Group C
République de Côte d'Ivoire
Talk cock intro: This is a relatively young footballing nation in the African continent. One thing worthy of note is the fact that African football only started hitting top gear during the past 5-10 years. Ivory Coast's footballing heritage, suffice to say, is nothing compared to the likes of Ghana, Cameroon, and Senegal. [1] In fact, even Japan have a deeper footballing history by comparison. Which only made La Montée Les Éléphants even more super hiong. If I mentioned Ivory Coast to any fellow locals prior to 2006, I believe their first response might go something like "oh, do they produce legal oil or illegal diamonds?" [2]
Without a doubt, Didier "Peacemaker Kurogane" Drogba is a big man with a far bigger heart. This is a bloke receiving plaudits for his goal scoring prowess despite being a non-French black. [3] Yet, I believe it was down to him playing Ivory Coast's very own Bran Stark which caused one whole nation to unite under a dreamer's banner. Cynics nevertheless scoffed at his efforts to bring temporary respite via a national sport, but I don't see Le Mastodonte slowing down within the next 5-10 years. After that period, it will be interesting to see whether the momentum will cease or continue gaining steam.
Le fardeau de la preuve: The main reason why Group C is commonly seen as a straightforward group is down to the Latin American climate. Humidity is merely one half of the equation, the heat being that other half. I'm not too sure how African teams will measure up to the former, but definitely they can handle the heat.
Formation wise, chances are that they will play a compact 4-3-3. While 4-5-1 is a possibility, it will only work effectively against Japan at best. Against Greece and Colombia, the onus will lie in drawing first blood, something which Les Éléphants is perfectly capable of. While everybody knows Didier "Peacemaker Kurogane" Drogba, I'm pretty sure Sabri "le Compagnon" Lamouchi will have a couple of aces up his sleeve. Wilfried "not related to Ron Bone" Bony will be hungry to prove his worth from the bench while only a fool will discount Gervinho's class. In Salomon "Drogba's dawg" Kalou, Les Éléphants will have that stabilising factor in the firing squad.
However, I believe the midfield engine will be where Le Saccage shall start the rampage. In Yaya "tidak papaya" Toure, we have someone capable of breaking play upfront and anchoring the ball anywhere from the defensive third till the middle park. A lot has been said on Patrick "don't hate Fergie, hate Keano" Vieira and Roy "Take that, you c***!" Keane being the greatest strongmen of their time, do not discount something like this.
Prediction: My guess will be Les Éléphants trampling Japan and Greece. Granted this is a daring prediction [4], but this a team priding itself in physical strength and pace. The technical end will be where Les Éléphants must prove themselves as either Les Challengers or Les Prétendants. Although 2014 is a leap of faith too far, but surely Brazil will be the perfect stage to showcase their skills.
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
 |
| Elizabeth Zunon |
日本国
Talk cock intro: China is rejoicing [4], South Korea is laughing [5]. Why I am saying this is because chances of サムライ・ブルー surviving this group is practically...
When we talk about Japan, only two things come to mind. Eroge and AV. The rest, we all tend to place on the back burner. However, there's nothing erotic about Japanese football unless you happen to be someone worshiping some kind of gay propaganda. [6]
You see, サムライ・ブルー will most likely remain as the number 1 Asian powerhouse at least until 2018-2022. Granted South Korea is gaining ground swiftly, but one thing サムライ・ブルー have is a substantial talent pool in terms of flair players. This is something South Korea is trying to replicate, I'll get to that once the correct time comes. Yet, サムライ・ブルー still remains the most technical team in Asia where the only reason why South Koreans are able to pull a few wedgies over their much hated regional rivals is down to effective disruption of tempo. [7] Against the Ivorians and Colombians, サムライ・ブルー will be sorely outfought and outwitted. Against Greece, this will be where the fun part comes. Watch this space below...
責任: The fact that サムライ・ブルー have no chance in hell of surviving this group shouldn't be an excuse for the entire team to perform 切腹 halfway through 90 mins. I detest watching territorial politics unfolding, but I do enjoy good football whenever the chance presents itself. And trust me when I say サムライ・ブルー are capable of that. The group stage is already 100% disadvantageous, coupled to this the Latin climate and it's a no-brainer.
Physique wise, they cannot fight. Technique wise, I don't see Ivory Coast and Colombia throwing the fight. Against Greece, サムライ・ブルー will be facing an opponent more or less their equal. In Honda "Civic" Keisuke, we have an intelligent ball player whose greatest strength lies in vision and holding up play. Capable of playing in a whopping total of 3 positions [8], this should be an accurate indication that this Honda Civic really means business.
At the same time, only a 馬鹿 will discount Kagawa "Evil Kagawa" Shinji as a force utterly spent. Just because his current gf is some hot AV idol doesn't mean anything unless you happen to be Wilfried "my boss got hot daughter" Zaha. High crass jokes aside, Shinji's greatest weapon lies NOT in playing behind the lone CF, but rather sublime ball control and off ball intelligence. Unlike his Honda Civic 兄弟, Shinji thrives on space and freedom rather than wu lia kiu boh. He's capable of playing at the flank, trust me on that. [9]
Oh, and one more thing. サムライ・ブルー are also known for their tenacity second only to the Koreans. It really has a lot to do with their post-war history.
Prediction: Do you really want Vince McMahon's number just to confirm what I want to say here? I only keep tabs on any girl I fancy, not some rich heel owner.
Who I'd like to see in her national colours
 |
| Aragaki Yui |
To be cont'd...
Next up-Group D
[1]: I bet money on France win, you know! Senegal win 1-0, I lose until tengkor!
~convo during my full time ITE days. Many a shit was funny as hell so long no one subjected me under verbal hell.
[2]: Okay, the last part was Sierra Leone, not Ivory Coast. Don't believe me, go ask Bar Refaeli's famous ex.
[3]: Les Bleus=Les Noirs. Technically speaking, I wasn't the inventor. Georges Freche got his backside kenna poke b/c of his 9/11 racial theory.
[4]: Despite missing out on the World Cup post-Korea/Japan.
[5]: Despite facing an equally certain death via grouping.
[6]: Well, gay not as in me=homophobic, but...
[7]: 'Tis something tactical, guys. Don't believe me, go ask Wenger.
[9]: Not wanting to sound sarcastic nor am I insinuating anything, but at least give Moyes some credit over something which Ser A.Fergie failed to accomplish all the while.
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