Just figured I should do something abt cyber-knavery

Knave: An unprincipled, untrustworthy or dishonest person.

~Dictionary.com

Simply put, what has transpired in the latest trollololol in our very own island culture has hit the skies. Nope, not that Xiaxue's backlash debacle, but rather the more recent one. -.- To all the cyber-knaves, you all ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You know who you are, I'm not gonna hunt you all down. (Although its more on me not having the kind of resources to do the tracking. I would be the Chief Of Anonymous if I can play the shaming game.) But still, to know a knave is to know what is truly badass.

 

Phase GAR: Finale

“杀千刀的。。。贼国蜀汉本应可取之。。。” ~曹真。子丹

"Curse them all... We should have taken down the lands of Shu Han..." ~Cao Zhen. Zidan

Note: Text formatting has hit a major glitch. So if the fonts look funny, you all know why. T_T

五年，随诸葛亮驻汉中。明年，亮出军，扬声由斜谷道，曹真遣大众当之。亮令云与邓芝往拒，而身攻祁山。云、芝兵弱敌强，失利于箕谷，然敛众固守，不至大败。

《赵云本传》

Fifth year (of Jianxing). Yun followed Zhuge Liang unto Hanzhong. The following year, Liand raised his army and declared an invasion via Xie Valley. Cao Zhen sent his men in response, Liang attacked via Mount Qi  with Yun and Deng Zhi under the orders to repel the enemies. Alas Yun and Zhi's soldiers are weak compared to the enemy troops, hence losing the fight at the Ji Valley. However via regrouping and mounting a stubborn defence, a catastrophe was avoided.

(Orignal Account of Zhao Yun)

Analysis: Remember what I've said in the previous part? That only Chencang and Xie Valley are the key routes to Hanzhong? Somehow or another, things went wrong here. So now comes the big question: How did everything get salvaged in the end?

至有街亭违命之阙，箕谷不戒之失。。。臣明不知人。。。[大军在祁山、箕谷，皆多于贼，而不能破贼为贼所破者，则此病不在兵少也，在一人耳。]

《诸葛亮传引[汉晋春秋]》

前赵子龙退军，烧坏赤崖以北，阁道缘谷一百余里。。。时赵子龙与邓伯苗，一戍赤崖屯田，一戍赤崖口，但得绿崖与伯苗相闻而已。

《与兄瑾书》

Hence causing disobedience of orders at Jieting and the defeat at Ji Valley due to lack of caution... Indeed I have a poor eye for the appropriate people... [The forces at Mount Qi and Ji Valley far outweighed the enemy. To be defeated and not defeat, its not down to a lack of numbers but rather that one person.]

(Account of Zhuge Liang with annotations from the [Annals of Han and Jin])

Back then, when Zhao Zilong had retreated, he destroyed the bridge north of Chiya as the fires raged across a li of hundred plus... At that time Zhao Zilong and Deng Bomiao (Zhi) were stationed at the fields (for military agriculture) and the entrance respectively, yet Yun was far from Bomiao.

(Letters to beloved Brother Jin)

Analysis: Part 1 was actually Zhuge Liang's account to Liu Shan in terms of the debacle at Jieting. As it turns out, Zhao Yun's forces were meant as decoys. But a lot of trolls failed to mention (or even remember) that the decoy soldiers suck. Plainly. So now comes the biggest question of them all. Who should be blamed? In the accounts, Zhuge Liang stated that the fault lies in one man, but its not Zhao Yun. Or even Deng Zhi for that manner. The main forces were at the enemy territory of Longxi. （陇西） Which was pretty far flung to the west from Hanzhong to be honest. The key area has always been Jieting. Simply put, Ma Su lost the plot. (马谡失街亭) 

Part 2 is all about what went wrong at Zhao Yun's end. Simply put, if the first part indicated the process of retreat, then the latter part is all about Deng Zhi and his commander in chief outdistanced from each other. Simply put, Zhao Yun was in charge of overseeing the military agriculture while the other was stationed at the entrance. To effectively deploy the dummy troops, its strategically logical to say that Ji Valley was extremely near to the Hanzhong borders. In fact Chiya was indeed situated within that area. (Note: Exact location of Ji Valley has yet to be known. I'm speaking this via military commonsense.) So its a deployment problem coming from Kongming. i.e. he's the one in charge of task delegation for crying out loud! Now remember what I've said on Xie Valley and Chencang being the key routes in the previous post? Yet its still possible for Cao Zhen to launch a sneak attack via other routes that will otherwise be impossible to move an army. (Read: A small number of elite troops will do the trick while organizing the main troops can be intended as diversionary.) [凡战者，以正合，以奇胜。。。奇正之变，不可胜穷也。《孙子兵法：兵势第五》]

Romance of the Three Kingdoms = Truth or Lies

 

曹真字子丹，太祖族子也。。。常猎，为虎所逐，顾射虎，应声而倒。太祖壮其鸷勇，使将虎豹骑。

以偏将军将兵击刘备别将于下辩，破之，拜中坚将军。从至长安，领中领军。是时，夏侯渊没于阳平，太祖忧之。以真为征蜀护军，督徐晃等破刘备别将高详于阳平。

明帝即位。。。迁大将军。

安定民杨条等略吏民保月支城，真进军围之。条谓其众曰：“大将军自来，吾原早降耳。”遂自缚出。

真以亮惩于祁山，后出必从陈仓，乃使将军郝昭、王生守陈仓，治其城。明年春，亮果围陈仓，已有备而不能克。

《曹真传》

Cao Zhen, styled Zidan, part of Taizu's clan... Often hunting, he was pursued by a tiger. Upon a single shot, the beast was felled. Seeing the bravery in him, Taizu made him a leader within the Panthera Cavalry,

Leading his forces as a Brigadier General, he defeated Liu Bei's general upon Xiabian. Upon routing the enemy, he was made General of the Middle Fort. Unto Chang An, he was made Commander of the Central Army. At first when Xiahou Yuan was killed at Yangping, Taizu was worried. As the Army Protector who Conquered Shu, he supervised Xu Huang and the rest in defeating Liu Bei's general Gao Xiang at Yangping.

Upon Ming Emperor's ascension... was promoted to the Grand General.

As citizens of Anding led by Yang Tiao held fort in the city of Yuezhi, Zhen deployed his army to surround them. Tiao told all before him, "I have intended to surrender ever since news of the Grand General's arrival." Hence binding himself in front of the gates.

Zhen assumed Liang to attack via Chencang upon his earlier defeat at Mout Qi. Hence he deployed Hao Zhao, Wang Sheng to defend Chencang and maintain order from within. Upon the following Spring, Liang indeed laid siege on Chencang yet foiled due to preparations beforehand.

(Account of Cao Zhen)

Analysis Part 1: Headshot the tiger=Badass. Being drafted to the highest elite forces as a leader=3x badass.

Part 2: Liu Bei got owned twice in a row+Commanding your central military operations+Bossing the likes of Xu Huang=Profound Badness.

Part 3: Highest ranked in the Cao Wei military hierarchy=Baddest proof of a S.O.B.

Part 4: Post-Jieting=Its good to be bad.

Part 5: Zhuge Liang got owned. The novels are lying after all! O_O

Extreme situation calls for extreme measures...

Have to take a break from my intended monster of 三国志. Just had a blast playing the politically incorrect bastard. Weirdly enough, I dunno why I'm doing this post barring the latest trollololol in my dear little tropical country of island culture. -.-'

You've been warned

Phase GAR: 3

”孤纵横兵场无数，竟不及儒将一人邪？“ ~曹操。孟德 

Nishiyama Yuriko=Artist/author of the manga Harlem Beat. No j/k.

“I have been through countless battles, yet to think that I'm no match for a Confucian general..."

~Cao Cao. Mengde

[夏侯渊败，曹公争汉中地，运米北山下， 数千万囊。黄忠以为可取，云兵随忠取米。忠过期不还，云将数十骑轻行出围，迎视忠等。值曹公扬兵大出，云为公前锋所击，方战，其大众至，势逼，遂前突其陈，且斗且却。公军散，已复合，云陷敌，还趣围。将张著被创，云复驰马还营迎著。公军追至围，此时沔阳长张翼在云围内，翼欲闭门拒守，而云入营，更大开门，偃旗息鼓。公军疑云有伏兵，引去。云雷鼓震天，惟以戎弩于后射公军，公军惊骇，自相蹂践，堕汉水中死者甚多。先主明旦自来至云营围视昨战处，曰：“子 龙一身都是胆也。”作乐饮宴至暝，军中号云为虎威将军。]

《云别传》

[Upon Xiahou Yuan's demise, Duke Cao entered the fray to fight for Hanzhong. Upon reaching Mount North, a massive amount of rations were gathered under the mountain's foot. Huang Zhong deemed it possible to take the supplies as Yun's soldiers accompanied him for the mission. As Zhong had yet to return after the appointed time, Yun led mere scores of light cavalry out of the encampment in order to look out for Zhong. 

Beset by the forces led by Duke Cao, Yun chose to do battle. Yet no sooner had he engaged the vanguard, the rest swiftly closed in. Pinned against the ropes, Yun disrupted the formation lines continuously as he retreated along the way. Cao's army had recovered by that time, yet Yun managed to break their ranks as he raced back to the camp. The general Zhang Zhu was left injured, yet Yun returned with urgency to escort him back. 

As the Duke's army continued their pursuit, the Chief of Mianyang Zhang Yi attempted to defend the camp by closing the gates. However when Yun entered the fort, the gates were left open with flags lowered and drums silenced. Upon suspecting an ambush, the enemy retreated. Suddenly the drums thundered as Yun merely gave orders to snipe the forces from behind. The Duke's soldiers panicked and trampled against each other as countless were left dead in the Han River. Upon supervising the battleground come the next morn, Liu Bei said: "Zilong is indeed full of valour!" As they wined and made merry unto sunfall, the army lauded Yun as General of the Tiger's Might.]

(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Point 1:

山林、险阻、沮泽，凡难行之道者，为泛地。。。

《孙子兵法：九地第十一》

Mountains and forests, hard ground, impassable marshes... all terrain hard to cross are deemed as treacherous... 

(Sun Zi's Art of War: Chapter 11, The Nine Grounds)

Analysis: The former statement refers to Hanzhong as a terrain. Simply put, only a moron will try to force a cavalry battle where the conditions WON'T allow you to do so. In fact due to Xiahou Yuan's expertise in cavalry tactics, he would have sent Liu Bei packing home if he's able to. But unfortunately, he lost and died for a very good reason. Bar faulting Fa Zheng aside of course.

Point 2:

。。。疾战则存，不疾战则亡者，为死地。

《孙子兵法：九地第十一》 

...the ground where swift battle ensures survival while inability to do so will spell death is deemed as critical.

(Sun Zi's Art of War: Chapter 11, The Nine Grounds)

Analysis: This statement refers to the given combat situation where Zhao Yun must engage the enemy or die. Now given what has been implied above, there's a need to create a limited space between the main forces and the vanguard for Cao Cao's case since joining forces together would always be key in any given battle, let alone this one. In fact, Zhao Yun could have bailed out to defend, but would it be a viable option? His guys has scooted off with Grandpa Huang on his very own Mission Possible. Simply put, there's not much of a big ass number left holding fort. Simply put, fleeing was NOT an option in this case. 

Point 3:

斗众如斗寡，形名是也。。。 故善动敌者，形之，敌必从之。。。

《孙子兵法： 兵势第五》

Combating many akin to fighting little in numbers, such is shaping the battle... hence those adept in disrupting the enemy will be able to control the war by such means.

(Sun Zi's Art of War: Chapter 5, Momentum)

Analysis: Now given what's been said on Hanzhong, its only natural for any big ass army to hit snail mode upon crossing the ground. And excruciating as well if you're the commander in charge. At least you won't die from a laggy PC barring that self-inflicting torture called WoW. For Zhao Yun's case, its not an issue. Those having a layman's knowledge in terrain warfare can tell you that guerrilla warfare is legit for a very good reason. With smaller numbers per unit, the mobility will increase accordingly. And in any form of terrain combat, disruption is the key and no prizes for guessing the crux. Alpha strike, anyone?

Point 4:

能使敌人自至者，利之也。。。

《孙子兵法：虚实第六》

故知胜有五：知可以战与不可以战者胜。识众寡之用者胜。上下同欲者胜。以虞待不虞者胜。将能而君不御者胜。此五者，知胜之道也。

《孙子兵法：谋攻第三》

To lead the enemy unwittingly is an advantage gained...

(Sun Zi's Art of War: Chapter 6, Manipulation)

Know there are five keys to winning: Understanding when to fight a battle, knowledge of utilizing all at your disposal, unified under a common cause, deceiving the unsuspecting and having capability interfered by none. Hence the five being the knowledge to victory.

(Sun Zi's Art of War: Chapter 3, Strategy)

Analysis: The Hanshui screwjob - Mental emasculation since AD 219. The greatest evidence ever?

[三月，王自长安出斜谷，军遮要以临汉中，遂至阳平。备因险拒守。九州春秋曰：时王欲还，出令曰“鸡肋”，官属不知所谓。主簿杨脩便自严装，人惊问脩：“何以知之？”脩曰：“夫鸡肋，弃之如可惜，食之无所得，以比汉中，知王欲还也。”夏五月，引军还长安。 ]

《武帝纪》

[曹公自长安举众南征。先主遥策之曰：“曹公虽来，无能为也，我必有汉川矣。”及曹公至，先主敛众拒险，终不交锋，积月不拔，亡者日多。]

《先主传》

[Come March, The Lord set off from the Xie Valley via Chang An unto Yangping of Hanzhong. Hence Liu Bei ordered an all out defence. The Spring and Autumn of Nine Lands: Back then, Cao Cao contemplated on retreating with the words "chicken ribs" mumbled. His subordinates knew not what he meant while the Chief Scribe Yang Xiu began to pack up his own belongings. Upon being question, Xiu stated: "A chicken rib will seem a pity to throw aside, yet there is no meat on it. By comparing it with Hanzhong, Our lord's intention is clear." In the summer of fifth year, Cao Cao ordered a retreat back to Chang An.]

(Records of the Wu Emperor) aka Cao Cao's biography.

[The Duke Cao came south from Chang An, yet the First Lord stated: "Even with his might, Duke Cao won't be able to do anything. Hanchuan (i.e. the entire Hanzhong territory) will be mine for sure. Indeed the First Lord ordered an all out defence in response to Cao Cao's arrival. With little engagement in combat, the dead accumulated within months.]

(Account of the First Lord)

Additional info: There are only two main routes to Hanzhong: the Xie Valley and via Chencang itself. （陈仓道） Cao Cao's route was the former due to the very fact that Chencang was way too far flung towards the west from Chang An itself. In fact the former route would be the most direct way down south with Yangping as the focal junction between two.

Moral of the Story:

Glossary for Chapter 3

All lads on the pitch: Red Lions' speak amounting to all ready for deployment.

Vanguard hit(s): Preemptive strike/assault.

Vulture's hand: A derogatory term for means of profiting out of no merit.


Up the bozos: A term of expression akin to "screw them all".


Anal: Something or someone extremely unpleasant/problematic.

The True Apostles(?)

Final Note

Phase GAR: 1

“不会错的。。。子和，此将乃何人？天下之大竟有龙翼助玄德邪？”~曹操。孟德

"Its not a mistake... Zihe, who is the warrior before my eyes? The world is vast, yet Xuande had wings of a dragon by his side?" ~ Cao Cao.Mengde

How to impress your boss: Part 2

及先主为曹公所追于当阳长阪，弃妻子南走，云身抱弱子，即后主也，保护甘夫人，即后主母也，皆得免难。迁为牙门将军。

《赵云本传》

Upon being pursued by Duke Cao unto Dangyang Changban, Liu Bei was forced to abandon his wife as he fled south. Yun cradled the son of his lord, known as the Latter Lord, while protecting Lady Gan, who was the Latter Lord's mother, from harm. As the result, he was promoted to the General of the Standard.

(Original Account of Zhao Yun)

仁弟纯，纯字子和。从征荆州，追刘备于长坂，获其二女辎重，收其散卒。 魏书曰： 纯所督虎豹骑，皆天下骁锐，或从百人将补之，太祖难其帅。纯以选为督，抚循甚得人心。及卒，有司白选代，太祖曰：“纯之比，何可复得！吾独不中督邪？”遂不选。 

《曹仁传；曹纯之生平》

Ren's brother Chun, styled Zihe. During the conquest of the Jing Province, he chased Liu Bei unto Changban where he managed to capture his two daughters together with the scattered soldiers. Book of Wei: The Panthera Cavalry under Chun were renown for their valour. Taizu (Cao Cao) had trouble choosing a person to lead these elite where one of their own could only be picked out of a hundred. Chun was chosen in the end where his gentle yet no-nonsense character managed to win the hearts of all. Upon his death and subsequent search for a successor, Taizu said, "The likes of Chun is irreplaceable! Now only I am left to lead by merit!" Hence, the decision to cut off the search. 

(Account of Cao Ren; Account of Cao Chun's life)

Double confirmed: Cao Chun=Badass. Zhao Yun=GAR.

Further evidence on the Cold Hard Truth:

比到当阳，众十馀万，辎重数千两，日行十馀里。。。
《先主传》

Unto Dangyang with masses numbering hundreds of thousands, the journey could only progress a mere ten plus miles with baggage weighing a few thousand catties... 
(Account of The First Lord)

Note on the above excerpt: The insanity at Changban only consisted of an elite cavalry numbering 5000 if we're talking about Cao Wei's end. Yet to imagine those guys going 300+ liover a day and night... now I finally know the origins of the Ferrari logo. O.O

Phase GAR: 2 (aka the greatest anti-trolling WMD ever?)

“下江阳者，非子龙莫当耳。” ~ 诸葛亮。孔明

Eh, very lagi hard to get a decent pic on JP ACGs leh. -.-'

"Only Zilong can undertake the task in conquering Jiangyang." ~Zhuge Liang. Kongming

The greatest weapon coming from the trolls has always been that one ammo called Battle of the Yi Province. （益州之战） Well NOT anymore. If these fellas think they've prepared a barrage of Scud missiles, they will be shocked.

亮率云与张飞等俱溯江西上。。。至江州，分遣云从外水上江阳，与亮会于成都。

《赵云本传》

“今张益德数万之众，已定巴东，入犍为界，分平资中、德阳。。。鱼复与关头实为益州福祸之门。”
《法正传》

(Zhuge) Liang led Yun, Zhang Fei and the rest westbound by the river... unto Jiangzhou, Yun was assigned to reach Jiangyang via the outer boundaries of the river and met up with Liang at Chengdu. 
(Original Account of Zhao Yun)

"With tens of thousand, Zhang Yide has taken Badong, entered Jianwei, conquered Zizhong, Deyang...Yufu and the Pass have always been the gates to fortune and woe." 
(Account of Fa Zheng)

Analysis: Apparently, that devil in red called Fa Zheng was pulling off a WMD level mind game since Zhao Yun was the one taking down Jianwei and Zizhong. Anyone with a decent knowledge on the geography during that era can AND will tell you that the only way to Jianwei and Zizhong is Jiangyang. Simply put, people tend to dumb down Liu Zhang (i.e. The Governor of the Yi Province at that time), but still one has to wonder why it took one Liu Bei to cause his downfall where in fact his little empire has always been safe from invasion. As per stated by Fa Zheng, Yufu and Jiangyang have always been the key areas of defence at the eastern border and southern reach respectively. Deyang was a different case since its part of the provincial inland, but still logic would still dictate that only by taking down the aforementioned two areas can the forces proceed inwards. 
(Note: The Yi province has always been that of a basin landscape. Which was why Liu Zhang could survive unto now.)  

Interestingly enough, its actually stated that Zhao Yun has to go via the outer river boundaries. But if he was to go all the way, the only sign would be that of trouble. (Read: High ground invaded by an angry people. No prizes for guessing why.) In addition, Jiangyang was the southern "tail" of the Yangtze River line with Badong being the eastern "head". Jiangzhou on the other hand would be seen as the central "torso". Simply put, Jiangyang's strategic importance lies in the defence backup in conjunction with the inland forces of Jianwei. And if we're to consider the possibility of minority revolt coming from Nanzhong... Of course Ethan Hunt might have a shot provided the Grand Administrator in question was a half baked fool. Unfortunately though...

   

江阳刚烈

立节明君

兵合遇寇

 不屈其身 

单夫只役

 陨命于军 

~ 赞程季然 ~

季然名畿，巴西阆中人也。刘璋时为汉昌长。县有賨人，种类刚猛，昔高祖以定关中。巴西太守庞羲以天下扰乱，郡宜有武卫，颇招合部曲。有谗于璋， 说羲欲叛者，璋阴疑之。羲闻，甚惧，将谋自守，遣畿子郁宣旨，索兵自助。畿报曰：“郡合部曲，本不为叛，虽有交构，要在尽诚；若必以惧，遂怀异志，非畿之所闻。”并敕郁曰：“我受州恩，当为州牧尽节。汝为郡吏，当为太守效力，不得以吾故有异志也。”羲使人告畿曰：“尔子在郡，不从太守，家将及祸！”畿曰： “昔乐羊为将，饮子之羹，非父子无恩，大义然也。今虽复羹子，吾必饮之。”羲知畿必不为己，厚陈谢于璋以致无咎。璋闻之，迁畿江阳太守。先主领益州牧，辟为从事祭酒。后随先主征吴，遇大军败绩，溯江而还，或告之曰：“后追已至，解船轻去，乃可以免。”畿曰：“吾在军，未曾为敌走，况从天子而见危哉！”追人遂及畿船，畿身执戟战，敌船有覆者。众大至，共击之，乃死。 

（三国志/卷45 。蜀书十五）

O' Jiangyang most fiery

A man of noble character

Rallying against the enemies

Never to yield

Alone in battle

Death on the frontlines

~ In praise of Cheng Jiran ~

Jiran, named Ji. A native of Baxi Langzhong, Chief of Hanchang during Liu Zhang's reign. Within the area resided the Cong tribes who allied themselves with Gaozu (Liu Bang) during his war on Guanzhong and were renowned for their fierce nature. The Grand Admnistrator of Baxi, Pang Xi was inclined to gather the troops in the name of necessity due to civil unrest. Rumors framing Xi for attempted treason reached Liu Zhang's ears that ended up in his suspicions. Upon hearing the news, Xi panicked and tried to find a way to save himself. Sending Ji's son Yu to dispatch his orders, he tried to gather forces to his cause.

Ji stated: "Its only natural for the counties to combine the military. Even though with organization, all must be done in honesty. If fear is necessary and disloyalty its very fruits, then this will be something I've never heard of."

Hence he instructed his son, "I'm indebted to this province, hence I must devote my cause to its ruler. As an official of the county, you must give your all for the Grand Administrator without any second intentions due to me." In the end, Xi sent his men to Ji saying, "Your son is at the county, yet you dare to disobey me! Woe will befall your clan!"

Ji replied, "When Yue Yang supped the stew cooked from his son's flesh, its not down to callousness but for the sake of greater loyalty. Even though my son will face the same fate, I will still consume it."

Knowing Ji's integrity, Xi managed to avoid reprisal from Zhang when he paid personal penance to the fullest. When learned of the truth, Zhang promoted Ji to the Grand Administrator of Jiangyang. Upon assuming the Governor of the Yi Province, Liu Bei made Ji a Chief of Attendants. During the massive defeat in the campaign against Wu together with the First Lord, someone urged him, "Abandon ship and flee! For the enemy forces are nearing!"

Hence Ji's words: "At times of war, I have never escaped, let alone in the face of danger our lord is facing now!"

As the enemies closed onto Ji's vessel, he made his final stand. Halberd(!) in hand, numbers of the enemy were slain(!!!!). Eventually mobbed, he died a valiant death upon attacked on all fronts. 

(Records of the Three Kingdoms/Chapter 45. The Fifteenth Book of Shu)

Note: A Grand Administrator is the highest ruler within a county. An Attendant will always be in charge of the relevant portfolios/ministry within the government rather than just a mere local authority. A Chief Attendant would be the head of any specific number of Attendants. Go figure, guys.

Moral of the story:  Facts at times can be far more badass than fiction.

Case in point:

Phase 4

Purely for in-theme comedy and nothing more. -.-'

I can't reward my man because I'm broke!!!!

成都既定，以云为翊军将军。《赵云本传》

益州既平，赐诸葛亮、法正、飞及关羽金各五百斤，银千斤，钱五千万，锦千匹，其余颁赐各有差。。。《张飞传》

Upon Chengdu being pacified, Yun was made The General of the Soaring Army. (Original Account of Zhao Yun)

Upon Yi Province being pacified, Zhuge Liang, Fa Zheng, Fei and Guan Yu were rewarded with five hundred catties of gold, a thousand catties of silver, fifty million qian and brocade of a thousand bolts while rewards for the rest varied. (Account of Zhang Fei)

BUT WAIT!!!!

初攻刘璋，备与士众约：“若事定，府库百物，孤无预焉。”及拔成都，士众皆舍干戈，赴诸藏竞取宝物。
《刘巴传》

蜀中殷盛丰乐，先主置酒大飨士卒，取蜀城中金银分赐将士。。。
《先主传》

During the first days of attacking Liu Zhang, Bei made a promise with his men: "If we manage to achieve our goal, whatever there is in the treasuries you're free to take." Upon taking Chengdu, the soldiers threw down their arms and hurried to plunder whatever they could manage.
(Account of Liu Ba)

As revelry prevailed in the lands of Shu and the First Lord prepared massive banquets for his men, gold and silver were taken to reward the soldiers...
(Account of the First Lord)

Note the bolded text in Zhang Fei's account. Yes, I, Liu Bei, don't have enough money to properly reward this poor bloke. Me=Pok-kai T_T

But then again I can give him the right to talk big...

。。。拜羽董督荆州事。
《关羽传》

。。。以飞领巴西太守。

《张飞传》

。。。以正为蜀郡太守、扬武将军。

《法正传》

。。。以亮为军师将军，署左将军府事。

《诸葛亮传》

...Yu was gifted the duty of supervising the affairs of Jing Province.
(Account of Guan Yu)
[i.e total control over Liu's Bei's five counties at Jing]

...Fei undertook the post of Grand Administrator of Baxi.
(Account of Zhang Fei)
[i.e. highest ranked local authority of a county]

...gave Zheng with the Grand Administrator of the Shu county and The General Who Spread the Might.
(Account of Fa Zheng)
[i.e. All hell broke loose because this vindictive S.O.B ended up being the highest local authority in the capital. Plus a General's title as well.]

...gave Liang with the rank of The General of Military Affairs, tasked with administrative affairs of the government. 

(Account of Zhuge Liang)

[i.e boss of all things operations where the government is concerned.] 

Conclusion: Zhao Yun knew how to troll after all... (Evidence shown below)

益州既定，时议欲以成都中屋舍及城外园地桑田分赐诸将。云驳之曰：“霍去病以匈奴未灭，无用家为，令国贼非但匈奴，未可求安也。须天下都定，各反桑梓，归耕本土，乃其宜耳。益州人民，初罹兵革，田宅皆可归还，今安居复业，然后可役调，得其欢心。”先主即从之。

《云别传》

Shortly upon the land being pacified, there were suggestions to grant the houses and rural farmlands in Chengdu to the generals. Yun objected to such a proposal stating: "Huo Qubing once said that a home is pointless should Xiongnu continue to run rampant, what's more the traitor now isn't merely Xiongnu itself? In order to pacify the kingdom, its best to return back the lands and houses to the people. Having just endured the shock of war, we can gain their support by such means upon which they will be willing to fight for us. " The First Lord heeded the advice. 
(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Result:

先主争汉中，急书发兵，军师将军诸葛亮以问洪，洪曰：“汉中则益州咽喉，存亡之机会，若无汉中则无蜀矣，此家门之祸也。方今之事，男子当战，女子当运，发兵何疑？” 《杨洪传》

When the First Lord was fighting at Hanzhong, Zhuge Liang consulted Hong upon receiving the letter of plea for reinforcements. Hong stated: "Hanzhong is the throat of Yi, the key to survival. Without Hanzhong, Shu cannot exist, hence this is a matter of woe. In such a face of dire straits, then men must take up arms and the women as manual labour. What is there to hesitate about?" (Account of Yang Hong)

As it turned out, the advice became a vital key to Liu Bei's success. And above all, the advice Zhao Yun had given was pretty much a combo of Petr Cech's penalty save plus Drogba's winner in that we-know-what. In fact given what had been going through as per stated in Account of Liu Ba and the corresponding evidence in Account of the First Lord, the cause of Zhao Yun's advice was pretty much a no-brainer. To him that is.

Now just a little bit of insight on the society at that time. Simply put, no one would give cast his holy vote on having a military man giving advice on all things internal policies. But then again, Zhao Yun wasn't a Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which is why his advice actually went a long way in giving the opposing Wei forces that Stone Cold Stunner rather than the civilians themselves turning into a massive brood of rattlesnakes.

Author's Note: This is how you utilize populist policies. Period. :P

But I can give him the right to talk big... (Ver. Fail)

Phase 3

Yet another Sangokushi Taisen 3 BGM

Integrity, Thy Name is Zhao Zilong

Chapter 1:

初，先主之败，有人言云已北去者，先主以手戟擿之曰：“子龙不弃我走也。”顷之，云至。
《云别传》

Back where the First Lord was defeated, someone stated that Zhao Yun had gone north. Liu Bei responded with these words as he threw forth a hand halberd: "Zilong will never abandon me!" Soon after, Yun arrived.
(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Note: Zhao Yun earned his right as the first person being granted a General's rank by Liu Bei himself. I'm not lying on this end.

Moral of the story: Liu Bei, you lucky asshole... 

Chapter 2:

从平江南，以为偏将军，领桂阳太守，代赵范。范寡嫂曰樊氏，有国色，范欲以配云。云辞曰：“相与同姓，卿兄犹我兄。”固辞不许。时有人劝云纳之，云曰：“范迫降耳，心未可测；天下女不少。”遂不取。范果逃走， 云无纤介。
《云别传》

Upon conquering Jiangnan (i.e. the southern part of Jing Province), Zhao Yun took on the rank of Brigadier General and replacing Zhao Fan as the Grand Administrator of Guiyang. Fan had a widowed sister-in-law by the surname of Fan with unrivaled beauty. Fan attempted to marry her off her to Yun. Yun refused, stating: "We're of the same surname, your brother is akin to that of my own as well." At that point of time, there were those advising him to take up the offer. Yun replied: "Fan was forced to surrender, his heart yet to be proven; besides, there are countless women abound, there's no need for haste." Hence his decision stood firm. Indeed Fan escaped, Yun was left unimplicated. 
(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Moral of the story: It doesn't pay to be hormonal. Even if you're holding a major political office. Even though AIDS was just a literal myth unheard of back then. -.-'

Chapter 3:

 

先是，与夏侯惇战于博望，生获夏侯兰。兰是云乡里人，少小相知，云白先主活之，荐兰明于法律，以为军正。云不用自近，其慎虑类如此。
《云别传》

In the beginning during his battle with Xiahou Dun at Bowang, Zhao Yun captured Xiahou Lan who was childhood friends with Yun. Pleading for his life, Yun recommended Lan as a military judge due to his fairness and knowledge of the law. Yet Yun had never used Lan by his side, such was the extent of his discreet nature. 
(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Moral of the story: Real men never practice nepotism.

Chapter 4: 

先主入益州，云领留营司马。此时先主孙夫人以权妹骄豪，多将吴吏兵，纵横不法。先主以云严重，必能整齐，特任掌内事。
《云别传》

When the First Lord entered the Yi Province, Yun assumed the post of The Camp Commandant. At that time, Liu Bei's wife Lady Sun took advantage of her status as Sun Quan's sister as her attendants committed unlawful acts with impunity. The First Lord deemed Yun as serious and meticulous, hence gifting him the exclusive command on internal affairs. (Tales of Zhao Yun)

If you think this is faking, guess again:

初，孙权以妹妻先主，妹才捷刚猛，有诸兄之风，侍婢百余人，皆亲执刀侍立...
《法正传》

Back then, Sun Quan married his younger sister to Liu Bei. Agile in wit and fierce in temperament, she inherited the bearing of her brothers. Her attendants, fully armed, numbered a hundred plus... 
(Account of Fa Zheng)

The background of this excerpt was down to Fa Zheng being far more of a Joey Barton than the real McCoy with his personal enemies. Those lucky enough to stay alive tried to ask Zhuge Liang to step in. However his reply was very simple: Big boss (Liu Bei) is now at Gong An (公安) (i.e. part of Liu Bei's share of the Jing Province) talking business with Sun Quan. Within the same breath, Missie Sun-havoc was mentioned as well aka that lass who played with fire.

Moral of the story: Liu Bei, you're a failure... (“近则惧孙夫人生变于肘腋之下”) -.-'

Final Chapter:

军师将军臣诸葛亮、荡寇将军汉寿亭侯臣关羽、征虏将军新亭侯臣张飞、征西将军臣黄忠、镇远将军臣赖恭、扬武将军臣法正、兴业将军臣李严等一百二十人上言。。。
《先主传》

The General of Military Affairs Zhuge Liang, The General who Clear the Enemies and the Marquis of Hanshou Guan Yu, The General who Conquered the Barbarians and New Marquis Zhang Fei, The General who Conquered the West Huang Zhong, The General who Defend the Far Lai Gong, The General who Spread the Might Fa Zheng, The General of Prosperity Li Yan and the rest of us numbering a hundred and twenty are privy to speak our words... 
(Account of the First Lord)

A lot of people liked to use the hundred and twenty list as justification to say Zhao Yun was merely a nobody. Why? They said the hundred twenty were those slated to be promoted after Liu Bei became the Lord of Hanzhong. （一百二十人功名表）Outright bullshit. Again idiots trying to put words into Chen Shou's mouth. The above statement was actually a petition to the puppet emperor during that time to bestow the said title to Liu Bei. That's all. 

The greatest whammy of them all? Zhao Yun wasn't part of the hundred and twenty gangbang. (not in THAT kind of context. One word, more than one meaning. This is proper English. Go figure.)

Moral of the story: Now let's hear the trolls wail in despair. Its their only right as human beings. :D

Epilogue

This is where controversy 1 sets in. Simply put, critics pointed out that Tales of Zhao Yun was merely an account of the person himself written by his own clansmen. My sniper bullet for such people?

征南厚重。。。

He who Conquered the South is benevolent and prudent.

This is part of Yang Xi's praise （杨戏季汉辅臣赞）to Zhao Yun (The General who Conquered the South; 征南将军) recorded in the final Book of Shu. (i.e. part of the official history).

Phase 2

River - Guandu theme

Real men are scammers

先主就袁绍，云见于邺。先主与云同床眠卧，密遣云合募得数百人，皆称刘左将军部曲，绍不能知。遂随先主至荆州。
《云别传》

When the First Lord entered Yuan Shao's service, he was reunited with Yun. Both shared the same bed while Liu Bei sent down the orders to gather men numbering hundreds. As they proclaimed themselves as soldiers of the Left General (Liu Bei), Shao was left unsuspecting. From hence onwards, Yun followed Liu Bei to the Jing Province. 
(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Analysis: Yuan Shao got scammed. Because Liu Bei was a scammer. Sun Wu (i.e. the author of Sun Zi's Art of War) on the other hand could be seen as the grandfather of all things scamming. Don't believe me?

绍遣将道路奉迎，身去邺二百里，与先主相见。 驻月馀日，所失亡士卒稍稍来集。
《先主传》

 数有战功，试守平原令，后领平原相。
《先主传》

Shao sent his men to welcome Liu Bei as he met up with the First Lord at Ye. Within months, the men Liu Bei had lost began to regroup quietly. 
(Account of The First Lord)

Upon achieving numerous exploits in the war, Liu Bei first took the magisterial office at Pingyuan, after which he assumed the post of it's High Official.

(Account of the First Lord)

See? Chen Shou said so! In fact, since Liu Bei already has his own right of reputation, will it be a long shot to say that Zhao Yun had also established himself as Liu Bei's chief cavalry? As for the cause though:

曹公东征先主，先主败绩。 曹公尽收其众，虏先主妻子，并禽关羽以归。
《先主传》

The First Lord tasted defeat as Duke Cao turned east towards him. Cao managed to capture his men, wife and Guan Yu as well. 
(The First Lord's Account)

Just don't ask me where has Zhang Fei gone. I have no idea because nothing was said in the official records. For all we know, he might have his hands full in dealing with the fact that he's a lolicon. Yes, the girl was a certified minor. But still we're talking about feudalism. Jailbaits are not that uncommon unfortunately. T_T

P.S: She's Xiahou Yuan's niece. No joke. O.O

Phase 1

 
Opening

How to impress your boss: Part 1

赵云字子龙，常山真定人也。本属公孙瓒，瓒遣先主为田楷拒袁绍，云遂随从，为先主主骑。
《赵云本传》

云身长八尺，姿颜雄伟，为本郡所举，将义从吏兵诣公孙瓒。时袁绍称冀州牧，瓒深忧州人之从绍也，善云来附，嘲云曰：“闻贵州人皆原袁氏，君何独回心，迷而能 反乎？”云答曰：“天下讻讻，未知孰是，民有倒县之厄，鄙州论议，从仁政所在，不为忽袁公私明将军也。”遂与瓒征讨。
《云别传》

Zhao Yun, styled Zilong; a native of Changshan Zhending. Originally a vassal of Gongsun Zan. When Zan sent the First Lord as Tian Kai's reinforcements against Yuan Shao, Yun followed suit as Liu Bei's chief cavalry. 
(Zhao Yun's Original Account)

Yun was eight foot tall with majestic features. Nominated by his people, he led the local volunteers to pledge their loyalty to Gongsun Zan. At that time, Yuan Shao was declared as the Governor of the Ji Province, hence Zan was deeply worried that the people would follow Shao. Yun's coming was deeply welcomed by Zan as he teased Yun: "I heard that your people have pledged their hearts to the Yuan clan, yet why is it that you can turn from their erroneous ways?" Hence Yun answered: "The country is in turmoil with none knowing who to turn to. The people are in danger of losing their homes and hence its my people's desire to follow the truly benevolent rather than any personal bias." Hence his life of battle alongside Zan. 
(Tales of Zhao Yun)

Analysis: Height 1.80m with majestic features. Bluntly put, he's the kind of fella who will make girls swoon and quite frankly... he's badass. Secondly, he's a good talker. The Han dynasty has always pride itself in all things benevolence on the social scale. (Nevermind how clueless the  suck-thumb kid turned out to be) In fact in order to unify the chaos back then, benevolence could be seen as outright effective upon the most ridiculous scale 10 out of 10 times. And to top things off, he ended up being part of his big boss' men straightaway. Now let's get this clear: Gongsun Zan was a military talent during his time. The fact that he could just off scores of Xianbei cavalry with a mere few scores of light cavalry is just too... O_o 

So is it any wonder that he ended up as Liu Bei's chief cavalry? The peeps residing in Northern China at that time were pretty much good in what they're supposedly good at. Read: Cavalry warfare. The only catch? The all-too-famous three amigos also came from that part. 

So maybe let us just do a very simple brainwork of simple English. Liu Bei=big bro, the rest=mounted Rambo x3. See? Its really THAT simple. We don't have to put words into Chen Shou's mouth just because we want to say Zhao Yun=Bodyguard. (More on that stupidity later on. And I'm NOT bluffing when I say there are truly such morons running amok in the internet)

And lastly, Liu Bei was only there as reinforcement. Tian Kai at that time has far more military might than Liu Bei himself given the fact that he's the Envoy of the Qing Province.（青州刺史）
Note: Provincial envoys at that time were second only to their respective provincial governors. (州牧）

时先主亦依讬瓒，每接纳云，云得深自结讬。云以兄丧，辞瓒暂归，先主知其不反，捉手而别，云辞曰：“终不背德也。”《云别传》

When Liu Bei took refuge under Zan, he treated Yun with respect with the respect due returned. When his older brother passed away, he bade farewell to Zan. The First Lord knew Yun's mind was made up as he caught hold of his hand. "I will never betray your kindness and trust" With those words, Yun left. (Tales of Zhao Yun)

Analysis: Liu Bei's life as a loanee started here. (刘备借赵云，一借不还) Not the popular fiasco called that Jing Province. (刘备借荆州，一借不还) 

Another logic - If your boss is inept, you're free to bail out. That's the universal rule during the Interesting Times . Apparently, Gongsun Zan=loser. I'm not lying on this end. If Chen Shou can condemn you, we know there's something problematic somewhere, somehow.  

Case in point: He never showed any mercy in his words pertaining to Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Ma Chao in my previous posting. (Yes, THAT Ma Chao for those still in denial. Fan girls of all things Koei, you can cry your hearts out now. O.O)