Group F
República Argentina
En una palabra: Welcome to Argentina, a nation famous for players beating the opposition defence for free. Those with an actual childhood might recall a certain Han Solo solo'ing the universe with the Millennium Falcon. Case in point, try associating the likes of Messi, Agüero and di María with this badass below.
Arguably that nation every Englander enjoys hating [1], imagine their joy upon seeing La Albiceleste going tits up in two consecutive World Cup tourneys, namely Germany 2006 and South Africa 2010. Both defeats were at the hands of die Krauts, the latter edition exposing a certain Diego "it happened again at the Riverside" Maradona's tactical naivety. Come 4 yrs later, what can we expect from La Albiceleste?
Firstly, let me say that this current La Albiceleste have compromised somewhat on the Maradona style. Yet, their argentum brilliance cannot be denied. Under Alejandro "who ah?" Sabella, La Albiceleste boast of the three finest attacking players of their time. However, there's no denying a newly found confidence in holding fort via a compact 4-3-3. Key to boom or bust lies in whether a certain Lionel "I cannot perform w/o Xavi/Iniesta!" Messi will follow the footsteps of another certain Wayne 'kentang" Rooney. If you think the English media's obsession on Rooney-mania is bad, think again. Messi-mania is nowhere better off, if not worse. [2]
Therefore, allow me to create a game of reverse psychology [3] by stating Ángel "El Ángel de Plata" di María to be Sabella's key man. This is one hell of a beast blessed with the beauty of football. And by that, I mean beasting random fullbacks/centre-backs/centre-halves via beautiful flair and beastly pace. There's a catch tho: Given La Albiceleste being much more of a counteroffensive unit, seeing di María as the MVP of linkup play will surely be both a terror and thrill to behold. [4]
Oh, and one more thing. Sabella def will have an ace or joker up his sleeve. If he pulls off a wild card, it means Gambit will win the game.
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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| Carolina Pampita |
Босна и Херцеговина
Nikome: This is a team which have gone through plenty of blood and tears. The Balkans region is never known for peace and stability, there's a reason why stereotypical Serbs are hired for contract. [5] In your typical Balkans style [6], #TeamZmajevi roared back. Will they keep roaring till the last 16 at least? Together with Argentina, nothing less than 2nd best will suffice.
A brief look at the team sheet suggests youthful dare coupled with a dash of veteran finesse. Edin "I used to be a lone wolf" Džeko has gotta be Safet "tak susa" Sušić's main man. I mean he's a striker intelligent and blessed with instinct! What's not to like about him? Holding up play and finishing off half chances like a professional hitman means #TeamZmajevi is a team based on dual-end excellence. If I can design a kickass lancer for any local RPG browser game along the likes of Marvel Heroes, his name has to be Zmajevi.
Why?
Because if Džeko is the tip forged from mithril, then a certain Asmir "I thought he's Israeli" Begović will be the shaft made from *insert whatever kickass fantasy metal here*. To Mark "not Maes" Hughes and Stoke-on-Trent, you all have been warned beforehand. [6]
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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| Amra Silajdzic |
جمهوری اسلامی ایران
Lowdown: Take note, folks. If you happen to be at home, you can call Iranians well... Iranians lol! By once at Iran, say what the Persians say. I dunno how accurate it is, but a churchmate of mine once told me that Iranians do NOT like others calling them Iranians b/c they see themselves as Persians. In case you all still taktau, let me just say that the Persians are born to be fighters. Proven by actual history where the likes of King Darius were concerned, Ŝāhzādegāne Pārsi are also equally full of fire and brimstone. No offence intended tho since playing against them would be like fighting a lion while armed with only a knife. Got chance to win, but also got chance to kenna bitten.
One thing about this nation is the fact that Iran has always been the only Islamic state in Middle East. I can guarantee you that in the event where Ŝāhzādegāne Pārsi ends up fighting tooth and nail against #TeamStars&Stripes, even the Ayatollah himself will speak in the same language. [7]
Particular attention has to be paid on Ashkan Dejagah and Reza Ghoochannejhad, but that's b/c Fulham and Charlton will be ganging up on us next season.
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
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Federal Republic of Nigeria
Lowdown: Will this nation torn 99% by the Bokor Haram ever recover its pride? If the English pride has been lost on footballing grounds, then Nigeria is 10 x worse. This is a nation where nice guys finish last and die first, what can #TeamSuperEagles do to salvage their national pride? Plenty.
Firstly, no pundits would ever give them a chance in hell to go through. This IS what #TeamSuperEagles need the most atm. With Ivory Coast being the only African team tipped to go far(?), #TeamSuperEagles can use it to their advantage. The only pressure capable of clipping their wings will be whatever bs happening in their own backyard. We can't expect them to say "not in my backyard" b/c they're not your typical S'poreans, they will surely convince themselves "for our backyard!"
This is NOT to say that they got even half a decent chance to go through. However, giving a good account of themselves will go a long way in becoming national heroes in their own right. Due to Kelong-gate started by a certain Wilson "not Willie" Raj, nobody can predict how far the shit will go. Whatever happen N yrs ago should just stay there, whatever honest success earned for 2014 should be for today and the future generations to come.
Tactical key lies in the defence and central midfield. Breaking up play from the back with the counteroffensive fulcrum starting from the centre-backs and ending at the centre midfield will be the key. Climate wise, any and all African teams cannot ask for more or better. As for abundance of firepower, #TeamSuperEagles have plenty of them. In fact, this is that one African team famous for producing attacking talents. Go figure.
Group G
Bundesrepublik Deutschland
Lowdown: Plenty of midfielders, only 1 striker. Wtf is Jogi thinking? By my own estimations, this is quintessentially DFB-Elf trying to pull off a midfield dictatorship. Take note though: Miroslav "close shot" Klose might NOT even start by default due to Jogi having players capable of controlling and scoring. One major concern will be Marco "der Zeus" Reus gone 100% crocked. If harnessed properly, Mesut "Ottoman-Turkish delight" Özil will deputise nicely. Sans the physique, this bloke has to be Reus' footballing next of kin.
It will also be interesting to see how far André "der Riese?" Schürrle will go due to his natural aggression on the width. Apart from that, it seems that chances of DFB-Elf choking have gotten nerfed big time. If DFB-Elf manage to ride far and devastating enough, be very sure that Jogi must be given top credit for his shrewd control-first approach. Ultimately, tactical key lies in how will the cavalry be deployed. [8]
A/N: If I manage to get my 1st gf, will we go on a trip to Germany first? I mean not a lot of ppl know hamburgers hailed from Hamburg. #talkingcockdotcom.
República Portuguesa
Lowdown: No CR7, no goals. Or is it? In the event where the worst case scenario happens, what will Paulo "he's no Jap-phile" Bento do? 'Tis high time for Os Navegadores to show what they're made of. This is a team priding itself in a midfield both aggressive and inventive. Remember how they managed to scare the shit out of their hated Iberian rivals? Yep, middle 3rd vs middle 3rd. A lot will hinge on how Bento balances defence and offence. One man anchoring the fort is too risky, two blokes doing so might not suffice in terms of doing the Portuguese press. Thankfully, João "not Mourinho" Moutinho is still kicking and not kicked. How he will be deployed shall impact how Os Navegadores will go abt navigating the Brazilian pitch.
The rest...
Fighting against time and fatigue, I'm sad to say I can go into individual specifics. Therefore...
To Ghana and US: Aggression down the flanks will be the key. In particular, America won't be handicapped that much by the weather due to where their closest neighbours are apart from Canada. Also, will Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande don their national colours should US win 2014?
To Belgium, Algeria and Russia: Never say die, Capello will surely regale his charges of how Maria Sharapova managed to fight back time and again to claim La Gloire d'Roland Garros. This Russian team will be tougher to beat due to better defensive qualities. My pick to top the group.
For the Belgians, aggression out wide will be the key. How to linkup effectively diagonally forward will depends on the manner of their defensive play. Central midfield dept is only there to ensure things don't cock up for the back 4+front 4. Lukaku's best chance to justify Mourinho's loss is Martinez's gain. [9]
Algerians... okay, I can only say go yolo. 0% expectations+0% stress=100% performance+100% pride.
As for the land of K-culture and RL inspiration for Alestrial Eliaden, pls refer to the 1st half unless you all want to be associated w/some shit NE team I'm still guilty of supporting...
[1]: Not to mention trauma revisiting every long suffering English bloke who happened to be at the Riverside during the 2013/14 Championship season. Ironically, Karanka speaks Spanish like an Argentine.
[2]: To set the record straight, the only mania capable of everlasting fame ain't Hulkamania. Those who enjoy playing Marvel Heroes like this no-life bloody mangkok will def know what is Deadpool-mania.
[3]: Like a certain Cheng Yu during the Eastern Han-Three Kingdoms era.
[4]: 'Tis either you're for football or against the Hand of God.
[5]: And by that, I do NOT mean social escorts unless you desire death via femme fatale+guns/knives.
[6]: Where is #TeamGryffindor when you need them? We only know Hermione Granger got graduated recently.
[7]: In short, football=universal language once every four yrs.
[8]: Ellyrian Reavers+Wild Riders of Kurnous=Elven alliance ftmfw.
[9]: Or maybe Simeone's gain+revenge? Who knows?
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