DISCLAIMER!
I never have any first hand experience with the original novels (A Song of Ice and Fire) or the HBO series (A Game of Thrones). Anything and everything here is an anal-ysis because you might see quite a lot of ass pull here. Any nicknames not in lieu with the SOP is done by me.
WARNING!
Vulgarities ahead! Do not progress if you're under 16. See? I'm pretty democratic to let people choose, right?
INTRO
There's a troll...
by the Yahoo! forums right
He has no name
And I don't know even the gender's name
A bot, spambot
Maybe so lah lah lah lah lah...
AGAIN, LET'S WELCOME THE MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD OF HOUSE BARATHEON AND FOREVERMORE!
So who is Joffrey Baratheon? [1] Simply put, he's a literal bastard. Robert Baratheon thought he had a son. Apparently, only a sucker would trust a Lannister. Actually, that doesn't mean anything here since the Boltons and Freys are equally far flung into the nebula of all things fucking betrayers (More on that if I can do a Robb Stark in the future).
Of course we all know an inbred will always be an inbred. It's not about whether Hitler was a Mackem. [*] At least Cersei "the Bitch" Lannister wasn't one. Ditto for her twin bro Jaime "the Lion" Lannister. Incest can be pretty fun until your rightful husband met up with an "accident". Funnily enough, the Targaryens didn't have a beef with that. I mean the incest part, although every Baratheon must die.
Now how do we define a literal bastard apart from the dubious birthright? Jon Snow is a bastard, but he's not a literal one. Ramsay Bolton on the other hand is a literal one.
Case in point: Problematic processing+problematic education=What is being said here.
SHIT 1: HOW TO SCREW YOUR OWN HOUSE
Firstly, allow me to say that Robert Baratheon is a fat bastard. Literally. He's a good knight, but he sucked horrendously as a king. [2] If I want to be fair, Renly would have been a better king (which shouldn't be seen as a compliment since it's House Baratheon we're talking about. Stannis included, of course!).
In a very real sense, Robert didn't care any two cent's worth about Joffrey, and one can virtually conclude that Robert created this little bugger. [3] But unfortunately, Joffrey deserved his final fate. I'd hate to be a jerk, but seriously if you can get so idiotic unto executing Eddard Stark right IN the public, you're a certified moron. No one said Ned shouldn't die. But if an underhanded SOB like Varys can get so disgusted with you, it means something. If a loyal steward like Barristan Selmy can assume a bloke like Stannis is able to take over your throne with ease, it means you're far worse off than a temperamental zealot. If you think this is the best alternative despite other truly more effective means (pulling off a Jon Arynn would be a no-go by then. Varys' proposal for Ned to take on the black would be the most ideal since that will effectively remove him from all things politics).
Moral of the story: Bastard didn't kill Robb in a one-on-one. Rather, Robb should have owned him had it not for the Frey-Bolton double act. Plus the Karstarks as well. But still, this is something far dumber than the American Civil War. At least the Confederation had a legit political reason to declare the Secession.
SHIT 2: NO ONE LOVES YOU
Lannister politics can be so wonderful. Firstly, can we call Sansa Stark as the greatest proof of injustice done? Actually, injustice is how the Lannisters survive and thrive. Back then, Tywin called a bluff on King Aerys the Mad. Robert Baratheon, Jon Arynn and Ned were merely the more recent victims (and that's discounting the Tysha farce, which ironically won Tywin the Best Karma Award). And yes, how can we forget the Kingslayer himself? If there's any decency left in the family, it will be to respect your elders. Joffrey preferred to shit on Uncle Tyrion's head and Grandpa Tywin's shining pate. It's that simple. Even Mama Cersei would have admitted that she will make a better ruler (which to be fair is only a wee bit better). Remember Grandpa Tywin's famous special? Tyrion got a taste of that before and it's really shocking to see that short fellow agreeing with his daddy dearest. Or maybe not so much since Tyrion has stated his nephew would have been far more crazier than King Aerys the Mad himself. And to think that dead bloke himself tried to roast down the entire King's Landing before Jaime turned face/heel.
P.S: If you piss off Tywin, you better pray that your girlfriend is hundred percent safe. There's a lurking dog called Gregor Clegane. Period. x.x
Add P.S: If the Kingslayer can look down on his own son, it means that he could pretty much off that brat in the same breath as well. Remember folks, even the Lannisters fear Jaime for a very good reason.
Final P.S: Bloody asshole should have been dismembered during the Riot of King's Landing. But still getting poisoned during your wedding seems pretty...
FINAL SHIT: NO ONE CRIES FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY AS GOOD AS FUCK
Remember that false boast on killing Robb in a one-on-one? He tried to make a big show in doing what King Herod had done to John the Baptist post-execution. That's the dumbest shit I've ever seen. If he thinks himself as an untouchable, then maybe he should reassess the state of King's Landing first. The fact that Robb died a timely freak death doesn't mean anything if the blokes from the North and Riverrun refused to bend over backwards. At most, only the Freys and Boltons will surely side with him. Yet being the Holy Trinity Of All Things Betrayal they truly are, it will be far more plausible for King Bastard to get himself into the customary "accident". Plus we still don't know how crazy the Ironborn can get so long as they are still under the Greyjoy banner. Remember Tywin's Grandpa Famous Special? Yes, guys. That was when he said the magic words and Tyrion agreed with him despite being a victim, just to reiterate my point. King Aerys the Third? Sounds good to me if we can have another Kingslayer. Or best come to best, that real Original Deal.
Also, one very interesting episode here. Apparently, Tyrion is a capable troll by making Joffrey spill the beans. Valyrian steel can be so efficient unto the extent where Bran ACTUALLY survived the hitman.
And so comes the real moolah: It's one thing to drink poisoned wine and quite another to have spectators looking on as if you're that dumb fuck you truly are. Of course Tyrion and Sansa weren't responsible for the scheme (but still Tyrion would be far more willing of the two by my own guess). Amazingly enough, the fact that you're an old crone doesn't mean you should be senile.
[According to Littefinger, Olenna knew Mace dreamed of his daughter
Margaery becoming Queen and for that they needed a king, but they did
not need Joffrey.]
Source: A Wiki of Ice and Fire
[1]: Joffrey should NOT be confused with another guy bearing a similar name. That bloke I know of doesn't go by the surname Baratheon. And besides, he's still alive and kicking. :D
[2]: I do NOT claim credit for this analogy. Ser Barristan Selmy should be credited here. Even though he's fictional.
[3]: No offense intended towards any homosexuals. At least I don't use the f-word.
P.S: Rangerboi in any context shouldn't be confused with the Night's Watch. Although I'm seeing a Bastard of Baratheon wannabe somewhere here.
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