their cards right. By employing two flat banks of 4, Hong Myung-bo had effectively stifled everybody else through ball possession from back till middle. Against the African cavalry, it's a total different ball game. The two wide-nim couldn't track back in time, the two anchor-nim got brutally exposed like Gray Fullbuster himself. This might be why the Desert Foxes were able to make a desert out of the result within 45 minutes. After the break, the Koreans managed to rally back due to the Korean pride.

GP: Sadly it's too little, too late.

KH: Yep. The kimchi was effectively done by time the 2nd half kicked off. The fact that your beloved soldiers on the pitch were able to pull 2 goals back was already a miracle in itself. Let me give you a tip, may you relay my words back to that old hero of Taegeuk.

SG: ......

GP: Go ahead! Please tell us how to beat those fake Red Devils!

KH: Fake?

GP: Well, the only true Red Devils come from my people and Manchester.

KH: You'll always go batshit crazy guano loco upon national pride being mentioned. Okay, listen carefully. Not gonna say this twice. Number one: I'm not God, I can't guarantee results.

GP: Number two?

KH: Do what the Algerians did to you, that's my advice to that old hero. Unfortunately, I believe the Belgians have already predicted this before me. Note the movement coming from their wide-nim because their entire 11-nim will keep a sharp eye on the Korean spine.

SG: ......

KH: Eh? You don't look too well, Stevia. Something wrong?

SG: Nothing. I see you're enjoying yourself at England right now.

KH: Here? At Middlesbrough? I know you'll be worried about me. Don't worry. I'm only here for footballing reasons. For the sake of my well being, I never wandered beyond my home after seven. As for girls, I don't even have the time to notice any!

SG: I don't believe you. Proof?

KH: You can join me up here at Teesside if you don't believe me. I swear that my home is actually part of Rockliffe Park, not Rockliffe Hall.

SG: Fine. Meet me up first at Hamburg three weeks from now. I heard you're already quite famous in Germany due to your name rhyming with another Jürgen.

KH: Okay, you win.

KD: Alright, can't stand this Lady and the Tramp moment. So tell me, Jürgen. How do you see the England-Costa Rica match?

KH: It's a match up between nothing to lose and nothing to gain.

KD: I gather that England has nothing to gain and Costa Rica got nothing to lose...

KH: Wrong. Your statement is just like me saying Emma Watson is English.

KD: Well, she's English.

KH: Technically 50% English, 50% French.

KD: I don't get you.

KH: What I'm trying to say is that such mentality can and will go either way. Hodgson can choose to see this match as a glass of wine half empty or a glass of wine half full. If he thinks England has nothing to gain, we'll definitely see a conservative England. The England that tried playing Russian Roulette during the last two matches and ultimately lost. On the other hand, I'll be interested to see whether Lallana will start should Hodgson decide that this team has got nothing to lose.

KD: Why? Because you have him in your fantasy league team?

KH: Partially yes. I can't lie over this question. However, it must also be noted that Lallana's dynamic drifting can AND will open up much wanted space by passing the ball on the ground. Costa Rica will most likely try packing the midfield with the option of having two wide-amigos falling back. That will leave Bryan Ruiz free to roam and once he gets the ball... well, you can ask Prandelli over that goal of his.

KD: So I assume old Roy commited a strategic cock up all the while?

KH: Against Italy, I can understand the need to harass Pirlo. Quite effective if you ask me. Unfortunately, Welbeck ain't the kind of player to do any tactical follow up. He's 100% graft, but not daring enough. Rooney wasn't good enough out wide because once you isolate him, the English will grant you that license to kill. Tactics is all about actual synergy and I'm not talking about Marvel Heroes.

KD: Against Uruguay?

KH: Sturridge got isolated instead. As a deep lying centre forward, Rooney enjoyed better protection to do what others said he does best. Shutting down that black man upfront proved to be Tabárez's victory and Hodgson's poison. La Celeste are known to be extremely physical from back till middle. This is why Cavani and Suárez are able to run the show down like the Mannion-Camsell partnership of yore. England really missed Lallana's ability to open up space. A lot has been said on him and Barkley resuscitating a vegetative England to no avail, but that's because the team was already a vegetable.

KD: No difference between the old shit England and new shit England then?

KH: At least Hodgson managed to create a decent semblance of ball retention. A conservative approach, however, means that England could never ever learn. I mean you're capable of keeping possession, but incapable of playing the ball forward? It's like me saying Tony Pulis is able to advocate passing football, but unable to get 3 points out of 3.

KD: Your analogy is absurd.

KH: Football is absurd anyway. 20 years ago or so, women actually understood what is offside. Fast forward the clock and we end up seeing the likes of Tobin Heath and Alex Morgan demonstrating to men the real meaning of that word.

KD: What about the defence then?

KH: Okay, then. Put 4 wooden blocks in a straight row. How many gaps should there be?

KD: Are you questioning my intellect?

KH: Just answer me. I'm not interested in playing games with you. I still have to try drafting an English spine for the Boro senior squad because I haven't even started it yet!

KD: Alright. Answer is 3.

KH: Congrats. You get an A-star.

KD: ARE YOU INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE????!!!!????

KH: No I'm not. I'm just trying to make a point. Simply put, the opponent will always try to exploit the gap between two players. It's not a matter of how many broken links, but rather a case of one is enough. Coordination to master the gaps is key to whether England will exit the airport in partial shame or utter shame. After all, there is only one Nigeria.

KD: Okay, thanks. I believe Hodgson will appreciate your input.

KH: And I believe Hong Myung-bo will want me to be his field strategist.

KD: That's absurd.

KH: Plenty of things we say tend to be absurd. So hope to see you soon, Stevia. Hamburg or Teesside, you can be very sure I'm not being absurd.

KD: Okay, so I guess this concludes tonight's episode of FBC.

GP: And on behalf of my agency and mother nation, I like to express my heartfelt thanks to all whom it may concern.

SG: You need a boyfriend, Park.

GP: But there are no suitable boys in my university!

SG: Go get one from your own professional circle then.

GP; Hmm... that's a good idea. Why didn't I think of that?

Tonight's Show @FBC: Road to the Final Victory 2014

???: Welcome to the special edition of FBC. After valuable feedback gathered from the global audience, FBC decided to resume daily operations. For now that is. I am your host for the night, Lee Yu-Kwang. With me are the two guest pundits of tonight's show. Sitting on my left is renowned English pundit, Ryan Private. On my left is part-time pundit cum lauded genius, Jürgen Kok. Better known as the frontman of CRTrolling-god, he will be embarking on the band's global tour come November. First stop, Incheon.

Ryan Private [abbrev RP]: Wait, why did you give this stupid bratwurst extra exposure?

Lee Yu-Kwang [abbrev LYK]: Because my boss told me, what. I know we're close buddies, Ryan. Unfortunately, I do not own a government.

Jürgen Kok [abbrev JK]: Thanks for your intro, Lee. I thought we're here to talk about football? Or am I missing out something?

LYK: It has something to do with a selca moment. Okay, never mind. Let us first get into...
*kickass rock music suddenly coming out from PA system*

JK: Wow, that's nostalgic. Reminds me of all those times where your executive producer dueled with me at the local arcade. Glad to know B.S Ko still holding the post.

RP: WHAT????????

JK: You don't have to emulate Stone Cold Steve Austin, dearest Ryan. Either you can ask me how to use Order-Sol or you can ask B.S. Ko to help you try mastering Testament.

LYK: Okay, folks. While enjoying the music dished out by P.C*, let us get to our local correspondent in Brazil.
*note from Mr B.S. Ko, i.e. CEO of FBC: P.C has got nothing to do with computers, but rather our man in charge of the PA system.

(x) (x) (x)

Correspondent: Welcome to Brazil, the nation of football and all other good things rounded. I am your local correspondent, Kurt Henry McCoy. It has been an overwhelming tournament thus far with La Furia Roja and Socceroos being the first two casualties. Giants are slain and legends are born, is it any wonder to see neutral romantics calling themselves Team David rather than Team Goliath? Let us hear some opinions on the ground.

Tourist 1: So happy to come here! But not so happy to see Chinese and Koreans taking photos. You believe ref comes from my country? You believe my people so stupid? Now even the gaijin also laughing at us. Better don't mention of my neighbarus here! I got katana! You want to see my katana? Oh sorry to be rude. My gyarufurein got disturbed last night for six hours, think that's why I now start seeing every man to be bakayarou...

Tourist 2: 'Tis a sad day. My amigos have all deserted apart from me. Huh? Why I am still here? No national team, still got chicas locales!

Tourist 3: Nothing new, mate. I mean w're all used to negative press, no? At least our 11 mates taking the field were more comfortable on the eye. Out with all guns blazing better than reading how racists have destroyed our economy. That plus why them Brazilians like that shit brew Foster's so much, I can never understand. Period.

Tourist 4: Sorry, I now busy... err, okay. Oh, 죄송합니다... I was too busy tweeting just now. Wait, why is your face so red? Are you okay?

Kurt Henry McCoy: I... I... okay, back to you guys at the studio.

(x) (x) (x)

LYK: Poor Kurt. After all those years, he still couldn't deal with girls.

RP: But that Korean girl looks beautiful though.

JK: Of course she's beautiful. *name censored due to agency restrictions* is known as a natürliche Schönheit back home in South Korea.

LYK+RP: WHAT???????????

JK: Why?

LYK: No wonder she looks so familiar!

RP: Me as well!

JK: She's that celeb whom I shared that harmless selca moment. Remember what you said, Lee?

LYK: Erm yes, I supposed.

RP: You lucky bastard.

JK: No more luckier than Ned Stark's bastard, thank you very much. I think the poor boy must be wishing for some teleportation ability right now.

LYK: Okay, so maybe we should now air our views on what has gone by in Group A to C. Ryan, you first.

RP: Firstly, I truly feel sorry for Vatreni. I mean the Croatians were already hampered by the weather! Then the next thing we know, referee's mistake. I don't know whether I should say Neymar won the match for Pentacampeões or the referee did so for them.

JK: Agreed. That's a bitter pill to swallow, that's why Vatreni chose to vent their anger on Les Lions Indomptables. They're not out of the woods yet since El Tricolor awaits next.

LYK: So how would you see this intriguing duel given both teams have plenty to gain and lose, Jürgen?

JK: Would you like to answer this for me, Ryan?

RP: No thanks. I'm a gentleman.

JK: Okay, so here it goes. If Croatia wants to enter last 16, drawing first blood is essential. While one point is a possible outcome, Niko Kovač will try to take the game to Mexico. Per what we've seen against Brazil, the Mexicans are capable of operating shrewdly.

RP: You sounds like a racist by using the s-word.

JK: What? You mean *censored*?

LYK: I think Ryan means shrewdly.

JK: Oh, that one. So what? José Mourinho always operate shrewdly, does that make me anti-Portuguese?

RP: Okay, you owned me on this one.

JK: Back to the talk. I firmly believe this will be a battle of attrition across the middle. Miguel Herrera will not tell his lads to pour forward due to the Croatians being ten times better than Cameroon, both technically and tactically. In particular, Chicharito's status as the supersub will come in handy. It seems that for now, dos Santos will get the nod ahead of his fellow speed demon.

RP: Which now comes to how I see the difference between Hernández and dos Santos. Chicharito is a gifted goal assassin, but dos Santos plays on a different style. The former coming off on the field will vastly change how the latter plays, but we all know dos Santos is intelligent enough to make the switch. Capable of playing across the offensive width, dos Santos' versatility might just be his finest weapon, not superior ball technique and a more superior pace.

JK: That plus Herrera will surely choke the midfield. Two players from opposite ends to look out for.

LYK: Mandžukić and Ochoa?

JK: No. Modrić and Ochoa. As I said just now, the battle will be lost and won across the middle park. Which means just like how Messi can't perform without Xavi and Iniesta, Mandžukić can't perform without Modrić. Ochoa, on the other hand, will find it easier to perform alone since he's no Peter Schmeichel. But the next Jorge Campos? In between the sticks, I believe the hope of one entire nation will be united behind Ochoa. That's how much I rate his future.

LYK: So how about Cameroon and Australia?

RP: Have to say this is a story of two different losers. Both teams departed with zero points, but only Australia will bid adiós with their pride intact. If Cameroon still wants to call its team  a pride of lions, then someone should just tell that country's leader that those dingos hailing from Australasia are better than them. Cahill, in particular, would have given his national museum something to broadcast about. Purchase the copyright and call that goal a national treasure, that's a good way to boost tourism even though Australia has never been in want where tourist spending is concerned.

JK: And to think the dingo, as a canine species, tend to be associated with crooks.

LYK: Are you saying Australians are a bunch of crooks?

JK: No. But it's true to say their ancestors were.

RP: I think I'm a bit offended by your words, Jürgen.

JK: Don't worry. I know Aussies and Brits hail from the same family tree.

RP: ......

LYK: Okay, maybe we can try commenting on Group C and D now? But first, I need your input on how the South Koreans fared against Russia. Ryan, your take?

RP: Either the Taegyuk Warriors played above themselves or the Russians failed to invoke the spirit of Stalin.

JK: I believe those comments would make you a racist.

RP: At least I never said both.

JK: That would have made you both a nationalist and racist.

LYK: Okay, please don't fight, the two of you. So what's your view, Jürgen?

RP *whispering to LYK*: I want *She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named* as my girlfriend. I think that's what he will say.

JK: No comments. The South Korean FA has placed a ban on my mouth. They know what I'm capable of and the last thing every sane minded Korean wants is an early exit. The Sewol ferry tragedy is still weighing heavily on the nation, that's why they tell...

LYK+RP: Tell you what? That they will promise you a girlfriend of A-star grade?

JK: "Before you start talking, Kwak, shut up."

LYK: That's all?

RP: I though you really might score with...

JK: The Koreans seem to enjoy playing Marvel Heroes as well. Teamed up with a Deadpool bloke named JRC, we actually mopped that Purifier hall with that unstoppable Juggernaut. Dunno whether JRC is Korean tho.

RP: You're not listening to me...

JK: Am I?

RP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyZ7Aod0Yq8

LYK: Poor bloke. I think he just got incapacitated.

JK: Via mortification, no less. Okay, so we're onto Group C and D?

LYK: Yep.

JK: Okay. Firstly, let me just congratulate Los Cafeteros and José Pékerman for a job well done. Any fears of a Radamel Falcao hangover was at last put to rest.

LYK: You talk too early and talk too fast.

JK: Then it remains to see how much of a threat Les Éléphants will pose, both short and long term. Ivory Coast is the only team capable of sinking Pékerman's team of titans.

LYK: Am I sensing a Titanic joke brewing here?

JK: April 1912 was down to humane cock up, April 2014 was due to a systematic cock up. If I was in Obama's shoes, I'd have mobilize the CIA in order to find out whether that fugitive is currently protected by DPRK.

LYK: You're jumping to undue conclusions.

JK: Sorry. Must be how I perceive tabloid media. So where are we now? The fact that Deadpool and Bob would double team Yoo Byung-eun if they're real?

LYK *whispering to self*: Wouldn't like to be in some 73 year old's shoes if Deadpool is for real.

JK: Oh, I remember now. The two matches tonight. Simply put, Japan will want to get all 3 points while nothing less than 3 will do for Colombia. Greece will be forced on the back foot, they will most likely want to score via one stroke of break-and-counter. As for Ivory Coast, the form of Yaya Touré coupled with Didier Drogba's impact in the last third will be the crux. Unlike Susanooh versus Ares, 1 goal won't be enough for Colombia or Ivory Coast. Two goals clear and the winner shall be clear. Well more or less anyway...

LYK: So what about Group D?

JK: The Azzurri winning the Three Lions was a no brainer. Los Ticos pulling three whooping wedgies over La Celeste, on the other hand, has got to be the first atomic wedgie in this World Cup. No other results comes close currently.

LYK: Tactics wise?

JK: Tabárez can't perform without Suárez. Everybody says that and everybody knows that. Diego Forlán is a goal predator, not a goal linker. Plenty of Uruguay's success has always been about the linkup play between Suárez and Cavani. Not so much of your typical Emile Heskey-Tony Cottee partnership, but more of George Camsell-Wilf Mannion.

LYK: I know the first pair, but the second?

JK: That was way back during Jack Charlton's time as a manager. Middlesbrough is an area without anything to boast about, but at least the Uruguayans must have watched Camsell and Mannion playing. The style is different of course, but the concept is unmistakably there. In short, Uruguay needs a centre forward capable of linking back play while providing a pressure point upfront. Quite a bit like Gen's Shi'tengetsu.

LYK: So you're firmly supporting the view that Suárez will provide the pressure point if he starts?

JK: Have to say Uruguayans really play their football like how Che Guevara conducted his field tactics. One bloke as the sword, the other playing the dagger. How the goal threat will be presented is via a cloak and dagger approach. Anyone can be that dagger, but more likely either Cavani the sniper or Suárez the lancer. Period. Okay, think I'm getting sleepy at the moment. Have to take a trip to the north east of England tomorrow.

LYK: Huh? Why? Where?

JK: The Riverside stadium, home to Middlesbrough Football Club. The chairman is inviting me for a stay at Rockliffe Hall. He must have known something which I don't.

LYK: So any last words?

JK: This.

LYK: Erm... okay then. Wish you the best in football and love.

Actual last words from Jürgen Kok