So to do yet another trollololol(?) before I scoot off for work...

But it's premeditated to be fair. Like when I started off on that Jaime-Katayoku no Tori post. :P

Lyrics

So should this be counted as trolling?

Because I truly doubt a lot of people will treat anime/manga seriously. Read: Stuff most for kids (Note: The songs count as well).

So who will be next?

CK, you made me do this...

I don't always avenge your father and brother, but when I do...

Warning!

Swearing with aplomb inside! Proceed with caution and a decent brain please.

Note!

I've never had any first hand experience with the novels let alone HBO itself. Therefore, do not be surprised at any glaring screw ups. That Jon Snow post N ages ago has surely stressed me out by now. x.x

So who is Jaime Lannister?

Okay, enough of the memes. Let's do one decent montage...

Moral of the story: It's good to be a Jaime Lannister fan, but not so much for the others.

So how did GRRM describe him?

He is considered to be extremely handsome, his tall frame complemented with comely features and "a smile that cut like a knife." ~source: A Wiki of Ice and Fire

We all know what SPG stands for. And it's not Sarong Party Guy. That's my self-invented parody/satire. No seriously, it truly stands for all things negative stereotypes. [1] Simply put, one could say that Jaime's Sarong Party is... well, indeed that damned desirable I guess. But if you think he's your lover-boy material, please think twice.

"a smile that cut like a knife."

I re-pasted this part for a very good reason. Is he a certified psycho? To be fair, I've seen worse off blokes like the Super Clegane Bros, Ramsay Bolton, and Euron Greyjoy. [2]

I won't really bill him as a nutjob mainly because he's still capable of rational thinking 24/7. More on that later on...

Direct contrasts: Before vs After

Early in the series, Jaime comes across as arrogant, amoral, and dishonorable...
~source: A Wiki of Ice and Fire

He's pretty much your everyday Lannister due that final word. [3] Yet, it can be argued that Jaime's subsequent development wasn't really something out of the blue, but something much closer to the Kingslayer of yore, i.e Jaime the idealistic Lannister, NOT Jaime the cynical Lannister.

So any difference between a Kingsguard and the Kingslayer?

For Jaime's case, maybe not that much. Jaime the Kingsguard had something to fight for, ditto for Jaime the Kingslayer also. Let's talk a bit about King Aerys Targaryen II. He's utterly crazy, but it's not his fault. Tywin was the indirect cause due to his conservative approach during the Defiance of Duskendale. Granted paranoia is never the best way to reward your ministers in-charge, yet Operation Hijack was that one event bringing the house down. The greatest victims of them all? Dead people and a living Lannister.

Firstly, Aerys' refusal to wed Rhaegar with Cersei played a major role in this political wrangle. Tywin wasn't a happy Lannister, that's why Aerys decided to give one more middle salute. By instilling Jaime as part of the Kingsguard, the resultant oath sworn taken would mean House Lannister will never have a heir. As it turned out later on, Aerys' greatest decision would be his greatest act of unintentional suicide.

Strike two will be the fact that Jaime had to endure His batshit crazy Majesty. One particular episode of note would be Queen Rhaella's lot in marriage. Let's ignore the fact that the Targs are incest-bait, let's talk about the fact that the royal marriage was one without love. Long story short, Aerys abusing his queen both physically and sexually was a recipe for mind rape.

As per Ser Jon Darry's reply to poor young Jaime's question of protecting the queen, it's all about protecting Queen Rhaella from everybody BAR King Aerys himself. Spoken like a true knight there, bro. Pragmatic asshole obeying rules painted in red ftw. To think why people castigated Ser Jaime Lannister as an asshole for breaking the rules...

And please don't give me the crap excuse stating Jaime was still young. He had taken the vow for fuck's sake! So don't tell me he didn't know a shit about the rules.

Quintessentially, cynics could virtually call the entire Kingsguard a craven organisation. Never to question nor making their doubts known, this also means people like Ser Barristan Selmy and Ser Arthur Dayne were not that dissimilar to Oathbreakers like Jon Arynn, Robert Baratheon, and Eddard (Ned) Stark.

Strike three is Jaime's dilemma on whether it's truly right to judge his King even though he's truly in the wrong. [4] Again, yet another yes-man in the form of Ser Gerold Hightower invoked a logic similar to Jon Darry's. That as members of the Kingsguard, none should be judging the King, but rather guarding the King.

To me, it's not so much of courtly red tape, but legit worries of going overboard in terms of rightful duty. Then again, this will also mean King Aerys tell you to go and die, you must go and die. Tell you to go rape your daughter, no choice, go suck thumb. Would the likes of Gerold Hightower and Jon Darry obey such an absurd command once their time comes? I fear they will.

They said a King is the ruler of a kingdom, I say a King is the symbol of a kingdom. How your people fare depends on you as the King, not the other ass backwards order. In such an event tantamount to non-commonsense logic, things like good and noble people breaking their oaths will be your greatest birthday present ever. Full stop.

So if logic above implies Jaime the Kingslayer, then what about Jaime the Kingsguard?

That boy had wanted to be Ser Arthur Dayne, but someplace along the way he had become the Smiling Knight instead. [5]

This was Jaime's musing someplace along the way. Ser Arthur Dayne was a certified badass even though he's forced to be a yes-man just like the rest back then. In fact, via Bran's vision, Ned actually commented that... Dayne would have killed him "but for Howland Reed."

So who's the Smiling Knight?

Let's just say he's a psychotic fucker who can kill the shit out of anyone easily.

Case in point: It took Ser Badass Arthur Dayne a prolonged duel to kill him. Before that, Jaime managed to fend him off when they briefly crossed swords. Given how Jaime got warped by events all too major, it's only natural for him to over-analyse his predicament. [6]

Ironically enough, I believe he's a lot more of a Ser Arthur Dayne than the Smiling Knight. Remember why he earned the Kingslayer moniker?

So do you obey a mad fucker even though he's wearing a golden crown?

Long story short, Rhaegar took Lyanna Stark away [7] and Brandon Stark decided that being a loudmouth asshole is the best way out. Come the end, not only did Brandon die a horrible death through strangulation, daddy Rickard Stark also got roasted alive. Aerys demanded the heads of Robert and Ned next, this was to be Jon Arryn's only answer:

Now Jaime was not an idiot, for constant observation equals to constant surveillance. This young lion could never predict what Aerys will do next, but it also means any danger signs would be all too apparent. If you cannot predict accurately, assume accurately. Surely for good, Aerys decided that a roasted King's Landing would be the perfect landing gift for all usurpers. However, that's only under the worst case scenario where rebel forces would huff, and puff, and blow King's Landing down. [8]

Of course once Tywin turned heel into Aerys' face, everything kicked into gear. Jaime was ordered to bring his father's head to him with insidious preparations underway. If there's any major failure on Aerys' part, it would be Jaime learning how to maintain a facade.

Initially, "going away inside" means blocking oneself away from reality. That's Jaime's only way in maintaining sanity, it ended up being the only way where Aerys would never suspect him. As it turned out, Jaime DID slay Aerys and quite a good number of his cronies.

All for his father's sake? I say he did it for the people at King's Landing as well. In between a resultant sack or firestorm, Jaime could only choose one. It's either the lesser of two evils or he could just say "fuck it, ragequit."

Tywin's success was only a by-product of Jaime's decision because the young lion's intent was far towards making a clean break with his demons.

Of course, I believe Jaime cared for the folks out there even though the Sack of King's Landing was nothing less than a humane atrocity. To him, failure in making the correct choice would only mean living out a meaningless life. Dead man walking ftmfw.

House Darwinism - Part 1

Firstly, let's touch on his capability. Nothing inhumane since we're not talking about Plotkai. GRRM is way beyond Kubo Tite's level anyway. vOv

An able warrior:

Fella's a real talent in this field. At the age of thirteen, he won his first tourney melee. Two years later, Ser Arthur Dayne knighted him on the battlefield. This was the same conflict with the Smiling Knight. Being the Kingsguard under a holy order? Blame it on that Once and Future Bitch.

A sharp analyser

We first detected signs of this during his years around Aerys. Escapist mentality do have unintentional consequences [9] after all. During his fallen years without his right hand, Jaime managed to make everything count on the learning process.
Without this capability honed by disability, there's no way he could coerce Edmure Tully to surrender. [10]
Without this capability honed by physical disability, there's no way he could settle the siege at Raventree Hall through diplomacy alone.
And above all, he tried giving his best political counsel to Cersei and uncle Kevan. [11]

A fast learner?

It still remains to be seen on where Ilyn Payne will take this one. Indeed Ilyn Payne is a proven badass. [12] Of course whether Jaime will regain his former glory remains to be seen, let alone surpassing himself. Given GRRM's way of doing things though, chances are that we won't. [13]

Lannister Darwinism Part 2

Demons, demons and more demons

"I left my wife and children in your hands".

~Rhaegar Targaryen

Was Elia Martell and her two children's fate something rigged? To be fair, that wasn't part of Tywin's intent. Above everything else, Jaime failed in his line of duty. Said duty entrusted unto his hands wasn't ordered by Aerys, but rather holy orders given by Rhaegar Targaryen himself. Simply put, Jaime trampled on his own honour out of necessity. Again, he would have most likely knew about Aerys' plot since the plan was drafted way before the fateful Battle of the Trident (plus Rhaegar's death in process as well). As it turned out, everything went terribly wrong and Jaime was never able to forgive himself since. Not even currently by my own reckoning.

Redemption and She-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named

Jaime is indeed someone hell bent on redemption. Back then, his only feelings for Aerys was contempt born from helplessness
.

For Cersei, we need to go a bit more in depth. Firstly, Jaime's past life was a life full of killing and fucking. Cersei's version is all about dominating and fucking. After episode final shag, however, things spiralled downhill.

The greatest question is why?

Brienne of Tarth. I believe she's the answer. I'm an ardent Jaime x Brienne shipper, but that's another thing reserved for another day. In an actual sense, Brienne was Jaime's shock therapist. The dynamic duo didn't get along well at the beginning, their bonds grew stronger later on. Minus all the romantic speculation, I believe Jaime saw in her what he should have been rather than what he had been. Where this would take his future journey remains to be seen, but most likely he'll die a tragic death in trying.

Guess GRRM will pull off this face for all the correct fanbase reasons:

P.S: Have to stop here now. I could and should have gone further especially Cersei's role, but it's really damned late now at night now. :(

[1]: Not intended as Xiaxue bashing. I value my family despite me still single, thank you very much.

[2]: "Balon was mad, Aeron is madder, and Euron is the maddest of them all"

[3]: "A Lannister always pays his debts."

[4]: If you think this is me politicizing stuff, you're overestimating this SGH porter here.

[5]: "I learned from Ser Arthur Dayne , the sword of the morning, who could have slain all five of you with his left hand while he was taking a piss with his right." ~ Proof that you're following a badass idol

[6]: Nothing to do with Mr Eric Soh here. Or even myself for that matter. -.-'

[7]: And we all can guess the rest where this fella is concerned.

[8]: Which isn't saying anything much anyway given the situation by then.

[9]: Now if only I can know where did I stash that damned thing...

[10]: No one tosses a Frey. At least not from a trebuchet.

[11]: Not to be confused with another Keven. This is for those in my workplace.

[12]: And so is Podrick Payne as well. Badass family ftw.

[13]: Remember Ned, guys?

 

"I think it passing odd that I am loved by one for a kindness I never did, and reviled by so many for my finest act."

So just doing something for the sake of doing it...

I blame Mr Eric Soh for that sudden mention of the word "radiographer" for no reason at all during our fellowship dinner outing@Jurong Bird Park. Or maybe that's just me thinking too much. Mr Eric Soh was indeed right. Too much analyzing can be bad for you. And to think why Mr Eric Soh had said during the evening that he's no role model. -.-;

Jialat. My mother now liakuong alrdy. My sister also. Lucky I haven't kenna yet.

So now let's talk about the Three Lannisters...

Because if I use the term "Lions", I will risk people saying I pro-colonist, I pro-FT, I pro-PAP. Hell, they'll even accuse me of being a S(arong) P(arty) G(uy) just only because I've said before that I prefer a pathetic English team in red over my very own pathetic national team in red. Therefore, due to that animal symbol called the Lion, I decided to stir up some major shit.

Warning Note!

I'm now feeling very damned twisted for no reason.

The Swearing Lannister

The Cokehead Lannister

The Mabuk Lannister

 

There should be a Lannister no.4. However, rumours has it that Tywin threw the baby out of the window years ago.

That kenna-buang Lannister

Of course Tywin should keep that baby back then because this symbol should make him proud...

But then again, maybe there's a reason why Tywin did his very own Pak-buang

So let's talk cock on one unknown bloke in cheena history

If you think this title sounds racist, good. Because you all have failed to understand a satirical piece of humour steeped in the mechanism of e-xenophobia here from good ol'SG.

Of course before that, I'm compelled to stir up some shit due to some funny vote spamming spat.

Yes, let's reset the entire order of priorities because this typing lobo here is gonna get barracked for good.

“吾乃汝南陈叔至也！汝等犬辈速来送死！”

[征西忠克...猛将之烈。
──赞陈叔至

叔至名到，汝南人也。自豫州随先主，名位常亚赵云，俱以忠勇称。建兴初，官至永安都督、征西将军，封亭侯。]

《三国志/卷45；蜀书十五：邓张宗杨传》

Trans: 

[He Who Conquers the West is loyal and steadfast...Foremost of the bravest.

~in praise of Chen Shuzhi

Shuzhi, named Dao. A native of Runan. Following the First Lord (Liu Bei) from the Yu Province, his status for a long period, was second only to Zhao Yun while being famed for his loyalty and valour. During the first year of Jianxing, his rank reached unto the Grand Supervisor of Yongan and the General Who Conquers the West with the title of Marquis bestowed to him as well.]

(Records of the Three Kingdoms/Forty Fith Scroll; Book of Shu Chapter Fifteen: Accounts of Deng, Zhang, Zong, Yang)

My take: Okay, guys. Let's just face it. [1] Nothing much was known about Chen Dao, hence one post is enough to kill off the issue. [2] Firstly, it's apparent that Chen Dao was a veteran along the same mention of Zhao Yun, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.

In fact, I suspect the only reason why Luo Guan Zhong didn't put him in was down to a sore lack in historical proof in terms of deeds rather than existence. Yet, to be labeled as Zhao Yun's second means he's truly badass.

Albeit an unsung badass. [3]

Or an underrated badass. [4]

Alternatively, we can call him That Unknown Badass. [5]

And of course to Liu Bei, he's That Badass Bodyguard.

Am I joking here? Well, it might seem that way, but trust me when I say it's not. Check this out, guys:

[兄嫌白帝兵非精练，到所督则先主帐下白毦，西方上兵也。嫌其少也，当复部分江州兵以广益之。]

《与兄瑾书》

Trans:

[My brother dearest deemed the soldiers at Bai Di were not strong, yet those under (Chen)Dao's supervision were the elite White Cloaks under the First Lord's camp, superior warriors from the West. Yet due to small numbers, you must allocate a portion of the Jiangzhou soldiers as reinforcements.]

(Letters to Dearest Brother Zhuge Jin)

Note: This letter was most likely intended for Li Yan (李严) when he took over the forces at Jiangzhou. Back then, Li Yan was taking over Zhao Yun's military duties at Jiangzhou due to Zhuge Liang's decision to mobilize him and Deng Zhi to the Hanzhong area. [6]

My take: Via what was being said here, it's apparent that Chen Dao was defending the fortress of Baidi, which was actually part Yongan. Yongan was used to be known as Yufu (鱼复) back during Liu Zhang's days as the ruler of the Yi Province.

Indeed it was the first checkpoint for Zhuge Liang, Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun during the Battle of the Yi Province when they arrived from the Jing Province. Ever since Guan Yu lost the plot [7], Liu Bei's portion of the area was taken over by Sun Quan. Since then, it's only truly like Zhuge Liang to be wary of any backstabbing coming from Sun Wu. [8]

At the same time, it was speculated on where the White Cloaks hailed from. Generally, there have been three theories:

1. The term West is taken within the context of the Liang Province (凉州). The area was towards the western side of central China. Back during his shit stirring days, Ma Chao was based in that area with Han Sui (韩遂) as the other major power preparing to give Cao Cao a lot of shit. After his final failure at Mount Qi (祁山) [9], his followers could be seen as soldiers from the West.

2. West in another context means the area of the Yi Province itself due to its geographical location. At the same time, it's worthy to note that there's a great deal of minority tribes flourishing there. [10] Simply put, it could be conjectured that these foreign mofos [11] are the White Cloaks.

3. The final option for the unknown answer is the fact that the Governor of Xu Province (徐州牧) Tao Qian (陶谦) gave Liu Bei a 4K worth of manpower. And from the area of Danyang (丹扬) no less. Back then, Danyang was the land of all blokes badassery. If I can draw a parallel from the modern era, I can virtually associate these mofos with the Israeli military. An elite system built upon cold hard steel. [12] Given that Liu Bei was being made the Envoy of Yu Province (豫州刺史), it's a no-brainer that Chen Dao actually joined his lord far earlier than Zhao Yun. [13]

Proof: 

[谦以丹杨兵四千益先主...谦表先主为豫州刺史...]

《三国志：先主传》

My take: It sure takes donkey years to nurture an elite force of men. [14] The White Cloaks were nowhere different. Given Liu Bei's life as a drifter [15], it's very likely that there was not much infrastructure to develop any notable army of mass destruction until his days at the Jing Province. [16] In fact, Liu Bei's years as the boss of Yi Province had never lasted beyond a decade's span. [17]

 Simply put, my best guess will be the Law of Military Darwinism [18].

My only reason for putting this up: I too lazy to go Google image search.

Additional info:

...留[护军]陈到驻永安...

《三国志：李严传》

Analysis: The key word is that one in brackets. Back then, that was Chen Dao's current status by the time Zhuge Liang's holy orders hit home. The term 护军 means Army Protector literally. The general scope of power lies in supervision of the army and manpower allocation within the frontline troops.

Interestingly enough, the main army actually consists of four sub-armies. Namely the Front Army (前军), Rear Army(后军), Left Army (左军) and Right Army (右军). Plus the Middle Army (中军) where the chief commander would be situated.

Note: The part on manpower allocation was something I've gleaned via the internet quite some time back. Simply put, there's nothing much of an info on how the military hierarchy worked in terms of portfolios and what you've seen here is mere speculations/conjecture/analysis. Amazingly enough, a brief glance on the Three Kingdoms era alone would indicate that one must have a keen strategic mind to fulfill such a role. Apart from Zhou Yu, Zhao Yun and this Chen Dao, the rest were actually strategists, not strictly men of war. Yes, Zhou Yu was a military man first and foremost. Surprising, huh? But then again, no one actually ended up calling Lu Meng a moron as well. Bloody Sun Quan really got a lot of intelligent blokes at his disposal. >.<

And lastly because I feel like it:

The Battle of Dangyang Changban (长坂坡之战)

The Battle of Red Cliff (赤壁之战)

The Battle of Yi Province (益州之战)

These are the major battles Liu Bei had gone through before his Decade of Glory (give or take nine to ten years to be exact; i.e. AD 215 to AD 223). Back then, he didn't have that much of a shit luck with enough manpower for a proper Cabinet. Apparently, attempts to create a political balance might had shafted some fellas really hard although talks of Zhao Yun being one of them is a certified bullshit debunked. [19] Not too sure about Chen Dao though because no one can and will give an accurate date on when he received the Army Protector title. Interestingly enough:

汉中之战

猇亭之战

These are the two battles in which Chen Dao might have major chances to shine. If so, then he definitely had grabbed them with both hands due to him being Liu Bei's Badass Bodyguard. The fact that the Battle of Xiaoting is more famously known as the Battle of Yiling (夷陵之战) only served to GAR-ify this unknown badass.

[1]: Wow, did I spam too much of that phrase?
[2]: Despite whatever Snake will want to say, this is not mocking S3 Tan. After all, I didn't spam anything here.
[3]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Boateng
[4]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juninho_Paulista
[5]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinobi
[6]: Future events unfolding later would be snowballed into the War of Jieting (马谡丢街亭). Or perhaps better known as Zhang He Says Hi (张颌来问安).
[7]: Together with his head. Literally.
[8]: Truthfully started off as Lu Su mara Guan Yu (鲁肃骂人，关羽举白旗). 人家耍赖, 没法子。。。.
[9]: Or better known as kannachi by Wang Yi (王异踹人，无人可挡).
[10]: Which basically means apartheid was not an option nor the answer as well.
[11]: No intent of e-xenophobia here.
[12]: No intent of e-vitriol here.
[13]: Apart from the fact that Zhao Yun knew Liu Bei quite earlier.
[14]: If you think I'm laughing at the Gov here, you've most likely failed your maths. What's the answer for 2+2?
[15]: Or better known A Series of Unfortunate Events. Not this one though.
[16]: First half was a 3-0 score due to Liu Biao (刘表) being a moron in his own right. Full time ended up 7-0 because Sun Quan became the new face of opposition by then.
[17]: Isn't it sad, Liu Bei?
[18]: You all don't have to bother Googling for this term. I made that up myself anyway.
[19]: Someone must have been guilty of burning the books.

So is there anything more to fill in? I guess I might as well round things off with this: