That Random Blade: Pre-mortem 2014 (Group C/Part 1)

Yes, I've been procrastinating till now, no excuses here. Since I've already got a Wordpress blog on football, guess the World Cup 2014 multi-post will be my last footie talk for this blog. Which now comes to it, how many groups are left? At the same time, why did I feel a funny shiver down my spine? As if weird stuff is happening somewhere? Nah, must be me getting too paranoid. Either that or we will lose to Blackpool Inc(e).

Group C

República de Colombia

Talk cock intro: Traditional regional powerhouse, this will be how people describe this nation. However, it wasn't until the most recent qualifiers that people started calling Colombia just that, a regional powerhouse. Technically speaking, I'd rather call Colombia a resurgent powerhouse.

This is a nation brimming with proud footballing heritage and tradition, yet 1994 proved to be a near-death knell for Los Cafeteros. I still remember playing as a defender during my secondary school days where I just can't play anywhere else. My existence was deemed a liability and every of my classmates would say "Hey, you take Minghui!", "No lah! You take him!", "But he will make us lose matches!", "Same for us what!" In one of my greatest moment of personal humiliation, one particular classmate even called me openly Andrés Escobar.

I don't know how every Colombian will feel over this confession of mine, but it is indeed true that 1994 would be remembered for all the wrong reasons. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me Escobar's untimely death actually went a long way in traumatizing one entire nation's footballing future. Better known as El Caballero del Fútbol, only people like this type below would scoff at a good man brutally murdered.

Any dream of making a comeback only made the next decade plus more unbearable. It wasn't until Copa América 2011 that Los Cafeteros dared to dream once more. This time, there's no turning back. A shock 3-0 loss to a strong Peru team had many local watchers fearing whether their beloved nation would ever see a brand new dawn. After all, Korea/Japan 2002 was a heartbreaking year. Come the 2014 qualifiers, Los Cafeteros could at last say "Viva el Sueño!"

La responsabilidad: Like Verde-Amarela, the players' greatest enemy are themselves. Why 2002 was considered a nightmare wasn't down to team quality, but rather a weak attack and a weaker dressing room. This time round, the players will do well not to repeat history once again. Quality wise, this has to be the greatest Los Cafeteros for many a year. Mentally wise, esto es sólo el principio. In particular, it's good to see Taylor Swift's The Red Tour giving Colombia a miss. I swear Los Cafeteros have nothing against her, but surely they have gotten sick and tired of a certain color mentioned here.

One thing the Chinese are famous for is a taboo mentality, better known as pantang. I'm pretty sure the Latin amigos would have no issues with addressing death, hence please allow this desviada de Singapur to invoke the name of Andrés Escobar.

My point in a nutshell? You can't revive the dead, but you can make his family feel proud. Again, Viva el Sueño.

Special mention has to be reserved for José "Jackie Pék" Pékerman. This is an extremely shrewd tactician capable of playing Gandalf the White along the touchline. Through his footballing brain, Colombia's greatest strength lies NOT in a strong attack but a stable defensive platform four by four. Like his first namesake, i.e. José "O Especial" Mourinho, the finest portion of Jackie Pék himself lies in saving the best for the last. If there's any magic capable of turning the tide, it would be a tactical substitution or two.

Prediction: Colombia's group stage fortune has to be the greatest no-brainer. On paper, only Ivory Coast can put up a decent fight. Greece and Japan will have a hard time fighting for numero tres. It's only when we get past this stage where la Batalla will officially commence. Neutrals, foreigners and locals alike will be rooting for numero uno, but as a certain Mr Tay Tai Ming once stated: "The ball is round, anyone can win."

Who I'd like to see in her national colours

Karen Carreno

Ellīnikī́ Dīmokratía

Talk cock intro: Foinikas, you owe me a big one for this part. Now let's continue, shall we? Firstly, what is the first word one will associate with Greece? Surely anything bar football. On the bad end, we'll hear words like austerity and bailout. On the good side, Greece boasts of an impressive cultural heritage and hot chicks. [1] No matter what, Greece has gone a long way since Heracles managed to bless Euro 2004. The greatest strength behind Galanolefki is a sense of unity amounting to unpredictable excellence. This is best proven NOT during Heracles 2004, but rather Spartans 2012. Against the odds, Galanolefki managed to pull off yet another Piratiko. Given that major crisis happening back home, one can surmise King Leonidas is truly greater than the son of Zeus and Alcmene.

Sadly, however, Galanolefki is preparing to stare down yet another shotgun barrel. Granted no one gave them a chance in hell to survive their group stage during Euro 2012, but this will be arguably a far tougher fight. Firstly, Foinikas' beloved Ethniki had acquitted themselves well during the qualifiers. Second comes the hardest part: Maria Sharapova's mother nation taking a tumbling bow was down to a combination of freak circumstances and 90 mins of wtf. [2] In short, we have Heracles 2004 and Leonidas [3] 2012. Come 2014, will we see Broskander the Great? [4]

το βάρος: Gotta love Greek fonts, no? Now onto the important stuff. Firstly, it's of utmost imperative for the Greeks to retain possession. In a host nation where ball retention=/=unique culture, only England can say "we invented football for teh lulz!" [5] The good thing about Galanolefki lies in Fernando "Jason and the Argonauts" Santos being a compatriot to a certain late titan [6] while via Otto "Aegis German" Rehhagel, Galanolefki was a Labyrinth forged from the skies. From how I see it, Santos never tried fixing whatever unbroken.

The greatest problem behind Rehhagel's Labyrinth is a consistent lack of goals. During 2004, no one could replicate Theseus' most well known feat. Come post-2004, Daedalus got himself busted for good. The glorious trail left behind by Argo shouldn't be discounted as some one-off wonder. 2012 managed to prove this point, imo it's best for Galanolefki to enjoy the process of playing rather than the pressure of winning.

Prediction: Playing football is somewhat akin to being a Singaporean. Only results matter, damn all the rest. However, Santos' paramount priority should lie in fine-tuning the Argonauts' mentality. Convincing them foremost that only a miracle will take them to the top spot is merely the first move. The hard part comes when Santos starts talking about second place. Period. Whether Ionioi Hetairoi can be materialized however...

Who I'd like to see in her national colours