El Estratega: Doce

Boro being the victim of black injustice, S'pore also. Boro kenna internal uproar, S'pore also kenna rumours of internal uproar. If this isn't proof that any team bearing the red jersey and a lion's mark ain't truly a Red Shirt, I dunno what else qualifies as being a Red Shirt.
#AllOurAncestorsComeFromTeesside

The Great Han Bailout

Singapore got its very own Great Singapore Sale, the Chu-Han War also had its own Great Han Bailout. You see, the difference between sale and bailout is quite apparent. Allow my Minghui-matics to do the parallel.

Women sold into sex slavery>>sale

Women liberated from sex slavery>>bailout

In this part, we'll explore how someone who looked like a girl managed to secure that Great Han Bailout.

A/N: This post might be rather short b/c said bailout only entails two events.

Gifted Bastard, Greedy Bastard

[汉四年，韩信破齐而欲自立为齐王，汉王怒。张良说汉王，汉王使良授齐王信印，语在淮阴事中。]

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

[汉四年，遂皆降平齐。使人言汉王曰：“齐伪诈多变，反复之国也，南边楚，不为假王以镇之，其势不定。愿为假王便。”

当是时，楚方急围汉王于荥阳，韩信使者至，发书，汉王大怒，骂曰：“吾困于此，旦暮望若来佐我，乃欲自立为王！”

张良、陈平蹑汉王足，因附耳语曰：“汉方不利，宁能禁信之王乎？不如因而立，善遇之，使自为守。不然，变生。”

汉王亦悟，因复骂曰：“大丈夫定诸侯，即为真王耳，何以假为！”

乃遣张良往立信为齐王，征其兵击楚。]

《史记; 淮阴侯列传》

司马迁著

Trans:
During the fourth year of Han, Han Xin vanquished the vassal state of Qi. Desiring to make himself the King of Qi, the King of Han was enraged as a result. However, Zhang Liang advised the King of Han to accede to Han Xin's request. Hence, the King of Han sent Liang as an envoy to impart the royal seal of Qi unto Xin. Details of said event are recorded in the account of Huaiyin]

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

During the fourth year of Han, the vassal state of Qi was finally subjugated. An envoy was sent, telling the King of Han: "The state of Qi will always be a traitorous nation. With its location at the south of Chu, a temporary King must be installed to pacify whatever rebellious elements present. Your humble vassal is willing to undertake this task."

At that time, the forces of Chu were besieging the King of Han at Xianyang. Upon receiving such word from Han Xin's envoy, the King of Han flew into a rage.

"I am now trapped here, hoping that you'll come to my aid. How dare you ask me to make you a King!"

Zhang Liang and Chen Ping then kicked the King of Han at the leg, whispering thus: "We are now in dire straits, how can we afford to refuse Han Xin's request? He must be made King and be treated with respect. If so, he will remain loyal. If not, he will rebel."

At last understanding, the King of Han resumed his cursing: "A great man capable of subjugating rebellious lords must be made a true King. Why must one like him be merely a temporary one?"

Thus, Zhang Liang was sent to made Xin the King of Qi while gathering Han Xin's men to attack Chu.]

《Annals of History: Account of the Marquis of Huaiyin》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

When you're on the up, everyone wants to be your friend. When you're totally down, everybody wants to shoot the dog. No matter how idealistic you claim yourself to be, this is reality. The world and history has told us this much. It doesn't matter whether you've got the mandate from that man upstairs. People will desert you once they feel disillusioned, never mind feeling betrayed. [1]

The same goes for Liu Bang as well. His alliance was in danger of dissolving [2], Han Xin managed to pull one goal back for #TeamHan.

The only problem?

Han Xin wanted to be someone far greater than some mere grand commander.

The greatest problem?

He chose the wrong time to do so.

Can you imagine Erdoğan demanding Syria to cede the town of Kobane unto the Turkish rule post-ISIS? I know this what-if sounds absurd, but how Assad would feel is basically how Liu Bang felt here. Now I'm not implying Turkey will bail Kobane out since certain things are not meant to be refuted. My point is that when you're in trouble, you don't expect your most powerful friend to ask something like...

"Eh, I really like that girl who happens to be your stead's BFF. Can introduce her to me? Really like that type who is a bit dark, and also very vivacious. I confirm will be a very nice bf and a very hiong lover one. Confirm guarantee plus chop."

I don't know about you, but if I have a girlfriend and a friend of mine happened to ask me this question...

Enter the twin talents, Zhang Liang and Chen Ping. By kicking Liu Bang, they're quite obviously not trying break his leg. [3] Granted true, Han Xin was being unreasonable. After all, he should have known his boss' current situation. Yet, they also reminded Liu Bang what kind of employee Han Xin was. It's one thing to be a jerk, quite another to be a life saving jerk.

Staying true to his political acting chops, Liu Bang converted his personal anger into righteous anger. By improvising on whatever said just now, Liu Bang managed to create his own PR coup.

In life, you can't have your cake and eat it at the same time. It's one thing detesting that bugger seated just next to you, quite another to ask yourself whether said bugger is the only man able to bail you out... [4]

Powerful Bastards, Valuable Bastards

[其秋，汉王追楚至阳夏南，战不利而壁固陵，诸侯期不至。良说汉王，汉王用其计，诸侯皆至。语在项籍事中。]

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

[汉欲西归，张良、陈平说曰：“汉有天下太半，而诸侯皆附之。楚兵罢食尽，此天亡楚之时也，不如因其机而遂取之。今释弗击，此所谓‘养虎自遗患’也。”

汉王听之。汉五年，汉王乃追项王至阳夏南，止军，与淮阴侯韩信、建成侯彭越期会而击楚军。至固陵，而信、越之兵不会。楚击汉军，大破之。汉王复入壁，深堑而自守。谓张子房曰：“诸侯不从约，为之柰何？”

对曰：“楚兵且破，信、越未有分地，其不至固宜。君王能与共分天下，今可立致也。即不能，事未可知也。君王能自陈以东傅海，尽与韩信；睢阳以北至谷城，以与彭越：使各自为战，则楚易败也。”

汉王曰：“善。”

于是乃发使者告韩信、彭越曰：“并力击楚。楚破，自陈以东傅海与齐王，睢阳以北至谷城与彭相国。”

使者至，韩信、彭越皆报曰：“请今进兵。”

韩信乃从齐往，刘贾军从寿春并行，屠城父，至垓下。大司马周殷叛楚，以舒屠六，举九江兵，随刘贾、彭越皆会垓下，诣项王。]

《史记; 项羽本纪》

司马迁著

Trans:

[Come the same autumn, the King of Han pursued the forces of Chu unto south of Yangxia. Upon facing a setback, the King of Han could only choose to retreat and hold fort in Guling. Alas, the various lords had yet to come to his aid. Upon hearing Zhang Liang's advice, the King of Han decided to follow suit. Indeed the various lords soon flocked to his aid. Details of said event are recorded in the account of Xiang Ji]

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

[The forces of Han desired to return west. Zhang Liang and Chen Ping, however, said: "Now that Han possess more than half of the lands, the lords have all pledged allegiance unto us. The soldiers of Chu were already tired and their supply running low. Indeed heaven had announced the demise of Chu. Why not attack since there's a chance? If we're to let them go, this would be rearing a tiger for future harm."

The King of Han listened. Come the fifth year of Han, the King of Han pursued the King of Xiang unto south of Yangxia. Stopping there, he intended to join forces with the Marquis of Huaiyin (Han Xin) and the Marquis of Jiancheng (Peng Yue) to attack the Chu army. Upon reaching Guling, both Xin and Yue's army were nowhere to be found. The army of Chu attacked the forces of Han and gained a huge victory. Retreating once again, the King of Han was forced to defend deeply. Seeking Zhang Zifang's counsel, the King of Han asked: "The lords have yet to be seen. What must we do?"

Zhang Liang replied: "The army of Chu had just earned themselves a reprieve while Xin and Yue had yet to be allotted their own share of land. Hence, their tardiness. If a ruler can share his territory with others, he must made it known. If not, then the outcome will be unknown. M'lord can grant the King of Qi (i.e. Han Xin) the eastern lands stretching till the sea; as for Chancellor Peng (i.e. Peng Yue), he can be given the lands north of Suiyang till the city of Gu. Once both are motivated to battle for themselves, the Chu army can be defeated easily."

Hence, envoys were sent to both Han Xin and Peng Yue with this plea: "May you start deploying the forces now."

Han Xin then attacked from the lands of Qi as Liu Jia's army followed suit from Shouchun, both armies laying waste to the cities and their people. Ultimately, they reached Gaixia. The Grand Commandant Zhou Yin then betrayed Chu, his men from the Shu prefecture destroying six other prefectures. The soldiers from Jiujiang then heeded his (Zhou Yin's) call, their combined numbers meeting up with Liu Jia and Peng Yue at Gaixia. All for the sake of attacking the King of Xiang.

《Annals of History: Records of Xiang Yu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

Liu Bang's current predicament was oddly like something happening N years later @the north east of England. Long story short, I doubt Karanka will escape sanctions coming from that UN of English football. And all for what? Because he was rightfully accused of disrespect towards the authorities taking the black. Now that Karanka is in the danger of taking that literal black, what are we to do? Who do we call? This guy? And lest we forget, whatever vicious rumours circulating over Higgy's departure won't go away just because Go Dok-mi happened to be a victim of online slander. [5]

Interestingly, it seems that Peng Yue has attained the status of Chancellor [6] even before Liu Bang managed to unify the whole of China. In short, the two amigos calling the heaviest shot were Han Xin and Peng Yue. As for Qing Bu, it can be argued that since he's born a scoundrel (i.e. an outlaw), his level of respect was virtually zero. [7] Ofc it didn't prevent him being joint first w/Han Xin and Peng Yue in the whole Executioner/Paingiver ranking.

So there we have it: double action with twice the fun. While Han Xin's actions managed to galvanise Liu Jia into taking the same action, Zhou Yin actually took the chance to rebel. Granted that 90% of the vassal population was alrdy disillusioned w/their current boss, to see one prefecture's worth of military pwning a force six times the value is like seeing Boro putting 6 goals past Mad Ian's lads.

Let this be known: when Han Xin and Peng Yue decided to attack from their respective positions, their decision managed to create a chain reaction. Ever tried playing a Hunter Ranger at lvl 60? Ever tried doing a Feytouched effect via Fox's Shift? If you're like me as a Neverwinner, chances are that you'd realise the devastating effect wrecked on those dumbass cultists. Visualising this is like visualising the Han Xin+Peng Yue effect. [8]

The key thing lies NOT in tactics, but rather understanding the psyche of those involved. When Zhang Liang mentioned using both Han Xin and Peng Yue's self serving mentality as a weapon, two things must be taken into account.

1. Their decision must galvanise the rest in order to have an absolute chance of success (hence Zhang Liang's confidence that the Gaixia Screwjob would be Xiang Yu's Montreal Screwjob).

2. Behind every self serving intent lies a common end.

Point 1 is very easy to understand, but what about point 2? Allow this lowly strategist wannabe here to analyze this:

This weekend, we're going on a long trip down south. Quite a bit like how Robb Stark was intending to take down the Lannister dynasty mano-a-mano. Our only problem? Karanka confirm will kenna the banhammer, Higgy alrdy double confirm boh-liao...

Even if you're the most ardent Boro fan, it'd be hard to say "hey, let us put 6 past that barking mad Ian 4 teh lolz!"

Let us just do the simple Minghui-matics here...

Every Boro fan wearing the Red Shirt+desire to **** the living daylights out of those living bar codes next season=self serving bastard

Every player wearing the Red Shirt+desire to prove themselves=self serving bastard

Higgy wearing the Red Shirt+desire to see his lifelong dream achieved=self serving bastard

Karanka treated like a Red Shirt+desire to **** those men in black via results after 90 mins=self serving bastard.

Me living like a Red Shirt+desire to be El Estratega of Boro=self serving bastard

Amplify the word Self Serving Bastard. What do you get?

#SSB

To be cont'd...

[1]: Wait... that sounds oddly familiar...
[2]: In the same way crisis is a-coming to my beloved Teesside due to Higgy's sudden departure.
[3]: Sorry for the piss poor quality here...
[4]: This NOT me throwing whatever little weight behind Higgy. Okay, there's such a thing called diff in opinions. So what? The current fight against the ISIS is full of differences in opinions anyway...
[5]: I don't profess to know even a word of español, let alone simple castellano. But still I find this El Clásico'kay weirdly amusing...
[6]: Ironically, Zhang Liang ended up being Liu Bang's numero uno choice for Chancellor after the war.
[7]: Just don't ask me whether Snoop Dogg has any hand in Super Mario grabbing coins like a Jew.
[8]: Quite a bit like how Hong Kong stock market shares tend to take a massive tumble whenever Adam Cheng did a new drama.

El Estratega: Once

A certain Anthony "not Hopkins" Vickers managed to write up this very interesting article. While Gibbo's gamble makes sense at the first glance, it seems that placing a huge bet on a season where 90% of the chips are down is no diff from Jeff Hardy doing a Swanton off the ladder ala #TeamXtreme vs #TeamDudleyville at Summerslam, TLC style.

To put things in perspective, this means either 1 of 2 scenarios.

Scenario 1: The Championship is quintessentially a Blackjack season where you know you're gonna have some weird talent tantamount to a 1 man #TeamMIT.
Scenario 2: In the face of low home crowd turnout and Michel "Baise Angleterre!" Platini's very own FFP, the Riverside will very soon witness its very own showstopper by New Year 2015. Not that I'm talking abt the Montreal Screwjob ofc...

Now if only we can see El Dinero himself appearing somewhere in RWS lol!

A/N of self-wankery: After some soul searching, I realised one terrible truth. I might be the only Kabukimono in Singapore.
They say this type of ppl forever cannot get a decent gf, let alone making it big.
Maybe that's why Maeda Toshimasu ended up becoming Maeda Keiji.
Maybe that's why Uesugi Kenshin was equally batshit crazy enough to have Keijirō as his left hand man...

That part which got ABBA lol'ing...

“其不可三也。发巨桥之粟，散鹿台之钱，以赐贫穷。今陛下能散府库以赐贫穷乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可四矣。殷事已毕，偃革为轩，倒置干戈，覆以虎皮，以示天下不复用兵。今陛下能偃武行文，不复用兵乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可五矣。休马华山之阳，示以无所为。今陛下能休马无所用乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可六矣。放牛桃林之阴，以示不复输积。今陛下能放牛不复输积乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可七矣。且天下游士离其亲戚，弃坟墓，去故旧，从陛下游者，徒欲日夜望咫尺之地。今复六国，立韩、魏、燕、赵、齐、楚之后，天下游士各归事其主，从其亲戚，反其故旧坟墓，陛下与谁取天下乎？其不可八矣。且夫楚唯无强，六国立者复桡而从之，陛下焉得而臣之？诚用客之谋，陛下事去矣。”

汉王辍食吐哺，骂曰：“竖儒，几败而公事！”

令趣销印。

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

Trans:

"This, then, is the third factor made impossible. Distributing the corn of Juqiao and the wealth of Lutai to the poor, is this what Your Majesty is now capable of via emptying the treasury?"

(Liu Bang) Replied: "I am unable to."

"This, then, is the fourth factor made impossible. After the defeat of Yin, education became the axis of society. Weapons were stashed away and covered in pelts of tigers' hide. All these were done in order to announce the intent of not waging war again. Can Your Majesty now cease all military actions and start focusing on education, never to  declare war again?"

(Liu Bang) Replied: "I am unable to."

"This, then, is the fifth factor made impossible. Releasing the horses at the peak of Mount Hua to prove the futility (of war). Can Your Majesty do without the cavalry?"

(Liu Bang) Replied: "I am unable to."

"This, then, is the sixth factor made impossible. Releasing the oxen beneath the trees of cherry blossoms to show no intent of stocking up supplies. Can Your Majesty truly do the same?"

(Liu Bang) Replied: "I am unable to."

"This, then, is the seventh factor made impossible. All who march under Your Majesty's banner have left behind their family members, tombs (of their loved ones), and ties of the past in order to follow you. Day and night, they looked forward in carving out their own niche of ground. If you are to reinstate the descendants of the other six warring states by exalting the nobility belonging to Han. Wei, Yan, Zhao, Qi, and Chu, surely your followers will return to their former masters. Going back to their respective family and tomb of their dead... who then can Your Majesty vie against for the entire land? This, then, is the eighth factor made impossible. Besides, the Chu faction has no capable rivals. If the other six vassal states choose to return under their former lord, how then can Your Majesty use them to your advantage? If you are to use this manner of strategy, surely Your Majesty will lose everything."

The King of Han stopped his meal and spat out whatever left in his mouth. Cursing aloud, he swore: "Useless scholar! You nearly ruined me!"

Hence, the command to retract his order.

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

After the three #MomentImpossibru, Liu Bang only ended up getting more bad news. Quite a bit like Ricky "not Martin" Gervais only stopping short of calling the infamous 101 A-listers as A-sluts. Now let me assure that I'm not out to ruin anybody embroiled in the scandal. I mean if you're guilty of wanking, you're gonna get caught one fine day. If you end up playing the heroic hacker(s), either you'll go to jail or as what Jimmy Kimmel has implied, you're going to hell under 60 secs. 'Tis that simple. [1] So w/o further ado, let us look at the remaining 5 moments of IMPOSSIBRU!!!!!!!

Impossibru IV

I recently read somewhere that the wealth gap in UK is truly shocking. If 'tis indeed true that 99% of the nation's wealth are owned by the super rich, then someone better try asking that Iron Lady how successful her legacy has been thus far. What Zhang Liang suggested was no diff from distributing the national reserves to the mega poor. Not just 10% or 50%, but 100%.

Viable?

Liu Bang's answer was no diff from me asking Gervais whether distributing hacked photos of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton would be enough to prevent more rape cases happening at Columbia University itself. [2]

Impossibru V

Education is good for preventing war, but educating ppl in ways of war ain't so. That is unless you're staring at war itself. Let me say out loud that war is nothing to laugh about. If you want to do so, please refrain from doing it in public. If not, I can assure you that even your father and mother will support you being stoned. [3]

Education together with a declaration of no-war, how attractive can that be? Surely like the prev Impossibru, surely every long suffering civilian would want it badly! Sadly, there's a reason why this is deemed Impossibru V. If Impossibru IV was all about assuming an unrealistic Robin Hood, then Impossibru V was pretty much being an unrealistic Confucius.

In war, you don't just appease the poor and suffering. I don't know how the children of Japheth view war itself, but it seems that we the Chinese do have an obsessive interest in maintaining the commoners firstly and foremost during times of unrest. In this case, it's better to be a Roman than a Chinese. Period. [4]

Impossibru VI

Horses in ancient times are not like those innocent victims plaguing UK quite some time ago. I know PETA will issue me a "wanted dead or alive, but preferably dead" bounty for my aforementioned statement, but meh.

You see, how the folks see horses were pretty much like Americans see the 2nd Amendment. Jokes aside, it's actually a necessity in times of conflict.

If the idea of sending beasts of war away to some ulu ulu mountain peak sounds familiar, you're not alone. I won't be so crazy to say scrapping the 2nd Amendment would make any sense, but exiling the ISIS to Iran would be a more appropriate picture. After all, animals bred solely for war purposes tend to die off pretty fast in the wilderness.

So would this be viable for Liu Bang?

Cavalry has always been a valuable part in ancient warfare. Due to the insane difficulty to training both the beast and master, relieving your army of vital tactical units is tantamount to giving yourself a harakiri.

Impossibru VII

Oxen were used for carrying supplies. Nothing wrong w/this, right? When it comes to war, ancient or no ancient, supplies will always make or break your chances of victory. During the Battle of Hanshui, this was exactly what Huang Zhong did. [5] In short, releasing vital livestock has got nothing to do w/whatever acts of mercy advocated by Buddhism.  Rather, this very act was meant to tell the masses "NO MORE SPARTA!!!!!" [6] through saying "NO!" to military stockpiling. [7]

So could Liu Bang do it?

Well, if he could do it, he wouldn't got himself beat by Xiang Yu during the siege of Xianyang.

Impossibru VIII

Apart from Impossibru I stated in my prev post, Impossibru II to VIII were all abt the King Wu of Zhou vs the King Zhou of Shang. While it's a tad likely that Zhang Liang's gf got some affinity with rocks coloured yellow, chances were that Zhang Liang's analysis was based on that military manual given to him by the Sage of Yellowstone [8] Since said manual was written by the famed Jiang Ziya, 'tis a no brainer to see Zhang Liang quoting examples from the relevant history.

I still remember annoying both my churchmates and NSF mates during my youthful years. How, you might ask. By mentioning Middlesbrough like some socially inadequate idiot. Sadly, this might have created a certain semblance of mockery directed towards my beloved Boro.

So what am I trying to say here? To see Zhang Liang quoting examples from the Zhou-Shang conflict is just like me mentioning Middlesbrough to the likes of Steve, Carl, and Benny. In short, it's called influence developed since young. [9]

Which now comes to Impossibru VIII, better known as Impossibru d'le Présent. This time round, Zhang Liang reminded Liu Bang where all his employees hailed from. Yes, you've guessed it. All, if not most of them hailed from the six vassal states under Xiang Yu. As it has already turned out, there were plenty of able individuals unhappy with Xiang Yu. It's like me paraphrasing that Original Guy earning enemies 10 x faster than whatever amount of ka-ching entering his BTC account due those distributors getting implicated. [10]

If Liu Bang was to heed Yiji's advice, however, he'd risk losing his entire base. [11] You see, the only motivation these lobos had was to have their own land. Feudalism has always been a history of fiefdom where your only ticket to recognition lies in having an acre of land or few. [12] Whatever Xiang Yu refused to give them, Liu Bei could promise them. By lobbying the support of the other six vassal states, these players would willingly transfer themselves back to their former clubs. There's no right or wrong behind the concept of pragmatism b/c we're all pragmatic to varying extent. [13]

At the same time, Xiang Yu was also that de facto dictator no one dared to oppose. Even if the six vassal states were to join Liu Bang's cause, Xiang Yu would make it double sure that they'd come back begging for their lives and everything else.

To put it in a nutshell, any attempt to undermine the power of Xiang Yu via bribing the six vassal states would come back and bite Liu Bang hard like a pack of ungrateful mutts. Period.

Liu Bang's final verdict?
Refer below...

P.S: Well, at least Li Yiji could have easily been more damn suay, I guess...

To be cont'd...
Now gonna sleep asap, Marvel Heroes tomorrow?

[1]: Now let's see if that Original Guy will hack this blog. *shrugs*

[2]: If you think I'm being both a misogynist and an outright asshole, you're only half correct. You can call a misogynist an asshole, but you cannot call an asshole a misogynist.

[3]: And when I say stoning, I can assure you that the ancient Jews were never guilty of smoking weed.

[4]: Pretty much like how it's better to be a Frey or Bolton rather than being a Stark. Jon Snow shouldn't count b/c he's Ned Stark's bastard.

[5]: http://unanswered-bloke-works.blogspot.com/2012/05/phase-gar-3.html

[6]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvYZRskNV3w

[7]: Due to significant sensitivities, I'd appreciate it if this comment fails to spark off whatever jest made in the name of nukes. I am serious here, guys.

[8]: Don't bother Googling for that term. I made it up myself. That pseudo-jerkass ah-kong he met tho was real.

[9]: More specifically 1996 if we're talking abt my beloved Boro.

[10]: As both Freakonomics and SuperFreakonomics might have implied, unintentional consequences tend to go beyond whatever foresight and results we human beings are capable of otherwise.

[11]: To further paraphrase this...

[12]: On an unrelated note, I remembered Cyrgon asking Sparhawk why did he choose to go against him. Sparhawk's answer? Because he only desired a small corner of the world to live in, that Cyrgon was in fact threatening to take away Sparhawk's very own little niche.

[13]: Which reminds me of how terribly pear shaped Fàbregas' stay at Camp Nou went. Well, at least he nvr emulated Luís "not Suárez" Figo. That'd be utterly hard to stomach esp if Los Blancos end up pulling off this.

Forgot to add this, need to have Impossibru...

El Estratega: Diez

Recently, I realised two funny things abt FB.
The first thing is "what in the blue hell is the whole 'sharing w/friends of friends' system?"
The second thing is "why in the blue hell am I seeing my name listed together w/those 1.7 million+ FB'ers liking Park Shin-hye's FB page?"

Ultimately, I can only deduce two conclusions.
1. That American Jew has too much free time to burn.
2. Either someone I don't know got too much free time to burn or I got too much free time to burn w/o realising it.

Who you're gonna call?

汉三年，项羽急围汉王荥阳，汉王恐忧，与郦食其谋桡楚权。食其曰：“昔汤伐桀，封其后于杞。武王伐纣，封其后于宋。今秦失德弃义，侵伐诸侯社稷，灭六国之后，使无立锥之地。陛下诚能复立六国后世，毕已受印，此其君臣百姓必皆戴陛下之德，莫不乡风慕义，愿为臣妾。德义已行，陛下南乡称霸，楚必敛衽而朝。”

汉王曰：“善。趣刻印，先生因行佩之矣。”

食其未行，张良从外来谒。汉王方食，曰：“子房前！客有为我计桡楚权者。”

其以郦生语告，曰：“于子房何如？”

良曰：“谁为陛下画此计者？陛下事去矣。”

汉王曰：“何哉？”

张良对曰：“臣请藉前箸为大王筹之。”

曰：“昔者汤伐桀而封其后于杞者，度能制桀之死命也。今陛下能制项籍之死命乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可一也。武王伐纣封其后于宋者，度能得纣之头也。今陛下能得项籍之头乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可二也。武王入殷，表商容之闾，释箕子之拘，封比干之墓。今陛下能封圣人之墓，表贤者之闾，式智者之门乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可三也。发巨桥之粟，散鹿台之钱，以赐贫穷。今陛下能散府库以赐贫穷乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可四矣。殷事已毕，偃革为轩，倒置干戈，覆以虎皮，以示天下不复用兵。今陛下能偃武行文，不复用兵乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可五矣。休马华山之阳，示以无所为。今陛下能休马无所用乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可六矣。放牛桃林之阴，以示不复输积。今陛下能放牛不复输积乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

“其不可七矣。且天下游士离其亲戚，弃坟墓，去故旧，从陛下游者，徒欲日夜望咫尺之地。今复六国，立韩、魏、燕、赵、齐、楚之后，天下游士各归事其主，从其亲戚，反其故旧坟墓，陛下与谁取天下乎？其不可八矣。且夫楚唯无强，六国立者复桡而从之，陛下焉得而臣之？诚用客之谋，陛下事去矣。”

汉王辍食吐哺，骂曰：“竖儒，几败而公事！”

令趣销印。

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

Trans:
During the third year of Han, the King of Xiang launched an immediate siege against the King of Han at Xianyang. Filled with fear, the King of Han sought Li Yiji's counsel in a bid to undermine the enemy's power. Yiji advised: "During the ancient times when (Shang) Tang declared war on (Xia) Jie, the former honoured the Xia loyalists at Qi. Likewise when the Wu King attacked the Zhou (regime), he also honoured the enemy loyalists at Song. The regime of Qin was deprived of integrity, attacking worthy men serving their respective masters. Hence after destroying the other six states (i.e. Qi, Chu, Yan, Han, Zhao, Wei), none were left to carry on the legacy of those vanquished. Why not honour the descendants of the remaining six states? The civilians together with the nobility will then pledge allegiance unto Your Majesty. After displaying magnanimity, Your Majesty can consolidate power at Nanxiang. By then, the Chu will submit willingly."

The King of Han replied: "A good proposal. Take my seal and do what you need to do!"

Before Yiji managed to set off, Zhang Liang entered to pay his respects. The King of Han was having his meal during then. He then called out: "Zifang! Someone has given me good advice on how to undermine our enemy!"

After explaining Yiji's proposal, the King of Han then inquired: "How does Zifang think of this?"

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

I'll stop here temporarily. Firstly, the whole hoo-ha was down to Xiang Yu declaring siege war on Liu Bang at Xianyang. Basically, it means Liu Bang managed to get himself into the ex-capital of the ex-regime. Knowing what kind of person is Xiang Yu, should it be surprising to know his reaction? Xianyang wasn't just the capital of the now defunct Qin dynasty, above all it's also the most damning evidence pointing the Chu faction as one bossed by a despot. Lest we do not know, when Xiang Yu entered Xianyang, he basically did two things.

1. Executing the Crown Prince Ziying. [1]

2. Allowing his men to loot the city. [2]

Li Yiji's proposal basically makes major sense due to Xiang Yu's repute being no diff from the two famous despots before Qin, namely the Jie King of Xia and Zhou King of Shang. Ironically, the former's demise actually brought about the latter's dynasty. [3] Therefore, surely what the Tang King of Shang and Wu King of Zhou had done should work equally well for the Liu King of Han, no?

We must know that Xiang Yu's vassals were quintessentially descendants hailing from the other six warring states annihilated by Qin prior to its namesake dynasty. By being Han d'Generous cum lauded d'Goodman [4], the both commoners and nobles serving under the Chu banner would surely flock under the new banner of Liu Bang's new world order!

When we say a hungry man is an angry man, we must also understand that a happy man is an eating man. When it comes to food and glorious food, there's no diff between Austin Powers and Fat Bastard. [5] So imagine the kind of feeling Liu bang was having while eating in peace.

Now it must be said that I'm a certified neutral in K-drama, but Zhang Liang's coincidental appearance do seem a bit like the female lead getting herself into trouble w/o knowing it, after which that main flower hero next door decided to pop in and say hi. As a result, that guy managed to save the girl from getting raped.

Upon seeing his boss' ignorantly blissful face, I guess Zhang Liang must be wondering why this particular scenario feels so ominous.

Ofc w/Liu Bang being Liu Bang, quite obviously he'd want to share his joy w/his friends. I mean if I manage to get a gf who happened to be rich, pretty, and intelligent, surely I'll do so as well, no? Check this out, peeps.

良曰：“谁为陛下画此计者？陛下事去矣。”

汉王曰：“何哉？”

良曰：

Let us see, then, why Zhang Liang saw the potential success behind Yiji's proposal as nothing more than Taylor Swift getting a 100% steady boyfriend by this Christmas.

曰：“昔者汤伐桀而封其后于杞者，度能制桀之死命也。今陛下能制项籍之死命乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

This was Zhang Liang mentioning the Tang King of Shang attacking the last Emperor of Xia with Liu Bang giving his most self-damning answer. We must understand that the act of honouring the Xia loyalists only took place AFTER defeating the actual head honcho mentioned. By asking whether Liu Bang was able to take down Xiang Yu ala how Nightcrawler actually took down Exodus, it's a bit like...

Me: Do you think our cubs can hold fort against teams hell bent in playing ball forward? I don't mean at 0-0, but something like 2-0 down like that...

Stange: Erm... not so confident lah.

Above skit has got nothing to do w/whether I'll earn a free trip to Incheon based on free merit. Rather, Liu Bang's reply was merely a case of "not sure if I can win or not."

 “其不可一也。武王伐纣封其后于宋者，度能得纣之头也。今陛下能得项籍之头乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

Jialat... one kosong down, so how? As if dissing not enough, Zhang Liang decided to reiterate the point that #TeamHan sucks. By invoking the King Wu of Zhou's example of honouring the Shang loyalists, we're seeing Zhang Liang beating his boss repeatedly w/a historical two-by-four. [6] Quite a bit like...

Me: Do you think we can pull one over Brendan Rodgers at Anfield later on?
Karanka: I'm not really confident of that...

“其不可二也。武王入殷，表商容之闾，释箕子之拘，封比干之墓。今陛下能封圣人之墓，表贤者之闾，式智者之门乎？”

曰：“未能也。”

I dunno whether Zhang Liang alrdy got gf by then or not, but if so, I suspect she must be his mentor's grand daughter. [7] Maybe that's why he mentioned King Wu of Zhou again.
By honouring an enemy vassal's household (i.e. Shang Rong), it's like Taylor Swift composing a song praising Harry Styles.
By releasing the enemy's son, it's like O Especial seeing his next match against Le Professeur as a dead rubber 90 mins run out.
By honouring the grave of a deceased loyal vassal (i.e. Bi Gan), it's like us winning that most lucrative 90 mins in modern football, after which there's a post-match press conference to attend.

Karanka: We got promoted and we deserved the win. However, Derby was a worthy opponent. I believe the fans shouldn't forget what Steve (McClaren) has done for this proud football club.

Can Liu Bang truly do what King Wu of Zhou had done? Liu Bang might be a scoundrel enjoying fine wine and the company of women thrice finer, but at least he's humble enough to recognise this before his finest servant.

To be cont'd...
...b/c even a genius needs zzzzzzzzzzz...

[1]: In short, this guy surrendered already, but still kill him.

[2]: In short, you're free to kop lui and hong chiobu.

[3]: However, it must also be noted that you don't happen to destroy any given dynasty within a few years unless we're talking abt terrorist dynasty.

[4]: Wah piang eh... damn cumbersome title siah...

[5]: Or even Godzilla for that matter...

[6]: And to think imagining yourself getting beat w/this is alrdy painful enough, let alone imagining Triple H being that proverbial Excellence of Execution.

[7]: http://unanswered-bloke-works.blogspot.com/2014/07/el-estratega-tres.html

P.S: Feel like adding this 4 teh lolz!

El Estratega: Nueve

It's been quite a topsy turvy past few days for me. On one hand, you're dealing with the unfamiliar territory where your team needs the international break as a tactical break. As if it's not enough, we got the world' greatest hackbang. If you think Annabel "not Lez Ann" Chong was crazy enough to do 300 blokes or so, surely there has to be someone batshit guano loco enough to do the entire 4chan. Don't understand me, never mind. They say misunderstood people tend to be either 100% sheer spastic or 100% pure genius.

Before I (re)start, here's a bit of imagery comparison...

As Nightcrawler famously said in Marvel Heroes...

"Let the show begin!"

[汉元年正月，沛公为汉王，王巴蜀。汉王赐良金百镒，珠二斗，良具以献项伯。汉王亦因令良厚遗项伯，使请汉中地。项王乃许之，遂得汉中地。汉王之国，良送至褒中，遣良归韩。良因说汉王曰：“王何不烧绝所过栈道，示天下无还心，以固项王意。”

乃使良还。行，烧绝栈道。]

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

Trans:

[During the first year of Han, the Duke of Pei became the King of Han, ruler of Bashu. The King of Han paid tribute amounting to one hundred gold coins and two measures of pearls. Acting on behest of his liege's orders, Liang offered these gifts to Xiang Bo. Upon requesting for the land of Han, the King of Xiang agreed to this proposal. After escorting the King of Han till Baozhong, Liang was sent back to Han.

Liang advised the King of Han: "Why not m'lord burn off all the bridges passing through, so that all will believe you have no wish to return? Via this message, the King of Xiang will be convinced of such."

Afterwards, Liang was sent away with all the bridges burnt soon after.]

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

Continuing where we left off previously, allow me to rectify a common misconception on the correct Han. Whenever PRCs call themselves the Han people, it's a reference to history. Ethnicity has got nothing to do with this since the original residents of Han were anything but Chinese. Sounds confusing? Do not fret.

Just like America in the beginning wasn't populated by white Americans, likewise the land of Han in the beginning wasn't populated by the Han Chinese.

The land of Han in this context is most likely referring to Hanzhong plus the surrounding area of Ba. Many years later, this very territory would part of the state of Shu. [1] Terrain wise, this was an area easily defensible and difficult to breach. Going by the Law of Inverse Military [2], it also means easily defensible, BUT difficult to launch an attack. If my estimation is spot on, it means there could only be two main routes to advance.

1. Via the Yangtze river flowing east. Liu Bei tried pulling off this stunt in a bid to seek revenge on Sun Quan. As it turned out, the Battle of Xiaoting (better known as the Battle of Yiling) proved to be Liu Bei's military swan song in ways more than just one. [3]

2. Via the northern tip aka Hanzhong. [4]

Route 1 was a no-go as the onus for Liu Bang was to allay whatever suspicions legit.

Route 2 was the only viable path since it's easier to say "ninja" [5], which was why Zhang Liang advised Liu Bang to burn all the bridges.

In Rurouni Kenshin, the notorious villain Shishio Makoto once stated that it takes an assassin to understand an assassin. If I sound guilty of shameful plugging, it's b/c the Kyoto Inferno sub-plot actually got that part in the original manga. [6]

For Zhang Liang's case, it takes a conman to know another conman. Without a doubt, Fan Zeng should AND would have sensed something amiss. Understanding Xiang Yu was alrdy imba enough, having the same lvl of imba INT against Fan Zeng should be seen as 2 x scarier.

Why I said this is b/c of one very simple reason: Zhang Liang was NOT telling Liu Bang to say "I quit!"

Rather, it's giving Xiang Yu the false impression despite Fan Zeng's vehement argument otherwise. Reverse psychology has rarely been so high end b/c we're talking abt nailing 2 targets for the price of 1.

In short, 'tis one thing to claim you have nothing, quite another to prove it beyond doubt. [7]

RL Application

If you are Karanka, what would you do during this entire international break? What's over is alrdy over, no point whining like Ser A.Fergie himself b/c we're not gonna get ourselves into Howard Webb's good little black book. I rather every single process to be done low-profile mode. After all, it's not really bad thing for major sports media caring nothing next to shit abt your team at best.

Interestingly enough...

...nothing is said abt Liu Bang paying bitcoin currency where donating tribute was concerned. Why? Because when you spend, you don't spend virtual currency cursed with 0 value. If you're guilty of crimes like being a pedo or rapist, you do NOT depend on BTC for survival unless you're pretty sure all those BTC tributes will fetch you a tidy sum of real $$$. Like say... £85.3 million? That plus the Feds are capable of tracking down this kind of childish bullshit anyway...

[良至韩，韩王成以良从汉王故，项王不遣成之国，从与俱东。良说项王曰：“汉王烧绝栈道，无还心矣。”

乃以齐王田荣反，书告项王。项王以此无西忧汉心，而发兵北击齐。]

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

Trans:
[Upon reaching Han, the King of Xiang refused to allow Liang to return (back to his home country) due to his ties with the King of Han. Instead, Liang had to follow Xiang Yu eastbound. Liang said to the King of Xiang: "The King of Han has burnt all the bridges, hence showing his sincerity in not returning."

At the same time, he informed the King of Xiang about Tian Rong's rebellion. Therefore, the King of Xiang decided to ignore the land of Han while deploying his troops up north against the vassal state of Qi.]

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

As it turned out, Xiang Yu remained distrustful of Zhang Liang. And why shouldn't he? After all, whatever suspicion against Liu Bang has never been your classic schoolyard bullying culture where forgive+forget is the only enforced golden rule.

Interestingly, Zhang Liang only told Xiang Yu the most damning truth after seeing through Xiang Yu's intent. By disallowing Zhang Liang to return back where he really belonged, Xiang Yu was exhibiting a sense of distrust 100% warranted. On the other hand, Zhang Liang saw through such a situation, hence stashing that proverbial ace in his sleeve beforehand.

Coincidentally, the King of Qi back then also decided to declare vassal independence. To Xiang Yu, this was no different from declaring rebellion. You see, vassal states back then were equally valuable to your everyday global politics. Inter-state diplomacy was quintessentially a coalition government boasting one common goal. Unfortunately (and quite naturally), differences are bound to get out of hand if we're talking abt coalition government. Ditto for inter-state diplomacy under one head honcho. For Xiang Yu, bumping off that troublesome son of a bitch=only priority. After all, no one was able to convince him that Liu Bang should be that greater threat. Either that or nobody even ****ing bothered doing so.

RL parallel

This really feels like the whole under-reported 4chan fallout due to 101-gate itself. Like Xiang Yu's merry castle of cards, it seems that infighting aplenty will plague the board for quite a while. Actually come to think of it, who's really that son of a bitch Tian Rong? Those who disseminate or those who dissent? Or maybe there can only be 1 Tian Rong and he's somewhere laughing at 101-gate plus 4chan-gate.

In footballing speak, it means...

No player is bigger than the team. Recruiting too many new players might actually have a desirable effect in this very context.

To quote Tony Stark in Marvel Heroes...

"That was money well spent."

[项王竟不肯遣韩王，乃以为侯，又杀之彭城。良亡，间行归汉王，汉王亦已还定三秦矣。复以良为成信侯，从东击楚。至彭城，汉败而还。至下邑，汉王下马踞鞍而问曰：“吾欲捐关以东等弃之，谁可与共功者？”良进曰：“九江王黥布，楚枭将，与项王有郄；彭越与齐王田荣反梁地：此两人可急使。而汉王之将独韩信可属大事，当一面。即欲捐之，捐之此三人，则楚可破也。”

汉王乃遣随何说九江王布，而使人连彭越。及魏王豹反，使韩信将兵击之，因举燕、代、齐、赵。然卒破楚者，此三人力也。

张良多病，未尝特将也，常为画策，时时从汉王。]

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

Trans:

[However, the King of Xiang refused to deploy the King of Han. After making him a marquis, he (Xiang Yu) ordered him (the King of Han) to be executed at the city of Peng. Liang was forced to flee, after which he returned back to the King of Han (i.e. Liu Bang). By then the King of Han had already defeated the three generals of Qin (i.e. Zhang Han, Sima Xin, and Dong Yi). Making Liang the Marquis of Chengxing (trans: Chengxing roughly means success [Cheng] and integrity [Xing]), they attacked the lands of Chu from the east. Upon reaching the city of Peng, the Han army were defeated. Retreating till Xiayi, the King of Han dismounted himself and asked: "It's my wish to cede the land east of the pass. Who then can I give this territory?"

Liang replied: "The King of Jiujiang, Qing Bu, is a fierce general under Chu. Yet, there are already cracks in his relationship with the King of Xiang. Peng Yue and the King of Qi, Tian Rong, has staged their rebellion in the land of Liang. These two generals can also be persuaded as a short term measure. Yet, only m'lord's general, Han Xin, can be trusted with major affairs. Since you have desired to cede the land, you must cede it to those three (i.e. Qing Bu, Peng Yue, and Tian Rong). Once you do so, the forces of Chu can be defeated."

Hence the King of Han sent an envoy (i.e. Sui He per recorded in Qing Bu's account) to persuade Bu while doing the same for Peng Yue. At the same time, the King of Wei, Bao, declared rebellion (against Liu Bang). As a result, Han Xin was sent to quell the uprising due to the states of Yan, Dai, Qi and Zhao following suit. However, it was those three (i.e. Han Xin, Qing Bu, and Peng Yue) who were responsible for the defeat of Chu.

Zhang Liang was know to be frail in health, hence never fighting a battle. As the chief planner, he always followed the King of Han.]

《Annals of History: Marquis of Liu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

One thing of note before I continue-Tian Rong got KIA [8] halfway through. With that being said though, that was only after Zhang Liang made the bribery proposal to his boss. At that time (i.e. Liu Bang getting arse beat at city of Peng), the Han army was at its all time low. Sounds eerily familiar? Depending on your club allegiance, this can either mean Man Utd or Middlesbrough. Since I'm El Bastardo Locales himself, it means Middlesbrough shocking form thus far.

Like Louis "van Goal" van Gaal, Karanka has also spent quite a hefty bag of northern quids. Unlike Man Utd, however, we're actually facing a somewhat massive turnover. They say desperate circumstances call for desperate measures. Enlisting the aid of the Three Bandidos was something of a super desperation move, but boy did it work wonders.

Telling Liu Bang to cede his hard earned lands to those whom he'd rather piss on is just like telling Tom Cruise to do this:

Yet, Liu Bang had no qualms doing so!

Why?

Because Zhang Liang said so.

This is no different from Guo Jia knowing Cao Cao, Zhou Yu being close to Sun Ce, or Fa Zheng understanding Liu Bei. Indeed Zhang Liang understood Liu Bang 100% just like how he knew each and every individual he had observed.

If you ever want to be Karanka's field strategist, surely you'll have to possess the same nature of knowledge complete with the exact extent, no?

Okay, I'm digressing here.

Liu Bang's final decision is just like the West telling Iran and Syria that...

"Hey, why not be friends since we got a common enemy somewhere near your backyard? You allow us to arm the Kurds with any weapons, but chem and nukes. In return, we allow you to bomb North Korea. Deal?"

Ofc that's NOT gonna happen. I mean, can you imagine the Feds and Anonymous cooperating to deal with whoever is that OriginalGun? Okay, I admit that joke is wee bit too far. My apologies if Anonymous are truly pissed off at the OriginalGuy for making a fool out of 4chan since I truly doubt OriginalGuy is never part of 4chan. Let alone being a man of net integrity.

Meanwhile at somewhere not so far flung, Wei Bao decided to stir up his own shit and fling it at his ex-boss. They say those capable of screwing you the hardest tend to be those knowing you the best. Or at least those capable of screwing you big time tend to be those knowing you quite well. [9]

Per expected by Zhang Liang, only Han Xin waas capable of major affairs in war. After all, do we expect Liu Bang to trust the likes of Qing Bu, Peng Yue, and Tian Rong when it comes to this kind of thing? Their beef was with their ex-boss, NOT their current boss.

It's just like Man City vs Arsenal. Do you expect Samir "not Nazri Nasir" Nasri to say "**** Deschamps!" unless it's a case of wrong identity?

Hello! This lad is a footballer, not some local 369 or foreign sah-lak-kow, okay????!!!!

In short, two factors apply for Han Xin here.

1. His ability as the bastard child of Ares

2. His status as the bastard subject of Liu Bang [10]

To be cont'd... b/c I need dinner and zzzzz liao...

[1]: Or better known as Liu Bei's base.

[2]: You are only allowed to quote me whenever mentioning this term. Don't even try bothering web search engines since I can guarantee you plenty of pr0n, but NO such term.

[3]: http://unanswered-bloke-works.blogspot.com/2012/11/dude-wheres-my-war.html

[4]: Don't quote me on whether Hanzhong truly existed as a name back then.

[5]: Unrelated to ninja, but it must be stressed home that you don't travel rough terrain like this.

[6]: Haven't seen movie yet, but heard the song alrdy.

[7]: Inversely speaking, you can also easily bluff the other party via the vice versa method.

[8]: KIA=/=that Korean car brand, but rather=Killed In Action

[9]: Due to potential implications caused by the content of this post, I'm not insinuating any revenge pr0n agenda. And neither am I implying the hackjob was an inside job since the crux is all about the extent of understanding the infrastructure BEFORE whatever planning done.

[10]: This is no joke b/c he actually angered Liu Bang by demanding to be made the King of Qi. Employees, please take note. The fact that you work for S.A.L.T Entertainment doesn't mean you have the right to demand a romantic date with Park Shin-hye. Ofc as it turned out, Han Xin actually became the King of Qi at the cost of his life N years later.

B/c I feel like doing this...

Okay, 'tis a shit footballing day thus far. Boro lost 3-2 at home against Sheff Wed, thankfully Santa hasn't gone "ho ho ho!" yet. Is it too much for me to demand 3 pts from Blaugrana & Los Rojiblancos?

To Luis "not Suárez" Enrique:
Why not try Messi in the hole w/Luis "tidak lugi" Suárez leading the charge?
If Andrés "El Gegant" Iniesta is to play himself between the lines... well, I guess this idea is inspired by whatever little I've seen in Holland vs Spain 2014.
If Sergio "not Ramos" Busquets screws up, no one to save you...

To Diego "El Troll" Simeone:
Uno+Dos+Tres+Cuatro=Los Bastardos Desagradables

A/N: Apparently, above statements are reserved for the past. Now that we're most likely buried and dead against Reading, can I be a jerk towards Fandi Ahmad and Lions XII by saying there can only be one team for me? Sorry, but there's too much on the stake for the good ol' folks in Teesside compared to our Lions XII.

Add A/N: If anyone thinks I'm insulting anybody, I can only say perception at times is only a matter of the individual's mind. For any other circumstances, we call this manner of post either trolling or joking.

Final A/N: If I truly sound like a jerk, be assured that this is due to one cold hard truth. Namely two things.
1. I have to work on Sunday.
2. I know Sunday will suck terribly hard for me, no matter what.

...及军退，宣王案行其营垒处所，曰：“天下奇才也！”

Above statement refers to Sima Yi's reaction to his nemesis after Zhuge Liang kicked the bucket.

Apparently, Kongming is an expert in playing formation.
Apparently, defeat in his first northern campaign against Wei was the cause of whatever incorrect criticism leveled against Kongming's military acumen.

El Estratega: Ocho

Adomah's overhead kick goal disallowed due to dangerous play, Rooney's same stunt earned Utd a goal. Wonder if there's truly life after Howard Webb and Fergie... maybe I should try sending a resume over to Borussia Dortmund or Atlético Madrid? Maybe even Bayern Munich or Barcelona also?

A/N: If you think I'm for real, think again.

Dealing w/hantu and doing a hantu

沛公已出，项王使都尉陈平召沛公。沛公曰：“今者出，未辞也，为之柰何？”
樊哙曰：“大行不顾细谨，大礼不辞小让。如今人方为刀俎，我为鱼肉，何辞为。”
于是遂去。乃令张良留谢。良问曰：“大王来何操？”
曰：“我持白璧一双，欲献项王，玉斗一双，欲与亚父，会其怒，不敢献。公为我献之”
张良曰：“谨诺。”
当是时，项王军在鸿门下，沛公军在霸上，相去四十里。沛公则置车骑，脱身独骑，与樊哙、夏侯婴、靳强、纪信等四人持剑盾步走，从郦山下，道芷阳间行。沛公谓张良曰：“从此道至吾军，不过二十里耳。度我至军中，公乃入。”
沛公已去，间至军中，张良入谢，曰：“沛公不胜杯杓，不能辞。谨使臣良奉白璧一双，再拜献大王足下；玉斗一双，再拜奉大将军足下。”
项王曰：“沛公安在？”
良曰：“闻大王有意督过之，脱身独去，已至军矣。”
项王则受璧，置之坐上。亚父受玉斗，置之地，拔剑撞而破之，曰：“唉！竖子不足与谋。夺项王天下者，必沛公也，吾属今为之虏矣。”

《史记; 项羽本纪》

司马迁著

Trans:

When the Duke of Pei was already out, the King of Xiang sent the Capital Commandant, Chen Ping, to summon him. The Duke said (to Fan Kuai) thus: "For what matter did you ask me out here? I've yet to bid formal farewell."

Fan Kuai replied: "The other party is prepared to make mincemeat out of us, how can I stay still?"

Hence they promptly left while commanding Zhang Liang to stay back. Liang asked: "Why are you in a great hurry, m'lord?"

The Duke replied: "I have a pair of white jade which I wishes to give the King of Xiang. At the same time, I also have a pair of drinking vessels made of jade meant for godfather. Alas I fear for the latter's wrath, hence not daring to give. Please give them for me."

Zhang Liang said: "I understand."

By this time, the army of the King of Xiang were situated below Hongmen while the Duke of Pei already had his army at Bashang with a distance of forty li separating them. The Duke of Pei placed a carriage while escaping alone by horse. With Fan Kuai, Xiahou Ying, Jin Qiang and Ji Xing wielding shields and swords, they traveled from the foot of Mt Li till Zhiyang. The Duke of Pei said to Liang: "From here to our camp is only twenty li. Once I returned safely, you can return (back to Xiang Yu)."

When the Duke of Pei has reached his camp, Zhang Liang entered before Xiang Yu saying: "The Duke of Pei was unable to hold his liquor any longer, hence already left. As a compensation, he ordered me to offer this pair of white jade as a gift to m'lord. At the same time, there is also a pair of jade drinking vessels offered before you as well."

The King of Xiang asked: "Is the Duke of Pei well?"

Liang replied: "He actually heard that m'lord has the wish to punish him, hence he already departed alone and now back in his camp."

The King of Xiang received the white jade and place them at his seat. Fan Zeng, on the other hand, threw down the jade vessels and smashing them to pieces with a drawn sword. Then he said: "Aye! An immature boy is not good enough for my advise! He who shall take the land from the King of Xiang, surely that will be the Duke of Pei! We are now good as captured."

《Annals of History; Xiang Yu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:
This is virtually no diff from the bellend road screwjob. On one hand, we got sorely done by some ref who happened to the most hated man in Vicarage Road atm. On the other, we're only good enough to boss the match from the back till midfield. We lost 1-0, this is no diff from Liu Bang bailing out halfway with only 4 loyal amigos following him. If this is to be the world of blogosphere, that will mean one particular blogger remaining piss poor just b/c he failed to secure even 1K worth of followers.

Yet, it must also be stated that the fat lady haven't sung yet. Liu Bang was like that, ditto for my beloved Boro as well. To play it safe, Liu Bang actually asked Zhang Liang to stay behind! Can you imagine Karanka telling a valuable asset in his backroom staff that...

AK: Okay, I know you've mentioned before Lambert and Allen coming off the bench. I need to go Anfield temporarily.

??: Erm... okay, boss.

Above section is a skit, but there's nothing maen maen over the cold hard truth. Zhang Liang had to stay behind to allay Xiang Yu's suspicions. By now, all should have known Zhang Liang's position, let alone talent. Interestingly enough, Zhang Liang actually told Xiang Yu the truth. Why? Has he became orang hantu dua?

No, Zhang Liang has nvr been that orang hantu. Only one orang hantu, his name is orang hantu satu. By telling the Xiang Yu the truth, it means Zhang Liang understood perfectly what kind of person Xiang Yu was. If he lied even a single word, chances are that Xiang Yu would knew straightaway. It's just like me saying Stuart "not Attwell" Gray is gonna play 2 flat banks+high block against us at home. That'll be giving too much away. Telling Xiang Yu what he wanted to hear, i.e. Liu Bang being a useless coward, means putting his guard down. It's just like me telling Gray that Karanka will be going all out to win via 4-2-3-1 w/Tomlin in the hole.
Is this correct? Yes.
Is this a trick answer? Hell yeah.

Moral of the story?

Meme too cute, like her too damn much... (y)

Which is why when we see Fan Zeng's reaction, it's like imagining Nigel "not de Jong" Pearson warning the likes of Ronald "not McDonald" Koeman and Brendan "not Fraser" Rodgers beforehand of this for next season. [1]

Now back to our main (?) strategist...

汉元年正月，沛公为汉王，王巴蜀。汉王赐良金百镒，珠二斗，良具以献项伯。汉王亦因令良厚遗项伯，使请汉中地。项王乃许之，遂得汉中地。汉王之国，良送至褒中，遣良归韩。良因说汉王曰：“王何不烧绝所过栈道，示天下无还心，以固项王意。”

乃使良还。行，烧绝栈道。

《史记; 留侯世家》

司马迁著

Analysis:

Running out of time, need to zzzz soon. To summarise this passage, this is basically abt Liu Bang becoming the King of Han. The prelude to such a generous (?) treatment is this:

He sent precious gifts of gold and jewelry to Xiang Bo.

If we're talking abt the local law in S'pore, it should be this.

If we're talkin abt lawful means, basically it's Liu Bang begging Xiang Yu not sing that certain song which somehow made John McCain into a global household name. [2]

Contrary to popular belief, Zhang Liang wasn't the one telling Liu Bang to rebuild the bridge while reorganising his army into what I'd call The Great Iga-mono Movement. [3]

Also, it must be stated that Zhang Liang was actually Xiang Yu's envoy since every Chinese history buff would tell you the same thing when it comes to any era. [4]

Lastly, we got the part called calling the bluff. Remember my stupid fairy tale? Let me tell you what it means to call a bluff.

Numero tres realised for that for some reason, 0 wasn't the one for her. On the other hand, numero cuatro chose to bail out of the race b/c she believed her dearest amiga is 0's best choice for a gf. So imagine 0's shock when...

Mak ML: Eh, how do you pronounce 吴 in Cantonese?

0: ...

0 found it funny that Mak ML asked him this question despite admitting that she's Cantonese. Unable to shrug off that monkey buggering him, he went on Facebook to do some (quasi) illegal snooping. That was last year, he realised a couple of things.

Hi time to be Sherlock RDJ Holmes, folks! End of story (for now), but I need to ask you all some damning questions.

1. If numero cuatro was guilty of giving 0 a false Christian name that sounded weirdly like a certain nation fighting w/Jew Nation over the Golan Heights, does that mean something?

2. If numero cuatro was perfectly fine w/declaring her single+available status on FB, does it mean anything? Let's assume that she's actually a beautiful girl blessed with idealism towards love. I firmly believe this is something stereotypical SPGs will gladly scorn... :P

3. 0 has gotten himself into trouble b/c when he started sharing stuff from numero cuatro's account, others could easily track the trail. In short, no warning PMs or outright blocking. That is until December or so where it seems that she's trying to send a veiled msg via a gradual profile take-down rather than doing this one-shot.

4. 0 saw a G+ profile bearing her name. The only problem? There should be others bearing the same Christian name as well. The counter-problem? 0 realised there are actually blokes and gals working in the relevant dept having their own G+ account. And 0's blog is actually hosted on Google.

If you all think above section is too convoluted like some K-drama or 夜市人生, it's okay. Even 李友志 requires development and his very own heroic BSOD moment w/金大风. How abt football analysis then? A very simple one concerning the #BFF of #LFC, namely #BVB.

If you're Jürgen "not Kok" Klopp, what would you do in the face of dressing room hemorrhage? This is the exact kind of situation the best team in English south coast is currently facing [5]

Should he admit defeat before the German Shepherd press?

Mutiny will surely follow b/c the players would have broken faith with he-who-broke-bread-with-them.

Should he remain bullish in front of the German Shepherd press despite winning 2-0 against a Bayern Munich team operating on the same percentage of efficiency as Pep "not you, Pep" Guardiola? [6]

He'll still end up a loser since there's one thing in common between football and Singapore. [7]

In the freak chance where Kloppo is reading this, let me tell you this:

If the question never demand you to choose between ein and zwei, it means there has to be a drei lurking in the shadows like Kurt Wagner himself, no?

Moral of the story:

Disappointed Asian dad can now stop worrying.

We have a new problem here and his name is *make your guess lol!* [8]

[1]: And this is not to mention Pope Francis I asking who's that team they call the Boro.

[2]: Because I want AND need to be fair, saying Obama is guilty of singing a similar song concerning the Pentagon is equally immoral. Quite contrary to what others might think of me, I'm much more of a politics hater when it comes to the grand ol' US of A. No wonder why the Republicans were demanding answers over that Snowing-gate back then. No, I'm not being sarcastic here.

[3]: Alternatively known as Shinomori Aoshi and his (anti) merry Oniwabanshū.

http://kenshin.wikia.com/wiki/Shinomori_Aoshi

[4]: Most (?) notably Zhang Hong of Eastern Wu if we're using Cao Cao as Xiang Yu's parallel.

[5]: Apologies to Eddie "not Murphy" Howe if he happens to read this part. Via a freak chance ofc!

[6]: And by that, I'm hyperbole'ing Nightcrawler using his 'ports to take down Purifier grunts instead of random big-ass Sentinels.

[7]: Not the Juventus-Singapore match, but rather pragmatism.

[8]: Weirdly inspired by O Especial himself despite me not being a jerkass S.O.B in RL.

"Pepe has a problem and his name is Raphael Varane."

El Estratega: Siete

Apparently, Boro has given me plenty of cheer in terms of distributing NDP goodies. Which now comes the greater test: them ****ing dirty Leeds. But firstly, I need to pay a certain tribute to Gianluca "not Zambrotta" Festa. In football, you can only be friends with Eddie Howe and co either before or after 90 mins+stoppage. Yet, I only have good memories where Festa is concerned. Why? Because during the twilight years of Bryan "not a Sir" Robson, this Italian bloke managed to prove once and for all that coexistence between Romans and Gaels=mission possible. If you think I'm lying, don't worry. Just grab some necessary equipment, go undercover and ask Séamus "not Chris" Coleman on whether a certain Curtis "not Ian" Fleming actually knows that Roy "take that, you ****!" Keane. Perio. Still don't understand me, nvr mind. It merely means you don't deserve to call yourself a professional English football fan. Full stop.

Alas just as I have to be a jerk against Eddie Howe and Bournemouth somewhere down the road, likewise the only expectation from this weekend's Yorkshire derby is 3 pts for #TeamStark. Just don't quote me if you assume that Elland Road=Dreadfort/the Twins. I'll nvr stoop that low.

A/N: Oh shit, just realised I might have jinxed my beloved Boro in terms of whatever semblance of score prediction. Victory for Lions XII on the cards?

Opposites vs Opposition

沛公曰“君为我呼入，吾得兄事之。”
张良出，要项伯。项伯即入见沛公。沛公奉卮酒为寿，约为婚姻，曰：“吾入关，秋豪不敢有所近，籍吏民，封府库，而待将军。所以遣将守关者，备他盗之出入与非常也。日夜望将军至，岂敢反乎！愿伯具言臣之不敢倍德也。”
项伯许诺。谓沛公曰：“旦日不可不蚤自来谢项王。”
沛公曰：“诺。”
于是项伯复夜去，至军中，具以沛公言报项王。因言曰：“沛公不先破关中，公岂敢入乎？今人有大功而击之，不义也，不如因善遇之。”
项王许诺。

《史记; 项羽本纪》

司马迁著

Trans:

The Duke of Pei said: "Ask him in, for I shall respect him like a younger brother doing so for his elder sibling."

Zhang Liang went out and asked for Xiang Bo. As he met the Duke of Pei, the latter toasted him in a show of respect. Agreeing to an alliance via marriage, the Duke of Pei answered: "When I entered the pass, never did I ever get near the surrounding settlements. Registering the citizens and sealing the capital reserves is merely because I was waiting for the general (i.e. Xiang Yu). Deploying men to hold fort was due to protecting the area from harm. I've always looked forward to the general's arrival, hence why would I dare rebel? I truly hope Your Highness understand that I have no intentions of betrayal."

Giving in to the Duke of Pei, Xiang Bo nevertheless said: "If so, then you still must meet the King of Xiang personally."

The Duke of Pei agreed to Xiang Bo's words.

Thus Xiang Bo went away and reported that the Duke of Pei intended to meet the King of Xiang. At the same time, he said: "If the Duke of Pei had never breached middle pass first, would Your Highness dare enter? To attack those securing major credit is immoral, hence why not we treat him with respect?"

The King of Xiang acceded to Xiang Bo's request.

《Annals of History; Xiang Yu》

Written by Sima Qian

Analysis:

This is a more in depth summary of what I've stated in the prev part. Apparently, Xiang Bo didn't really trust Zhang Liang 100%. Why? Because this was an era of turmoil where even the most harmless lobo can usurp your lofty status like what Robert Baratheon had done to the Targaryens. [1] If the idiocy surrounding the resurgence of Yue ain't enough, then I got nothing to say. That is unless you're prepared to laugh off Gou Jian as some useless pretender equivalent to some shite bastard team which is neither North East nor Yorkshire.

Xiang Bo's situation is just like imagining Eddie Howe's possible predicament. On one hand, he has nothing but respect for his opposite number. On the other, he also knew the relationship last season between Karanka and Óscar "not Tabárez" García was pretty much like Zhang Liang and Xiang Bo. [2] In short, Xiang Bo needed to have some kind of assurance, that Liu Bang was indeed loyal to their cause. So what abt Zhang Liang? Well, let's see things this way...

Supposedly I have a footballing IQ of 175 or so and my allegiance lies w/Boro alone. Quintessentially, this means that should we achieve promotion, there will be no reason for me to show any preferential treatment towards any of the top flight teams.

Not Louis "van Goal" van Gaal despite great minds thinking alike.

Not José "O Especial" Mourinho even though he ended up breaking character.

Not Arsène "Le Professeur" Wenger or Mauricio "poached by Jewtown" Pochettino just b/c of Mr Eric Soh.

Not Manuel "not peregrine falcon" Pellegrini since I profess zero allegiance to Me Gusta! Poyet.

Not Me Gusta! due to above mentioned statement.

And surely not Brendan "b/c I say so, Steve" Rodgers or Roberto "not Mancini" Martínez even if my future gf's relative(s) support(s) #TeamRoboKop.

The Great Asian Debate
Stereotypes vs Anti-Stereotypes

沛公旦日从百余骑来见项王，至鸿门，谢曰：“臣与将军戮力而攻秦，将军战河北，臣战河南，然不自意能先入关破秦，得复见将军于此。今者有小人之言，令将军与臣有郤。”

项王曰：“此沛公左司马曹无伤言之；不然，籍何以至此。”
项王即日因留沛公与饮。项王、项伯东向坐。亚父南向坐。亚父者，范增也。沛公北向坐，张良西向侍。范增数目项王，举所佩玉圭以示之者三，项王默然不应。范增起，出召项庄，谓曰：“君王为人不忍，若入前为寿，寿毕，请以剑舞，因击沛公于坐，杀之。不者，若属皆且为所虏。”

庄则入为寿，寿毕，曰：“君王与沛公饮，军中无以为乐，请以剑舞。”

项王曰：“诺。”

项庄拔剑起舞，项伯亦拔剑起舞，常以身翼蔽沛公，庄不得击。于是张良至军门，见樊哙。樊哙曰：“今日之事何如？”

良曰：“甚急。今者项庄拔剑舞，其意常在沛公也。”

哙曰：“此迫矣，臣请入，与之同命。”

哙即带剑拥盾入军门。交戟之卫士欲止不内，樊哙侧其盾以撞，卫士仆地，哙遂入，披帷西向立，瞋目视项王，头髪上指，目眦尽裂。项王按剑而跽曰：“客何为者？”

张良曰：“沛公之参乘樊哙者也。”

项王曰：“壮士，赐之卮酒。”

则与斗卮酒。哙拜谢，起，立而饮之。项王曰：“赐之彘肩。”

则与一生彘肩。樊哙覆其盾于地，加彘肩上，拔剑切而啖之。项王曰：“壮士，能复饮乎？”

樊哙曰：“臣死且不避，卮酒安足辞！夫秦王有虎狼之心，杀人如不能举，刑人如恐不胜，天下皆叛之。怀王与诸将约曰‘先破秦入咸阳者王之’。今沛公先破秦入咸阳，豪毛不敢有所近，封闭宫室，还军霸上，以待大王来。故遣将守关者，备他盗出入与非常也。劳苦而功高如此，未有封侯之赏，而听细说，欲诛有功之人。此亡秦之续耳，窃为大王不取也。”

项王未有以应，曰：“坐。”

樊哙从良坐。坐须臾，沛公起如厕，因招樊哙出。

《史记; 项羽本纪》

司马迁著

Analysis:
I'm not gonna translate this bloody chunk of text b/c that'll be like Beavus and Butthead trying to score w/some A*Star local S'porean chio-bu researcher. [3] To put it in a nutshell, I'll only state the vital portions. But firstly, allow me to analyse the stereotypical Asian.

Stereotype 1

Stereotype 2

Stereotype 3

Stereotype 4

Stereotype 5

[沛公旦日从百余骑来见项王，至鸿门，谢曰：“臣与将军戮力而攻秦，将军战河北，臣战河南，然不自意能先入关破秦，得复见将军于此。今者有小人之言，令将军与臣有郤。”

项王曰：“此沛公左司马曹无伤言之；不然，籍何以至此。”]
Fast forward to the now famous Hongmen feast and what do we have here? Whatever Liu Bang had said to Xiang Yu was more or less the same to what he said to Xiang Bo. Well, at least more than enough to convince Xiang Yu anyway. Interestingly enough, Xiang Yu actually agreed with Liu Bang in a sense that they both agree got one hantu creating trouble. The only catch?
[今者有小人之言，令将军与臣有郤。]
This was Liu Bang telling Xiang Yu that there was some scoundrel advising him to seize control of the entire area surrounding Xianyang+Xianyang itself. This was essentially the same thing Liu Bang told Zhang Liang upon realising that becoming the boss=/=best idea after all.
[此沛公左司马曹无伤言之...]
This was Xiang Yu telling Liu Bang who's the hantu. At the same time, this was Xiang Yu's way of getting rid of that unwanted hantu. Simply put, this Cao Wushang couldn't be trusted b/c he alrdy told Xiang Yu this cold hard truth in a non-verbal way.
[项王即日因留沛公与饮。项王、项伯东向坐。亚父南向坐。亚父者，范增也。...范增数目项王，举所佩玉圭以示之者三，项王默然不应。]
Houston, we have a problem here and that problem has a name. His name? Fan Zeng. If Xiang Yu was to be that master tactician, then Fan Zeng would be that strategist. If you're a tactician, it means you're able to make decisions on the battlefield. If you're a strategist, it means you're in charge of planning beforehand and second-guessing the opponent's next move. Technically, it means that a capable commander must have both the attributes of a tactician and strategist plus leadership as well. [4] 'Tis a no-brainer that Fan Zeng saw Liu Bang as a threat, yet it seemed that Xiang Yu was content to buat-bodoh. Whatever gesture he did, Liu Bang would have been literally dead if not for...
[范增起，出召项庄，谓曰：“君王为人不忍，若入前为寿，寿毕，请以剑舞，因击沛公于坐，杀之。不者，若属皆且为所虏。”]
This was the truly the prelude to the storm and shit wasn't even counted as a calm. What Fan Zeng suggested was very simple: tell Xiang Zhuang to assassinate Liu Bang. Yet as a master strategist, he knew that there'd always be chances of a major cock up or two. This was why Jean-Luc LeBeau had an ace hidden in the sleeve. To capture Liu Bang alive if really that bloody lobo confirm tidak mati. To highlight how ruthless war has always been, Fan Zeng's instruction actually betrayed the crux to that grand scheme of his.
[因击沛公于坐...]
[...in order to attack the Duke of Pei while he seated...]
Also it must be known that Xiang Yu might not be that kinda tyrant the residents of Xianyang had witnessed. In short, Fan Zeng actually implied Xiang Yu as a man of compassion! Either that or Xiang Yu's relationship w/Liu Bang was somewhat eerily prophetic pertaining to English football.

[庄则入为寿，寿毕，曰：“君王与沛公饮，军中无以为乐，请以剑舞。”

项王曰：“诺。”

项庄拔剑起舞，项伯亦拔剑起舞，常以身翼蔽沛公，庄不得击。]
This is the moment of all reactions holy cow. When Xiang Zhuang carried out Fan Zeng's command (it must be noted that Xiang Zhuang was Xiang Yu's younger cousin), we ended up seeing three parties going "HOLY MOTHER****ING COW!"
Party satu: future ruling party (Liu Bang)
Party dua: current ruling party (Xiang Bo)
Party tiga: nobody's party (Zhang Liang)
Granted that given Liu Bang had always enjoyed a fine wine or two, there might be some off chance of him remaining (not so) blissfully unaware. Not so for Xiang Bo.
Xiang Zhuang: Behold my mighty sword!
Xiang Bo: Alas for your sword, for mine is mightier than yours!
Above skit is merely a skit, but Xiang Zhuang's intent shouldn't be seen as one. The hostility had reached a boiling point, this is virtually Korean power out to get Korean power w/Pope Francis I being that Xiang Bo. And trust my sense of honour when I say Xiang Bo was really that damn suay. Ironically, history would repeat itself in the form of Ling Tong [凌统], Gan Ning [甘宁] and Lu Meng [吕蒙].

[于是张良至军门，见樊哙。樊哙曰：“今日之事何如？”

良曰：“甚急。今者项庄拔剑舞，其意常在沛公也。”

哙曰：“此迫矣，臣请入，与之同命。”]
Now we come to the 3rd party: the NP. If you think Zhang Liang was sleeping on the job, think again.
[项王、项伯东向坐。亚父南向坐。亚父者，范增也。沛公北向坐，张良西向侍。]
Above mentioned arrangement was alrdy an indication of Xiang Yu's prior intent. Check this out below...

Liu Bang (North)

              Zhang Liang (West)             Xiang Yu & Xiang Zhuang (East)

Fan Zeng (South)

This is NOT some wayang party, this IS outright war declared through subtle means. Above diagram indicates two things.

1. The Eastern party is adjacent to the Southern party.

2. The Northern party is adjacent to the Western party.

Positioning wise, this is virtually Messi roaming behind 2 CF as that false no.9 vs Lallana drifting across the middle just in front of Stevie G and Henderson! One false move and that's it.

Announcer: GOAL!!!!!!!

Laobu: Eh! What time alrdy!!!!! Switch off your PS4 before I do it for you!!!!!!!!

Still don't understand, nvr mind...

If Fan Zeng was to be that Messi/Lallana, surely Zhang Liang had to be that Lallana/Messi! I'm not gonna make any bones abt this, folks. This is Jean-Luc LeBeau vs Remy LeBeau, Azazel vs Nightcrawler. Which now comes to Fan Kuai himself.

Sensing the danger (most likely five steps ahead in the mind, but not so reflexes wise), Zhang Liang had to do something. Back then, Chen Ping was still under Xiang Yu's payroll. To put it in my 32SIB superior, Mdm Catherine Khor's own words... "sorry, no pakei."

This is virtually us vs them ****ing dirty Leeds where we're falling behind one goal to nothing. Someone has to give, that someone has truly given. Imagine this situation.

AK: Shit... this doesn't look good... Clayton got shackled and we can't find a way through...

??: Erm, boss?

AK: What? Any bright ideas?

??: Well...

AK: Just tell me, okay? The entire Teeesside know you're the one who screwed Sean Dyche last season at Turf Moor.

??: Smallwood for Clayton?

AK: And?

??: Throw Tomlin and Kike within the 20 yard range...

AK: And?

??: Adomah and Reach on standby...

AK: Some more?

??: Leadbitter doing a Stevie G.

AK: That's it?

*5 mins later*

GOAL!!!!!!!!!

*after final whistle*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohnbdliItNA

Above skit is merely a skit, but not so if we're talking abt Fan Kuai to the rescue. Interestingly enough, it seems that whatever ah-beng 369 stunt we witnessed here was merely Fan Kuai staying true to character. In another words, Kurt Wagner pulled off a BAMF! over his asshole demon father. Note the below description.

[哙即带剑拥盾入军门。]

Fan Kuai enters the scene w/a parang (sword).

[交戟之卫士欲止不内，樊哙侧其盾以撞，卫士仆地，哙遂入，披帷西向立，瞋目视项王，头髪上指，目眦尽裂。]

Security tried to stop 369, tak boleh. 369 too strong liao, 369 flips the table (shield-bash) and they all fly away like monsters before the paladin. 369 enters from the western end (i.e. Zhang Liang's position) and hu-tiao w/that big boss. 369 now officially super TL, 369 officially upgrade become Hung Hing. [5]

Remember from where Fan Kuai entered the fray? From the west! Directly in front of Xiang Yu (at the east), this means he was most likely stationed at same spot as Zhang Liang. Under such circumstances, time and discretion is of utmost importance. Coupled w/the fact that Xiang Zhuang would have high chances of failure if Fan Kuai was standing around the north (i.e. Liu Bang's table) and... well, positional logic has said the answer for me. If this arrangement was really down to Zhang Liang's foresight, it means that he had alrdy seen thru Xiang Yu's intent. Ironically, this event actually begot the now famous saying "Xiang Zhuang wields the sword, his sights on the Duke of Pei."

(项庄舞剑，意在沛公)

iirc someone should have tried doing the antithesis version...

"Fan Kuai to the rescue, the Marquis of Liu's idea."

(樊哙救驾，谋于留侯)

[项王按剑而跽曰：“客何为者？”

张良曰：“沛公之参乘樊哙者也。”
项王曰：“壮士，赐之卮酒。”

则与斗卮酒。哙拜谢，起，立而饮之。项王曰：“赐之彘肩。”

则与一生彘肩。樊哙覆其盾于地，加彘肩上，拔剑切而啖之。项王曰：“壮士，能复饮乎？”

樊哙曰：“臣死且不避，卮酒安足辞！夫秦王有虎狼之心，杀人如不能举，刑人如恐不胜，天下皆叛之。怀王与诸将约曰‘先破秦入咸阳者王之’。今沛公先破秦入咸阳，豪毛不敢有所近，封闭宫室，还军霸上，以待大王来。故遣将守关者，备他盗出入与非常也。劳苦而功高如此，未有封侯之赏，而听细说，欲诛有功之人。此亡秦之续耳，窃为大王不取也。”

项王未有以应，曰：“坐。”]

Jialat... the frenemy TL liao.

Xiang Yu: Who's this man?
Zhang Liang: Fan Kuai, close companion to the Duke of Pei.
Xiang Yu: A man of valour... bring him wine!
*After drinking wine*
Xiang Yu: Bring him some meat!
*Fan Kuai ended up chomping down a raw piece of pork shoulder*
Xiang Yu: Are you able to drink some more wine?
*Fan Kuai proceeds to drink more wine*
*Fan Kuai proceeds to reason like a scholar, not some ah-beng.*
*Xiang Yu no choice suck thumb, can only agree with this low life scholar*
*Fan Kuai proceeds to sit beside Zhang Liang b/c valuable talent needs valuable protection*
*Liu Bang proceeds to ask Fan Kuai to meet him since Liu Bang needs to go toilet*
*iirc that one Liu Bang bedek one. He only wants to know how come Xiang Zhuang suddenly resembles Jason w/o the mask*

Was Xiang Yu's reaction a case of dumb luck or down to Zhang Liang's preemptive calculation? In the history of Han, two strategists stood out from the rest. One is Chen Ping, the other Zhang Liang. Chen Ping was more abt stats and figure (i.e. $$$ and manpower), Zifang (i.e. Zhang Liang's style name) was truly a genius in understanding human nature (i.e. understanding the individual's personality and capability). Chen Ping was all abt using resources and the structure of situation (think explosion), Zhang Liang was a master of creating circumstances to deal w/the present one (think implosion).
On an interesting side note, I enjoy analysing human beings far more than numbers. Maybe that's why I suck so much in cold hard academics. *shrugs*

[1]: Altho to be fair, even the most docile chio-bu will become a tiger if her bf happens to 劈腿.

[2]: To add some spark into that powder keg, we actually pulled off the Clayton deal while inadvertently screwing Brighton as a result. Then again, it seems that Adam "not Swandi" Clayton is hot property.

[3]: To paraphrase this logic in a more convoluted manner>this
[4]: In spite of whatever criticism leveled upon him, Zhuge Liang actually fitted this bill just like a certain Zhou Yu.
[5]:  铜锣湾只有一个浩南, 那就是我陈浩南