Literally the most intelligent bastard ever... (Part 3)

Both ears blocked, can't wait for 2nd of May. If the wording seems wonky, do not be surprised.

[平遂至修武降汉，因魏无知求见汉王，汉王召入。是时万石君奋为汉王中涓，受平谒，入见平。平等七人俱进，赐食。王曰：“罢，就舍矣。”

平曰：“臣为事来，所言不可以过今日。”

于是汉王与语而说之，问曰：“子之居楚何官？”

曰：“为都尉。”

是日乃拜平为都尉，使为参乘，典护军。诸将尽讙，曰：“大王一日得楚之亡卒，未知其高下，而即与同载，反使监护军长者！”

汉王闻之，愈益幸平。遂与东伐项王。至彭城，为楚所败。引而还，收散兵至荥阳，以平为亚将，属于韩王信，军广武。

绛侯、灌婴等咸谗陈平曰：“平虽美丈夫，如冠玉耳，其中未必有也。臣闻平居家时，盗其嫂；事魏不容，亡归楚；归楚不中，又亡归汉。今日大王尊官之，令护军。臣闻平受诸将金，金多者得善处，金少者得恶处。平，反复乱臣也，愿王察之。”

汉王疑之，召让魏无知。无知曰：“臣所言者，能也；陛下所问者，行也。今有尾生、孝己之行而无益处于胜负之数，陛下何暇用之乎？楚汉相距，臣进奇谋之士，顾其计诚足以利国家不耳。且盗嫂受金又何足疑乎？”

汉王召让平曰：“先生事魏不中，遂事楚而去，今又从吾游，信者固多心乎？”

平曰：“臣事魏王，魏王不能用臣说，故去事项王。项王不能信人，其所任爱，非诸项即妻之昆弟，虽有奇士不能用，平乃去楚。闻汉王之能用人，故归大王。臣裸身来，不受金无以为资。诚臣计划有可采者，顾大王用之；使无可用者，金具在，请封输官，得请骸骨。”

汉王乃谢，厚赐，拜为护军中尉，尽护诸将。诸将乃不敢复言。]

《史记: 陈丞相世家》

Trans:

[Ping travelled all the way to Xiuwu in a bid to defect towards Han, the King of Han approved his plea through Wei Wuzhi's request. At the same time, Ping also managed to convince the Central Minister at that time to grant him an audience. After he and six others were granted admittance and food, the King stated: "Dismiss, all of you may depart now."

Ping then said: "I have serious matters to discuss, for come tomorrow I will have no chance."

Thus the King of Han engaged Ping in a dialogue, after which he asked: "What is your standing during your days in Chu?"

Ping replied: "As the Grand Commander."

On the same day, Ping was made the Grand Commander together with the right to travel alongside the King and overseeing the duty of protecting the army. However, all the generals soon spoke slandering words, advising: "He's merely a defected general from Chu and O'King you have yet to gauge his capability! Thus it's a folly to let one like him travelling alongside and supervising the officers!"

Upon hearing such words, the King of Han chose to favour Ping even more as Ping accompanied the army to fight the King of Xiang. Unto city of Peng, the Chu forces defeated them. The Han forces managed to stage an organized retreat all the way back to Xingyang where Ping was made the Second General under King of Han, Xin, his forces stationed at Guangwu.

The Marquis of Jiang together with the likes of Guan Ying again chose to slander Chen Ping, stating: "Ping may be a man of handsome stature akin to the finest jade, but he is not all he seems to be. We have heard that he used to have an affair with his brother's wife while at home; after defecting from Wei, he pledged allegiance to Chu. He was not happy at Chu, hence coming to Han. Now that O'King you have honoured him and entrusted duties of protecting the army unto him, we have heard Ping accepting bribery from the generals. Those offering more ended up profiting, those offering less would gain only disfavour. Ping is indeed a disloyal official bringing about chaos, hence we humbly ask O'King you to investigate."

The King of Han grew wary as he summoned Wei Wuzhi. Wuzhi thus said: "As a humble vassal serving you, O'King, I will only recommend men of talent and nothing more. O'King you are asking about character. What service will the likes of Wei Sheng and Xiao Ji offer should we unable to secure victory? The conflict between Chu and Han is the reason why your humblest servant recommend people of military capability unseen before. I only mind whatever gambit and sincerity he has to offer, so why should his credibility play a part?"

The King of Han then summoned Ping, stating: "O'Adviser you have defected from Wei firstly, after which you ended up defecting from Chu. Now you have chosen to follow me, why is it men who believe can be so fickle?"

Ping replied: "Your humblest servant left the King of Wei because he refused my advice, hence departing for the King of Xiang. Yet, the King of Xiang is a distrustful one, only those close to him will be appointed with great duties. He's unable to use men of unseen talent, thus Ping left Chu. Word has reached to me that the King of Han has an eye for talent, that's why I pledged allegiance to you, O'King. I came before you back then with nothing, I merely hope O'King you are able to use my talent. If I can't offer anything in return, my riches are still around with my post ready for removal and a request for death also."

The King of Han thus offered his apologies and rewarded Ping handsomely. He made Ping the Central Commander Who Protects the Army, every general was to be subjected under his jurisdiction and protection as a result. From thereon, no one in the military dared to utter any word.]

《Annals of History: Record of Chancellor Chen》

Analysis: Can't stupid people give a poor talent a break? Cut him some slack lah! But firstly, let me explain the role of a Central Minister. This is a post quite similar to the Central Chamberlain during the Three Kingdoms era apart from a different naming. In fact just like the Central Chamberlain, this was a post where granting of audience will be decided by such an individual. The big **** back then was truly a big ****. Back then, the big **** in question was Shi Fen (石奋) aka Lord of Ten Thousand Stones (万石君). This was someone who can be trusted, Chen Ping knew this as well. In short, no $$$, only myself.

At the same time, he also managed to convince another Wei Wuzhi upon basis of whatever he's capable of. Of course Liu Bang wasn't that impressed with the Magnificent Seven until Chen Ping managed to bugger him down with just one simple message. It's now or never, make or break. Either he would fulfill his dream of making his name known or he would go bust for life.

Needless to say, Liu Bang was truly impressed by this handsome phenom, hence asking about his CV. Back then, the resultant appointment created a stir among his men because they doubted his ability (which basically gets to show how anal the acceptable East Asian model was back then).

Liu Bang's reply?

Now the thing with Chen Ping's post is this: Back then, he's still the same ol' Grand Commander. Grand Commander within this context is a major post where the central government is concerned. In short, such post was entitled an absolute power over military deployment. So long every decision made was to be within your own territory, i.e. for defensive/reinforcement purposes, everything's legit. This was a post offered to Chen Ping when he was under Xiang Yu and Liu Bang chose to go one up better. No, make that two up better. By granting Chen Ping the right to accompany and duty to protect and supervise the army, Liu Bang might have created his greatest controversial moment yet. Until we end up realising Liu Bang had always been a controversy during his time pre-unification (quite a bit like a certain Senhor Mou if I say so myself).

And the trust actually reaped dividends. The Grand Commander post was for Chen Ping should Liu Bang choose to redeploy him back to whatever home base he had. Yet, the power to mobilise whatever military backup from the home base still applies all the same. The one manning the fort back then was Xiao He (and possibly Cao Shen as well), but he could only boss the logistics and fortifying whatever fort available, be it manpower or any other resources. In short, any defensive deployment would most likely go through Chen Ping beforehand with Xiao He being the boss in his absence.

As for protecting/supervising the army, this was a system created by the Qin dynasty (or maybe even earlier due to the Qin military already being advanced prior to unifying the other six warring states). Supervising the generals would ensure discipline and a minimal risk of mutiny. Protecting them would mean allocating whatever manpower available. In accordance to Minghui-matics, it should go something like this:

I give General A 5000 men=General A has 5000 men.

I give General B 4000 men=General B has 4000 men.

I give Zhao Yun only this much manpower=Cao Cao's entire backup pwned

Now given the nature of defeat inflicted by Xiang Yu, it would take a stupid ass to assume Chen Ping wasn't a talent. You see, Xiang Yu not only had a far superior military back then, he also had his ah-kong to thank. In short, one does not simply **** around with Fan Zeng [范增].

Insider's joke: Problem, RP?

Yet, we must also understand that without Chen Ping's meticulous calculation, there's no way Liu Bang's forces could ever rally on time. Xiang Yu has always been an aggressive individual and come making war, he won't end up making love (quite a far cry from you, Robb *le sob*). In short, if you're a capable boss and you generals don't do things like a boss, you can only rely on advisers truly like a boss. Zhang Liang was far more about dealing with circumstances, Chen Ping was all about dealing with people. According to Minghui-matics...

2+2=4

4+4=8

This is Zhang Liang.

2+2=4

1+1+1+1=4

3+1=4

2 x 2 =4

This is Chen Ping.

2+2 means analysing the problem; 4 means solving the problem.

8 means how to kill off the problem; the rest means how to make use of the problem. 

Problem, my most hated secondary school subject?

Then we have Chen Ping playing second fiddle in the aftermath. Seems kenna demoted until we realised who's his immediate boss...

Oh and one more thing: Guangwu has always been regarded as an important military buffer zone and Liu Bang put Chen Ping there. Go figure, people.

In the end, still GOT people complaining. This time, we no comprain abt class, we comprain abt crass. Interestingly enough, there was absolutely NO evidence behind whatever charges levelled by Zhou Bo, Guan Ying, etc (And that's still given Zhou Bo being certified as Chen Ping's inferior. That's why he ragequit (?) halfway during Wen Emperor's reign). Call me a jerk, but apart from Zhou Bo [周勃] and Han Xin, the rest of Liu Bang's generals were only there to kill other generals (Notably enough, it was one of these orang bodoh who saved Liu Bang's son from Xiang Yu's most horrendous death penalty. Take a bow, Xiahou Ying [夏侯婴]. You really deserve my respect. Fan Kuai [樊哙] however still can only kill dogs).

So how, Liu Bang? He summoned Wei Wuzhi (since fella was the one recommending that lobo prince) and Wuzhi actually gave his boss an intelligent answer. (Wei Sheng is historical person known as a steadfast lover while Xiao Ji is known as a filial son)

Come Chen Ping's turn, he managed to execute a Level Max technique entitled "I swear to speak nothing, but the truth". Liu Bang finally repented (since he ended up asking stupid questions) and gave Chen Ping a truly badass and kickass post. It's called the Central Commander Who Protects the Army.

Now this was a post which would grant Chen Ping absolute power in man-deployment. Not only did he have the power to supervise, it's also very likely that he also had the power to mobilise freely whatever manpower in the middle of war itself, hence the term "...every general was to be subjected under his jurisdiction and protection..." Basically, that means his previous status would only allow him to deploy the troops before battle since the term "protecting the army" is a major tad different from the term "protecting the generals".

Moral of the story:

This is Liu Bang's reply to every slanderous bastard slandering ever after.

P.S: I really like this song, nothing to do with the post/whatever personal

Lyrics

Add P.S: Shit, now both ears blocked again after dripping ear drop.

Since I have no life beyond my blog...

I might as well go all the way. Even though my colleagues and bosses ended up asking me that same ol' question a few days ago...

A/N: I don't need to explain why I'm doing this stupid post because the world is full of stupid things anyway...

Actually by doing this stupid post, I've already proven myself as a hypocrite.

Will we be listening to the Bee Gees come end of next mid week?

Foreword: I suddenly realised I got no life, I only have a blog and a desire to write fantasy and football. I realised despite me being a blogger, I'm nowhere more famous/richer/better looking than other blogger(s). In fact, I may end up being a poor Christian for life because I don't even earn 2K per month.

Yes, the above statement is just pure drivel. But anyway, we all know the Beatles and we all should know the Bee Gees as well (not to mention ABBA as well due to that $$$ song). You see, there's a very famous song by this legendary trio and it's called Stayin' Alive...

Either way, this song will be sung both before and during the 2nd leg of what is arguably make or break for the future of Fútbol Español. [1] In fact, that two German teams should try listening to this song even though this legendary trio aren't Germans.

So what exactly went right for Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund?

One magical sequence of numbers: 4-2-3-1. Forget about all the bullshit calling this a defensive formation. Ser A.Fergie tried that quite a lot of times especially in the European stage and I can call it possession football at the centre. Senhor Mou's 4-2-3-1 isn't really defensive given how the offensive will always be started most upfront. [2] Lol in fact I can easily create a ball possession 4-2-3-1 for Robbie Manc by telling him to shift James " that utility holder" Milner just behind Sergio "Izuna-Kun" Aguero with Samir "Le Déception" Nasri and David "El Jinete" Silva at either flank. [3]

So what's so magical about Die 4-2-3-1? I dunno when this concept actually came out, but you can be very sure that Joachim "Jogi" Löw might have made this Ausbildung into a national brand name post Euro 2012.

Now let's see the similarities between FC Hollywood and Die Schwarzgelben. Both are still playing 4-2-3-1, both are still playing like Die Mannschaft itself. Jogi must be mightily chuffed if I say so myself and it's down to having a stable defence.

But I though the two are attacking teams!

And so is Die Mannschaft as well lol! You see, the key lies in having a strong backline. On paper, we're talking about 4 defenders, but technically speaking, this is a six man defence format. The only similarity between the two fiercest rivals Bundesliga might have ever seen [4] is what truly ensures their powerhouse status [5] right now.

For FC Hollywood, let's take a look at who are the ones anchoring the midfield...

http://www1.skysports.com/football/live/match/285650/teams

If Javi "will he be Roberto?" Martinez is Bavaria's answer to Catalonia, then a certain Die Bastion is that key man making FC Hollywood into an actual Team Hollywood.

You see, Schweinsteiger is quite a beast of a player due to his aggressive nature as a field leader. Not only can he tackle like Roy "Keano" Keane, he can also pass the ball like Paul "that English homing device" Scholes. [6] He's not the type of hard running game breaker like Gennaro "I refuse to call Joe Jordan a ****ing English from the sidelines" Gattuso, but rather a player able to break up play and passing the ball afterwards.

If Martinez is to be the puppet master, then Schweinsteiger without a doubt will be that living Fragarach.

And now let's come to Die Schwarzgelben...

http://www1.skysports.com/football/live/match/285655/teams

If there's anything to go by the match report itself, it would seem to me that Die Schwarzgelben is much more of a running team. This is a team much vaunted for its attack, but still without its two middle salute, there's no way Jürgen "me no dive like my cousin" Klopp will be able to give Senhor Mou that one salute called Die Gesundheit.

In short, everything's all about blurring the line separating offensive link-up from break+counter.

So what went wrong for the two amigos?

Jupp "Die Vereinheitlichen" Heynckes' game plan was very simple just like Jürgen "me no dive like my cousin" Klopp himself. Breaking up the attack upfront with the other deep lying midfielder controlling possession just in front of the back 4. However, this is where the similarity ends.

For FC Hollywood, this is a team much more refined. [*] In the form of Thomas "that Bavarian Mullet" Muller, the Bavarians have a player capable of scoring and creating. Yet given the wing forwards being played, Muller doesn't have to sweat so much just to score a goal because he need NOT to. Bayern have a central striker capable of scoring [7] while in Franck "laisser une cicatrice" Ribéry and Arjen "that Dutch Spock" Robben, FC Hollywood do have a cast iron offensive diamond where Muller is able to focus more on retaining and creating.

Against Barca, the entire 3 amigos failed to find a way through the back 4 because so long as Martinez HAS the ball, 30+% in ball possession will be good enough. If Schweinsteiger can stay as Die Bastion upfront [8], ball retention will not be an issue with 3 ball players behind Die MIA himself. The goals came in swiftly and brutally, that was when La Cataluña bit the dust. In fact, FC Hollywood is truly a team where the goals can just come from everywhere in the forward diamond to say the least.

For Die Schwarzgelben, it's much more of a team used to running the opponents down rather than creating the most with whatever possession gained. This is a team much associated with the working class rather than the glitzy Oktoberfest hotties and I hope I'm not doing a stupid hyperbole here.

This isn't to say Die Schwarzgelben is a lousy team. Klopp has indeed created a winning team with a winning identity. This identity lies in the belief (?) that $$$=A$$ and 'tis a little wonder why both teams don't like each other.

A hardworking team brimming with talents, Die Schwarzgelben is all about having players gunning forward and tracking back. NOT to win the ball, but to re-link up the attack.

For Senhor Mou, using Luka "he's not a Jew ffs!" Modrić was a wise call. If he's to field Mesut "Turkish delight" Özil, the trouble would be that Dortmund will have a far easier time shutting the game down from the offensive line. Modrić was there as the central playmaker due to his better passing range. In short, Senhor Mou's plan is to bypass the German pressure so that he can pull down some German shorts and embarrass some German pitos.

And that's when he said WTF post 1-1...

No point adding 1-4 'cuz run out of panels... WAIT! This no Dortmund lah!

Defence was a mess, I'll have to be fair in saying that Los Vikingos sank Los Vikingos. Blaugrana's defeat was a tactical cock up, perhaps this fact alone will offer all the Barcelonistas some scant consolation. Of course it's also more likely than not to say that Die Schwarzgelben is a team thriving on impetus going forward. [9]

Advantage Stayin' Alive

Only half the war is won, but the Krauts do surely have one foot in an all-German final. Tactically speaking, Real and Barca are now doomed for defeat. Am I bullshitting myself? Sadly, no. I hate to be an anti-España/pro-Deutschland bastard, but unless we end up seeing a defensive implosion capable of shaming even the Oranje and Les Bleus combined, I don't see any reason for the Germans not to reenact the Bee Gees. Even if it's only for a day.

P.S to Mr Eric Soh: You once said before that the 12th man in Old Trafford will always be the referee, but you forgot to include the 12th man in Camp Nou being Intervención Divina himself. I know what I'm talking about because even the Reebok Stadium itself got blessed not so long ago.

[1]: Oh btw, any word on whatever English dominance is just a foreign myth.

[2]: Don't believe me all, you amigos? Go ask FC Porto.

[3]: That's me bullshitting because I know Tevez will sign for AC Milan next season. :P

[4]: España=El Clásico, Deutschland=Der Klassiker. Merseyside is still all about breaking legs and two players diving, i.e. 凸(｀0´)凸 VS 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸

[5]: Plus TSV 1860 also...

[6]: Okay, that's pushing my bullshit way too far. Hopefully Bio Chem General Aladeen don't get to see this.

[7]: Which ended up giving Jogi all the wrong answers inexplicably enough.

[8]: Tactically speaking, it's called breaking up play left, right, centre.

[9]: Mad Ian, eat your heart out heartily, bro!

[*]

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Benefits of war for global economy and a higher civilisation (Part 3)

Notice

Word has it that this stupid columnist who have nothing better to do had created a bombshell. We know that all too famous fantasy novel, A Rango's Tale (abbrev: ART). Apparently, this columnist is NOT the anonymous writer because he's not clever enough. Yet, President of South Kimchigook, Park Jin Heon believed this to be otherwise. No thanks to this unnamed lobo who only knows how to write shit, IRE has experienced a spike in fan mail amounting to death threats all over. Let this be known: KMH has NOTHING to do with this. So rest all the fan hate, okay? We all know said female celebrity is pretty much S(ingle) A(vailable) D(esirable).

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists

Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

P.S: In order to quell any doubts, this is NOT what KMH has written:

Part 3: World Warcraft III (WW3)

In spite of what is being said even till now, WW3 actually existed. Yet amazingly enough, WW3 is technically not a war because of no guns being fired. In short, it's NOT even a ceasefire reached.

So what's WW3 all about?

It started last year somewhere in the East where there were a lot of territories waiting to be won. Even until today, there are a few territories currently being disputed despite false speculation believing that Baulklands is the only area being fought over.* With the advent of internet, it's even possible to speculate whether atomic bombs will be falling over their own families' heads.

Funnily enough, only a military standoff happened and all the speculators got was actual people making fun of their online selves. Ironically, the golden rule of internet dictates that fake people are real people, real people are fake people.

*To set the record straight, Baulklands now belongs to another nation NOT part of the East.

So what caused WW3?

Apparently, World Warcraft is actually a game modeled after the previous 2 World Warcraft events. In short, there are two kinds of World Warcraft: the real ones and the fake one. It's still running strong, it actually caused a major shitstorm due to this:

How an internet meme changed the world

Firstly and foremost, allow yours truly to say that North Kimchigook has already opened up its borders to that greedy southern neighbour for the sake of greediness. In short, North Kimchigook cannot survive without capitalism, it can only bow to capitalism. Apparently though, only that southern cousin is allowed to engage in whatever economic activities permitted under law.

Yet, it actually started when a certain Southern gamer got beat by another Southern gamer. Said Southern gamer was pissed off and that other Southern gamer told him/her to **** off. Since we're talking vocabulary which shouldn't be mentioned, the entire South Kimchigook was soon swamped with pr0n images involving female Elves and everybody else together with this meme above. Even though any speculation on whether this was coming from GAINEH's technology went underway, it seems that:

1. The idiot posting the meme forgot to edit it so that everything will stay relevant to the core.

2. His enemy's account got hacked. Since said enemy was a besotted Elf gamer, all Elf sprites discovered were quintessentially girls. In short, this was revenge made possible.

At the same time, North Kimchigook declared war and one particular Southerner has this to say. Actually, it's our Head of Civics and Morals Faculty who secured this exclusive interview. For this, we must recognise the efforts of Mat Mampos bin Musibot.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Hello there. What's your name, boy?

Boy: Hey, you call me boy? I'm already sixteen!

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Still a boy. Depending on your country's law, you're either legit come eighteen or twenty one. But I'm not here to start a fight.

Boy: Yeah I know. You sound like a teacher I've had before. She's a good teacher, but she died.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: I'm sorry to hear that.

Boy: Never mind. By the way, name is Tae Seo Dae.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: An interesting name you have here. By the way, what made you decide to give me this exclusive interview?

Tae Seo Dae: Because you saved my life! Don't you remember?

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: But I only reform Mat Rempit!

Tae Seo Dae: I'm part of the order lah, Pakcik!

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Erm... boleh then. So what's your story on Kim Jung Urn?

Tae Seo Dae: Dearest Leader Captain or in short DLC. That's what his people still call him.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: And how did you reform him? I'm sorry to be this straightforward, but I've got a flight to catch because last minute my country need me to counsel a gun wielding Mat Rempit.

Tae Seo Dae: Well, long story short, I got caught by the North Kimchigook border guards. I don't know why, but the ajeoshi driving the taxi ended up dumping me at the militarised zone instead of the demilitarised zone. He said I look like the brother of Kim Jung Urn, Kim Na Bae. In the end I got caught, blindfolded, and led to the most terrible Kim Jung Urn.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: And he's not really terrible?

Tae Seo Dae: Yeah. He's actually a very lonely leader because his late father forbade him to do anything apart from eating. He's got a far above average IQ. It's just a shame that people looked down on him because they saw his elder brother, Kim Na Bae, as the most worthy heir despite both having similar intellect. Long story short, Kim Na Bae died due to accidental food poisoning and the Father-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named followed suit due to a suspected case of accidental food poisoning. Kim Jung Urn only wanted peace, nobody gave him any peace. Coupled with the fact that he enjoyed watching harmless shows banned by his late Father-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, he actually desired an audience with us, the greedy South.

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: And a dialogue was struck?

Tae Seo Dae: Hey, I have smartphone, he didn't have, okay? I told him I can get him through to the government via my smartphone, my country's president was also rather surprised towards the fact that Kim Jung Urn knew how to use it. In fact, I wasn't the one using my phone. It's Lil'Kim. Oh, that's my nickname for DLC, so don't use it anyhow. He's very sensitive towards this nickname unless I say it myself. Also, he now has a smartphone. Latest model as well...

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Thank you very much, Tae Seo Dae. I have to rush now. If not, I'll miss the flight and miss the chance to counsel Mat Gila. Poor boy needs immediate help because everyone in his school called him gila.

Tae Seo Dae: Oh, I need to tell you one more thing, Pakcik!

Mat Mampos bin Musibot: Apeh?

Tae Seo Dae: The culprit sending pr0n images of Elven girls and everybody else was DLC. I need to make this clear because my parents wanted me to have a decent conscience since young.

Repercussions on global economy

The South has the technology, the North has manpower. Even though Kimchi unification is still regarded a dream, at least both the South and North are living far better lives. In fact, latest word has it that the North has recently upgraded it's military due to having much more money earned. And that was just one year ago. In fact, yesterday was the First Anniversary of Mutual Brotherhood and the Northern DLC himself had posted three funny Twats on famous social network, Twatter:

Twat 1:

Twat 2:

Twat 3:

For the third Twat, famous unnamed celebrity has this MV of his in reply:

Plus one more video uploaded from Yolotube by the same unnamed celebrity

The Genius of Yingchuan (Part 6) 《颍川之鬼才》

Xun Yu vs Guo Jia
4 VS 10

A/N: So apparently, FaceBook has come up with a certain funny policy on mass sharing of posts. Whatever the **** this means to super hyper people like me anyway. At least I can try devoting my righteous anger onto this post.

Foreword: So what does it have to do with football? Very simple. Because I feel like doing it, because I did say in one of my FB status that I'm gonna do a Boro+4-4-2.

[嘉窃料之，绍有十败，公有十胜，虽兵强，无能为也。]

[By my own perception, Shao has ten factors leading to defeat while O'Duke has ten factors leading to victory. Hence no matter how strong his forces are, all is for naught.]

Note: I will start this off first with Guo Jia's version. And yes, the above excerpt is from Guo Jia' account.

[绍繁礼多仪，公体任自然，此道胜一也。]

[Shao is way too obsessed with needless formalities, you O'Duke have always been comfortable with yourself. This is a victory in personal ways.]

Footie-note: Press conference is a good thing. Something for the media to chomp on and something for the publicity, but something not for every gaffer. Yet, this is something unavoidable. Giving the press hounds too much respect will mean you as a gaffer are way to obsessed with the superficial. On the other hand, you should know how to deal with the press without acceding to whatever ridiculous demand tabled forth. Sure there will be far more for the press box warriors to rant about, but it's only part and parcel of press media warfare.

Just look at Ser A.Fergie. He's a certified asshole in the eyes of the media, that's why the media enjoy writing about Man Utd in general. Ditto for Jose Mourinho as well. Which now comes to how you manage the balance between being PR savvy and creating a PR Chernobyl.

Remember Rafa Benitez? I don't have any beef with his tactics thus far, but seriously he can't cope with the media. And the media can easily troll one entire dressing room. Good luck to that new Southampton gaffer, you'll need tons of that, Señor. I suspect the St Mary's faithful would rather have Matt Le Tissier even if he may turn out to be another Gareth Southgate (read: exceptional player=shit manager).

[绍以逆动，公奉顺以率天下，此义胜二也。]

[Shao wages war recklessly, you O'Duke led the masses through going with the flow. This is a victory scored for righteousness.]

Footie-note: The backdrop of this scenario was down to how Yuan Shao waged a campaign against Dong Zhuo. Although the intention was justified in terms of integrity, in name it's truly not. Simply put, when you have to find ways and means to depose any despot, one like Yuan Shao can only be seen as reckless, i.e. the other ****er could easily declare you as a rebel without cause. In fact, the entire coalition of warlords hellbent on upending Dong Zhuo were a bunch of selfish bastards. Unless we're talking about Sun Jian and Cao Cao. Liu Bei wasn't really counted in since he didn't have a stable base back then. Now that's the kind of glorious bastards who will never play their own game of hypocrisy.

Case in point: Sun Jian was the only one reaching Luoyang successfully while Cao Cao was the only one proposing a pursuit against a fleeing Dong Zhuo. And what about the unnamed inglorious bastards? A mass implosion that will make the SDA, SPP, and RP go roflcopter pilot mode.

So what does this have to do with football? Talent is one thing, understanding any said player's temperament is quite another. Just go ask Robbie Manc and his merry band of City slackers. Or rather let's just point a finger or two at Mario "Ba-lol-telli" Balotelli.

[汉末政失于宽，绍以宽济宽，故不摄，公纠之以猛而上下知制，此治胜三也。]

[The end of Han was down to lax laws, yet Shao chooses to rule a lax system with lax laws, hence my refusal to serve him. You, O'Duke on the other hand, chooses to deal with infighting through ruthless aggression, hence subjecting all under you from the least to greatest in their rightful places. This is a victory rooted in discipline.]

Footie-note: Command the dressing room with authority. This is especially true when you end up having more than one inflated ego. It's one thing to understand their needs and quite another to indulge them without using your brain. One should never fear to make hard decisions if it's for the better good of the team.

Remember the old adage "No one should be bigger than the team" and that includes the gaffer as well.

Simply put, if you have a rebellious player, deal with him appropriately. If you're running the boardroom, please use your brain first. We already have a laughing stock(ing) in the form of Blackburn Rovers, England can do without another comedy.

[绍见人饥寒，恤念之形于颜色，其所不见，虑或不及也，所谓妇人之仁耳，公于目前小事，时有所忽，至于大事，与四海接，恩之所加，皆过其望，虽所不见，虑之所周，无不济也，此仁胜七也。]

[Shao will always show compassion upon sight of those in hunger and cold, yet he will never feel that much upon happenings beyond whatever he sees. This is nothing more than a foolish benevolence from a foolish woman. You, O'Duke on the other hand, will miss out trivial incidents at times, yet kindness shown on the bigger picture will ensure everyone's respect. Considering and helping the truly needy beyond sight, this is a victory in benevolence.]

Footie-note: It's somewhat linked to the previous rule, I suppose. But anyway, everything is about foresight. In the olden days of feudal China, benevolence was the number one rule in running a faction/dynasty. This was especially so after Liu Bang managed to unify a chaotic China.

Back during the Qin Emperor's (秦始皇。赢政) rule, benevolence was the political enemy Numero Uno. So is it any wonder to see a change in direction where Confucianism became the social core whilst still retaining the incumbent's concept of law and order (儒教法制)?

In a very weird way, this has something to do with transfer dealings. You do NOT sign players based on what you see alone. Signing players without any foresight is a folly. If you can sign a world class playmaker, fine then and good for you. But if your backline is horrendously out of depth just to quote an example, then you have no one to blame but yourself. In fact, what are you gonna do once your star player gets neutered on the pitch?

Guess what will be Derek Llambias' answer by end of season?

[绍大臣争权，谗言惑乱，公御下以道，浸润不行，此明胜八也。]

[Shao's major vassals are vying for power with false advice being the root of turmoil. You, O'Duke on the other hand, manages those below you properly, hence making it utterly impossible for any to toe beyond the line. This is a victory in terms of wisdom.]

Footie-note: This is called man management. Jose Mourinho once stated that football management is all about man management and it's nothing more than a form of human science. I keechiu and agree with the Cocky One here.

You see, as a football manager, you're dealing with footballers and footballers are human beings just like the manager in question (plus all of us as well of course). In short, a capable manager is one who will never be afraid to make tough decisions. The jersey should be up for grabs. How the players spend their weekly wages however, is not my problem. And more than thankfully enough, we didn't end up signing Joey Barton back during Steve "local calamity" McClaren's reign despite the British media going customary mode during that period of time.

P.S: I'd rather we're being linked with Dietmar Hamann back then, but unfortunately, we at the good ol'Teesside itself can never promise a Champion's League title.

[绍是非不可知，公所是进之以礼，所不是正之以法，此文胜九也。]

[Shao is unable to differentiate right from wrong. You, O'Duke other hand, treats worthy counsel with respect while using the law against all that is wrong. This is a victory in terms of learning.]

Footie-note: The English fans have a very famous stadium anthem. In fact, it's actually a hate anthem going like "~~~You don't know what you're doing!~~~"and it's something reserved for a shit gaffer (at least in the first person view of the fans).

Now if we end up seeing this happening for more than 5 matches straight, it means something majorly disastrous afoot. Decision making pertaining to the players is very important.

Just like how Shao was unable to rule his roost back then, likewise worthy advice should not be treated with contempt behind closed doors. If you can't even deal with your players shooting off in front of the press, then you can be very sure that you have gained an unwanted enemy in the form of all things hot-off-the-press.

Saving the best for the last: Final Thesis 4 vs 4

Note: For the sake of convenience, Xun Yu's thesis will take the first turn, after which will be followed by Guo Jia.

彧: 绍貌外宽而内忌，任人而疑其心，公明达不拘，唯才所宜，此度胜也。

Yu: Shao may be magnanimous on the outside, but he's full of distrust on the inside by appointing people without trusting their loyalty. Milord on other hand, is understanding while not caring about pointless formalities as you will only use those truly talented and worthy. Hence a victory for being magnanimous.

嘉: 绍外宽内忌，用人而疑之，所任唯亲戚子弟，公外易简而内机明，用人无疑，唯才所宜，不间远近，此度胜四也。

Jia: Shao is outwardly magnanimous, yet inwardly distrustful. He entrusts duties to others without trusting them while those fully trusted are merely those from his relatives and friends. O'Duke you on the other hand, is far more simplistic, yet far shrewder in accomplishing tasks. Never distrusting your own judgment in using anyone, you only use the truly talented while maintaining an absolute impartiality. Hence a victory for being magnanimous.

Footie-note: We first start off on who's more magnanimous. Now there's nothing much separating Xun Yu's version with Guo Jia's version. However, while Xun Yu was merely summarising the comparisons, Guo Jia actually went a mile further.

Both said Yuan Shao was a petty fatso who cannot use any true blue talent, both said Cao Cao was a good boss who will never fake his ass off while knowing what is a real talent. However, Guo Jia actually did some additions.

Firstly, he elaborated on Yuan Shao's way of dealing with people.

Secondly, he lauded Cao Cao for his confidence, impartiality, and faith shown towards those serving under him.

If you're forced to try deciding between form and tactical needs, my advise is this: **** it, bro. Just say "**** it" and leave.

If anyone doesn't get what I'm trying to say, it means my priority vote goes to form. In fact, can you imagine what one single weak link can do to your lads? Sometimes, you'll really need to bench the poor fellow in order to manage him properly especially if he's someone performing based on confidence.

彧: 绍迟重少决，失在后机，公能断大事，应变无方，此谋胜也。

Yu: Shao is slow in judgment and indecisive, hence unable to grab the most vital chance. Milord can perceive things that truly matter most, your ability to adapt is unpredictable to your foes. Hence a victory based on strategy.

嘉: 绍多谋少决，失在后事，公策得辄行，应变无穷，此谋胜五也。

Jia: Shao may be clever, but he is also indecisive. Hence he will stumble at the most crucial moment. You, O'Duke, can execute your tactics promptly with unlimited options in adapting. Hence a victory based on strategy.

Footie-note: Again, there's nothing much separating the two. Xun Yu's take on Cao Cao was all about adapting to situations based on perception while Guo Jia was all about the same logic based on actual measures. Perception and measures go hand in hand together in all matters of war, but Guo Jia actually commented that Yuan Shao was a clever person.

Simply put, his take on the decisive difference lies in Yuan Shao's character flaw, i.e. when it comes to flattering to deceive, it's not hundred percent about the brains. Indeed, strength in character is that one factor mattering the most.

Which now comes to the bench system. Who will you send onto the pitch once you need to make a difference in any situations make or break? You can be a very clever person, but even Gareth Southgate has already earned his UEFA coaching licence. I have licence, you have licence, everybody also has a licence. Now we're not talking about a hundred percent winning streak. That particular season of Les Invincbles was truly a one-off, so no one should be feeling a bit green all over the body. Unless you're the latest Green Lantern that is.

Simply put, everybody makes mistakes and tactical substitution is part and parcel of the game. When you have to throw in a 50-50 call, the logic of probability is valid for a very good reason. If you cocked up in one match, you can't turn back the clock.

But can you try analysing what went wrong at where, post match and postmortem? Yes, quite obviously so. If it's truly a 50-50 lottery, then you should be excused from yourself. No point banging your head over a gamble. And please go Google search if you think you can win a gamble seven out of ten times. Even a twelve year old can easily out spell S-O-C-I-A-L V-I-C-E-S

彧: 绍御军宽缓，法令不立，士卒虽寡，其实难用，公法令既明，赏罚必行，士卒虽寡，皆争致死，此武胜也。

Yu: Shao is lax in commanding his forces, hence unable to enforce proper discipline. Should they be lesser in numbers, it will be hard to lead them. My lord is clear and proper in exacting the law, rewards and punishments will always be meted out accordingly. Should they be lesser in numbers, they will still fight to the bitter end. This is a victory in military.

嘉: 绍好为虚势，不知兵要，公以少克众，用兵如神，军人恃之，敌人畏之，此武胜十也。

Jia: Shao enjoyed being flamboyant, yet not understanding deployment. You, O'Duke on the other hand, is able to achieve victory even when outnumbered. Peerless in using your army, your men can rely on you while your enemies will be wary of you. This is a victory in military.

Footie-note: The difference can never be anywhere bigger. Xun Yu was all about commanding respect and authority, Guo Jia was basically all about actual hands-on. Now as a strategist with an expertise in consolidation tactics, this was a no brainer coming from Xun Yu. Yet, Guo Jia actually stated the reason why Cao Cao can command a certain fear from his enemies. This is something Xun Yu failed to mention.

Which now comes to a very interesting tactical talking cock here from yours truly. You see, Guo Jia's take can only be valid under a given prerequisite. It's called strategy and it's been covered above. Now perception before deployment is a commonsense logic on the pitch. If you can use video replay, use it. But how are you gonna use your own lads first?

Maybe I should give forth an extremely hare-brained example, 4-4-2 Boro style. Simply put, it's called playing the midfield. Take for example a middle four of Josh "Lil' Josh" McEachran, Richard "not Xabi Alonso" Smallwood, Grant "Lead Biter" Leadbitter, and Faris "let's sing his name" Haroun.

If I am to put McEachran on the left, Smallwood on the right, and together with Haroun and Leadbitter plonked at dead centre, is it really workable? If the entire middle row stays untouched, that will mean one entire zone of ball possession stretching across the entire width.

If Smallwood ends up drifting from the flank, Haroun can easily go out wide. Effectively speaking, we will have options going forward both from the right and centre due to Haroun's nature of play while defensively speaking, Leadbitter and Smallwood will be anchoring the midfield with McEachran moving upfront as the true blue offensive link up. This is the most up-in-your-face variation.

Of course if McEachran is the one drifting from the left, then Leadbitter can pretty much go left. Haroun and McEachran at dead centre with Smallwood and Leadbitter at either end of the side, this is a legit call of creating a counter-offensive midfield quite different from what we've seen from Ser A.Fergie himself. A defensive lockdown at both flanks should be in order since our entire back 4 is gonna surge upwards to compact the middle park while Haroun and McEachran adopting a potential axis in a flat 4 style can only mean one thing: the opponent's options in going forward will be limited severely, we can easily launch our cavalry across the midfield.

And what if both Smallwood and McEachran ended up going dead centre? Haroun and Leadbitter will quite obviously be moved out wide respectively, both will be equally capable of surging to and fro. This is due to an anchoring axis where either McEachran's vision and control or Smallwood's tenacity and ability to hold the ball up can be used further upfront.

彧: 绍凭世资，从容饰智，以收名誉，故士之寡能好问者多归之，公以至仁待人，推诚心不为虚美，行己谨俭，而与有功者无所吝惜，故天下忠正效实之士咸原为用，此德胜也。

Yu: Shao created a facade of wisdom for himself via ancestral riches in order to reap repute. Hence attracting those with little ability and those merely asking questions.  My lord on the other hand, treats all with kindness without any show of hypocrisy. Setting the highest standard of discipline for yourself while willing to share every credit with those truly deserving, therefore all with integrity and talent are used fully. This is a victory in terms of credibility.

嘉: 绍因累世之资，高议揖让以收名誉，士之好言饰外者多归之，公以至心待人，推诚而行，不为虚美，以俭率下，与有功者无所吝，士之忠正远见而有实者皆原为用，此德胜六也。

Jia: Shao is able to use high words and courtesy to reap repute via his ancestral riches stored, hence attracting those with talk and show, but without substance. You, O'Duke on the other hand, treats everyone sincerely with no hypocrisy. Leading by example and free from such a flaw, you share your glory with every person deserving of credit, thus those with integrity, foresight, and ability are used wisely. This is a victory in terms of credibility

Footie-note: This is basically about how Yuan Shao's riches will amount to nothing because they tend to say whatever kind of bird will produce whatever kind of egg (什么样的鸟就生什么样的蛋). In short, it means that whatever people around you will reflect your character. The key point of difference between Guo Jia and Xun Yu is down to how they phrased their words differently.

Xun Yu's case was rather straight to the point, but Guo Jia actually utilised a far better choice of words. Why? Because there's such a thing called dramatic effect. It's not used to stoke the enemy's ego, but rather to build up Cao Cao's confidence.

In short, we can easily call this a motivation strategy for idiots. Idiots not as in any specified targets, but rather this being something that even an idiot can understand/use.

Read: If your lad is experiencing a certain crisis non-physical in nature, then you'll have to haul him down and have a nice little chat complete with tea and scones. Or maybe even over a nice hot meal of fish and chips since it's now getting terribly cold across the English Channel.

Final Conclusion to this post (NOT the actual deal though, mind you)

[“夫以四胜辅天子，扶义征伐，谁敢不从？绍之强其何能为！”

太祖悦。彧曰：“不先取吕布，河北亦未易图也。”]
《三国志：荀彧传》

Trans:
["By my help through the four victories listed, who can resist upon my lord declaring arms in the name of justice? Shao will not be able to stand strong!"

Taizu was glad. Yu then added: "If we don't first get rid of Lu Bu, it will not be easy to turn our sights towards Hebei."]
《Record of Three Kingdoms: Account of Xun Yu》

Analysis: Xun Yu's words are basically 100% motivational. By using firstly encouragement timing wise, it would be easier for him to advise Cao Cao to target Lu Bu first. In fact, Lu Bu's military strength towards the east wasn't that much powerful compared to Yuan Shao. After all, one entire Hebei region is far bigger than a Xu province (徐州) commanded by this traitorous mofo.

And on a major hindsight, Lu Bu only managed to gain that major piece of land through backstabbing Liu Bei. Is it any major brainer for Liu Bei to backstab him back upon Lu Bu's capture? Serves that ****er right. And no, I never imagine Steve Kean to be Lu Bu's reincarnation, so let's just stop at there.

[太祖笑曰：“如卿所言，孤何德以堪之也！”

嘉又曰：“绍方北击公孙瓒，可因其远征，东取吕布。不先取布，若绍为寇，布为之援，此深害也。”

太祖曰：“然。”]
《三国志：郭嘉传》

Trans:
[Taizu smiled, saying: "You have given me answers, I should not have forced myself to needless woes right from the start!"

Jia continued: "Shao is now attacking Gongsun Zan towards the north, hence we can take advantage of his distraction in order to defeat Lu Bu. Failure to do so will ensure him linking up with Shao, thus a dire threat formed."

Taizu answered: "Rightfully so."]
《Record of Three Kingdoms: Account of Guo Jia》

Analysis: Guo Jia didn't need to talk any more cock at this point of time, Cao Cao's expression proved it all, i.e. he did seem far happier in front of Guo Jia compared to before Xun Yu himself. Short, sharp, sweet, and simple, he just went straight for the kill so as to speak.

While he never made any assumptions on who would win the battle up north, he did say that this is the best moment for Cao Cao to attack Lu Bu.

If Xun Yu's advice was built upon the concept of conquer and consolidate, Guo Jia's advice was far more immediate in nature, i.e. he's telling the cold hard truth when he pointed out the actual danger hidden beneath.

Footie-note: In short, the logic is very simple. If you want to prioritize the depth of your squad, you must take into consideration which are your immediate rivals' matches.

Say if Leicester is to play Hull City at the KC Stadium while Crystal Palace is to host Cardiff, that's when we can take extra motivation coming into our match, i.e. if we win, we will stand to gain one way or another, no matter which is the other team cocking up.

Yes, rejoice all you SMB and SGB.
Because once this SSB start opening his mouth, Boro sure will hit a blip again.

A brief break here...

Dunno if I should do Part 3 of Rogue Economist due to the Boston bombings, but at the very least I should try doing some funny stuff. Even though I know this post may not be funny after all. T_T

Kork M. Hancock, Rogue Economist: Benefits of war for global economy and a higher civilisation (Part 2)

Notice

In spite of this lobo columnist's insistence that he should be given a day off, we at the IRE decided that he's too lazy to be trusted. Hence we decided to show him a motivational piece of work written by the all too famous local talent Act Blur Ong. Thankfully, this columnist had decided that some things do need a kick up the ass.

~ Sincerely yours, Institute of Rogue Economists
Signed by High Dean, Highest Prof Simisai

Tigress Allen: Eh, I thought you should be saying somebody, not something lah, Professeur! Want me to jagah this stupid horny idiot 24/7?

Prof Simisai: Erm, okay lah! Boleh. Just make sure that stupid buaya of yours don't end up swimming somewhere along the Sil*s* Beach, okay? There way too many hot foreign bikini girls, cannot play play one hor!

Part 2: World Warcraft II (abbrev: WW2)

Funny leh... how come I kenna this kind of weird bullshit? Okay never mind. So here we are talking about war and economy. Or simply put, war economy. In the first part, I have covered the implied effect on global economy. In short, times of war bring the weapon makers money, times of peace means such makers lose money. Times of war will always make education lose money, times of peace will always make education earn money. Apart from education, one of the greatest saying in human history is this:

Innovation is the mother of all necessity, creativity is the husband of innovation.

~Anonymous

And nothing justifies such a truth anymore than World Warcraft II. If WW1 is all about somewhere in the Western hemisphere, then WW2 is all about the Eastern hemisphere. Due to potential trauma incurred via PTSD spanning at least two generations, nothing will be said on the war processing apart from the most important parts.

2nd Match: How post-war economy boomed its way through

This has to be the fastest war ever concluded. The two warring nations? On the further East, we have Sun-Goku (pronounce: san-go-ku). On the end, we have the Bountiful Democratic State of Megasocko (abbrev: BDSM). Without telling everybody the result of the war, let me jump in straightaway on the aftermath. In fact, it's pointless for me to view my thoughts on who should be winner anyway. As famous historian, Tay Tai Tai has so famously put it:

One can never discern how history should be interpreted. Roman history have the Roman gods, Irish history also have Irish gods. In fact, gods exist everywhere because only gods have the right to write history. The rest like you and me can just only bullshit our way through. Relatively speaking of course.

So let's jump straight to the core. What is post-war economy? Famous war economist, Bom Eran has this to say:

Wars happen for a reason, money will always be spent on war. Once war is finished, all involved parties have to find ways and means to earn some more money. Because war is only about destroying stuff and random lives, money is something that stays forever. Not to mention every country will lose money in any event of war due to collateral damages incurred.

Therefore, it has been agreed among historians that not only Sun-Goku suffered collateral damages, BDSM also suffered the same fate. So how do we perceive the race to productivity? Herein, allow me to utilize a time chart.

19**

War concluded via a ceasefire (although different gods=different mythology)

19**

Sun-Goku being the one far worse off, had to rely on BDSM's aid.

19**

Sun-Goku managed to manufacture its first invention that will change the world for good. It's called mosaic technology.

19**

BDSM bought the creative rights to mosaic technology from Sun-Goku. Come the next day, every BDSM citizens ended up taking to the streets. The reason why? They're pretty much pissed off towards why Sun-Goku is such a hopelessly depraved nation coming up with such a hopelessly depraved technology.

19**

Surprise! No one made anymore noise where BDSM was concerned. Because big bucks started coming in, no one ended up complaining.

19**

Sun-Goku citizens were now very pissed off. They can't believe their most hated enemy had stolen a march on them! Due to high fantasy being the norm in BDSM, a certain studio in Sun-Goku, GAINEH started an Elven parody of sorts. Without corrupting the children, let's just say that Elven chick this time round had gotten an upgrade in bouncing tits.

19**

Again, BDSM citizens rose up in peaceful revolts statewide. This time round however, Sun-Goku got the final laugh due to every Sun-worshiping geek firmly believing that localization means a compromise in sound quality. In short, the normal citizens were outnumbered 1:9 in proportion scale.

20**

A deal was struck between two nations, two international hubs were built as a result. The HQ in Sun-Goku would be helmed by GAINEH, which is still going strong. The BDSM side would be situated at a newly acquired island renamed Long Pito Island. Incidentally, pacifists all over the world decried this very act. As in BDSM annexing Long Pito Island (sorry amigos, I don't really remember Long Pito Island's original name).

201*

A resurgence of traditional values have suddenly popped out of nowhere. In a bid to seize political power via lawful means, newly elected president of BDSM, Mr Socko, had announced a brand new law targeted at a hopelessly corrupted people (which now stands at 99.99999.....%). No one took the bill seriously enough anyway in spite of the name being mooted as The Bill of Family Rights. Sun-Goku on the other hand, is still enjoying the ripe international fruits of GAINEH's now famous Elven pr0n. Yes, we're talking about the current year here.

*Latest update!*

Bill of Family Rights is now vetoed due to Mr Socko double confirmed as a sock puppet...

At the same time, Mr Socko is now officially impeached.
And the first elected president of BDSM to be impeached at that.