Disclaimer!
Engine rusty liao, please don't keep your hopes high. Apparently, even my country also kenna actual crisis. :( Like to say I already kenna (?) career crisis, but that one irrelevant. Oh, and more thing. Who says Singapore no local talent?
Lowdown on the columnist
Kork.M.Hancock is a leading young star of the Institute of Rogue Economists. Supposedly a promising student from H@rv*rd Uni dual majoring in political studies and economy, he was promptly expelled due to getting caught in the middle of watching porn while jacking himself off. Claims of intentional bullying went to nothing as Kork was... well left with nothing until IRE offered him a spot in the Analysis Faculty.
Lowdown on the institute
Institute of Rogue Economists (abbrev: IRE) is an unlisted think tank unaffiliated with any political party or even any given nation. Due to their inability to conduct terrorism (some say they're pretty much law abiding citizens although such claims were shot down just as fast), anything said in the columns should be taken with a grain of salt. Or so says the current Government regime. Whoever that may be anyway.
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai
1. a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
2. a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.
4. the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.
Source-Dictionary.com
Not too long ago, crisis struck off the central coast of Pim'pim'pines. Well known for petite folks playing passing football on the pitch, this name was given by its founding explorer, Bosei Furrynho. That is how the term "pim'pim ball" came about.
Now in spite of footballing excellence, Pim'pim'pines had undergone quite a fair amount of political upheaval where leaders DO run the risk of getting arrested through the people's mandate. In fact, famous Italian sociologist, Eric Spressoh, once had this to say:
"It's arguably true that why Pim'pim'pines is the greatest footballing nation has always been about poverty bringing out the finest best in sporting artistry. There's a common local saying-Don't have money, never mind. Must have dream, be it one, two, or three."
"The problem with Pim'pim'pines is not about authority and anti-authority. Firstly, expats had been deserting this sinking ship of a nation five years ago due to rampant corruption robbing them of their money. Secondly, a lot of people don't understand this. Lastly, I don't know who these soothsayers are, let alone what they look like and whether they are male, female, or eunuchs."
It was then where Pim'pim'pines witnessed their national hero reborn, Mano Amano. His previous losses made many neutral observers questioning his class, it doesn't really help to remember losing two bouts in succession means you're likely one foot inside the career coffin. Scoffing such talks, Mano's trainer, Roach Phelps, had this to say:
"Yes, I know Mano is half a head shorter and a wee bit slimmer around the chest. He's a boxer for fuck's sake! Do you stupid people understand the different weight level within the industry? I swear the next person calling Mano gay shall be the next person Mano fights. Period! Hey, Contraa Bannkai! You fucking hear me? Mano and I ar... bzztt..."
Due to Roach Phelps' increasing anger, the Foxed Channel had to kill off the remaining segment broadcast "live". That's why I can only list down whatever remainder left. Apparently, Roach wasn't gay, let alone Mano. However, he believed in gay rights and racial rights. Yet, the reason why the self-proclaimed "Macho Savage" Contraa Bannkai incurred Roach's ire was down to a video that must not be outed for children's sake. That did not prevent tabloids like Puffington Post, Daily Blackmail, and Telepath (just to name a few) spreading the word around. Without going into lurid specifics, Contraa Bannkai actually questioned why Eastern males look like girls and why Eastern girls act like men. No brainer to know where Pim'pim'pines is situated. The fact that Contraa Bannkai was forced (?) into an apology merely made things worse when he used a homophobic term.
"Hey, I respect human rights, okay? I've got many friends yet to out themselves! So what if they're some closet f**s? No one hates f**s, it's damned true I tell ya! Now who was that Eastern girl ag... bzztt..."
Above footage was killed off by news broadcaster, KNN, due to actual fear that Contraa Bannkai might get himself killed in the ring. Literally. To set the record straight, Roach Phelps was a renowned commando veteran nicknamed "Toughest S.O.B" by his buddies, men and women alike. Enemies who survived his onslaught called him "the Flaming Killer" due to a deadly combo of flame throwing skills and real assassination arts. Mano, of course, learnt all the great things from his trainer bar his undoubted talent in all-rounder brawling.
Special note:
Lately, it has come to my notice that this stupid and lazy bastard columnist is skiving on the job. While we at the IRE value actual talent, we at the IRE also cannot accept any extent of lax attitude towards actual work. Why did he forward some stupid high fantasy love song to everyone in the institute, I don't know. However, it must be said that this flower idiot columnist had already been firmly dealt with.
~ Institute of Rogue EconomistsSigned by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai
Foreword
"I dedicate this victory to my long suffering fellow citizens of Pim'pim'pines. Not for myself, but for them. Not for personal glory, but for personal challenges. Flayd Mayorwhether, you've been notified. I don't need my trainer to send you any stupid letter."
~Mano Amano, reigning champion of PK Championship.
~Mano Amano, reigning champion of PK Championship.
Why my boss talked so bad about me, I can never know. Yes, I'm guilty of liking somebody, but is it a sin to love? At least Beren never killed any Elves, therefore he's more honourable than Fëanor. Back on topic here. How do we define C-R-I-S-I-S?
2. a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.
4. the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.
Source-Dictionary.com
Not too long ago, crisis struck off the central coast of Pim'pim'pines. Well known for petite folks playing passing football on the pitch, this name was given by its founding explorer, Bosei Furrynho. That is how the term "pim'pim ball" came about.
Now in spite of footballing excellence, Pim'pim'pines had undergone quite a fair amount of political upheaval where leaders DO run the risk of getting arrested through the people's mandate. In fact, famous Italian sociologist, Eric Spressoh, once had this to say:
"It's arguably true that why Pim'pim'pines is the greatest footballing nation has always been about poverty bringing out the finest best in sporting artistry. There's a common local saying-Don't have money, never mind. Must have dream, be it one, two, or three."
Crisis+national hero reborn+nemesis
Three years ago, disaster struck when mega-typhoon Heeyaa assaulted the central part of Pim'pim'pines. Many a doom prophet stated that this was Heaven itself punishing the locals for being rebellious, famous most desirable socialite of 2013, Karen Mel has this to say:"The problem with Pim'pim'pines is not about authority and anti-authority. Firstly, expats had been deserting this sinking ship of a nation five years ago due to rampant corruption robbing them of their money. Secondly, a lot of people don't understand this. Lastly, I don't know who these soothsayers are, let alone what they look like and whether they are male, female, or eunuchs."
It was then where Pim'pim'pines witnessed their national hero reborn, Mano Amano. His previous losses made many neutral observers questioning his class, it doesn't really help to remember losing two bouts in succession means you're likely one foot inside the career coffin. Scoffing such talks, Mano's trainer, Roach Phelps, had this to say:
"Yes, I know Mano is half a head shorter and a wee bit slimmer around the chest. He's a boxer for fuck's sake! Do you stupid people understand the different weight level within the industry? I swear the next person calling Mano gay shall be the next person Mano fights. Period! Hey, Contraa Bannkai! You fucking hear me? Mano and I ar... bzztt..."
Due to Roach Phelps' increasing anger, the Foxed Channel had to kill off the remaining segment broadcast "live". That's why I can only list down whatever remainder left. Apparently, Roach wasn't gay, let alone Mano. However, he believed in gay rights and racial rights. Yet, the reason why the self-proclaimed "Macho Savage" Contraa Bannkai incurred Roach's ire was down to a video that must not be outed for children's sake. That did not prevent tabloids like Puffington Post, Daily Blackmail, and Telepath (just to name a few) spreading the word around. Without going into lurid specifics, Contraa Bannkai actually questioned why Eastern males look like girls and why Eastern girls act like men. No brainer to know where Pim'pim'pines is situated. The fact that Contraa Bannkai was forced (?) into an apology merely made things worse when he used a homophobic term.
"Hey, I respect human rights, okay? I've got many friends yet to out themselves! So what if they're some closet f**s? No one hates f**s, it's damned true I tell ya! Now who was that Eastern girl ag... bzztt..."
Above footage was killed off by news broadcaster, KNN, due to actual fear that Contraa Bannkai might get himself killed in the ring. Literally. To set the record straight, Roach Phelps was a renowned commando veteran nicknamed "Toughest S.O.B" by his buddies, men and women alike. Enemies who survived his onslaught called him "the Flaming Killer" due to a deadly combo of flame throwing skills and real assassination arts. Mano, of course, learnt all the great things from his trainer bar his undoubted talent in all-rounder brawling.
How the fight benefited global economy
Due to assumed trauma building up throughout, Mano refused to give Contraa that much wanted KO. That was during the third round when Contraa Bannkai was pinned against the ropes literally. After holding back for an instance, Mano still dominated the fight process. The only catch? Mano never wanted to kill Contraa, but only to subdue him. Subdue him, Mano did. After thirteen rounds, Mano Amano won via unanimous verdict. Post-match, Contraa Bannkai had this to say:
"We all used to be stupid before. Mano was stupid, I also stupid. Mano finally manned up, I cannot. Therefore, I, Contraa Bannkai, announced my decision to quit the ring for good."
As it turned out, it was Contraa's fiancee begging him to quit. After all, boxing is a brutal sport and not even the most rotten person would wish widowhood upon future Mrs Bannkai. As for Mano, he's quite surprisingly magnanimous.
"I watched Contraa's fighting replay vids before, I believed he won't even last five minutes in the ring with me. However, the fact that he survived thirteen rounds straight means one thing-boy got a future, but I cannot decide that future for him."
In an instant, every man, woman, boy, and girl in Pim'pim'pines cheered. Not only did they put in immense effort, they managed to unite their previously fractured society. Three years after, not only does Pim'pim'pines become an everlasting superpower in football, but above all boxing, endorsements plus plenty of raw resources used and shared correctly. As such, global powers are truly eager to do business with Pim'pim'pines and Mano Amano.
A brief peek into Mano Amano's past
So what makes Mano Amano so special? In his biography written by his friend, Pakee Singh, this was how the legend was born.
"Mano really had it tough. His family used to be rich, but corruption caused his family to go bankrupt. His relationship with his father wasn't good, but he's especially filial to his mother. I never asked him why, neither will I want to do the same now. You remember this Eastern guy resembling a pit bull? I do. Teased as 'that brown and yellow bastard" wasn't nice especially if you're in some foreign land as a foreigner. My first meeting with him was something out of the ordinary.
I was twenty back then, I had a wife who was pregnant with our first child. Then, a group of youths taunted me. So what if I wore a turban and beard? I still do and no one attacks me. But those delinquents, they really went rabid by calling me Osama. I was like 'hey, am I a zombie? I never like playing horror survival games because I suck with guns!'
They had nothing of that, I got pummeled instead. It was then Mano came out and challenged them. I think they called him a gay. Or a fag. Or maybe a poof. I forgot, but I'll never forget Mano Amano's fists of fury exploding into blurring motion.
I never had the good fortune of watching these youth's final fight finished though. Rather, I woke up in a hospital run by Jewish people."
Mano Amano's answer?
"I really had anger issues back then. I wanted to help that poor fellow Eastern brother, but I feared for my future. What if my fists tore these thugs apart? Insulted for something I don't have was bad enough, trying to hold back my angry animal made things worse. Guess I snapped finally, that's how Roach Phelps spotted me."
To be continued...
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