Subs:
Neuer; Hummels; Pooladi; Moutinho; Valdivia; Sterling; Sturridge
Boss wanted alive or mati:
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Mr Eric Soh, you cannot run liao.
You say Germany fave to win 2014 even b4 the kiu is kicked.
Scally your words accidentally hex CR7 and Pepe.
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Group A
Lowdown:
Brazil finally got off to a winning start albeit after implicating another nation into controversy. No thanks to whoever was the bloke officiating the match, China is now laughing. [1] While I did not watch that match, I'm pretty sure plenty of ppl are now commentating how Japan has managed to bring 1/3 to 1/4 of the Balkans onto its knees. As it turned out later on, サムライ・ブルー actually pulled off quite a good effort in salvaging national+racial pride. [2] Yet, there is plenty to cheer abt for Vatreni. Why? Because this time round, Mario "not Balotelli" Mandžukić is back. Coupled with that frustrated existence otherwise known as Luka "Skywalker" Modrić, the Force might really be strong with Vatreni after all.
On the other end of Group A, Les Lions Indomptables have made Les Aglio e Olio Indomptables out of themselves. While I do not fault ppl unhappy with their government [3], the only thing worse than refusing to take up your national flag is to get your own sex video flagged and leaked at the same time. Needless to say, El Tricolor made them pay their own Iron Price. Against Vatreni, Les Lions Indomptables will have much more to lose than their opposite numbers. For one, national pride is at stake. Secondly (and I hope this won't happen unless the blokes at FIFA want to prove themselves), racial pride. Tbh, Vatreni ain't the only ones getting shafted by a living weapon in black. El Tricolor also felt the pain. If there's any conspiracy theory tantamount to some Great Latin American Sale, I'd say rest your shit. El Tricolor gave a good account of themselves by going all out to grab 3 pts rather than pilfering just 1. Even if one of the goals were to be rightfully flagged offside, no one should blame the Mexicans for feeling like Robb "robbed" Stark himself. [4]
In the absence of Javier "not Martínez" Hernández, Giovani "fastest man in Mexico" dos Santos managed to acquit himself 120%. Promising so much during his years at Camp Nou last time round, how a speed genius has fallen! If there should be any moment to savour and salvage, 2014 would be it. Somehow or another, dropping Hernández wasn't so much of a harebrained strategy after all.
What to expect:
By time I finish this one, chances are that Les Lions Indomptables vs Vatreni would have gone underway. Sullied honour vs a team of 11 Unsullied, who will prevail? Samuel "not Chong" Eto'o might have plenty to say post-tourney, but not now. I dunno whether he have played Marvel Heroes yet, but it seems that Bruce Banner do have that one Quote-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named prepared for him. Les Lions Indomptables must now wake up across the middle and back. Hero or zero, the call should NOT be down to Eto'o. No man is bigger than 11, go ask CR7 if you don't believe me. As for goals, what goals? Les Lions Indomptables will do well not to repeat Ecuador's mistake.
Group B
Lowdown:
'Tis not everyday to watch a World Cup match 'live' in your hotel room. While I admit one of my churchmates WY to be correct when she commented I should pursue a job in half time footie analysis alongside Carlton "not Arnold" Palmer, the indisputable MotM was a certain Private Ryan. Why u everytime scream so damn loud one whenever Holland score??????????
Okay, enough of talking cock. What is it that we can glean from #TeamClockworkOranje? While it's too early to tell whether individual brilliance is enough to invoke overall peaking, the signs are boding well. Remember the time where only Marco "not van Bastard" van Basten was the man? This is a team blessed with prodigies and cursed by prodigals. If even Bert "laojiao" van Marwijk couldn't even do so, who else can? In stepped Louis "van Goal" van Gaal, otherwise known as Robben's nemesis during Oktoberfest. Initially, I feared for the worst due to his authoritarian nature. Not even the press dared to mess with van Goal and that says a lot. The last man able to do so could only tame his countrymen, van Goal on the other hand has slain plenty of pack hounds during his illustrious career. A shrewd strategist is van Goal and it showed during the Spain match. Initially back against the wall, #TeamClockworkOranje were unlucky to fall foul of a controversial call which ironically might haunt the fouled for some time. By initiating a mass zonal marking game as the tactical baseline, van Goal managed to achieve his goal. Namely preventing La Furia Roja from playing too many balls forward. 1-0 down and it seems #TeamClockworkOranje might run the risk of tactical implosion instead of tactical explosion. Then it came.
Private Ryan Ng screamed out so loud, I nearly thought Man Utd had just popped a goal past Iker "ikan besar" Casillas. Turned out I was wrong. [5]
Come 2nd half, I was starting to have this sneaky feeling that things would only turn out worse. Turned out my guess was literally spot on since La Furia Roja were now pinned against the ropes. The fulcrum of van Goal's tactics back then was very simple: disrupting deep>controlling the park. If you think you've seen this football brand before, you're not walking alone. [6]
This is a match won by one bloody mangkok's bloody brilliance. Utterly detested in the 1st half during a shoe incident unrelated to the OTE (Old Trafford Expressway), Arjen "Oops... I did it again!" Robben has done it again. Totally vilified over time wasting, Robben managed to set the stadium alight with that first goal of his. Granted his 2nd helping was a case of brilliant assist more than self-brilliance, but his blistering pace was unmistakable. Yet, this wasn't really that old Robben who enjoyed picking fights with French and Germans alike. Reveling in a central striker role, seeing Robben running the entire 2nd half would be like seeing Spock G trolling the shit out of 11 Klingons. His 1st goal was sheer Robben. By transferring the ball from one foot to another, this was the Robben style eye candy we're used to seeing. Not only did he display plenty of Dutch temerity, said technique actually wrong footed TWO Iberian blokes in a blink of an eye. Man of the Match for me hands down.
As for that other Roja, the poor Socceroos could only subject themselves into kangaroo rojak. Granted I've tasted grilled kangaroo meat during my school field trip in Perth [7], but there's nothing tasty over this match unless you happen to enjoy the kind of aggro footie displayed by La Roja. Swift and ruthless width to width, utterly clinical in front of goal. From how I see things, Jorge "not Valdano" Valdivia will be Jorge "too much Latin Jorge liao" Sampaoli's key man. As a playmaker doubling up as an auxiliary centre forward, his off-ball intelligence and effervescence on the ball will prove pivotal to La Causa Roja. At the age of 30, no world class club will ever want him. If there's anybody worthy to be the poster boy in terms of English corporate football bitchslapping, there will be no man like Valdivia. Only Valdivia.
I always said to Mr Eric Soh that La Roja will be the dark horses this year and his silence basically told me he agreed with me wholeheartedly. If there's any consolation for Vicente "El Zorro unmasked" del Bosque, it would be Andrés "not Bonifacio" Iniesta's sporadic brilliance between the midfield and firing line. Now officially a drifter, seeing him play atm is like wondering whether a certain Adam "not lalas" Lallana can replicate this feat [8] before England's very own merry men end up cutting short their very own merry tropical adventure.
So what can we expect from the match raging on atm?
Seems that van Goal didn't opt 4-3-3 after all. Socceroos will be fired up for the 2nd half, mark my words. They might style themselves after boxing kangaroos, but I daringly predict a team of dingos unleashed. CSU is not just about Charles Sturt University churning out A*Star grade scholars. CSU is also a byword for shit football if we're talking abt crosses, potshots and underhand tackling. This is gonna be fun lol!
[1]: Plus unifying the Korean ppl for full 90 mins+stoppage.
[2]: Sadly, effort is not good enough.
[3]: And this is indeed true in 100% of the world nations.
[4]: That is unless you happen to be a legal American furthest north.
[5]: Even though Robin "Fergie wants his $$$ back" van Persie was the scorer.
[6]: Le Professeur and Tony "not part of SPF" Pulis have proved us right.
[7]: Plus that hot girl Cara.
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